Chapter 11 : Separation

“It’s none of your business.”

I’d said that to Karen, who was pretending to be concerned.

She’d been hostile just moments ago, yet
The moment Lucia appeared, her attitude changed completely.

I didn’t know whether to be more impressed by Lucia’s influence or Karen’s hypocrisy.

Karen, you’ve become quite the actress.

Just how much did Lucia matter to her?

Perhaps the pink-haired girl’s magnetic presence had this effect on Karen.
No, it definitely did.

It was somewhat amusing that the desire to not be disliked by this girl, who seemed to embody kindness and purity, could make Karen, who loathed me, show me a semblance of goodwill. Her beauty, her grace, her every gesture and word…

Lost in my usual melancholic thoughts,
I realized I was jealous of Lucia.

“…”

I didn’t know what was more absurd.

Wasn’t jealousy reserved for those you considered your equals?

I didn’t envy Lucia. Or rather, I couldn’t.

To look at someone so flawlessly lovable and feel envious, to wish I could be like her, was a luxury I couldn’t afford.

If Karen was being hypocritical,
I was being ridiculous.

I decided to stop thinking about Lucia.

It would only lead to further self-loathing, and
Nadia was waiting for me.

“I’m here.”
“Of course you are.”

Greeting me with her usual cynicism, Nadia pulled up a chair for me.

I sat down and looked at her, and she returned my gaze.

This might be rude of me, but
I didn’t like her eyes.

Her ash-colored eyes, like embers after a fire, scanned me from head to toe,
Making me feel exposed, as if she could see right through me.

And it wasn’t just a feeling. She actually could.

Whether she had telepathic abilities
Or was simply perceptive, I didn’t know.

“So, why are you here? It’s not time for your medicine.”
“…”
“And you don’t seem to be in any distress, unlike last time.”
“I wasn’t being bullied last time.”
“Sure you weren’t. You looked like a drowned rat.”

A drowned rat.
Considering I’d been drenched in mop water, it wasn’t entirely inaccurate.

As I blinked at her,
Nadia’s eyes lit up with interest.

“Your expression is even worse than last time.”
“What’s my expression like?”
“Like… roadkill. Or discarded chewing gum, perhaps.”

What was that supposed to mean?
That I looked ugly?

If so, it wasn’t entirely untrue.

“You look like you’ve been heartbroken.”
“Heartbroken?”

That was a foreign concept.
Especially for me.

I’d never been in a relationship, never even liked anyone. The term didn’t apply to me.

I wondered if Nadia was using the word incorrectly.

“Was it that girl from last time?”
“Which girl?”
“The one with pink hair.”

Pink hair. That could only be one person.

Did Nadia and Lucia even know each other?

Then I remembered Lucia mentioning that she’d gotten Nadia’s permission to stay with me in the infirmary that night.

They must have met then.

I was slightly offended.

Was she implying
That I had a crush on Lucia and got rejected?

While I couldn’t deny my attraction to her,
As someone who wasn’t a lesbian, I could confidently say I hadn’t been heartbroken by Lucia.

Nadia, as if realizing she’d gone too far, or perhaps simply teasing me, didn’t mention Lucia again.

Instead, she brought up someone far more troublesome.

“Or was it… Karen?”
“…”
“Hee hee.”

I thought Nadia was acting like Charlotte.

Not in appearance, of course, but
In the way she danced around the topic, like a detective, despite already knowing the answer.

Did they find my discomfort so amusing? What was so entertaining about teasing me?

I wanted to point out the similarities between her behavior and Charlotte’s, but
I knew I’d be kicked out of the infirmary if I did, so I kept my mouth shut.

Nadia seemed to misinterpret my silence.

“Don’t glare at me like that.”
“I’m not.”
“I’ll apologize if mentioning Karen upset you that much.”
“It didn’t upset me.”

Just made me uncomfortable.

Unlike Karen, who seemed to despise me,
I didn’t harbor any ill feelings towards her.

If anything, I felt guilty.

“You two used to be close, didn’t you?”
“I don’t want to talk about the past.”
“You were inseparable. When did things change?”
“…”

I didn’t want to talk about it, so I kept my answers short. But Nadia persisted.

And then, I noticed the subtle smirk on her face.

She rarely expressed any emotion, but when she did, that slight twist of her lips meant she was enjoying tormenting someone.

And I was usually her victim.

Sadistic woman.

“You were childhood friends, weren’t you?”
“We were.”

Now, we were barely acquaintances.

I kept my tone as neutral as possible, knowing
It would dampen Nadia’s interest.

Seeing my reaction,
Nadia decided to take a more direct approach.

She stood up, walked over to me,
And leaned down, whispering in my ear.

She was so close.

I was frozen, trapped like a fly in a spiderweb. I didn’t move.

“I thought… maybe you confessed and got rejected.”
“…”

Confessed? Rejected? What was she talking about?
I finally understood her true intention.

Nadia genuinely wanted me to be rejected and heartbroken.

More accurately, she wanted to see me suffer.

I wasn’t going to play along. It was time to be firm.

Even if it meant losing her goodwill.

I abruptly turned my head.

Our faces were now inches apart, Nadia’s features close enough to touch.

At this close proximity, where our noses or lips could brush with the slightest movement,
I met her icy gaze and said,

“Don’t mention her again.”
“…”

It was a simple warning, one that
Must have seemed ridiculous, considering our relationship.

But it was surprisingly effective.

Nadia seemed taken aback by my firmness.

Such a reaction was rare for her, usually as smooth and sly as a thousand-year-old serpent.

“…Fine… I won’t…”

Nadia even averted her gaze, looking at the ceiling.

She didn’t need to act as if she’d just seen something disgusting.

I grumbled inwardly.

“…”
“…”

I had nothing more to say, and neither did Nadia.

The silence stretched, and my thoughts drifted to my black-haired childhood friend.

It was Nadia’s fault for bringing her up.

…

My history with Karen was long and complicated.
As Nadia had said, we’d been inseparable.

Or rather, Karen had indulged my clinginess.

I reminisced.

We’d been closer than friends,
Yet not quite lovers.

Whining, “Karen, I’m cold,” and then burying myself in her outstretched arms, basking in her warmth, giggling…

Such a disgusting image.
Of me.

I felt nauseous.
The self-loathing was overwhelming.

I was a man pretending to be a woman,
Someone whose heart had been hardened by nearly two decades of hardship, devoid of innocence. How could I have done that to my young childhood friend?

Karen, unaware of the ugliness within me,
Had always hugged me without hesitation, thinking I was simply cold. I pitied her.

Perhaps the breakdown of our relationship was inevitable.

My true nature had been revealed, and my once-close friend had turned away, leaving me alone. And I’d been alone ever since.

“Should I leave you alone?”

Nadia’s words pulled me out of my dark reverie.

And as I understood her meaning,
I realized I wanted to cry.