Chapter 1 : Mysterious child

It wasn’t a good life.
Perhaps because I thought so, in my previous life, I threw myself off a bridge.
Because living longer seemed meaningless, a life without hope.

But when I woke up in this new world, was there the peace I had longed for? No.
A gloomy household, no different from my previous life.
Not knowing who my father was, my mother, a prostitute, was drunk every day and relentlessly abused me, the child she didn’t want to give birth to.
A childhood where I was nothing more than a meat doll to relieve stress, not a child.

After being treated like that, I was sold for a pittance to a military academy run by a kingdom preparing for war.

“Who took in you guys who were abandoned like trash?”
“The nation!”
“Then, for what must you use your lives?!”
“The nation!!”

Endless forced loyalty to the nation, and continuous harsh training bordering on abuse.
My peers, who had no other choice, accepted it, and soon became loyal soldiers of the nation, absolutely carrying out the orders given to them.
On the other hand, loyalty to the nation never blossomed in me.
With my heart already tattered from being abandoned by my parents twice, belonging somewhere and having pride in it seemed meaningless.

But even if I died here, there was no guarantee that I would find peace.
Therefore, I lived because I couldn’t die, and to live, I silently carried out only the orders given to me.
And to live, I killed people.
Countless enemy soldiers on the same battlefield as me, just with different allegiances.

“Is that soldier Logan of the special forces?”
“I heard he single-handedly slaughtered several units.”
“He’s an incredibly skilled man. I would never want to meet him as an enemy.”

As time went on, I felt the fear towards me deepen.
Enemies and allies alike… In every battlefield I went to, I killed people to the point of it being called a massacre, so it was a natural result.
I felt disgust for myself, but in the end, looking back, there was me, killing people to desperately stay alive.

If I couldn’t find peace even in death, how much longer would I have to continue living this kind of life? Just repeating that sense of futility, and just wearing myself down like that…

“Oh my, you’ve come back injured again.”

But even in such a life, there was one person.
Only one person who didn’t distance herself from me, and consistently made her presence known.
A woman with a rare hair color, pinkish-red, and amber eyes.
The white gown she wore indicated that she belonged to the medical unit, taking care of the soldiers’ wounds.

“If you keep fighting like this, your body will be damaged. Take off your clothes and come here, I’ll apply medicine for you.”

Yes, it was just a relationship that was purely business.
Even so, I couldn’t help but feel something strange about her attitude.
Other medics would be disgusted when they saw the blood all over my body, but why did she accept me so nonchalantly?

“Why are you kind to me?”

I couldn’t understand.
The medic woman in front of me.

“Is it strange for a medic to take care of a patient?”
“Other soldiers sometimes refuse my treatment. They just recoil in disgust at the mere sight of me.”
“That’s because you always have such a scary face. If you were a little kinder to those around you, everyone would treat you more comfortably.”
“……”
“……Well, I guess you have your own circumstances.”

Applying medicine, bandaging, stitching wounds, and so on… All those actions were very gentle, and her voice accompanying them was full of kindness.
In my life so far, I had never experienced such acceptance, a sense of tolerance from her that could accept anyone, no matter who they were.

“Come see me anytime.”

As if to tell me that this thought was not a delusion, she often said this whenever she finished treating me and sent me away.

“When your legs are trembling and about to give out, when your heart feels like it’s breaking… When you feel like you can’t bear it alone, come find me anytime.”
“Because I will always be waiting for you in the place you return to.”

Yes, just like she said.
She was always waiting in the place I returned to.
No matter how harsh the battle was, no matter how much blood I shed and how much blood I was covered in…
She, who everyone else looked at with fear, always welcomed me kindly and soothed my wounds.

Unintelligible actions.
Unintelligible warmth…
But, it wasn’t unpleasant.

The fierce war ended around the time I had such thoughts.

“The war is over, too. Everyone worked together and finally achieved victory.”
“I see.”
“Aren’t you happy? There’s no more fighting, and we can return to our hometowns and families.”

