Chapter 3: The place is gone

“Do you think I’d believe that in this situation? You need to say something that makes sense. Stop with the weird nonsense and get out.”

“No, why won’t you believe me…!”

“Do you think *you’d* believe it in this situation? Stop making me angry and get out while I’m being nice. Should I call the police? Or perhaps contact the agency’s legal team?”

“…”

I shot a resentful glance at Hyunsik hyung, who wasn’t even pretending to listen to me, but it seemed useless.

He wasn’t listening to me at all, just trying to kick me out no matter what.

But if I leave here, I’ll have nowhere to go.

For someone like me, who has no family, not even relatives or friends, it’s practically telling me to die.

“…Get out, quickly.”

As I stood my ground, Hyunsik hyung, unable to bear it any longer, moved.

He approached me with a hardened expression and pulled my wrist.

The strength was much greater than I expected, and I was about to be dragged out without being able to resist.

When I looked at the other members with a pleading gaze, Taemin hyung, who had a curious look in his eyes, grabbed me as I was being dragged away.

“Gender transformation syndrome? The one from the news?”

“Yes, I swear to God, it’s real…”

“Hey, if Siwoo is swearing to God it’s real, isn’t it really serious?”

“If this person is really Shin Siwoo, then yes. But what if they’re not Shin Siwoo? What if they’re just spouting nonsense?”

“If they’re spouting nonsense, we can just hold them here and call the police. Let’s believe them for now. They’re not trying to run away, are they?”

At Taemin hyung’s persuasion, Hyunsik hyung irritably released my wrist.

He seemed annoyed, but also somewhat agreed with Taemin hyung’s words.

“Tsk, I’ll call the manager hyung and be right back, so make sure they don’t escape.”

Hyunsik hyung clicked his tongue and then walked out of the dorm.

And I was naturally left in this incredibly awkward atmosphere.

Five pairs of eyes stared at me as if they could see right through me.

“Are you really Siwoo?”

“Uh…”

“Wow, it’s really strange to see something I only saw on the news happening right next to me.”

Taemin hyung, curious about something, grinned and stared down at me.

Originally, I was a little bit taller, but now I’ve become so small that I have to look up at him.

Taemin hyung is about 180 cm tall, so is my current height around 160 cm?

It’s truly unbelievable, but I’ve shrunk by more than 20 cm.

“Hyung, it’s not confirmed yet, so don’t get too close. What if you get sued for sexual harassment or something?”

“Hey, why do you always say things like that? If they had that intention, it would have been over when Hyunsik grabbed them earlier.”

“Still, you never know. Things like that aren’t uncommon these days. You know that once our image is ruined, it’s over for us, hyung.”

Minsoo hyung, the tallest among us, looked at me with displeasure and then pulled Taemin hyung by his clothes, dragging him away.

It was a statement that didn’t believe I was Shin Siwoo, but it was a wise action.

It’s understandable, as it’s still uncertain whether I’m Shin Siwoo.

In this day and age, you never know what might happen if you get too close unnecessarily.

Especially if the other person is a woman who trespassed into the dorm.

Of course, saying such things directly in front of me doesn’t seem very good.

“No, ha… I really am Shin Siwoo. If you can’t believe me, then record a video or something as proof.”

“If you record, you might get reported for illegal filming. Just stay still.”

“Hyung, I tell you this all the time. That’s a sickness. Why are you so hostile towards women?”

“Are you sexually harassing me right now?”

“What…? No, what are you saying…? That’s not what I meant.”

I knew Minsoo hyung was hostile towards women due to family circumstances, but I didn’t know it was to this extent.

Normally, when working, he would talk casually with female staff and makeup artists…

Is it because he thinks I’m a trespasser in the dorm?

He feels much more on edge than usual.

“Hey, that’s enough. What if they really are Siwoo?”

“Then we can just apologize later. If it’s really Siwoo, they’ll understand this much, right? Don’t you think?”

Minsoo hyung’s sneering expression was absurd, but as he said, I could understand.

I can understand, but that doesn’t mean I’m not angry.

I knew it was an unavoidable situation for them to be suspicious, but I couldn’t help but feel angry at the members for not believing my words.

It just felt frustrating and bitter, and I wondered if they were always this unreasonable.

I really understand that it’s because my appearance changed so drastically, but for their attitude towards me to change this much just because of that one thing…

“But if they’re really Siwoo, isn’t that an even bigger problem than if they were fake?”

Just as I was barely suppressing the frustration that filled my chest, Harang hyung, who had been quietly observing the situation, spoke up.

He’s a hyung who doesn’t talk much, similar to Minwoo hyung.

Instead, what this hyung says always pierces sharply to the core.

Regardless of whether it’s in a positive or negative direction.

