Chapter 19 : Hi, Karen

I felt weak.
My vision blurred.
I felt like I could collapse at any moment, floating away.

But I felt good.

“Who are you?”
“A doctor, as you can see.”
“That’s not what I asked. What did you do to Titania?”

Nadia was elegant, Karen valiant.
Beautiful. Cute. Amazing.
My heart pounded. My face flushed.

Why were they fighting?

“I should be asking you that.”
“What?”
“What did you do to break her like this?”
“Break her? What are you…?”
“I have a pretty good idea.”

Karen didn’t seem to recognize Nadia.

Judging by her hostile tone, she was treating Nadia like a stranger.

Well, Karen probably wanted to forget her childhood memories.
Especially those involving me.

Karen pointed at me.
She seemed to be asking, Who broke her?

Her gaze was painful. A pleasurable pain, yet
It made me feel melancholic.

“Titania, Titania…!”

As I wallowed in my hazy despair, Karen approached me, her
Face etched with worry.

I hated showing her this side of me.

My eyes rolled back,
Drool dribbled down my chin.
I’m sorry. I look pathetic. I wanted to look pretty for you. Don’t look at me…

“This is unexpected. I heard you hated Titania.”
“Shut up.”
“You seem concerned, though?”
“I said shut up.”

Karen examined me,
Holding my limp body.

Her touch was warm.
Burning.
But I liked it.

Even though I knew I shouldn’t,
That I should push her away,
I leaned into her embrace.

“Sorry, Karen.”
“For what?”
“I’m… sorry…”
“…”

I apologized, but
My body continued to cling to hers.

Even I was disgusted with myself. How much more
Did she, who hated me, loathe this display?

But Karen simply held me tighter,
And tears started rolling down my cheeks. I whimpered.

“Aha.”

Nadia made a sound of realization. Then, with a look of disdain, she turned to Karen.

“How amusing. You…”
“…”
“What happened? Did you regret pushing her away?”
“You should shut your mouth.”
“How rude. I can see why Titania’s afraid of you.”

Karen seemed concerned about me, nestled in her arms. But her expression
Suggested she wanted to leave.

Nadia had a nasty habit
Of acting like a detective, even when she already knew the answer.

She’d circle around the truth, then, when her target least expected it, strike with precision.

Straightforward Karen was no match for her.

“Or did you never hate her in the first place?”

But this time, Nadia was wrong. That was impossible.

Answer her, Karen. Scoff at her. Tell her she’s talking nonsense.

“…”
“Hee hee hee.”

But Karen didn’t answer.
As if she was too disgusted to even respond.

I don’t know. I can’t think. I feel good. Warm. I can’t stop smiling. I like Karen. I liked her. Maybe I still do. No. Not anymore. She has to hate me. She said so herself. She left. I don’t want to be clingy. I don’t want to be a burden. I just want to be loved. I’m sorry. For bothering you…

“Poor Titania. You have no idea how happy she was when I told her she’d see you again at the academy.”
“That’s…”
“But oh dear, you were so cold and distant, weren’t you?”
“I…”
“You should have seen her face when she came running to me.”
“…”

Nadia’s relentless words, leaving no room for rebuttal,
Made me wonder if she enjoyed tormenting people this much.

“You should be thanking me.”

“I had to work so hard to stop her from killing herself.”

“It’s rather pathetic that you’re acting like you’re something special.”

With each word, Karen’s expression faltered, and
I felt a pang of sympathy.

You’re strong, Karen. Always bright and confident, righteous and warm. That expression doesn’t suit you.

I couldn’t listen anymore.

“Don’t insult Karen.”
“…”
“…”

Silence filled the room.

They both stared at me, speechless.

Had I interrupted at a bad time? Were they shocked?

Nadia broke the silence.

“Titania, whose side are you on?”
“Excuse me…?”
“That makes me… a little sad.”
“Nadia, sad…?”
“Very.”

She didn’t look sad… but I wasn’t going to argue.

Nadia clicked her tongue, then
Spoke sternly, like an adult scolding a child.

“Have you forgotten who keeps you supplied with that precious medicine?”
“Eek!”
“You should be more careful. You’ll regret it.”

I was scared.
Goosebumps rose on my arms.

I couldn’t upset her.
If I displeased her, she might leave, just like Karen. I hated being abandoned. I’m sorry, Nadia. I won’t do it again…

I pulled away from Karen and
Ran to Nadia, pleading with her.

“I’m sorry…”
“Hmm.”
“It’s all thanks to you, hee hee, I was just being stupid. I’m sorry, Nadia. Please don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Okay, you’re not mad. But… I’m still sorry.”

Pleased with my apology,
Nadia stroked my hair.

It felt so good.

I leaned into her touch, wanting more.
I rubbed my head against her palm, begging her to continue. When she tried to pull away, I clung to her hand desperately.

Annoyed, Nadia pushed my head away.

Her palm, which had been stroking my hair, slid down my forehead, past my temples, and finally cupped my cheek. She pushed firmly, but I continued to nuzzle against her hand, making strange sounds, a giddy smile on my face.

“Titania…!”

Karen gritted her teeth, calling my name.

Nadia ignored her,
Wrapping an arm around my waist from behind.
I was pulled against her, snake-like, both of us now facing Karen.

It was strange, but
I felt like Nadia was showing off our intimacy to Karen.

Karen’s expression was unreadable.

Sadness, anger, self-loathing… I couldn’t tell.

But one thing was certain:
Her expression stirred something within me.

Desperate to appease her, I spoke.

“I-I’m fine, Karen. You don’t have to worry about me…”
“…”
“Don’t worry. I don’t… want to see you anymore…”
“…”

I was sorry I couldn’t express myself better.

But I meant it.
Every word.

I didn’t want to be involved with her anymore.
It was too late.

I’d finally let go of my lingering feelings for her.

I’d said I missed her,
That I needed her,
That I wanted her to love me.

Now that I’d finally confessed, I felt a sense of relief.

I smiled and continued.

“I’ll keep my promise…”

The promise
To stay away from Lucia.

It might seem like I had no intention of keeping it, given the current circumstances, but
I was aware of it, every moment I spent with Lucia.

…

My mood dampened.
Slightly. Or perhaps, a lot.

If I kept my promise,
It would naturally sever my ties with Karen.

Would I be able to say it then?
What I couldn’t say back then.

That day, so long ago,
When I thought she was all I had left,
When she turned away from me,
My tearful pleas for her to stay had been a mistake.

I should have said something else.
Something that wouldn’t burden her with guilt.

I felt like I had another chance.

I decided to practice.

Years of suppressed emotions, a mixture of regret, grief, resentment, and guilt, rose from the depths of my being, past my throat, and finally, through my lips.

“Goodbye, Karen.”

That wasn’t right.
I didn’t want to say it with tears in my voice.
It defeated the purpose.

Well, it was just practice. I’d have another chance. Using Lucia as an excuse, I could see Karen again, at least once more. And when the final moment came,
I’d be able to say it with a smile.

I made up my mind.