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I ended up staying at Lucia’s house until the next day.
And not just for a day or two.
I came to my senses while moving all my belongings into her place.
Lucia had told me I could stay as long as I wanted,
Even until I graduated from the academy.
“Since we’re already doing this, why don’t we just live together?” She’d asked, smiling innocently. I hadn’t been able to refuse.
I felt like I was under a spell, but
I tried to think positively.
I’d be kicked out soon anyway. After I
Made a move on Lucia.
There was no way she, in her pure innocence, could tolerate my dark, repulsive desires.
My eviction was inevitable.
I wasn’t sure if that qualified as positive thinking, but it was what I told myself.
“Tanya, what’s that?”
Lucia asked as I unpacked my things.
I looked down at the object in my hand.
A small picture frame.
Containing a painting of two girls.
“Wow, is that you, Tanya? When you were little?”
“Yes.”
“You were so cute. And this is… your mother?”
“Yes.”
Adoptive mother, but
I didn’t bother correcting her.
I remembered the day my mother commissioned the painting.
“We should have a family portrait,” she’d said, taking me to the artist.
“She’s beautiful…”
“She’s even more beautiful in person.”
The artist was skilled, but the painting couldn’t capture my mother’s true beauty.
Lucia seemed surprised by my immediate response, but
She quickly smiled.
“I can imagine.”
“…”
“Oh, there’s another one?”
“That’s…”
Lucia picked up the other frame before I could stop her.
The moment she saw it,
I had to come up with a reason for why I still had it,
And why I’d brought it with me.
The painting was of me.
And…
“This is you, Tanya. And… this person looks familiar…”
“Give it to me.”
“Huh?”
“Give it back.”
My voice was icy.
Even I was surprised by the harshness of my tone.
More of a command than a request.
Lucia’s eyes widened. “Huh?” she blinked, confused.
I snatched the frame from her hand,
My movements aggressive.
“Black hair, black eyes… oh, is that… Karen?”
“…”
“Were you and Karen family, Tanya?”
“No.”
Family? Hardly.
Just friends.
Close friends who spent most of their time together,
With her constantly visiting my house.
Karen had been there the day my mother commissioned the painting.
“You two should have one too,” my mother had said, handing the artist more money.
I didn’t understand why I’d been so embarrassed about having a portrait done together.
The painting showed Karen holding my hesitant hand, a mischievous grin on her face.
Both our cheeks were painted with red blush. The artist must have captured the moment
We stood there, faces flushed, shyly glancing at each other.
“…”
My heart ached,
Its rhythm erratic.
Those vivid memories, etched in my mind, threatened to overwhelm me.
I shoved the frame back into my bag,
Determined to throw it away later.
…
…
…
The two-day holiday flew by, and
It was time to return to the academy.
“Tanya, stop being stubborn.”
“I’m not being stubborn…”
“Yes, you are.”
“…”
Lucia and I were arguing.
We’d stopped under a cherry blossom tree, its petals long gone thanks to the passing of spring,
Five minutes ago.
“Your hands are cold.”
“That has nothing to do with it.”
“It does!”
“…”
I was baffled.
What did my cold hands have to do with
Her wanting to hold them?
Lucia was acting strange today.
Not just today, actually, but
Ever since she’d seen the painting of Karen and me holding hands last night.
She was acting as if she’d die if she couldn’t hold my hand.
“You let me hold your hand earlier.”
“That’s the point! You let me hold it at home, so why are you being like this now?”
“…”
I felt like a nanny trying to reason with a spoiled child.
Honestly, I was a little annoyed.
Why couldn’t she understand?
I was worried about her reputation. Being seen with someone like me wouldn’t do her any favors.
Even walking to the academy together was risky, but
Why did she insist on holding my hand in public?
It was infuriating.
“Lucia.”
“Yes?”
“You can’t do this.”
“But why…”
“I didn’t say anything when you held my hand, hugged me, or… nibbled on my ear. But…”
“…”
“You can’t do that. Not in public.”
I spoke firmly, and
Lucia nodded silently.
And then, she asked a rather unexpected question.
“So… it’s okay if we do those things at home…?”
“Excuse me?”
“You said not in public.”
“…”
Was that how it worked?
Because I hadn’t protested when she held my hand, hugged me, and nibbled on my ear at home, where no one could see us,
Did that mean I was giving her permission to do whatever she wanted when we were alone?
Wait,
Why was she blushing?
“Tanya, you’re so naughty…”
What was naughty about that?
While I was still bewildered,
Lucia acted swiftly.
She grabbed my hand,
Intertwining our fingers, the warmth of her touch melting my resolve.
Lucia giggled.
She must have found my flustered expression amusing.
I sighed.
If we continued arguing, we’d be late for class.
Resigned, I said, “Fine, do whatever you want,” and started walking.
…
I didn’t expect her to hold my hand all the way to the classroom.
The sight of me, surrounded by rumors, walking hand-in-hand with the most popular girl in the academy,
Stunned the entire classroom into silence.
“Hey, look at that…”
“What the…”
Their whispers, though muffled, were easy to decipher.
They pitied Lucia.
I stared at her profile, silently pleading with her to let go.
But Lucia seemed oblivious.
Or perhaps, she was feigning ignorance.
And then, I felt a surge of dread.
Because one of the gazes directed at us was filled with undisguised hostility.
I turned to look, and
There was Karen, glaring at me.
“…”
If someone bet me that I could guess what Karen was thinking,
I’d wager everything I owned.
She was straightforward and predictable.
I didn’t need to hear her thoughts to know.
Did you forget my warning? I told you to stay away from Lucia. You promised. And now this? Are you playing with me?
She was probably furious that I’d broken my promise.
I wondered what Karen would do
If she knew I was practically living at Lucia’s house,
That we’d slept in the same bed, clinging to each other.
It wouldn’t end with a slap, like last time.
I chuckled.
A mirthless laugh, born out of the absurdity of the situation.
But Karen seemed to misinterpret it.
Did she think I was mocking her?
She glared at me, then at Lucia, her jaw clenching.
No, that wasn’t it. I’m sorry. I broke my promise. But don’t worry. I’m a terrible person, as you know. She’ll get tired of me soon.
And maybe, I’ll disappear from your life altogether. My hands and feet have been cold lately, colder than usual. I have constant headaches. My body feels… wrong. I’m scared. I’m afraid I won’t be able to move soon. So even if you’re angry now, please, just be patient…
The realization that we were no longer close enough to share such honest words, that even if I did, she wouldn’t believe me, and even if she did, she’d just ask, “So what?” tightened my chest.
I felt a wave of despair wash over me.
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