Chapter 3: Instant Noodles

Though she said it wasn’t good, Yin Xing ate the entire sausage. Nothing went to waste.

But when she lifted the lid, the noodles were swollen. They didn’t look chewy anymore.

The sun climbed higher. Cicadas buzzed loudly, like they were electrified.

The countryside lacked the city’s hustle. But it wasn’t always quiet.

In summer, nature’s sounds were louder than city traffic.

Yin Xing slowly stirred her noodles with a white plastic fork. She mixed the seasoning that hadn’t touched the water.

Beside her, Sang Shen ate heartily. He slurped noodles loudly. Sweat on his forehead nearly dripped into his soup.

He’d started eating long before. She only now put a bite of noodles in her mouth.

Suddenly, a black braised egg popped out of its packet. It plopped softly into the noodle soup.

“You forgot the braised egg. It tastes better with it.”

Yin Xing stared blankly at the sinking egg. Her face showed no expression. But tears streamed uncontrollably from her eyes.

“Huh? What? Why’re you crying? Don’t you like braised eggs?

That’s odd. I love adding them to instant noodles. They’re a must. The yolk’s the best part…”

Yin Xing sniffled softly. Her light green eyelashes, wet with tears, trembled. Sang Shen’s heart trembled too.

“What… what’s wrong? Did I… do something wrong? Sorry…”

“…You didn’t do anything wrong. Why do I always…”

Yin Xing sniffled harder. She hugged her noodle bucket, head bowed low. Tears fell like broken pearls.

“Why do I always have to apologize… Is everything in the world my fault…?”

“Huh? No, it’s not your fault. I mean, it’s my fault. Uh… should I fish out the egg?”

“We’re the same person, aren’t we… I’ve always… always been so pathetic. I thought… if I was like this… people would… genuinely… like me…”

Sang Shen finally understood.

Yin Xing was hurting over the past.

He took a deep breath, set his noodles aside, and gently patted her back.

“It’s okay. That’s all in the past.”

“…I can’t always think everything’s my fault… You too… We’re the same… the same person…”

Yin Xing pressed her face to her knees. She tried to hold back, but her body shook with sobs.

“You know, since Mom and Dad left, no one’s ever made noodles for me… Except… except at the internet café…
That day I got home late, so hungry. I asked her to make me a bowl of noodles while I showered.

But she said instant noodles aren’t healthy. She just kept playing on her phone in bed…”

“Uh, instant noodles aren’t healthy, that’s true…”

“Then she should’ve made me a healthy dinner! Even just plain boiled noodles!”

Yin Xing’s arms tensed, her voice rising.

“When she came home late, I’d always make something for her to eat, no matter how tired I was. Even if she didn’t like it, even if she didn’t appreciate it, I’d do it!

I thought she was just shy about thanking me. I thought she appreciated it deep down. But in reality!? I was just being stupid, fooling myself, taking on everything like an idiot…!”

Her tears broke free.

Yin Xing couldn’t hold back, sobbing loudly.

“Okay… but it’s fine. I won’t treat you like a tool. I’ll treat you like a real person. I’ll care for you, look out for you. I won’t neglect you. So, it’s okay… You’ve got me, at least.”

Yin Xing gave a tearful, shy smile. She turned away, hiding her embarrassment.

“…I believe you. A man’s word is worth a thousand gold.”

“I don’t know about other men, but I’m definitely like that.”

Sang Shen hesitated. He didn’t say ‘plenty of men don’t keep their word.’ Instead, he chose a gentler way to comfort her.

“That’s why I feel so bad, you know. I’m just trying not to think about it.”

Yin Xing took a deep breath.

She turned back, wiping her tears.

Her eyes were still red from crying.

“Otherwise, I’d go crazy in this body… Sorry… as the more mature me, I shouldn’t be like this… I’m so useless, unable to handle even this.”

“No, you’re not. This isn’t something you control. Why blame yourself? Didn’t you say not to take on everything? Not to blame yourself for everything?”

“…I just think.”

Yin Xing picked up her noodles again. Her voice was soft, tinged with fragility and guilt.

