Chapter 11: Confronting the Past

I frantically went to the official website and checked the messages Kwon Da-jung had sent.

[From: kdj0313
Content: Han-young, what happened all of a sudden?
You blocked me and aren’t answering my calls…
Did I do something wrong?]

[From: kdj0313
Content: Are you doing okay?
Please contact me when you see this.
I’m starting to get worried something might have happened.]

[From: kdj0313
Content: Can’t we meet and talk face-to-face?
Even if we break up, I want to clear up any misunderstandings.]

There were dozens of messages like this.

I was appalled by the contents of the messages, which clearly reeked of an ex-boyfriend.

Ban-ye… saw this? Wouldn’t anyone be able to guess what kind of relationship Sisi and I had from these messages…?

“What do you mean, break up, you crazy bastard…”

If he suddenly lost contact with someone he had so much to hide from, he should have just let it go. Why the hell was he trying to contact me now…?

Well, it must have been inconvenient for him when his meal ticket suddenly disappeared.

I reflexively started typing a string of curses in reply, then stopped. I didn’t want to get involved with him any more than necessary, and I realized Ban-ye would see any reply I sent.

“Ah, seriously…”

It was a moment I regretted my past actions.

My hands trembled as I typed. Damage control was the priority.

[Ah-ang] No, I just had some bad experiences with this crazy bastard…

[Hwang Hyun-joong] What kind of experiences?

[Ah-ang] It’s true I transferred servers,

[Ah-ang] and it was because of this bastard.

[Ah-ang] He’d act friendly to my face and then talk sh*t behind my back,

[Ah-ang] and lie every time he opened his mouth.

[Ah-ang] He’s a really rotten bastard ㅡㅡ;;

Even as I said it, I was aware of the irony that I was also badmouthing him, and I wondered how Ban-ye would perceive this contradiction.

But Ban-ye just listened silently.

[Hwang Hyun-joong] He talked behind your back?

[Ah-ang] Yes.

[Ah-ang] Well… we were kind of close.

I desperately hoped the nuance of “close” would be interpreted as being friends.

Fortunately, Ban-ye didn’t ask any further questions. So, I didn’t elaborate on my relationship with Sisi and just focused on pointing out his flaws.

[Ah-ang] This kdj0313 guy is Sisi, and he…

[Ah-ang] he was the guild master of my old guild, and he had this… way of manipulating people?

[Ah-ang] You know how some people seem nice when you first talk to them?

[Ah-ang] But then you find out they’re not…

[Ah-ang] I was fooled too ㅡㅡ

[Ah-ang] He was a total piece of sh*t.

[Ah-ang] No, it was more like he badmouthed people in a confusing way.

[Ah-ang] For example, say there’s a guild member named XX.

[Ah-ang] He’d say he always tried to be nice to XX, but XX seemed to misunderstand him.

[Ah-ang] And he’d say he was upset about it.

[Ah-ang] Then, of course, what would you say? You’d ask why XX was being like that and say you felt bad for him, right? That’s how the conversation would go.

[Ban-ye] Yeah.

[Ah-ang] So then it becomes like, “XX is weird,” and that’s how the backstabbing starts.

[Ah-ang] But then you find out he was the one saying weird things to XX, so of course XX wouldn’t act nicely towards him…

The more I explained, the more frustrated I became, unsure if I was explaining it properly or if Ban-ye truly understood and was just replying with [Yeah].

So, I did a quick check.

[Ah-ang] Do you understand?

[Ban-ye] Sisi was your former guild master and he tried to drive a wedge between guild members, right?

[Ah-ang] Oh, yes! ㅠㅠ That’s exactly what I meant…

Fortunately, the intelligent Ban-ye understood immediately and summarized my lengthy explanation in one sentence.

Hoping Ban-ye would now realize what a terrible person Sisi was, I continued to talk about how despicable he was.

[Ah-ang] And that bastard, he pretends not to, but

[Ah-ang] when people used guild points to buy point potions,

[Ah-ang] he’d subtly give them a hard time, even though he had earned those points himself.

[Ah-ang] Saying they were buying them too often…

[Ah-ang] But then he’d buy them all for himself.

[Ah-ang] Because he was the guild master ㅡㅡ

[Ah-ang] Oh! And he’d always say to me, “Ah-ang, we need to recruit guild members.”

[Ah-ang] “Can I borrow a megaphone?” and then never return it, that f*cker.

[Ah-ang] He was always asking to borrow small cash shop items, so I just ended up charging 50,000 won for him.

