Chapter 43: Must love (2)

Although we didn’t have a smooth conversation, I deduced the answer from Alpha’s actions.

When I witnessed her tearful face and heard the question of what kind of life I had lived, I was certain.

She remembered my 132nd life.

So vividly that she was being crushed by a nightmare she couldn’t easily forget.

But that’s Alpha’s problem, not something I’m experiencing.

Looking at reality with a cold gaze, I should have interrogated her immediately.

I should have flooded the conversation with one-sided questions and questioned her in detail.

Even if it seemed like I was a person without blood or tears, it was an action I had to take immediately to find out the answer.

Even if I die, I have a next life granted by the ‘Quest Jewel’, and the ability to remember past lives is a privilege granted only to me.

It’s not something possible for Alpha, who can’t even see the red jewel.

I had to find out why she remembered my 132nd life.

“Ha.”

I couldn’t do it.

The words that were uttered when I opened my mouth were not an attitude to start an interrogation.

I could only sigh deeply because my 132nd life, which I firmly believed I had shaken off, was still clinging to my ankles.

Not only a tone close to interrogation, but even the question of how she remembered it couldn’t pass through my throat.

Instead, I hugged Alpha tightly, wanting to sympathize with her who had come to know what weakness meant.

“You’re so hot.”

I could feel the temperature of a summer’s day from the body of the vampire, who was inherently of a low body temperature.

It wasn’t heat enough to make heat haze appear, but it was similar to when I had a bad cold.

I wasn’t flustered because I didn’t know why this was happening.

I used to be like that too.

In the days when defeat and death were unfamiliar, I often suffered from high fever like Alpha.

So that might be why she’s like this.

I haven’t had such a thing since repeating my life more than double digits, but when I hadn’t yet surpassed single digits, I wanted to rest, forgetting everything.

So, judging that Alpha was feeling the same way, I opened my mouth.

“It would be good for you to rest today.”

“But…!”

“It’s okay. I didn’t want to do anything today either. So I’m going to use you as an excuse to rest too.”

“…”

“How about it?”

There was no answer.

That didn’t mean I was going to stay still.

It’s okay for me, but this isn’t a suitable environment for Alpha to rest.

I moved my fingers to stop the magic circle that was dropping rainwater from the ceiling, then slowly raised the temperature of the water that was soaking the floor.

Then, I hugged Alpha even tighter.

Something I didn’t normally do, no.

I had never hugged Alpha even once, so there was no such thing as adjusting the strength.

Even so, I hoped that sharing my body heat would prevent her from suffering from a cold.

However, it was only a hug for me.

Alpha didn’t hug me back.

Instead, she was looking at me with a blank stare, with an expression full of negative emotions.

“Yeres Queen.”

It wasn’t empty air.

I stopped hugging her to meet Alpha’s gaze, who was calling me.

Only then was I able to grasp what her eyes were looking at.

It was the crown placed on my head.

I knew why she was doing that so well that I almost sighed deeply.

Even if she didn’t know that the queen she served had been kidnapped, imprisoned, and abused by Happy,

I had suddenly given up my position as queen and was trying to find me, who had run away,

the evil organization Dark Moon had been wiped out by a single magical girl,

and lastly, she had witnessed me committing suicide.

That’s why.

She was watching me, afraid that I would take off the crown and put it on her head and run away.

Afraid that the terrible nightmare might be repeated once more.

“Yeres Queen.”

The intention was the same even when I swallowed and finally moved.

Alpha began to abuse me.

It was good until she wrapped her arms around my waist, but I felt like my bones would be crushed in the fervent embrace.

Just like then.

Like when I shared a hug with Happy.

…
…

No, that’s the 132nd life.

The 133rd life is different from then.

Stop remembering it now.

Forget all the past things.

“…Did you call me?”

I had to do that.

I didn’t order Alpha to stop.

I should have done that.

Instead, I tried to enjoy the pain like in my 132nd life.

It’s because I came to understand why Alpha was doing this.

Because she loves me.

She imprisoned me in her arms so that I couldn’t run away.

Then, like that magical girl.

She began to abuse me to get the answer she wanted.

Just like Happy.

As a result, the emotions of the past life that I had erased began to creep up on me.

I saw the illusion of the silver hair clinging to Alpha’s shoulder gradually being dyed pink.

“That is…”

Yeres Unnie.

“If I explained the contents, it might upset the Queen.”

I know everything.

“But…”

I know everything about Unnie without missing a thing.

“Because it’s so vivid… it’s like reality…”

So Unnie.

“Because it seems like it should never happen again…”

Please only look at me too.