“If my body were still a man’s, I wouldn’t have to fight it and force myself not to think. I could help you so much. Be your older brother… Take on a lot for you…”

“It’s fine.”

Sang Shen flashed a bright smile.

“Until you can make peace with your body, just let yourself be. I’ll handle everything. Life, whatever—you don’t need to worry. Trust me.”

“…Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. Stop apologizing.”

Sang Shen looked serious.

“Or I’ll get mad too.”

Yin Xing stuffed a clump of soggy noodles into her mouth. She swallowed without chewing much.

“Seeing my own body… even just a hand… feels like bugs crawling in my heart. I can only try to endure… It’s… really hard…”

Her eyes grew wet again before she finished.

“It’s disgusting, this body. It cries so easily… I don’t want to cry… Men don’t cry so easily… It’s all its fault, so disgusting…”

“Well… actually, it’s kinda nice. It’s pretty, at least. I can’t help but look at you more. You’re just too beautiful…”

Sang Shen scratched his cheek, flustered.

“Uh, is saying this now… too hurtful? Sorry.”

“…Do you like my body like this?”

“Well… it’s pretty, so I appreciate it. I get what you’ve said, and I understand, but… it’s hard to dislike it.”

“You’re still at an age easily swayed by appearances…”

“Sorry…”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Your soul being in this body isn’t your fault either.”

Yin Xing stayed silent.

“Oh, last night, Lin Qing dropped off some skirts. All white, since she never wore them because they get dirty easily. She said they’d suit you…”

Sang Shen slapped his forehead.

“Wait, why am I saying this now? Wearing girls’ clothes would probably make you feel worse, right?”

Yin Xing stayed quiet.

She neither agreed nor disagreed.

She just took another bite of noodles.

“Good thing I bought some short-sleeve shirts at the supermarket yesterday. Neutral styles. The shorts are men’s boxers too. But I couldn’t find suitable pants. That supermarket didn’t have any…”

“I’ll wear yours.”

“That’s just school pants then…”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, school pants it is. The main thing is making you comfortable. So you don’t keep thinking about being in a girl’s body.”

“…Thanks.”

“No need to thank me, right?”

Sang Shen grinned goofily.

“We’re the same person. No need for apologies or thanks…”

“It’s just… for the first time, I feel starting over might not be bad.”

Yin Xing sucked back the tears in her eyes.

“Because… there’s finally someone in the world who truly understands me.”

“Of course. I’m another you, after all. Even if I’m much younger, our personality, our thoughts—they’re similar, right? Even if I haven’t been through those things, I can… understand your feelings a bit.

If it were me, I’d probably feel awful too. Like in high school, this guy bullied me once. Every time I saw him, I felt terrible. Then one day I fought back, let it all out…”

“And got expelled for it.”

“But I let it out, didn’t I? Otherwise, I’d have gone crazy.”

Sang Shen drained the last of his noodle soup.

“But your pain is worse. You can’t let it out. This body is yours, not someone else’s…”

Yin Xing didn’t respond. Her mood seemed to calm. She didn’t want to talk about the past or her current pain anymore.

She just ate her noodles quietly. She saved the braised egg for last.

After finishing the soup, she poked her chopsticks into the softened egg. She ate it in small bites. Her brows furrowed slightly.

“What’s wrong? Not good?”

“…No taste.”

“No taste? That’s odd… I even thought it was a bit too salty…”

“Everything I ate today… had no taste.”

“Huh?”

“…I think I can’t taste anything.”

“What? Are you sick? Or…”

“Maybe this body is just like that.”

Yin Xing shook her head lightly.

“That’s… that’s too cruel. No taste buds? Eating without flavor… living like that…”

Sang Shen almost said ‘would be pointless.’

He caught himself and covered his mouth.

“That’d be… really tough…”

“…It’s fine. Maybe it’s just my mood.”

“If you’ve really lost your sense of taste, we should see a doct—”

“It can’t be fixed.”

Sang Shen thought of travelling back in time. Of another self appearing. Such unscientific things. He nodded lightly.

Like Yin Xing said, losing taste probably wasn’t a medical issue.

“But… this… it’s like a punishment. You didn’t do anything wrong. The world’s so unfair…”

“…Always has been.”