Chapter 33 : I’m going to get in trouble

“Ah, Nadia, stop…”

I squirmed and called her name, but Nadia, on top of me,
Didn’t stop.

Her expression and touch were clinical, devoid of
Any affection, yet I felt… strange.

The more aroused I became,
The less composed I felt.

My mind went blank. I felt
A tingling sensation, a yearning for her touch.

Are we actually going to do this?

My first time.

As I’d said before,
I didn’t place much importance on my virginity.

I’d always assumed I’d lose it eventually, to some random girl who could temporarily alleviate my loneliness and quell the ever-present cold.

It didn’t matter who it was. My virginity wasn’t precious.

It was a somewhat bleak outlook,
Even though I hadn’t actively tried to preserve it.

I relaxed, the last vestiges of resistance fading, my
Body still.

I closed my eyes. Do what you want. I won’t resist. That was my intention.

But Nadia stopped touching me. Her hand, which had been exploring my body with such fervor,
Retreated.

I opened my eyes, slightly puzzled.

Nadia was looking down at me, her expression
Impassive, the excitement she’d shown moments ago completely gone.

She’d lost interest.

She doesn’t want to do it with me, after all, I thought, but
Nadia suddenly said,

“Hmm, you’re normal.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m talking about you.”
“?”
“I thought you were… in heat or something.”
“…In heat?”

Was she comparing me to an animal?

And wasn’t she angry?
About me reminding her of my mother?

Nadia, as if reading my thoughts, replied,

“That was years ago. And it wasn’t your fault anyway.”
“Then why…”

If she truly felt that way, then why had she acted like that? As I stared at her, Nadia replied casually,

“You asked me to teach you, didn’t you?”
“I didn’t ask you to… do that.”
“Silly. Just do what I did. Though, it doesn’t really suit you.”
“…”

I didn’t understand what she meant by “doesn’t suit you.”

Nadia got out of bed and sat down at the table where she kept her medical supplies.

She crossed her legs, just like when I’d first arrived, and
Took a sip of her cold coffee.

I straightened my clothes.

Her touch had been a little rough. One of my buttons was hanging loose.

“So, who is she?”
“Huh?”
“The person you want to… do that with.”

Her tone and expression were genuinely curious.
So, Titania, there’s someone now?

But I sensed an underlying sharpness in her words.

I had a feeling things would go badly if I answered honestly.

“…”

I didn’t know how to lie or be evasive.

I remained silent, hoping
Nadia would lose interest.

She waited for my answer, then
Smiled coldly.

“It’s fine. I don’t need to know.”
“…”
“You don’t seem to… like them anyway.”

Her words, implying I was incapable of liking anyone, stung.

While I knew I was overreacting, I felt the need to defend myself.

“How would you know?”
“If you truly liked them, you would have rejected me.”
“…”

I was speechless.

Was that how it worked?
Were romantic feelings and physical intimacy mutually exclusive?

And then I realized Nadia had been testing me, trying to determine
If I had genuine feelings for someone.

And having confirmed that I didn’t, she’d lost interest. Typical Nadia.

She took another sip of her coffee.

“That’s all I needed to know.”
“All you needed…?”
“You can leave now.”

I was dismissed.

…
…
…

They said you were drawn to what you lacked, so was that why
I was drawn to Lucia?

Lucia was pure.

Her actions, her childlike smile, everything about her radiated innocence.

Her cheerful personality made her popular, and her ability to express her opinions without being confrontational was admirable. She was so genuinely good and kind that just being around her felt… purifying.

But there was more to her than that.

Despite our short acquaintance,
I’d noticed a different side to her, one she didn’t show to others.

When we were alone,
Especially at night, just before falling asleep, she’d show a different side of herself.

Tonight was no different.

Her eyes, slightly downturned, crinkled at the corners as she
Called my name, her voice sweet and soft.

“Tanya.”
“Yes?”
“Come to bed.”
“…Okay.”

She always got into bed first, then patted the space next to her, beckoning me.

And even though I knew I shouldn’t get any closer,
I’d join her, using the excuse that I was cold, that I needed her warmth.

At this time of night,
We’d talk about our day, about things we wanted to do.

“Tanya, do you want to go somewhere?”
“Where?”
“I don’t know… the beach…?”
“The beach?”
“I’ve never been.”
“What would we do there?”
“…Hee hee.”
“…?”

She seemed to be implying something about our trip together.
Her hesitant tone was strange.

“Let’s go together. Okay?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I prefer staying home to… going out.”
“Aww…”

Lucia seemed slightly disappointed, then her eyes lit up.

“By home, you mean… here…?”
“Huh?”
“Our home. Here.”
“Well…”
“Tanya likes our home.”
“I misspoke. I didn’t mean…”
“You’re so cute, Tanya.”

What was cute about that?

She occasionally gave me these strange compliments.

While I wasn’t embarrassed,
I usually ignored them.

And I always forgot how mischievous she became whenever I did.

“You’re cute, cute, Tanya, cute…”
“Okay, that’s enough.”
“Tanya, hee hee, cute…”
“I said I get it… eek…”

Lucia’s whispers, her lips close to my ear, her warm breath on my skin, made me shiver.

I’d told her my ears were sensitive. Why did she always
Do this, as if deliberately trying to tease me? I don’t know. My ear itches, it’s so sensitive, please stop…

I knew the only way to make her stop was to
Change the subject.

So I surrendered.

“Let’s go, Lucia. Let’s go.”
“Where?”
“To the beach…!”
“You should have just said so, Tanya.”
“…”

Had she been teasing me on purpose?

Having gotten her way, Lucia finally moved away from my ear. But she didn’t move her body, which
Made me uneasy.

She didn’t seem to realize how attractive she was, how
Seductive her touch was to someone like me.

Every day was a test of my self-control.

Even now, I couldn’t take my eyes off her
Smooth skin, visible through the gaps in her pajamas.

As I trembled, suppressing the urge to touch her, Lucia, her large pink eyes filled with concern, asked,

“Tanya, what’s wrong?”
“…Fix your clothes.”
“Oh.”

Normally, that would have been the end of it. She’d adjust her clothes, embarrassed, then
Giggle.

But tonight was different.

Lucia became bolder.

“It is alright…”
“Huh?”
“You’re not going to… do anything anyway.”

She was referring to last night. When I’d
Tried to initiate something, only to freeze, unsure of what to do, and eventually fall asleep in her arms.

Lucia giggled, a
Provocative sound.

I said calmly,

“Tonight will be different.”
“Why?”
“I learned how.”
“Huh? Learned how to do what?”
“You know.”
“Huh?”

I smiled confidently, completely
Oblivious to her strange reaction.

“Why… how…?”
“Huh?”
“Who taught you…? Was it… Karen?”

Why was she bringing Karen up? I would never
Ask Karen for something like this.

“No.”
“There’s… someone else besides Karen…?”

Lucia looked like she was about to cry. Not just tears, but
Tears of betrayal.

Why was she reacting like this?

As I stared at her, dumbfounded,
She suddenly said,

“Tanya, you’re going to be in trouble…”

Had I done something wrong…?