Chapter 30 : I don’t remember

I had a terrible hangover.

A splitting headache forced me awake.

I hadn’t thought I’d drunk that much. Or maybe my tolerance
Had gotten worse.

This was a common occurrence.
Waking up hungover after a night of drinking.

And whenever I did, I’d be gripped by an unbearable chill.
This time was no different.

But it was slightly better than usual. I had
Someone to hold onto.

I decided to steal her warmth again, paying the price
With a pang of guilt.

I knew it was a terrible thing to do.

But she always indulged me.

Despite the overwhelming exhaustion and hangover,
I instinctively reached out and hugged the warm body next to me.

“…?”

And that’s when I noticed something was wrong.

The familiar warmth wasn’t there.

I briefly wondered if she was sulking and had turned her back to me, but the thought vanished as I felt
A rapid thumping against my chest.

A heartbeat, closer than usual,
As if the barrier between us had disappeared.

And not just that.

The scent was different.

Instead of the sweet, alluring fragrance of cherry blossoms, I smelled
The sharp, refreshing scent of mint.

I opened my eyes.

And froze.

“…”

The voluptuous curves I was used to were gone.

Lucia hadn’t turned her back to me. And her scent hadn’t changed.

I was simply
Holding someone else.

“…”

My head pounded.

And the sight of
Neatly arranged black hair, softly swaying with each breath, made it worse.

I squinted, trying to make out her face, hoping
She was a stranger.

…

No such luck.

I wished she were a stranger. Then I could have simply
Attributed our shared bed to a drunken mistake.

I couldn’t comprehend the situation.

I tried to remember last night.

I’d gone to the gambling den, feeling restless, gotten some money from Charlotte for letting her touch me, spent it on drinks, more than a few, actually, gotten kicked out for being too drunk, and then, on my way back, I’d run into Karen, and… Karen…

“…”

I couldn’t remember anything after that.

Not apologizing to her,
Not showering her with kisses, begging her to get angry,
Not offering my neck, asking her to hurt me,

Not letting her drag me to her place, even though our public display was attracting attention,

Not clinging to her like a madwoman the moment we arrived, begging her to hurt me,

Not whining that she wasn’t hurting me enough, offering my soft stomach,

Not begging her to do whatever she wanted, to use me however she pleased.

I didn’t remember any of it. I decided
To not remember.

So, I’d
Blacked out from drinking too much and woken up at Karen’s place.

I knew what I had to do.

I tried to get out of bed,
But failed.

Her body was surprisingly strong. Our limbs were tangled, and I couldn’t figure out how to untangle them.

While Lucia’s embrace was soft and gentle, like being enveloped in a warm blanket,
Karen’s was firm, almost constricting, as if she was trying to
Trap me, preserve me like a specimen.

My lack of strength didn’t help. My head was pounding from the alcohol, and
My body ached from… whatever she’d done to me.

I gave up on escaping,
Resorting to self-deception.

“…”

I’m still asleep.

Just like I’d forgotten last night, I won’t remember this when I wake up.

I’ll forget clinging to the woman who despises me, not resisting when I woke up, even nuzzling closer.

So,
I relaxed and closed my eyes.

…
…
…

Thankfully, I was alone when I woke up.

I was sitting up, leaning against the headboard, my eyes closed, waiting
For Karen to wake me.

I felt her presence at the door, her gaze on me.

“…”
“…”

Neither of us spoke,
As if the first to speak would lose.

Karen approached, her footsteps echoing in the quiet room. I ignored her.

An awkward silence filled the air.

Finally, she spoke.

“Titania.”
“What?”

My voice was flat, devoid of emotion, almost
Cold.

I was relieved.

Karen hesitated, as if unsure of what to say, then
Finally spoke.

“…Get up.”

Was she going to tell me to leave?
I was planning on it anyway.

I suspected she’d want to pretend this never happened. And I would too.

But her next words were unexpected.

“It’s time for breakfast.”
“…”

…

I ended up in the kitchen,
Staring at the breakfast Karen had prepared, then putting on an apron.

While I wasn’t a terrible cook, Karen was… a disaster.

She offered me stale bread, hard as a rock, probably days old.

If I ate that in my current state, I’d throw up.

How did I end up making breakfast for the girl who practically hates me?

I served her the soup I’d made, wondering
If she was expecting a compliment.

Karen finished the bowl in one go and spoke.

“Titania, about yesterday…”
“…”
“I’m sorry.”

Sorry for what?

I wanted to ask.

What was she apologizing for? She’d only
Done what I’d asked.

But I remained silent.

There was no point in asking about something I didn’t remember.

As I stared at her,
She did exactly what I’d expected.

“Don’t tell me…”
“…”
“You don’t remember anything?”
“Nope.”

I didn’t need to act.
Karen, honest to a fault, was terrible at detecting lies.

Especially mine, though that was ancient history now.

Karen’s expression changed. She silently
Started eating faster.

As I watched her,
She gestured for me to eat.

“I’m not really hungry.”
“No, you have to eat.”
“…”
“You’re too thin.”

So eat.

Her forceful tone and demeanor
Made me uneasy. A strange tingling sensation spread through my body.

And it wasn’t just a physical reaction.

My feelings for Karen were changing.

Why did I suddenly want to anger her?

I wanted her to be furious with me.
To blame me, yell at me, berate me.
To hurt me with her words, and then with her touch.

…Why?

“Titania?”
“Ah, yeah.”

I snapped out of it and finished my breakfast.

…

It wasn’t a holiday, so we had to go to the academy.

As we stood by the shoe rack,
We started arguing.

“Why do you want to go separately?”

Didn’t she realize how strange that question was?

We weren’t close enough to walk to the academy together.

I understood her wanting to make sure I didn’t steal anything from her house while she was gone, but
Did she really need to keep me by her side, questioning me about last night?

As I finally managed to leave her house,
I said,

“Sorry for… imposing.”
“For what?”
“It… won’t happen again.”
“…You said you didn’t remember.”
“…”

I didn’t remember, but I felt the need to apologize.

As I looked at her, Karen seemed speechless.

And then, things took a turn for the worse.

I was ready to leave, but
Karen was taking her shoes out of the locker next to mine.

Of course, there was nothing wrong with her getting her shoes.

But she had to bend down slightly, which meant she was closer to me, our faces, or rather, her cheek, close to my lips.

“…”
“…”

Last night didn’t repeat itself.

If our lips had touched, I would have bitten my tongue off and died.

I instinctively leaned away, but
My lips, already puckered, remained slightly parted, and
Karen noticed.

“Titania.”
“…”
“You said you didn’t remember.”

Karen repeated herself.

I took a step back.

Karen took a step forward.

And then I was trapped against the wall.

Knowing she’d push me against it if I didn’t answer,
I spoke.

“I don’t remember. Anything that happened with you last night.”

I should have just said I didn’t remember and left.
Why did I add that last part?

I had no idea.