Happy…
Normally, that would be the case, but ironically, what I felt at that time was emptiness.
Until now, I just had to do what I was told from above, but from now on, there would be no such thing.

“……I have no hometown to return to, no family to face.”

Even though I, who had contributed to the war effort, was awarded property and medals, I couldn’t even make a proper plan about what I should achieve with them.
Having gained freedom, but not knowing what to do with that freedom…

As I was contemplating this, she suddenly came to me and confessed her feelings.

“Then, how about being with me from now on?”
“……What do you mean?”
“Oh, come on, you’re so clueless. I’m saying that now that we have time, I want to be with you.”

It was an incomprehensible statement to me.
She knew what kind of person I was.
We only met out of necessity during the war, there was no reason to continue such a relationship after the war.

“Why……”
“Why am I doing this to you, who everyone fears? I’m already tired of hearing that question.”

She spoke as if it was now something familiar, unimportant.
But in the words that followed, there was a hint of bitterness.

“Because you were the most precarious person I’ve ever seen.”
“Precarious……?”
“If I left you alone, with no one reaching out to you, I wondered if something big would happen, if you would break… That worry made me keep taking care of you, and at some point, I became concerned only about you, and from some point on, I could only think of you.”

A flushed face. Cautious feelings continued in that state.
It was a disconnect for me, who knew her usual self.
She was a confident person who openly expressed her intentions.
But at the moment she said those words, she was even carefully observing my expression, so I could guess one thing from it.

“……What about you?”

In a relationship that I thought was just incomprehensible, at some point, I had become someone not insignificant to her.
Furthermore, in a life that I had thought meaningless so far, she alone was giving it meaning.

“Do you want me to distance myself from you?”

That day, she came to me like a ray of light.
A warm light that melted even the coldness of a chilly and long winter…

In the spring day that came like that, we exchanged vows to each other, however modestly, in a place where we faced each other.

“Groom Logan Smith, and Bride Erina Findleton. At this moment, can you swear that you will keep these feelings forever?”
“Yes, I swear.”
“……I swear.”

It was the first vow I made in this second, empty life.
On the day I kissed her, a sense of calling was established in my heart.
Since she was the one who gave meaning to my life, I would use my future life for her sake.
This dignity, all the achievements I had made, and even my life, I would use them for her.

“Now that we’re married, I’ll have to change the way I call you.”

And I was sure that her feelings were the same.
As if to tell me that, she spoke the title for me in a brighter voice than usual.

“Please take care of me from now on, dear.”

Yes, we were happy.
To the extent that I earnestly wished that happiness would continue forever.

“The test results show infertility.”

One year after marriage.
It was news from the medical center we visited because a child was not conceived easily.

“Infertility, you say……”
“Your organs are severely damaged and you’ve become a body that can’t have children. Have you had a major accident before?”

Accident……
From that, I recalled a story she had told me before.
She had a major accident when she was young, and a passing doctor treated the injuries she sustained at that time, saving her life. And that was the reason she entered the path of a doctor.

“I-is there no way…?”
“It’s impossible. Not only with modern medicine, but even with divine power. Accurately restoring damaged organs is, without exaggeration, like creating something from nothing.”

Defective body parts cannot be regenerated even by divine miracles.
That was something she knew best, having treated many injuries on the battlefield for a long time.
And knowing it meant that resignation would inevitably come quickly.

“It’s okay…”

But as if lingering attachment remained, her face, upon hearing the notification, was paler than usual.

“It’s okay, it’s just that I can’t have children. Because I have you……”

How could I not notice?
Just as she had known me for a long time, I had also been watching her. I knew without being told that she wanted to have a child.

Therefore, for her sake, I decided to wander around the kingdom, searching for a way to cure her body.
Visiting renowned doctors and clerics, searching every corner of information brokers, and commissioning requests, even if it meant spending a large sum of money if necessary…

But all those efforts were in vain, ultimately ending in failure.

