Chapter 7: isn’t over yet

But there was no reason left to hold on.

“Cut it out!! I’m really struggling!!”

Of course, all of this was my fault.

I was the one who deceived them.

I was clearly the perpetrator, and they were just victims played by a swindler.

Therefore, I had to endure all of this.

[?]
[??]
[What’s up?]
[Wait, did she just curse??]
[She’s cursing because she feels guilty]
[?]
[This is the first time she’s cursed with such intensity]
[???]

Thinking that way, I’ve been enduring and streaming even when people crossed the line, no matter how much they made things difficult for me.

But wasn’t I just dragged to the very edge of hell’s maw, and only managed to escape by abandoning everything?

Just as I was trying to catch my breath, I hated those who tried to throw me back into hell.

Even though I knew I had to endure,

Even though I knew that I, who had done wrong, should prostrate myself and apologize and explain,

Sorrow

Resentment

Overflowed as much as the size of the secret buried beneath the surface of my narrow heart.

“I, huh? You guys kept telling me to prove I was a woman, so I, huh? Quickly turned on the cam and changed clothes because of it, huh?”

“It’s not like I made the clothes myself, and it didn’t even take five minutes, including the time I needed to compose myself, five minutes, huh?”

“But when I came back, the same bastards who were saying I was a man a moment ago are now saying I have a boyfriend, what the f*ck, are you kidding me??”

Unorganized emotions poured out.

Unrefined, sharp stones were thrown at the viewers.

[Whoa, the language…;;]
[Wow, she’s really pissed]
[Hiro, you’re too agitated;;]

The viewers who had been casting suspicious glances were rather taken aback by my outburst of anger.

Regardless, I continued to lash out with unfiltered emotions and harsh words.

“Agitated? Agitaated?? Wouldn’t you be agitated if you were me? Huh?”

“My life is already ruined, and if my stream fails too, I’ll starve to death, but you guys kept demanding I turn on the cam, threatening to kill me if I didn’t, and now that I’ve turned it on, you’re asking me to explain this bullsh*t boyfriend situation, trying to cut off my only source of income, wouldn’t you be losing it? Huh?”

[Uh…]
[Well, honestly, it was kind of suspicious]
[Sorry]
[Hiro, your language is a bit harsh… I understand you’re angry, but]

“Ah~~ Harsh? Me using such harsh language right now is harsh? I see. Ha, unbelievable.”

I let out a burst of laughter.

“Really? This is harsh? Then you guys must have been using such nice language in the chat, right? Right, everyone?”

[Hiro;;]
[Ah, quickly apologize;;]
[Sorry;;]
[I’m sorry, Hiro…]
[It’s going to be a bloodbath today]

I turned the nickname display function back on to treat each viewer equally.

[HiroAcupChest: I was just going along with the crowd, sorry;;]
[Melu: Hiro, calm down;;]
[Hiro’sUnderbedFairy: Honestly, it was suspicious, but she’s the one getting angry]
[ChestSommelier: Let the purge begin!]
[FlavorOfANugu: Ah ㅋㅋㅋ There are really some people who are too invested ㅋㅋㅋ]

Seriously…

I knew it, but

These nicknames are a mess, seriously.

“These nicknames are really something, I’m only just realizing it.”

I clicked on one of the nicknames in the chat and brought up their chat history.

I scrolled up a bit and couldn’t help but chuckle.

“What was that earlier? Saying my language is harsh?”

I moved the chat history window to the monitor that was being displayed on the stream.

The chat history of one viewer appeared on the stream.

「 Melu(Melu6974)

Account created on March 3, 2019

Tier 1 ~ Subscribed for 9 months

999+ messages

Melu(Melu6974) : Hiro’s worn panties… huff huff

Melu(Melu6974) : Why are you sucking on that, what a waste

Melu(Melu6974) : I’m bidding too 」

“Isn’t this harsh, everyone?”

[Melu: AHHHH!!! Ack! Aaaaack!!!!]
[HiroAcupChest: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
[Noriyuki: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
[ChestSommelier: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
[FlavorOfANugu: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]

“Laughing?”

I displayed another chat history on the screen.

