Chapter 26: Acceptance

Heavy.

That’s how the silence felt. Sayoreinne, head bowed in apology, felt the weight of Nell’s gaze upon her, the heavy, suffocating stillness between them.

“…….”

It felt like a long time had passed, but Nell remained silent. Perhaps it was just Sayoreinne’s perception; maybe only a few seconds had ticked by. Lost in the silence, her thoughts raced. ‘Can I lift my head now? Or should I wait for Nell to tell me to?’ Her neck ached from holding the uncomfortable position for so long.

Sayoreinne desperately wished for a reaction, anything, even an insult, to break the suffocating tension. Just as she thought she couldn’t bear the silence any longer, Nell finally spoke.

“Lift… your head.”

Her voice was cold, her words sharp. This side of Nell, unknown to both ‘Juseong’ and the original ‘Sayoreinne’, was unsettling. ‘That coldness… it means she hasn’t forgiven me at all, right?’

‘Of course, she wouldn’t just forgive me after a few words and a bowed head.’

‘What should I do?’ Up until high school, Juseong had friends. He had never bullied anyone, nor had he been bullied. He had lived a relatively normal life. Now, he found himself in the position of a perpetrator, apologizing for something he hadn’t consciously done. He felt lost.

A flicker of resentment sparked within him, but he quickly extinguished it. Ultimately, he was the one who had instigated the bullying. He had to accept responsibility and do his best to make amends. That was why he had bowed to Nell, repeatedly, hoping that even if it wasn’t enough, it would at least soften her anger a little.

As Sayoreinne raised her head at Nell’s request, their eyes met.

Nell’s expression was unreadable, a mixture of conflicting emotions. Sayoreinne, meanwhile, maintained her usual composure, her demeanor as graceful and dignified as ever. Thanks to that, or perhaps because of it, she didn’t fumble or avoid Nell’s gaze.

‘…Come to think of it, I’m being awfully confident for someone asking for forgiveness. Wouldn’t it be more normal to be nervous and hesitant?’

Sayoreinne’s usual strengths – her expertly crafted poker face, her natural aristocratic grace – were now working against her. She wasn’t sure what her expression conveyed, but she suspected it didn’t quite scream “remorseful and seeking forgiveness.”

Putting herself in Nell’s shoes, she wondered how she would feel if someone apologized to her with such an air of confidence.

‘If it were me, I don’t think I’d feel like they were truly sorry.’

As Sayoreinne pondered, Nell observed her intently. Even while apologizing, Sayoreinne retained her air of confidence and dignity, almost to an excessive degree. Yet, Nell found it strangely fitting. A display of humility or subservience would have felt more contrived, more suspicious.

This unwavering confidence, in a way, affirmed that this changed Sayoreinne was still, fundamentally, the same person – at least, that’s what Nell thought.

“Why… are you apologizing?”

“Because I was wrong.”

“What… did you do wrong?”

“I… I told, no, I ordered my friends to bully you.”

“Why… admit it so readily? There’s no proof, and they won’t say you told them to… You could just deny it.”

“What would be the point? Everyone knows the truth. Trying to hide it would just be… pathetic.”

Sayoreinne suspected that even the original Sayoreinne wouldn’t have denied it if confronted so directly. She had always been proud, unwilling to appear weak or pathetic, especially by her own standards.

“Then, why… suddenly apologize now?”

“You want to know why I suddenly decided to apologize?”

“…….”

Nell’s silence was an affirmation. ‘So, what should I say?’ ‘I’m not actually Sayoreinne, but another soul from another world inhabiting her body. I’m essentially a different person, and I don’t enjoy bullying others. So, I want to apologize and be friends with you.’ Obviously, she couldn’t say that.

Choosing her words carefully, Sayoreinne replied, “I can’t go into details, but my perspective changed during the break, and I wanted to become a better person.”

“….”

“So I made an effort, and I believe I’ve been changing gradually since the start of the second semester. Hopefully for the better, though I don’t know what you think.”

“…….”
“I don’t know if you’ll believe me, but that’s all there is to it. This apology is part of that change. There’s no hidden agenda or grand scheme.”

