Chapter 18: Gratitude

The sun blazed high, hot breeze brushing their faces.

This was the edge of town, with fewer passersby on the streets.

The sky-blue bicycle stopped here.

The town’s only high school stood to their right. Across the road, diagonally, was the only swimming pool, bustling when students hit summer break.

Fen Yue Town High School was unique for its elevated terrain—the entrance was flat, but classrooms and the sports field required climbing a slope.

From outside, the field was invisible, only its iron fence visible when craning your neck.

Sang Shen loved looking up like this.

School was in session, the gym teacher’s whistle and students’ playful shouts echoing from the field.

Yet in Sang Shen’s view, there was only the fence piercing the sky and soft clouds drifting in the deep blue.

Two years of high school felt less familiar than expected, almost alien.

He’d dropped out to work not long ago, but high school memories seemed like another lifetime.

“Phew…”

Sang Shen sighed softly.

“Right here, I fought that guy. I’d put up with him for so long. That day, he kicked my thigh in front of everyone, called me a parentless bastard…

I couldn’t take it. We fought from there to here. I pinned him against the fence, hit him hard, punched his head until blood ran down.

He wasn’t as tough as he acted. I’d been scared of him for so long… ha.”

“So the principal suspended you.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think it was my fault. ‘Suspended’ felt like an insult. So I said, screw it, I’m not just suspended—I quit.”

Sang Shen gave a goofy grin.

“Saying that felt so good. Even if I… regretted losing it and fighting, I never regretted shouting that in the principal’s office.”

“…Yeah.”

Yin Xing nodded lightly, holding up the untouched bag.

“Oh… what’s up? Not eating? Half wasn’t filling, but it’s just for the taste. You eat it—it’s not too hot now. It’ll get stale soon.”

“No taste.”

“Keep trying, maybe your taste buds will come back. What’s that phrase… use it or lose it!”

Yin Xing paused for two seconds, pulling her hand back. She lifted the bag, taking a small bite of the warm egg burger.

“…Smelled sweetness.”

“That’s the sweet bean sauce!”

“Tastes like nothing.”

“But smelling sweetness makes it a bit tastier, right?”

Sang Shen grinned, tilting his head up.

“Too bad we didn’t find a plum juice stall. Guess we’ll buy a drink later… uh, since we’re in town, maybe… splurge a little?”

“…Be happy.”

“Yeah, everyone says that, chasing happiness, working for it, but somehow getting less happy…”

Sang Shen sighed softly.

“Since I started working, I’ve had fewer happy moments. By your age, even happy things probably don’t make you smile, huh?”

“…Not paralyzed.”

“Huh, you still smile? Why not try one now? Heh…”

“…Idiot.”

Yin Xing turned her face away.

“If you meet him again, will you fight?”

“Yup, but this time I’ll act sooner. First day of school, I’ll beat him till he’s convinced!”

Yin Xing turned, blinking.

“…Even if he doesn’t provoke you?”

“Yeah, he’ll cause trouble eventually. Why not get ahead of him? Like you—if you saw that woman, you’d kill her, wrong or not, right?”

“Of course.”

“Ha, same person after all. No matter how much changes, our style’s the same.”

Sang Shen smiled, comforted.

“They say growing up changes you, makes you unrecognizable, but… good thing, even decades later, you’re still Jing Hong Ye.”

Yin Xing turned away, letting her pale green hair dance freely in the wind.

As if by silent agreement, Sang Shen stayed quiet, not interrupting her thoughts.

When the cicadas suddenly grew louder, she turned, her lips curving slightly in a faint smile.

“No one in the world will understand me. But… another me might.”

Sang Shen didn’t reply, stunned by the girl’s smile—warm like a summer breeze.

Like a small flower blooming by a mountain in summer, unremarkable at first, but its resilience and beauty struck you when you looked closely.

He sniffed hard, eyes reddening.

He looked up, trying to hold back tears, but they flowed anyway.

“Thanks…”

His voice choked, swallowing hard, blinking fiercely.

“Thanks…”

“…Why?”

“Thank you, Yin Xing, thank you. I… today, I was so worried I couldn’t get you out.”

Tears blurred his vision, obscuring the blue sky.

“I was scared, so scared… that forcing you to do something, to come out, would make you hate me… close off your heart even more, sink into… into endless darkness… and never, never wake up…”

“…Crying like a kid.”

She turned her face away.

“So, thank you. Thank you for coming out, for not hating me, for letting me feed you breakfast on the bus, for helping me haggle for the bike, for sticking with me through these narrow, bumpy alleys…

Thank you for sharing an egg burger with me.

I love those.

When I was at my lowest, eating one made me happy. Even when I dropped out, it gave me strength to start over. My happiness is so simple. I don’t know… if the future you can still find joy in things like this.

So… thank you for eating it, thank you…”

Sang Shen poured out the words, tears streaming down.

Yin Xing stood on tiptoes, gently wiping his face with her fingers.

“…Crying all the time, not like a man.”

He grabbed her hand, pressing her palm to his cheek.

“Who says men can’t cry? We face the same pressures, we’re just people, we get scared, we get hurt—why can’t we cry…!”

Sang Shen lowered his head, teary eyes meeting hers.

“And I’ve wanted to cry so many times, but every time, every single time—no one was there to look at me gently while I did…”

“Men’s tears only bring scorn…”

“But you won’t, right? You won’t. You’ve had… so many more moments where you wanted to cry. The older you get, the less you can show weakness, especially as a man…

Sometimes I think, maybe… maybe you becoming a girl is heaven’s kindness, a gentleness. It’s letting you live less heavily. As a girl, when you’re hurt, people comfort you.

When you’re vulnerable, they pity you, not scorn you… especially a girl as pretty as you…”

“…Isn’t it my punishment?”

Yin Xing’s eyes widened, staring blankly at the sky.

The clouds seemed close enough to touch, thick yet soft, like springy cotton.

“No way!”

Sang Shen hugged her tightly.

“Absolutely not a punishment. It’s compensation for treating the world kindly and being betrayed! It has to be!”

“…”

“And… maybe it’s to save my future… to tell me these things, so I don’t walk that path. Your return must mean something. Living again isn’t a mistake. Even if you took a wrong road last life, this time, you won’t!”

“Many roads are wrong, but the right one’s just one.”

“No, I believe the road ahead is right!”

“…”

“Sorry… I rambled again, didn’t think about your feelings. Thank you… for listening.”

Yin Xing didn’t answer, just raised her lowered arms, patting his back lightly with her left hand, stroking his head gently with her right.

“Thank you, Yin Xing… my future self. I can feel it, I can…”

Sang Shen smiled through tears.

“Your gentleness, your warm heart—it’s still there, beating…”

“But our future might not succeed. Don’t hope too much.”

“No worries! Success is what we make it. If I feel successful, that’s enough! Living happily in the future—that’s success too!”

“How can you be happy without success?”

“Really? No success, no happiness?”

Sang Shen hugged her closer, pressing her face to his chest, letting her hear his pounding heart.

“So, Yin Xing, after eating the egg burger, were you happy?”

“…Tasty.”

“So, happy, right?”

“Not happy.”

“Hey, don’t joke! I’m serious! You were happy, right? Even after all those years, little things like this still make you happy, don’t they? Maybe… nothing’s really changed!”

“…Jing Hong Ye, are you happy?”

Yin Xing closed her eyes, her lips curving slightly, as if asking him—and her own heart.

So—

Are you happy?