“…Cough.”

“I’m… I’m sorry, Queen! I got too excited.”

The pain of reality and illusion overlapping gave me a terrible feeling.

Unable to endure it any longer, I let out a short scream, and the strength that had been crushing my waist lessened.

Alpha, who had finally come to her senses, stopped hugging me and tried to kneel on the spot to apologize.

“It’s okay.”

“I’ve been saying it since a while ago, Alpha. I’m really okay. So.”

I kept hugging Alpha tightly.

When I organized my rough breathing, the pink hair looked silver again.

After brushing them aside, I rested my chin on her shoulder and opened my mouth.

“Let’s calm down a bit, we.”

Then, I thought I would forget the 132nd life, but.

A pungent smell pricked my nose, and when I lowered my gaze, I saw a pool of blood.

It was the habit of vampires, whose emotions had become intense, to create a territory.

Just like then.

Like that space soaked in the blood of magical girls.

Of course, the meaning wasn’t exactly the same.

The pool of blood at that time was intended to scare me,

the pool of blood that Alpha had created was a territory created because she was worried about me.

But… the sight I saw was the same.

In the end, I couldn’t erase the 132nd life from my head.

The emotions of that time, which I felt even more strongly, were felt each time I inhaled and exhaled roughly.

“Alpha.”

That didn’t mean I resented Alpha.

It’s just that my past life was in that shape and form, her emotions were justified.

The resentment towards me, who had disappeared suddenly.

The despair of wanting to kill Happy right away, but lamenting that she didn’t have the power to do so.

Even the desolation of not being able to stop the suicide of the queen she served.

I didn’t want to chide Alpha, who was on the verge of suffocating from those things.

“Alpha.”

That’s why I didn’t stop hugging her.

I didn’t ignore Alpha’s love for me.

“I will never leave again this time.”

There was no answer.

But that was okay.

Alpha’s hands, which were holding my waist, gradually became stronger.

“I won’t hurt you by trying to solve things alone this time.”

Soon, I felt a thrilling pain.

It wasn’t because Alpha’s bondage had intensified.

This time, it was my heart that was causing the problem.

My conscience, which I thought had already worn out, began to criticize me for deceiving Alpha again.

“I will never suffer from nightmares this time. I swear.”

Fortunately, even that was infinitely weaker compared to the pain I felt in my 132nd life.

So, ignoring my conscience, and even though it didn’t seem that way to Alpha, I abandoned the mindset of the past, when I had even used her life.

Instead, I resolved to cherish Alpha in this life.

“…I understand.”

Alpha’s sobbing intensified again.

She buried her face in my shoulder and shed tears.

As time passed, the emotions that had been boiling subsided to some extent, and the pool of blood disappeared.

During that time, the two of us didn’t say anything.

Alpha was in a state where she couldn’t speak even if she wanted to, because she was sobbing, and I was busy hugging her and patting her back.

“I’m okay now, Queen. I’m so sorry for showing you such an unsightly sight.”

It was quite a long time later when Alpha finally opened her mouth.

“It’s okay. It can happen if you experience something like that for the first time.”

Fatigue washed over me at the incident that had occurred as soon as I started a new life.

Not only Alpha, but even my head was throbbing.

Because of the memories of the 132nd life that were engraved in my head.

It was painful because that kept leading me to recall Happy.

Stop it now.

I can’t be crushed by my past life any longer, Yeres.

Otherwise, even this life will be ruined.

So…

“I still can’t see anything, can I.”

It couldn’t be helped even this time.

“I’m a little frustrated that I can’t see what even that magical girl can see.”

…
…

“What?”

“Didn’t you know?”

“Tell me in detail.”

“After the Queen took her own life.”

“…”

“In a space where there was no one, that magical girl held the Queen’s necklace in her hand and muttered strange things to herself.”

“What… what kind of muttering was it?”

“I didn’t hear it properly, but I was impressed by what she said about how terrible it was to see the person she loved die 132 times.”

From that moment, I was crushed by fatigue.

I didn’t want to think anymore.

What did I do in times like this?

What methods did I use?

Ah, there was that.

I created a blade.

“Queen?”

Without hesitating, I slashed my palm.

“Ugh!”

It was a habit that should have ended in my 132nd life.

“Queen!!!!”

I heard Alpha’s cry at my sudden self-harm.

I wanted to lift my head and tell her it was okay.

But I couldn’t see Alpha’s face.

No, I couldn’t see it.

Even though blood and pain were flowing from my palm

I couldn’t forget the face of the magical girl Happy

and the feeling of loving her.