Chapter 19: Love Cupid Lil Bung Jang

The dorm room was quiet.

The only sound disturbing the silence made of people was the occasional soft rustle of Dana turning a page.

A TS yuri-fantasy-obsessed otaku and a yuri-specialist, black-haired delinquent beauty reading together—what a bizarre combination.

I thought that to myself, but of course, I didn’t say it out loud.

It would be strange to bring up something I’ve been experiencing nearly every day since entering school.

Even after getting beaten up this morning, we’re still hanging out like nothing happened?

Someone might say that.

But really—if getting punched in the stomach could ruin our relationship, we wouldn’t still be friends in the first place.

Didn’t I already decide before?

That this side of the arrangement benefits me.

Maybe a bit too shamelessly.

If it weren’t for Dana, who would provide an outlet for all my misdirected desires?

She lets me use her body a little, and in return, I’m free to harass a pretty girl and make lewd jokes?

What yuri maniac could possibly hate someone like that?

No matter how many times I think about it, Dana is clearly getting the short end of the stick.

That’s why Dana is an angel.

A god-tier bo♡b genius lesbian angel…!

“Uhehehe…”

“Stop laughing so grossly.”

“Aaang. Danaaa.”

“Quit acting cute.”

“Our princess, uhehe, what’s the matter~?”

“Don’t be clingy. And who’s a princess?”

Obviously you. Who else?

I answered simply.

“If you’re pretty, you’re a princess, right?”

“What kind of logic is that.”

“There’s a saying. If you’re pretty, you’re a princess.”

“There is no such saying. And stop, it’s cringe…”

She must be embarrassed.

Dana always pretended to be indifferent, but when I complimented her looks, she would grumble like this.

Whenever I was around Dana, I’d sometimes—or maybe often—gush over how pretty or cute she was.

Not because I was trying to flirt… what do people call it these days? Flirting?

No, it wasn’t that.

I had another reason.

After all, high self-esteem increases the chances of becoming a true lez♡ queen.

A yuri girl who constantly cries “I’m ugly, I’m useless,”

—though I do find that adorable in its own way—

won’t attract many girls.

So one more time.

“Can’t help it if Dana’s pretty, right?”

It’s a magic spell to boost self-esteem.

Prepared just for you.

When saying something like this, your expression and vibe are crucial.

I looked her straight in the eyes, pretending to be completely sincere, like there was no ulterior motive.

Tilting my head about 15 degrees and blinking sweetly—can’t forget that. Yep.

Who could look at me and think I’m a sleazy yuri creep trying to butter her up?

At least Dana couldn’t.

“…That’s enough.”

Her ears turned red. She’s happy because she got a compliment.

I held back the urge to tease her.

How could she be so pure?

Even after more than ten years of this, her reactions were always fresh.

She’s too cute, seriously…

If only I didn’t still have one last thing I needed to do, I might’ve already been grinning like a pervert.

And that was—

To remind her of my goal.

I smiled sweetly and said,

“So let’s drive the polar bears to extinction, yeah?”

“…What?”

“By rubbing up against other girls until, ooh, ohhh, ohehehehehe…”

“…”

Call me the queen of gaslighting.

Dana, after witnessing my nonsense, looked incredibly disgusted, like she’d been forcibly yanked out of a sweet dream.

She’s pissed. Why? Obviously.

A yuri beauty like you not rubbing boobs is a loss for all humanity. Do you even realize the heavy burden on your shoulders?

Apologize to the homeless people who might freeze to death this winter because you didn’t contribute to global warming.

If you don’t want to apologize, then at least help accelerate climate change…!

“You wanna die?”

“Wait, Dana, violence is wrong.”

“What you’re doing is worse.”

“……”

How did she know?

If we’re just comparing the severity of crimes, then harassing a beautiful girl is way worse than getting punched a few times.

As someone who’d always gotten her way through unfair deals, this was a truly shocking development.

She resisted the brainwashing of gaslight master Lilboong?

Dana… what a terrifying girl!

“Ah, no, wait, are—are you really going to hit me?”

“…”

I tried to act cute, but of course, that didn’t work.

I gave up and lowered my tail like a defeated dog.

I even rolled up my shirt to gently offer my belly, awaiting my fate.

But she didn’t hit me.

Was my harassment not intense enough?

“Hey.”

“Huh?”

Dana came and sat down on the edge of my bed.

I thought she was coming to hit me, but apparently not.

She looked like she was thinking about something for a moment, then asked with a serious face,

“Why’d you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Serina. I’m talking about Serina.”

“Whaaat?!”

No way.

Dana just mentioned another girl’s name!

Not just in passing either, but with a serious face and clear voice!

Is this what I think it is?

Is she starting to care about Serina?

Did that sweet girl melt Dana’s heart?

Oh my, since when did she start liking her?

Surely not from the moment they first met—that’d be too cheeky.

If that’s the case, then with one glance, they’d already be kissing—or no, not just kissing.

They’d already be pressing b♡bs together, huh? Hey, everybody, look at these girls gooo…!

“You spat it out, the thing she gave you. Why?”

“What? Oh. The snack?”

“Yeah.”

…

Wait, seriously?

She’s mad because I spit out the snack Serina gave me?