「 ChestSommelier(Nicechest0615)

Account created on June 7, 2020

Tier 1 ~ Subscribed for 3 months

999+ messages

ChestSommelier(Nicechest0615) : Hiro, what cup size are your breasts today?

ChestSommelier(Nicechest0615) : What color are your breasts today?

———————————–2020.10.23—————–

ChestSommelier(Nicechest0615) : Are Hiro’s breasts still A-cups today? 」

“I don’t think you’re human either?”

[HiroAcupChest: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
[ChestSommelier: Oof ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
[FlavorOfANugu: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
[Gaibaiba: That’s too much ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
[PraiseTheSun: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]

My head hurt.

This was the stream I was trying to protect, even to the point of becoming a woman…

I knew all about the place where breasts were, but the place where a d*ck used to be was agonizingly present.

“…Everyone.”

One sigh, two blinks.

I composed myself and spoke to the viewers.

“First of all, I’m sorry for cursing. I got worked up because I was so upset, I apologize again.”

I wondered how much meaning there was in apologizing now, but I still bowed my head.

Because it was true that I had done wrong.

I raised my head again and looked at the chat, it was more amicable than I had expected.

[ChestSommelier: It’s ok, it’s ok, we were wrong too]
[HiroAcupChest: But isn’t the whole concept already ruined?]
[Melu: You totally ruined the cute and cheerful concept ㅋㅋㅋ]

I turned the anonymous function of the chat back on.

My mood has improved to some extent, so let’s get back to streaming normally.

Let’s communicate with the viewers as always.

“Hey, what are you talking about~ Hiro is always cut”

Suddenly, I saw my reflection on the screen.

My appearance of trying to be cute and flirtatious with people, smiling and gesturing.

“…”

Because I had been streaming as a netkama for so long, I was used to recognizing and immersing myself in the female character as myself.

So adapting to my appearance as a woman wasn’t as difficult as I thought, but

That became poison instead.

It would have been better if I had recognized it as a completely separate character.

Because I accepted that the person on the screen was myself too quickly, I couldn’t ignore the shame.

“Ah… aagh…”

But I’m a streamer.

Even though I was a netkama, I was always serious about streaming, so I wanted to continue the conversation somehow.

People came to my stream to see that.

“Hi… Hiro… is…”

I squeezed my eyes shut and separated Go Su-yeong and Hiro again.

I, as Go Su-yeong, stepped back and watched Hiro stream.

Hiro slowly opened her eyes.

“Your Hiro is always cute~”

When I opened my eyes, I saw my reflection on the screen again.

And then I realized.

“…”

“Cute…”

My mind is here, but

The body to anchor my mind no longer exists.

Because the body of Go Su-yeong as a man and the illustration of Hiro as a woman were completely separated, I was able to recognize them as completely different beings until now.

But now I can’t separate them.

Go Su-yeong lost the body of a man

Hiro lost the shield of an illustration

And together they coexisted in the body of a woman who was streaming with the cam on.

Go Su-yeong was Hiro, and Hiro was Go Su-yeong.

But

I’ll say it one more time.

“…Your Hiro is always a cute and cheerful girl~☆”

I’m a streamer.

No matter how embarrassed I am, I have to stream.

[Wow ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Look at her face turning red ㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
[!clip]
【Bot: A clip has been created.】
[Is she really doing the double peace sign ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
[Look at her gritting her teeth to keep the concept ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
[I acknowledge her as a pro streamer ㅋㅋㅋ]

“Ha… haha…”

I feel like crying.

While I was writhing in shame, I heard the sound of a donation notification.

【HiroAcupChest donated 1,000 won!!】
【You cursed up a storm today, so it seems like the concept is already ruined, why don’t you just take a new route, Hiro ㅋㅋㅋ】

“Shut up!!!”

The embarrassment echoed inside the soundproof booth.

I thought I had already sold off my pride as a man a long time ago, but the difference between the camera being on and off was beyond imagination.

I covered my face with both hands and felt the coldness of my hands.

【Hiro’sUnderbedFairy donated 1,000 won!!】

“Thank you for the 1,000 won donation…”

【So how are you going to explain having a boyfriend when you said you didn’t have one?】

?

That topic wasn’t over yet?