Chapter 13: Conflicting Emotions

In this conveniently constructed game world, same-s*x relationships weren’t unusual. With a female protagonist and female heroines, such a world was inevitable.

Even so, Sayo didn’t know Ahrin’s preferences. Even if Ahrin was interested in women, Sayo didn’t know if she liked her—Sayoreinne. Moreover, touching her without consent was sexual harassment, plain and simple.

It was no different from those news stories about men saying, “I touched her because she felt like a daughter.” In Sayo’s case, it would be, “I touched her because she felt like a little sister, or a pet,” as she’d told Ahrin before. Would that make any difference? No, it just made her a creep.

She wished she could turn back time. Even in her male body, she’d had little sexual desire… why was she acting like this now, in a female body, towards another woman?

She wanted to die.

Ahrin, I’m so sorry.

“…”

“I’m truly sorry.”

Sayo covered her face with her hands, her head bowed. She couldn’t face Ahrin after what she’d done.

“Miss.”

She heard Ahrin’s voice and apologized again, ashamed.

“Ahrin, I know an apology isn’t enough… but I’m truly sorry. If there’s anything you want…”

“I’m fine, so please lift your head.”

“Okay…”

Sayo lowered her hands and looked up. Ahrin was smiling at her, her eyes slightly red.

“I’m really okay. Um—yesterday and today, you were different. You must have something on your mind… or something happened, right? You touched me today… because of that, right?”

No. It’s because a different ‘person’ took over. And ‘it just happened’? That’s what every criminal says in court.

“I’m sorry. And thank you, Ahrin. Perhaps I’m just tired from being back at the academy…”

She couldn’t tell Ahrin the truth, so she simply agreed with her kind and understanding words.

“I told you it’s okay. It’s also my fault for being such a clumsy maid and not attending to you properly.”

Being sexually harassed and then comforting her and blaming herself… Ahrin was truly an angel. How could Sayoreinne bully someone like this? She was absolute trash. Well, that’s why she was the villain and destined for a tragic end. Serves her right.

Overwhelmed by shame and self-loathing, Sayo retreated into her thoughts, seeking escape.

“And… um… it… wasn’t… unpleasant…”

“What? Could you say that again?” Ahrin’s voice was too soft, and Sayo, lost in her thoughts, hadn’t heard her. Sigh.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just, don’t blame yourself too much. I keep telling you, I’m really okay!”

Ahrin blushed and stepped back. She was so kind.

Not wanting to dress up or risk making more mistakes by interacting with others, Sayo stayed in her room except for meals.

Well, she had spent her entire first weekend indoors.

It suited both her and ‘Sayoreinne’s’ introverted nature, but still.

Next weekend, she would take Ahrin out to a nice restaurant.

Being cooped up in a room all day must be stifling for the active Ahrin.

Night fell, and after Ahrin returned to her own room, Sayo lay down in bed.

As she closed her eyes, waiting for sleep to come…

‘This is something out of a manga, novel, or game, isn’t it? Wow! Possessing a character.’

‘Possessing a villainess is common these days, so possessing Sayoreinne isn’t that strange… but why me, a man?’

It might seem late to be thinking about this, but when she first possessed Sayoreinne, the headache had made it impossible to think clearly. After she recovered and started to integrate with Sayoreinne, she had only felt the disconnect between her body and mind, not this sense of displacement.

‘Back then, I already belonged to ‘this world.’’

It was the same today. A female body, female clothes, feminine behavior.

Initially, she’d felt a slight mental resistance, but she quickly adapted. Being ‘female’ felt too natural.

The way she walked, ate, talked, bathed—everything was unfamiliar, not ‘her’ way, yet natural and instinctive. This strange familiarity had prevented her from questioning her situation.

Juseong and Sayoreinne, they were both ‘her.’ That was all.

Lying in bed, she thought about her former world.

She missed her computer, smartphone, upcoming game releases, YouTube, web novels, and manga. But nothing else really.

…Wait, those were all forms of entertainment.

If she were offered a way back, would she return? She still didn’t know.

Sleepiness crept in.

What would ‘she’ be like tomorrow? Which side would be in control?

Today’s ‘her’? Yesterday’s ‘her’? The usual ‘her’?

It didn’t matter. They were all ‘her.’

…Well, yesterday’s ‘her’ was a bit much… but still ‘her.’

Right?

……
………
…………

…can’t… under…stand… actions… true… nature… right… thing… to… do…

Tap, tap

A soft, hesitant knock.

“I’m coming in, Miss,” Ahrin whispered, careful not to wake Sayo.

She carefully opened the unlocked door, trying to minimize the noise. Sayo wouldn’t wake up from such a slight sound, but Ahrin didn’t want to disturb her sleep.

Inside, she saw her mistress asleep in bed.

She tiptoed towards Sayo.

As usual, Sayo was a restless sleeper. The blanket was half-off, her sleepwear disheveled.

Ahrin gently adjusted her clothes and pulled the blanket back up.

She glanced at the clock on the vanity. Ten minutes left.

Sayo’s sleeping face was beautiful, calming to look at. Ahrin regretted not seeing it for the past two days.

Her trembling hand reached towards Sayo’s face.

She wanted to caress that sleeping face, feel its softness and warmth, but—

Withdraw

She pulled her hand back. She’d tried several times, drawn by the urge, but always stopped herself. She couldn’t touch her sleeping mistress like that.

It would be wrong.

‘…But Miss touched my body yesterday.’

Ahrin pouted, tempted to poke Sayo’s cheek, but—

She decided against it.

She simply watched Sayo’s sleeping face during the short time she had before waking her up.

Ahrin secretly enjoyed the gentle touch when Sayo stroked her hair or face, despite pretending to protest and blushing.

She looked forward to those moments. There were times when Sayo forgot, and Ahrin almost asked to be petted.

Perhaps she had been happy when she’d ‘misunderstood’ Miss before.

When Sayo said she thought of her as a younger sister, or a pet, Ahrin had felt relieved, yet also a little disappointed. After all, there was a difference in their social standing.

Saturday’s Miss had been strict, like a different person… scary.

The thought that Sayo might dislike her now was terrifying… and sad.

Truly sad. She couldn’t hold back her tears.

That night, she washed away her sadness with hot water.

Her pillowcase was damp.

Sunday’s Miss had been… Ahrin felt bad saying this, but… ditzy. Like another person again.

But kind and warm… warm.

The hot water evaporated, replaced by a warm feeling.

It was good.

It was good that Miss didn’t hate her.

What kind of feeling was this, Miss?

“Miss. It’s time to wake up.”

Ahrin whispered near Sayo’s ear, gently shaking her shoulder. Sayo had said she could be louder and shake her harder, but Ahrin couldn’t bring herself to do that.

This was enough to wake her up within five minutes anyway.

“Mmm…”

Sayo frowned slightly before slowly opening her eyes.

Ahrin tensed, remembering Sayo’s cold gaze from before.

She didn’t want to feel that sadness again.

Her mistress sat up and spoke.

“Thank you, Ahrin. Did you sleep well?”

Sayo greeted Ahrin with a smile.

The morning greeting, accompanied by a smile, seemed dazzling to Ahrin.

“Yes. Good morning, Miss.”

It wasn’t her usual faint, almost imperceptible smile, but a genuine, beautiful smile.

A smile like the sun.

Ahrin smiled brightly back, towards the mistress she adored.