Chapter 59 : Disagreement (2)

Lee Hyelin was a timid person.
At least, she was until the start of the semester.

But people change, as they always do.
The shy girl, who didn’t have an ounce of self-confidence, used the scenery of the people around her as nutrients to create her own wings.

They weren’t beautiful or big enough to show off to others, but she clearly cherished them.

“Anyone who wants to try out for the Smiling Girl role, come forward!”

Kang Haerin shouted to decide on the lead for the play.
Hyelin immediately stood up from her chair and walked forward.

Lee Haram, still sitting in her chair, looked at Hyelin with her usual calm eyes.
Hyelin returned her gaze with a carefully constructed smile.

If it had been the old Lee Hyelin, the one who was made of pure insecurity, she wouldn’t have even tried for the lead role that would draw so much attention.
But Hyelin had been influenced by someone, she’d changed, and she was now able to tell what was hers in this complicated world.

She couldn’t change on her own.
That’s why she relied on others.

She closed her eyes and pictured the lights that shone on her.
There were so many people around her who had a positive influence on her.

Han Dojun was cool.
He usually just wore a blank expression, but when the play started, the whole atmosphere around him would change, like he was a hero in a cartoon.

Park Saeron was thoughtful.
He used words more beautiful than the night sky to sing a lullaby to the anxiety that was nagging at her from the corner of her heart.

Lee Haram was amazing.
She always looked after the people around her. She was smart, a good actress, and dependable. Hyelin felt like she could get through anything, as long as she was with Haram.

Kim Junseok was…
Yeah… nice.

The sea of stars she’d seen while talking with Park Saeron on a summer night…
She wanted to be a part of it.
So she let the beams of light from them shine on her, creating a faint, starry version of herself.

She used to be so insecure.
She felt like her friends were living in a different world, and she was afraid.
Unlike herself, who was just starting to spread her wings, her friends already had their own amazing wings.
They were next to her now, but she felt like if she closed her eyes and opened them again, they’d have flown far away.

But at some point, she realized something.
They were just like her. They were flawed too.

Han Dojun was annoying.
That annoying friend always acted like he was the main character, thinking about everything from his own point of view.
And he made Haram cry! He was a hopeless jerk.

Park Saeron was like a kid.
She realized it as they kept talking. He always wanted to do what he wanted.
And if things didn’t go his way, he’d even sulk.
Even though he was so big…
He really acted like an adult who couldn’t act his age.

Lee Haram looked lonely.
She had a kind of sadness that she didn’t see in other people her age.
On that night of the trip, when she’d seen Haram’s darker side, the hand she held had been surprisingly cold and fragile.

Junseok was…
Really nice…

She’d been selfish.
She’d only seen the parts of people she wanted to see, not the whole person.
Her expectations, based on just a part of them, had become a burden on the other person, putting pressure on them.

Now, she wanted to create relationships that could be described as “us,” instead of just “you” and “me.”

Dojun had said that ‘Monster’ was written for Haram, but that was just an excuse.

The Smiling Girl and the Monster.
She didn’t really know what those roles meant.
She wasn’t as smart as her other friends, so she couldn’t easily figure it out.

So, she decided to do what she could.
The talent that the instructor had told her she had.

Observation.
She had a better eye for observation than other people, and she used it to copy Lee Haram.
She consciously looked at the things she didn’t want to see, and she started to notice more than she expected.

Haram had a habit of cherishing the things that were important to her.
She even did it with little things, like when she ate lunch. If there was a side dish she really liked, she wouldn’t touch it until the very end.

Haram always gave in to others.
She always volunteered for the things that no one else wanted to do, and if she disagreed with a friend, she’d just smile and dismiss her own opinion.

And finally,

She discovered a flaw in her friend, who always seemed so bright.

Haram always wore a faint smile.
Hyelin practiced in front of the mirror for hours to copy that bright expression.

Finally, she was able to copy Haram’s expression.
And as the stiffness in her face muscles reached its limit, she realized something naturally.

Haram wasn’t really smiling.

We were all working together to set up the chairs and tables.

“Anyone who wants to try out for the Smiling Girl role, come forward!”

Hearing her words, Baek Junsu tilted his head and asked,

“Are we doing this in front of everyone today?”
“The multipurpose room is unavailable today. And I figured it might be good to see other people act.”

Haerin looked at the people who had come forward, frowned, and then looked around.
Then, looking at me, she said,

“Why aren’t you coming up here?”
“Because I’m not planning on playing the Smiling Girl.”
“Why?”
“Hehe, I’m going for a different role.”

