Chapter 35 : It’s okay because it’s not dirty

My life at the academy was changing.

The most noticeable change was that
I was no longer alone.

I’d become part of a group.

This change, something so normal for others, wasn’t entirely welcome. Especially since
Every member of this group was someone I’d rather avoid.

“Tanya, what are you thinking about?”

Lucia, who’d started sitting next to me, asked.

Her sweet, floral scent filled my nostrils, and I couldn’t help but
Stare at her beautiful face.

She smiled, shifting closer, her hip pressing against mine, until
There was no space left between us.

Lucia, being extroverted, seemed to enjoy physical proximity. A little too much, in my opinion.

I wanted to complain.

We were already close enough. We spent last night pressed together, skin against skin, through the thin fabric of our pajamas. My breasts, my stomach, my thighs still ache from your embrace. Why are you clinging to me like this?

I was worried about her.

If it were anyone other than me, a normal man perhaps, her behavior would have been misinterpreted.

I needed to tell her,
How seductive she was, that she shouldn’t be acting like this with someone like me.

“What are you thinking about…?”

Lucia’s question pulled me out of my thoughts.

She was pouting.

Annoyed by my silence.

But I wasn’t obligated to appease her.

“About you, Lucia.”
“Huh?”
“You were… on my mind.”

Lucia blushed.

What about my words had flustered her? I’d spoken quite casually.

“Oh…”

She seemed speechless, and
Our conversation ended there.

Priscilla, who’d been watching us with amusement,
Pulled her chair closer, just like Lucia had done earlier.

“Why are you so cold?”
“I don’t know.”
“Want to hold my hand?”
“No.”
“Tch, you’re always so mean to me. But you let her do whatever she wants.”

Priscilla whined, like a child complaining about being treated unfairly. She knew
I was weak against Lucia.

I could have easily brushed her off, but I didn’t.

I’d been too lonely for too long to be cold to someone who was showing me kindness.

And so, I didn’t stop Priscilla from
Taking my hand. I shouldn’t have let her.

Lucia grumbled, clearly
Annoyed, but unable to express it.

Did Priscilla notice?
Her mischievous grin widened.

I was trapped between them, like a doll being fought over. Both
Pulling on my arms.

Lucia and Priscilla, both popular and well-liked,
Naturally drew the attention of the entire classroom.

The girls from Lucia’s usual group, who seemed to resent me for “stealing” her, glared at me.

While I didn’t care about Victoria, Jasmine, and the others,
Karen’s cold stare made me uneasy.

And as expected,
She called me out after the next class.

“Where are we going?”
“Just follow me.”

Karen headed for the stairs leading to the roof.

I wondered if the roof access would be locked, but my question was answered when we arrived. She
Just needed a private place.

It wasn’t for a secret rendezvous, so
Her intention was clear.

Just outside the locked roof access door, in
A dimly lit, secluded corner,
I let her do as she pleased.

As if she’d been waiting for this, her long fingers wrapped around my throat, squeezing.

“Gah…”

I was confused by her actions. This wasn’t
What we’d agreed on.

When she’d caught me self-harming, she’d said she couldn’t stand seeing me hurt myself and offered to do it for me, to inflict the pain I craved, telling me to call her whenever I felt like it.

So why was she the one initiating this? As if
Satisfying her own… desires. Not that she’d have those kinds of feelings for me. Why was she acting like she was the one who couldn’t control herself?

I’d told her to hurt me, but
Only when I wanted her to.

And Karen’s strange behavior didn’t stop there.

After tormenting me for a while, she released her grip on my throat and,
After a moment of hesitation, asked,

“Aren’t you going to do it?”
“Cough, hack, wheeze…”
“Titania, aren’t you going to do it?”
“Do what…?”

Instead of answering, she leaned closer,
Tilting her head, her lips almost brushing against mine.

I suddenly remembered the night I’d been drunk and showered her with kisses.

Was she… expecting me to do that?

She hadn’t liked it back then.

As I hesitated, lost in thought, her lips brushed against my cheek.

It wasn’t me. Karen
Had leaned in.

…Why?

I was dumbfounded.

“Titania, you’re wearing the hair clip. I’m glad. It looks good on you.”

That was a non sequitur. Why was she talking about the hair clip she’d bought me?

“Good girl.”
“I’m not a good girl.”
“It suits you.”
“It doesn’t.”
“Then why are you wearing it?”
“Because you’ll be annoying me if I don’t…”
“You know me well.”

Karen stroked my hair.

Was it just me, or had our relationship become strange?

She was supposed to hate me.

Her actions, though bizarre,
Weren’t those of someone who hated me.

It was almost…

“…”

But what was even stranger were my own feelings.

Despite being treated like this, or perhaps because of it, my
Heart fluttered whenever I saw Karen.

But I’d never tell her.
I was afraid she’d leave me again.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it, not a second time. But if I didn’t let myself care, I wouldn’t be hurt.

I pushed Karen’s hand away,
Glared at her, and left.

…

That night,

Lucia, after pulling me into bed as usual, asked a rather strange question.

“Tanya, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“What’s your relationship with Karen?”
“Huh?”
“You two always go somewhere together and come back… flushed.”
“…”

As I hesitated, unsure of how to answer,
Lucia shifted, her thigh pressing against mine.

Her body heat made me uncomfortable, but it was too late to protest. I’d missed my chance.

And then she said,

“You’re not… doing anything… indecent, are you?”

It was a playful question, but also strange.

Indecent?
Being choked and tormented? Being slapped and bruised, gasping for air, tears streaming down my face? That wasn’t indecent, it was violent.

I shook my head.

And then Lucia, her hand suddenly reaching out, caressed my cheek.

“Don’t lie.”
“Hee hee…”

She was pretending to laugh.

Her face was expressionless, like a doll, devoid of
Her usual kindness or playfulness. She simply
Stared at me and said,

“I saw you.”

The air froze.
A chilling silence descended between us.

But then, just as quickly, it vanished, as if it had all been a figment of my imagination.

When I blinked,
The Lucia I knew was back.

Kind, innocent, and beautiful.

“Tanya, let’s do it too.”
“Do what?”
“Something… not dirty.”
“Huh?”
“Something… naughty.”
“…”

She was whining like a child.

Do something not dirty?
I stared at her, confused.

And then, it happened. Lucia suddenly leaned in and
Kissed me.

“Ah?”
“Hee hee.”
“Wait, Lucia, what…?”
“It’s okay, it’s not a dirty thing to do.”

What kind of logic was that?
I froze, stunned.

“Tanya, you’re so cute, being so flustered over a kiss…”
“It’s not ‘just a kiss’…!”
“You do it with Karen all the time, don’t you?”
“…”
“It’s not ‘just a kiss,’ so why do you do it with her? Why can’t I?”
“Lucia…!”
“Is it because you like Karen? Because you don’t like me as much as her?”
“That’s not it.”
“Then what?”

She was being completely unreasonable.

How was I supposed to explain this? What exactly
Had Lucia seen between Karen and me?

I was utterly bewildered.