“What? Why?”

“Why? If Siwoo really became a woman, what happens to our debut? We’d have to replace Siwoo with someone else, wouldn’t we?”

“…”

At Harang hyung’s calm words, everyone fell silent.

And just like before, five pairs of eyes simultaneously turned towards me.

Unable to meet their gaze, I turned my head away.

****

“Producer, has it been confirmed that this person is Siwoo?”

“No, we don’t know yet. We have to wait until the test results come out.”

Inside the car, returning from the hospital.

In response to Hyunsik hyung’s question, the producer overseeing the project looked out the window as he answered, then quietly fell silent.

He simply stared blankly out the window, touching his lips.

It was a habit of his that appeared whenever he was deep in thought.

“If it really is Siwoo, can they not turn back into a man?”

“…They said it’s impossible with current technology. The only thing they can do is distinguish whether someone is truly afflicted by some gene or cell found only in those who develop the condition.”

He seemed utterly annoyed, quietly put a cigarette in his mouth, and lit it.

Hyunsik hyung frowned at the smoke gradually filling the car, then opened the window as if he couldn’t stand it any longer.

“So what do we do?”

“Hey, that’s what I’m thinking about right now. Be quiet for a bit.”

Along with an irritated voice, I felt the gaze of the producer, the ‘teacher,’ from beyond the rearview mirror.

I instinctively averted my gaze, feeling as though I’d hear something unpleasant if I met his eyes.

“Siwoo, the Director’s place… the orphanage, can’t you go there for now?”

“The test results aren’t even out yet, how can I prove I’m Shin Siwoo…?”

“…That’s true.”

The producer subtly suggested I return to the orphanage.

Because the orphanage, where I had lived for a long time, was the only place I could go after leaving the dorm.

Of course, it was less about expulsion and more about the idea that returning to the dorm like this wouldn’t be good.

Returning to the dorm in my current state, as a woman, was not a good option for me or for the members awaiting their debut.

However, for me, that carefully posed question itself was no different from expulsion.

It felt as if he was telling me that the dorm was no longer my place.

“Still… Siwoo, you know, right? If you’re seen entering the dorm or being with the others, it might cause unnecessary misunderstandings. You know what I mean, right?”

“If that’s the case, I would have already been exposed the moment I left the dorm…”

“Even if by some chance you were exposed, there’s no need to provide any more scandal material. For your sake and for the sake of the other kids, it would be better for you to be somewhere else than to be there.”

“Even if it’s somewhere else, I have nowhere to go. Where are you telling me to go?”

“…”

I don’t want to make the producer uncomfortable.

Even though he sometimes says strange things, he’s someone who has helped us in many ways, a truly grateful person.

But now, I heard words telling me to leave from that very grateful person.

No matter how grateful I am to him, there’s no way I can easily agree to give up my dream.

“I’m going to do it. I can do it.”

“…What are you going to do? Debut? In that state? How? Are you going to go to Thailand and get gender reassignment surgery?”

“I’ll just do it. What’s there to stop me?”

“Siwoo, let’s not waste our energy. You know, you absolutely can’t debut with that body. And how are you going to get gender reassignment surgery? Do you have money? Do you know how much that surgery costs?”

“…So you’re telling me to give up like this? You told me to work hard together, and now you’re telling me to give up? How did I even get this far?!”

“…”

At the continuous stream of negative words, I finally burst out yelling.

But in the chilling atmosphere, my heated head quickly cooled down.

The producer was talking about realistic problems very objectively, but I was just throwing a tantrum.

“I’m sorry for yelling…”

“It’s okay. It’s okay, just listen for a moment. I know it’s hard for you to accept that things suddenly turned out like this. But going to the dorm is absolutely out of the question, no matter what. This would harm not only you but the other kids too. You know that, right?”

“Yes…”

Large entertainment agencies attract attention not only for their already debuted groups but also for their pre-debut groups.

And KIS, commonly known as Kiss, the agency I belong to, is a super-large agency, one of the top three in Korea.

As a pre-debut group from a major agency, with our debut just around the corner, we’re attracting quite a bit of attention, more than we expected.

Naturally, scandals must be avoided as much as possible, so we need to pay extra attention to our surroundings.

Even if it’s the dorm, where we should be able to rest comfortably.

Looking at the rapidly passing scenery, I felt a feeling close to resignation.

“Producer.”

“What?”

Honestly, I believed that if there was one thing I was good at, it was my mental fortitude.

But that belief was shattered into pieces in just a few hours.

It was completely destroyed by the fact that I had become a woman, and by the fact that I couldn’t debut.

“If I can’t go to the dorm, and I can’t go back to where I was… then where am I supposed to go…?”

“Haa… well… for now… Yes, for now, let’s go to my place.”