Haram answered with a smile.
The instructor grabbed her head and shook it from side to side.

“If all the good ones drop out… Ugh… Never mind.”

The Smiling Girl was Han Dojun’s way of showing my flaws.
Knowing that, I felt a kind of physical revulsion at the idea of playing her.

Han Geunseok was sitting in the judges’ seats, a makeshift area with a cheap table and folding chairs.
It felt strange to see a movie actor in the school auditorium.

Dojun was pathologically afraid of letting people know who his father was.
I’d only talked to him a few times, by chance, when I was coming and going from his house.

Sure enough, Han Dojun was glowering at Geunseok.
Han Geunseok just ignored the glare he could feel on the back of his head, and stared straight ahead.

The stage was set, and the actors came out one by one.
First up was Lee Jinah, a second-year senior.
She greeted everyone with a confident voice.

“Hello, I’m Lee Jinah. I’ve prepared the first meeting scene with the Monster from Act 1, Scene 1.”

A smart choice.
The play as a whole had both the brightness and the unpleasantness of the Smiling Girl.
That first scene with the Monster was a good way to show that.
Han Geunseok smiled playfully and said,

“Haerin, can I read the other character’s lines?”
“Sure. Do whatever you want, Sir.”
“Okay, you can start whenever you’re ready.”

Lee Jinah took a deep breath and started acting.

She looked around, then widened her eyes like she’d found something, and said,

“Who are you?”
“I’m the Monster. Aren’t you scared of me?”

Geunseok glanced at the script and replied.

“I’m scared.”
“Then why are you smiling?”
“I don’t know. What should I do?”

Jinah slowly started to smile.
She tilted her head at the Monster’s question and asked one back.

She looked exactly like a girl who’d forgotten how to be scared.
It was a good performance, all around.

They exchanged a few more lines, and then her performance was over.
She hadn’t made any mistakes, and the performance was high-quality, so everyone had a good reaction.
Han Geunseok smiled and said,

“Lee Jinah, why does the Smiling Girl always smile?”
“…Maybe she’s got something wrong with her?”

Geunseok’s smile widened at her answer.
He took the paper he was holding and drew a line across it, again and again.

“How many times have you read the script?”
“Huh?”
“I asked how many times you’ve read the script.”
“Maybe twenty times…?”
“That’s strange. I don’t think you’ve even read it ten times.”
“…”

Lee Jinah bit her lip and stayed silent.

“Are you not passionate enough? Or just not thinking? It seems like it’s one of those. Or maybe both.”

Her face turned bright red at Geunseok’s harsh words.
Haerin, looking flustered, called out to Geunseok.

“S-Sir…”
“What?”
“They’re just kids, maybe you could take it easy on them.”
“They’re actors first. I have to take them seriously.”

I could see it then.
Han Dojun’s crazy streak came from Geunseok.

And so, the list of victims grew.
The atmosphere got colder, and people made more mistakes than usual. Every time, Geunseok’s harsh words hit them where it hurt.

Then, it was Hyelin’s turn.
She introduced herself, her voice full of nerves.

“I’m Lee Hyelin, from the first year. I’ll be doing Act 1, Scene 1.”

The same scene that Lee Jinah had done.
Hyelin closed her eyes and slowly breathed in, then started acting.

Unlike Jinah, Lee Hyelin wore a calm expression.
She kept a gray emotion on her face, and slowly looked around.

She spotted something, and

Lee Hyelin smiled faintly.

Then, as if the emotions she’d shown before were a lie, she spoke in a bright voice,

“Who are you?”

Geunseok replied.

“I’m the Monster. Aren’t you scared of me?”

Hyelin kept her smile fixed on her face and opened her mouth.
That exact same smile gave me a strange feeling of unease.

“I’m scared.”
“Then why are you smiling?”
“I don’t know. What should I do?”

You had to use big movements to express emotions in a play.
But Hyelin, unlike the others, didn’t use any big movements.
She kept her actions to a minimum, and just smiled as she talked to the Monster.

That actually created a chilling atmosphere over the whole stage.

Lee Hyelin’s acting ended, and Han Geunseok stroked his chin and opened his mouth.
He asked her the same question he’d asked everyone else.

“Lee Hyelin, why does the Smiling Girl always smile?”
“U-Um… I actually think that the qu-question itself is wrong.”
“Huh?”

Han Geunseok frowned and raised his voice slightly.
Hyelin, flustered by that, replied.

“T-The Smiling Girl never smiles. So, I c-can’t answer the question.”

It was the first time he hadn’t said something harsh.