Chapter 55: I Think It’s Not Bad

Light seemed capable of burning everything.

It felt like it could turn me to ash, without a trace.

I pushed Seo-jun off me and moved closer.

Covered in sticky blood,

I pulled the sword from my thigh and tossed it carelessly onto the table.

Tangled together on the small sofa, close enough to feel each other’s breath, I spoke softly.

“I used to really like sitting with you like this.”

“Yes. You did. That’s why I always stayed by your side. Because then you would smile.”

“I always thought about it. That village. No. The time I spent with you in that village.”

Seo-jun didn’t answer.

Because she wouldn’t have. There was no reason for her to.

“In the village, I was always being pushed around.By the neighbor, the bullies, the drug addicts next door, and everyone else.Even you, in a way.”

“Pushed around? You were…”

“Let me finish.”

I turned slightly and pressed closer against Seo-jun’s shoulder.

From a distance, it might look like I was on top of her.

“Anyway, I think that’s why I didn’t want to be controlled by anyone else.”

Seo-jun listened silently to my story.

“I wanted to follow you after you left me all alone, but honestly, that was a bit much unless I became a prostitute.

And I didn’t want to be one. Thinking back then, I should have sold my body.”

She didn’t need to hear this, and there was no reason for her to.

Seeing her come find me like this, I guess she was planning to end this useless reunion.

“Then, I wouldn’t have become someone everyone curses and hates, someone no one would mourn if I died.

If I had regular customers, they would have said, ‘That girl, she had a good one,’ and missed me, right?”

“If you had just asked for help…!”

“Could you ask someone you fought with because they were annoying you for help?

If I had been in trouble, if I had said I was about to be dragged away by the village thugs or assaulted by the drug addicts next door, you would have helped me.”

I took a breath and continued whispering.

“I didn’t want to say that to a friend who told me to go back to the village and stay there.”

“…”

“Rather than being under you, like the other kids, someone less than you, I wanted to sit here like this, as an equal.I wanted to hold hands, look into your eyes, sometimes smile at each other, and be together.”

“I never thought of you as being beneath me or anything like that.”

“Of course not. Hye-yeon probably feels the same way.But I am beneath you. I’m swayed by you, you’re everything. That’s why I went back without a fight.”

“That’s all just…”

She looked like she wanted to say it was just my imagination, but she seems to be well aware of how great she is.

So great that no one standing next to her can stand as an equal.

“It’s just my thought, but I don’t see anything about me that’s better than you.”

Seo-jun tried to speak but seemed to be at a loss for words, just staring at me.

But her eyes wavered intensely.

“Anyway, I was too lacking to stand on the same level as you.I’m not even as good as Hye-yeon. I can’t teach you anything like Lee So-hyun.Was it Seo-ha? I’m not smart and kind like her.”

Being the kind, naive childhood friend was my role.

Even if I had stayed, I don’t think I would have volunteered for it.

“So I thought hard about what I could do.Saving the world, a hero. That’s you. You’re the protagonist.It’s absurd that someone like that would come from the slums, but you exist.”

If such a miracle happened right next to me, couldn’t I get a sprinkle of luck too?

“A hero is made by a villain, an enemy everyone hates.So, I just chose a role. All the other positions were already filled.I don’t think you’d care about a childhood friend anyway.”

“Especially one you already abandoned once, who’s even more annoying, hysterical, mentally ill, hallucinating, hearing things, and having nightmares about being experimented on every day.It’s more efficient to just dump her somewhere again and have a much cuter girl by your side.”

“So, I decided.I don’t know why, but I really like you.Even if I want to hate you, you were the one who allowed me to live in that worthless village.It’s something I can’t deny, even if I want to.”

“In the lab, thanks to thinking of you, I was able to endure being down there.

I wondered why you weren’t rescuing me, if you were even looking for me, but honestly, who would know I was in the lab?

Anyway, thanks to you, I was able to endure it there.”