Because she didn’t get one herself?

Because I had the nerve to say it was gross?

Jealous much?

The great Dana, driven by jealousy?

Nosebleed incoming.

Is this… possibly a yuri porn plot?

I just blinked dumbly,

But my yuri-optimized frontal lobe kicked into overdrive and said what best fit the situation:

“…I mean, it was just a snack? Even though it was kind of a heartfelt cookie? Still, like, it tasted like total crap? Made me want to throw up?”

Operation “trash talk the girl you like to help someone realize their feelings”…!

I’ll be your Cupid of love.

If you two end up together someday, just remember my tearful sacrifice.

If it means beautiful girls can rub b♡bs, I’ll gladly be the trash of the earth…!

Yeah. Yeah. I’ll help you as much as I can.

It’s a shame about Serina, but Dana is my one and only bestie, after all.

“Then why’d you eat it again?”

“…Huh?”

“You spat it out, but then you ate it again.”

“Well, I figured it was kind of a waste…”

“You… were thinking of giving it to me?”

She wanted it so bad, she was willing to eat something someone else had already had in their mouth?

How much do you like Serina?!

Crazy psycho les♡?

As I was spinning my internal yuri circuits at full speed,

Dana let out an earth-shaking sigh.

“I know what you’re thinking, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“You don’t have to hide it…”

“Do you know what people are saying about you in class right now?”

Don’t really care, actually.

“They don’t like it. Some girls are seriously bad-mouthing you. It’s not good.”

“Ohh?”

“I’m talking about you. Take this seriously.”

“So?”

“…Stop picking your nose. That’s disgusting.”

“Because you’re bringing up stuff I don’t care about.”

“Why don’t you care? This is about you.”

I tried pretending to dig my nose to blow off the boring conversation, but she didn’t even let me do that. Rude.

Dana looked at me silently, seeing how nonchalant I was.

“You brought it on yourself, didn’t you?”

“Probably?”

Even I’d think a girl who spat out a handmade cookie right in front of the giver and said it was gross was a psycho worthy of cursing.

I mean, it’d depend on how pretty she was, but still—basic decency and all.

“I’ll ask again. Why’d you do it?”

“Huh?”

“You said you wouldn’t anymore. That you’d stop doing stuff like that.”

Why?

“Did… did I say that…?”

“Pretending not to remember isn’t going to work.”

Huh? Wait a second.

While I was zoning out, something weird happened.

Dana frowned as if scolding me, and then suddenly, she started tearing up.

Why is she crying?

Doesn’t suit her at all.

“Why are you trying to be alone again? Like in middle school. I hate it… stuff like that.”

“….”

Oof… This is a problem.

What was she trying to say?

Apparently reminded of the past, Dana was looking at me with confused eyes, trapped in trauma.

Her usual wildcat-like eyes drooped weakly, and tears clung to the corners.

She looked… pitiful, not hot.

Why is she suddenly being so serious?

Feeling awkward, I scratched my cheek and sighed before holding my arms open for her.

“Dana. Want a hug?”

Even though I had brushed her off a few days ago, I was flipping like a pancake.

Call me fickle, but I couldn’t just sit there and watch a crying girl.

Aaaah, but don’t just jump into my arms like that. Have some pride, girl.

Honestly, I was kinda stunned.

How did this happen? Why is she crying?

Maybe I’m too impure to follow the emotional flow here.

Or maybe I’m not fully a girl, so I can’t relate properly.

Maybe it’s my fault, being reborn as a TS girl and all.

Anyway, she’s really warm.

After holding her for a while, Dana began speaking again—still tearful, no longer hiding it.

“…I hate you.”

“O!?”

“I hate that part of you. That attitude that you don’t deserve to be loved. Can’t you love yourself, just a little? If you’re like that, what does that make people who care about you? Why do I have to get hurt watching you hate yourself?”

“…Uh, sorry?”

“….”

Excuse me, what?

Anyone would think I’m severely depressed, you brat.

Honestly, I had no idea what she was saying, so I just patted her back gently.

…

“Feeling better now?”

“…Yeah.”

Dana, who had been sniffling in my arms for ages, finally calmed down around midnight.

Watching her suddenly claw at her head or kick the blanket made it clear she realized how embarrassing it had all been.

Well, it happens. She’s a fresh high school girl full of emotions.

That’s why we have the term “cringe phase,” right?

And now—

Faced with a Dana who looked like she might breathe fire from sheer embarrassment,

I couldn’t help but say it.

I couldn’t say it earlier because of the mood, but—

If I don’t say this now, I might die from the itch in my mouth…!

“Your chest is tragically flat…”

“…What?”

“Is that your chest or your back? You don’t even need a bra.”

“That’s not true! Want to die?”

“It’s fine. Even if you can’t feel anything. You don’t know this, but flat chests are actually the default in yuri.”

“……Hey!”

“But you do have nipples, right?”

“You’re so dead.”

That night, Lilboong got scolded sooo hard by angry Dana-chang all night long……

I rolled on the floor crying in pain, but Dana-chang looked at me with scary eyes and just, hic, did whatever she wanted with my body…

She kept demanding apologies, but like, for what?

You’re the one who was born with a gum-flat chest!