Chapter 3: A Never ending Nightmare

It feels like I’m trapped in a never ending nightmare. Every time I talk about myself, it’s like a piece of me is torn away.

Being strapped to the operating table, my legs torn off and reattached at odd angles, my fingers sliced off and regrown only to be collected in a bucket by the dozens… even those moments weren’t as agonizing as this.

The burning of my wounds to test their durability after injections, the waterboarding, the pressure on my right eye… none of it evoked this hollow feeling.

It’s because… I couldn’t have been abandoned. I couldn’t have been left alone.

I just… I missed Seo-jun. I wanted to become someone just as amazing as her, instead of waiting in that crumbling, impoverished village.

I remember the day I saw her, her body glowing as we walked down the street, chatting about trivial things. she looked so nice.

If I had known that light would separate us completely, I would have torn off my clothes and tried to smother it.

That’s why I wanted to be like her.

Powerful, capable. I wanted to surprise her, to show her I wasn’t just the pitiful, bothersome girl from her childhood. I wanted to be someone who could protect her, someone she could rely on.

But this is the price I paid for that wish.

My body is pristine, but the floor is littered with the remains of what were once people. Nothing left but crimson stains.

Reality rarely matches our dreams, but I thought I would be different.

The researchers said people like me, whose hair and eye color changed due to magical influence, had exceptional aptitude.

I thought it would just involve a few injections.

I never imagined the excruciating pain, the horrors.

They said I needed to be quarantined, but I didn’t expect to be locked away in a basement cell like a dog, only to be dragged out for experiments.

For half a year!

Half a year without seeing or hearing from my only friend. I would have worried, I would have searched for her. But I knew, somehow, that she hadn’t tried to contact me.

Seo-jun was busy, I told myself. Too busy to worry about someone like me. She was probably doing something important, something world-saving. Too important and exhausting to worry about someone she had spent almost a decade with.

That must be why she never contacted me first anymore.

So, wasn’t it her fault?

The problem was the circumstances. If the problems disappeared, there wouldn’t be a problem.

I thought there would be a day I could help her, but now it felt like that day would never come. It saddened me.

I wished she had come to see me, before I was forced to seek her out.

“I ended up in this place because I wanted to see you.”

I wondered if she even remembered me.

I could barely remember her face. It had started to fade when I emerged.

I used to be optimistic, cheerful, someone who energized others. Surely, being confined and experimented on hadn’t erased my nature completely. Something must be interfering.

That must be why I felt uneasy, despite telling myself Seo-jun would never abandon me, never forget me.

I would fade away completely soon. I wanted to see her now, while I still retained some semblance of my childhood self.

Life here was difficult to endure with a clear mind. Perhaps a delusional girl who believed she wasn’t a girl, despite her beautiful white hair and ruby eyes, was better suited for this place.

Eventually, I would act, think, and feel like her. Even if I mocked the idea of this being a novel.

I walked to the break room, where snacks were kept for the staff. I started drinking coffee, the drink I constantly craved.

There were no fancy lattes, but plenty of instant coffee.

“Ugh.”

Sweet, but disgusting. Drinking this must be why they saw the world as so dark and bitter.

How could I forget? How could she abandon me? She wasn’t like that. She was kind. She would help anyone in need, even strangers.

I always thought she would be by my side, just like when we were children.

Saving people, fighting villains… it wasn’t that much to ask.

I hadn’t forgotten her, despite being locked away, sliced open, electrocuted, even having my skull opened and probed. How could she forget me?

It didn’t make sense.

As I drank my coffee, I heard the whir of the door opening, followed by the sound of approaching footsteps.

I wasn’t afraid. I wouldn’t die.

A part of me, the part that feared pain, screamed for me to run. But there was nowhere to run. The entire basement would be locked down at the slightest incident.

Numerous figures, armed with guns, surrounded me.

Their faces were hidden behind helmets, but I imagined they were tense. A flick of my finger could tear them in half.

But I wasn’t that cruel.

I sat calmly, grimacing at the taste of the coffee but continuing to drink, when I heard the click of heels.

It was Team Leader Joo, her face as familiar as the guard I had just… dealt with.

“Didn’t I say it wouldn’t end with starvation?”

“Did you?”

“I told you. If you cooperate, you can go to that school your friend attends, and you’ll never have to worry about anything again.”

Her hair was disheveled, dark circles under her eyes, sleep still in the corners. Her clothes were rumpled, and her shoes scuffed. It must be early morning. She must have rushed here straight from bed after receiving the call.

“But if you keep acting like this, I can’t help you. Don’t you want to live like your friend, go to school, make friends, have a normal life?”

“That’s… that’s why I’m here.”

“Then you need to listen to us.”

“But you said you would let me out as soon as I could use my ability.”

“Your potential is too valuable to be wasted.”

So, they wouldn’t let me out. And that potential would twist me into something I didn’t recognize.

“You know, despite sitting here calmly talking to you, I’m actually terrified of you.”

I wasn’t going down without a fight. From the pool of blood still on the floor, I shaped countless needles, poised to strike.

“I feel the same. You could kill all of us in an instant. The government provides generous funding, but they tend to frown upon mass casualties among their staff.”

“So, Number Eleven. No, yoo Ha-rin. Go back to your room. That’s the only place you’re allowed. You traded away everything – school, memories of your friend, even yourself. All for a simple fingerprint.”

They didn’t trade anything. They took it. They promised it wouldn’t hurt and that I could go home anytime.

They lied.

“No one is coming for you. What are you hoping to achieve here? Do you think we haven’t looked into your background? Your parents are dead. You ran away from gangsters in the slums.”

Bringing up my parents was a low blow. They hadn’t done anything wrong. They were caught in the crossfire and vanished without a trace.

“Besides, your precious friend never contacted you. Were you really that close?”

She tossed my broken phone at me. I turned it on. The battery was at 11%, as if recently charged.

No new messages or calls. Just advertisements.

I didn’t mean to, but I exploded the armed guards. I threw the phone away and laughed, then crawled back into my room, just as she had instructed.

I continued to laugh.

I laughed at myself for still clinging to the memory of Seo-jun, for having any hope at all.

I looked in the mirror. This time, my reflection was clear.

It wasn’t funny anymore. The laughter stopped.