“What’s the point of talking about Si-hyun “unni.” No. The person who told me to live.There’s no point in talking about someone who’s already dead.”

“Anyway, that’s why I decided to do this.Like you said. Because I can, because I’m confident I can do it.If there’s something I can do in front of me, even if I don’t like it, there’s no reason not to do it.”

“At first, it felt a little strange, but it’s better than just dying, at least I can do this to you…”

“…Stop talking, please. Why are you only coherent, why are you only like this at a time like this…?”

“Then just shut me up.Eat when you’re hungry, sleep when you’re tired, kill villains when you see them…”Where did that glare go? I only see Seo-jun, looking completely haggard.

“You can just shut up the me who loved you so much, and who you loved so much.Or just cut it off like you did earlier, that’s not bad either.”

Since you didn’t stop me when I came closer, I brought my face close to yours.

Just like before.

I stared for a long time.

A familiar face. One I could recognize anywhere.

The girl I spent almost my whole life with, only recently separated from.

Actually, my only friend, who left me behind.

I hugged her and whispered in her ear.

“We don’t need to have these useless conversations.Just, someone like you should be thrown into hell… Mmmph.”

It wasn’t a romantic kiss, more like grabbing her lips and suffocating her.

Back then, we didn’t even know how to kiss properly, we just pressed our lips together.

Even after our lips parted, we were stuck together for so long that we were panting.

I bit her upper lip a little hard, leaving a teeth mark.

After wiping her mouth, she looked at me.

It would only be tiring to continue this conversation, so why are we still spitting out meaningless words?

“Even so, you didn’t create a bloodbath and turn people into grotesque flesh puppets because you wanted this, did you?”

With slightly reddened eyes, she continued speaking like the crying child from before.

Even though we’ve both grown up.

“I’ve always wished for this.We even tried copying what our parents did when we were little, just pressing our lips together.”

Her gaze was entirely on me.

“Your eyes were always looking somewhere else.Every time we met.”

Not at someone’s death, sadness, or suffering, but always at me.

“But now.You’re looking only at me.”

“Just to get my attention…”

“Like I said, it’s not ‘just’ to me.”

“There were other ways!”

“I couldn’t think of any.”

“Stuck in that basement, and this is all you could think of?”

“Nothing else. Not even after I got out.You didn’t even know where I was when my arms and legs were put in a bucket and fed to other children.”

“Of course not, I didn’t care. I was too busy stupidly grinning and saying I was stronger than I thought!”

“That’s right. No one had a solution.Problems like that should just be eliminated.”Because I’m the problem now.

“Stop it. Just, it’s better to get angry at each other like before, I’d rather fight than have to hear this…”

“You know what happened to Hye-yeon.You saw with your own eyes what I did at the hospital.”

“If Hye-yeon just comes back okay…!”

“There’s no way she’ll be okay. After what happened.And if I get the chance, I’ll kill her. You included.”

There’s no way I’d let you live after killing Si-hyun “unni” so meaninglessly.

Because a life always has to be paid for with a life.

“Did you have to go this far?”

“It’s not about having to. I’ve already done it.You killed Si-hyun “unni”, and I messed with the two people by your side.And I said I wasn’t going to give up.”

Let’s put that aside.

It’s meaningless.

We were always trapped in that basement.

And after escaping, we looked at the endlessly rising skyscrapers and wondered how we should live.

The conclusion was that this wasn’t a place to live.

So, we had to think about how to die.

“Hey, have you ever told anyone other than me, from when we were kids, that you like or love them?”

Seo-jun shook her head.

“Do you remember the hill overlooking the village?”

So I put my hand on the table.

“You told me you liked me there.When we grew up, like our parents did, well, it’s childish nonsense now.”

I picked up the empty coffee cup and sniffed it.

Only the smell of blood rose.

“Yeah, you kept… only…”

Well, it’s not bad.

“You have to remember me. Okay?”

It’s definitely not bad.

Having someone cry for me is really heartwarming.

But it’s not good.