When I returned home without any results, I was confronted with her sitting alone at the table in the dark room.
With a crying face that I couldn’t imagine her, who was usually confident and lively, making.

“Dear……”

It’s okay.
I knew it was a lie, but the despair was more severe than I had imagined.
Was having a child that important to her?

As I was contemplating what words of comfort I should give her, she preemptively murmured her true feelings.

“……I’m sorry.”

An apology.
She, who should never have uttered those words, began to sob sincerely in front of me.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to make you happy. Until now, I wanted to comfort you, who hasn’t been happy… I ruined everything. It’s my fault… It’s my fault.”

It was when I saw those tears that I realized.
Wanting to have a child was for me, more than for herself.
Because she couldn’t continue that happiness further, she was crying so much for me.

“……It’s okay.”

Even though I understood her heart, how could I say it’s okay?
All I could do was hope that her self-blame would lessen even a little.
Just hoping that as time passed, the current pain would fade.

“It’s hard to bear now, but surely it will get better with time. Let’s go to a quiet place for recuperation with the money we’ve saved.”

Hoping to at least forget the current pain.
With that in mind, I used the money I had saved to move with her to the outskirts of the kingdom.
The place was a small village just beginning to develop in the area.
Adventurers seeking fortune after hearing the news of development came and went a bit, but overall, it seemed like a place quiet enough to live peacefully.

“Hehe, recently the young people who come are only adventurers, but a newlywed couple settling down is a rare occurrence. Rest here as comfortably as you need.”

Fortunately, the village chief welcomed us kindly, and with his help, we were able to settle down in a stable dwelling.
A small cabin built on a hill. The furnishings were modest, but it would be sufficient for two people to live in.

“Then, I’ll go out and look for work.”
“……Come back safely.”

Erina saw me off with a listless voice.
Without looking at me, she was still gazing blankly at the sky outside the window.
What should I do to cheer her up?

To do so, with the intention of first earning money to buy a gift, I headed to the guild where adventurers gathered.

“Yes, you said you want to take on a request? Do you have an adventurer’s license?”
“No, I’m an adventurer for the first time.”
“Then you’ll have to start from the lowest rank, Copper rank. Coincidentally, there’s a quest to gather medicinal herbs suitable for Copper rank adventurers, how about starting with this?”

A soldier, who used to be me, is now going to work as an adventurer.
Well, doing odd jobs in a frontier village is better than rolling around on the battlefield.

Thinking so, I headed to the mountains behind the village with a light heart, and gathered the medicinal herbs needed for the request one by one.

The anomaly occurred when I had filled about half of the requested amount.

Flash!

Suddenly, flashes of light poured down from the sky, and it crashed into the middle of the forest.
What could be seen beyond the trees was a bizarre situation I had never experienced before.
With caution, I thought it was necessary to check it out in preparation for the worst, and hurriedly headed there.
Fearing a possible attack from another country, fearing that if a disaster struck, she would also be harmed.

“……It was definitely here.”

When I arrived at the scene, what I encountered was a large pit.
Too wide to have been dug by a wild animal, it seemed that something had crashed and a strong physical impact had been applied.
If that was the guess, then the crashed object should be here… Where did it disappear to in the meantime?

–Rustle, rustle.

In the meantime, at the sound of rustling grass coming from the nearby bushes, I tensed up and quickly turned my gaze there.
A wild animal? Or a monster?

–Rustle.

At the end of it, a small creature that slipped out of the bushes, I could only stare blankly at it while standing there for a while.

“……A girl?”

Yes, it was a young child.
A child with disheveled hair, wearing only old and dirty rags.
Yet, her brightly shining eyes were precisely gazing at me, who was facing her.
The child opened her mouth in that state and spoke.

“Hoe?”

Incomprehensible babble.
After staring at her for a while, I lowered my gaze to her eye level and cautiously asked.

“Is your mommy not here?”

Ah, that’s not it.