[Ah-ang] And he’d still talk sh*t about me behind my back.

[Ah-ang] And talk sh*t about others to me.

[Ah-ang] Total trash.

[Hwang Hyun-joong] Oh.

[Ah-ang] He has a lot to hide, so he’s trying to pick a fight with me!

Then, I said what I really wanted to say.

[Ah-ang] So you can just ignore him.

[Hwang Hyun-joong] I was already ignoring him.

[Ah-ang] …

Well, of course…

I suddenly felt a wave of disillusionment. Looking back at the long chat history of my excuses, my face flushed.

It was true that Sisi was a bad guy, but what I really wanted to excuse myself for to Ban-ye was…

[Hwang Hyun-joong] But were you and Sisi dating?

That was the question… I had wanted to avoid.

I covered my face and buried it in my arms on the desk.

“Ugh…”

What should I say?

I couldn’t deny it, because… Ban-ye seemed almost certain when they asked.

I remained silent, unable to answer, yet unable to not answer. I couldn’t bring myself to admit that I had been in an online relationship with that bastard. It was a truly horrifying part of my past.

Then, Ban-ye suddenly asked me an out-of-the-blue question.

[Hwang Hyun-joong] Are you a netkama?

[TL note: Netkama is internet slang for a guy who pretends to be a girl online.]

[Ah-ang] What?

[Hwang Hyun-joong] It seems like you were dating, but you’re both guys.

I was speechless, then my anger flared, and I furiously typed on the keyboard.

[Ah-ang] No!

[Ah-ang] I’m not a netkama ㅡㅡ What are you talking about? Seriously.

[Ah-ang] I’ve never done anything like that. If anything, I was the one fooled by Sisi.

[Ah-ang] Not that Sisi is a netkama!

[Ah-ang] I was deceived! ㅡㅡ

[Hwang Hyun-joong] Okay.

It seemed this bastard Ban-ye couldn’t even imagine two guys dating and assumed I had pretended to be a girl to date Sisi.

I spammed [ㅡㅡ], and Ban-ye replied with [Okay], and the conversation ended there.

But, come to think of it, I had inadvertently admitted to dating Sisi. I had cleared myself of the netkama accusation, but…

“Is this okay…?”

I just confessed to being gay online… Is Ban-ye going to avoid me now?

Truthfully, while I liked Ban-ye, it was as a close friend, and I had never had romantic feelings for them like I did with Sisi. So, if Ban-ye distanced themself from me because of this, I would be very upset.

So, after some thought, I decided to test the waters with Ban-ye.

[Ah-ang] But Ban-ye…

[Hwang Hyun-joong] Yes.

[Ah-ang] I’m really…

[Ah-ang] done with online dating…

[Hwang Hyun-joong] What are you talking about all of a sudden?

[Ah-ang] No,

[Ah-ang] I mean…

[Ah-ang] You know how I always called you “honey” and joked around, and said I liked you…

[Hwang Hyun-joong] ?

[Ah-ang] But maybe,

[Ah-ang] you’re now wondering if I was serious,

[Ah-ang] and thinking that I like you romantically?

[Ah-ang] I was just joking.

[Ah-ang] ㅜㅜ

[Ah-ang] Let’s not… be awkward, okay?

Ban-ye didn’t reply for a long time, then responded with a hint of disbelief.

[Hwang Hyun-joong] So, it’s not like Sisi?

[Ah-ang] Why are you bringing up that bastard’s name?

[Hwang Hyun-joong] Aren’t you saying Sisi was the only one you were serious about?

[Ah-ang] Ugh, stop talking about Sisi!

Annoyed, I sternly told Ban-ye, [Mentioning Sisi is forbidden]. Only then did Ban-ye stop talking about Sisi and reply.

[Hwang Hyun-joong] I never thought that in the first place.

A sigh of relief escaped me at Ban-ye’s answer.

[Ah-ang] Phew, that’s a relief.

[Hwang Hyun-joong] Stop having weird thoughts about me.

I was happy to hear Ban-ye’s usual tone return and quickly joked around.

[Ah-ang] Hehe, that might be difficult.

[Hwang Hyun-joong] Tsk tsk.

Ban-ye let my joke slide without saying much. As expected… Ban-ye was kind.

That day, I joked around a lot with Ban-ye. They nagged when they nagged and let things slide when they let things slide, treating me exactly the same as before they heard about Sisi.

It was the moment my anxious heart was completely put at ease. And after that, Ban-ye never mentioned Sisi again.

However, my ill-fated connection with Sisi didn’t end there.