“Yes. I… believe you.”

“…You do?”

To Sayoreinne’s surprise, Nell believed her. Her eyes were serious, unwavering. She seemed genuinely willing to accept the explanation. ‘But based on what?’

And was it just Sayoreinne’s imagination, or had Nell’s demeanor softened slightly after saying that? Had she done something to warrant that?

“Even I find it a bit hard to believe that you’d be satisfied with such a simple explanation.”

“Even if there were another reason… I wouldn’t know it. And… from what I’ve seen, I do feel that you’ve changed. I don’t think you would lie about something like this.”

“…I see.”

As they talked about change, Sayoreinne realized that Nell had changed as well. She was making direct eye contact, and although she still hesitated slightly, she was expressing herself clearly and firmly. Compared to before, this was a remarkable improvement, a significant transformation… almost disconcerting.

Until recently, Nell had been much the same as the Nell Sayoreinne knew from the game. This sudden shift was unsettling.

Yet, this willingness to trust someone who had bullied her felt consistent with the Nell she knew.

‘I imagine other people feel the same way about me as I feel about Nell right now.’

Seeing this sudden change in someone was certainly disorienting.

Anyway…

“So… do you accept my apology?”

Sayoreinne realized she hadn’t actually answered Nell’s question.

Sayoreinne’s expression remained confident and composed, but was that a hint of anxiety she detected in her tone?

Well, there was no need to dwell on it. Nell had already made up her mind.

“Those two who are always with you… Miner and Soine, was it? Their bullying… those forced, emotionless words they uttered while nervously glancing at me and the people around us… they didn’t really bother me that much. They didn’t physically harm me or do anything particularly malicious.”

“I grew up in a poor family, taking care of my siblings, helping my parents with their work. I’ve lived a difficult and tiring life since I was young. A few awkward words from those two, spoken under duress while they looked to you for approval, weren’t enough to truly hurt me.”

“…Well, that’s not entirely true. Even forced, clumsy words can sometimes strike a nerve. There were times when their words did hurt, but honestly, it was more because I was already mentally vulnerable due to my worsening family situation. I was just an easy target.”

“If that half-hearted bullying had continued into the second semester, I honestly think I might have broken down. I’m glad you changed and stopped it when you did.”

“I’ve always been a gloomy, timid girl with no redeeming qualities. Even without the bullying, I probably would have remained friendless and withdrawn.”

“I blamed Sayoreinne and those two, using the bullying as an excuse, but deep down, I knew… The problem was me.”

“I had hoped for a better life at the academy, a respite from my difficult circumstances… but of course, things didn’t turn out that way.”

“Even two weeks into the semester, I was still alone, without a single friend. There were many reasons for that, including my timidity and gloomy nature, as well as my insecurity and inferiority complex… I’m just an unpleasant and difficult person to get along with. And I’m not valuable enough to justify that difficulty.”

“And then the bullying started.”

“That’s how I ended up here.”

“The truth is, I admired Sayoreinne. Her appearance… she was beautiful, my ideal. Her graceful demeanor, her confidence… She seemed to possess everything I lacked. I truly wanted to be like her. I liked her.”

“Of course, I was disillusioned when I saw her true nature less than a week later.”

“…Actually, I wasn’t just disillusioned. I was shocked. It affected me more deeply than the three months of bullying.”

“And then she changed, and she seemed to be becoming the person I admired, the person I liked and wanted to be.”

“I looked away.”

“When the semester ended and the break began, she kept seeking me out.”

“I avoided her.”

“Because… I was tired of hoping and being disappointed. I didn’t want my admiration to be shattered again, to be hurt again. So I avoided her, I turned away.”

“But then she bowed her head and apologized to me.”

“I tried to suppress my feelings, to deny them.”

“I tried to deny them, but… I couldn’t help but hope.”

“She apologized again, and this time, she seemed sincere.”

“I knew, deep down, that the real Sayoreinne would never lower her head to a commoner like me, let alone someone of my low standing. She would never do something like that just for a prank.”

“Even so, I was afraid.”

“But I wanted to move forward.”

“I wanted to change myself, just like her.”

“And so…”