Chapter 18: My Esper

“But Juju, you suffered during your first guiding as well. There’s no need to push yourself continuously. This much is already enough.”

“Whether the guiding is sufficient or not is for me to decide. And back then, it was because it was my first guiding. Just now, the efficiency was low, so I was only a little short on strength…!”

“Weren’t you fine even during your first guiding with the other members?”

“That’s because I softened them up first with radiation guiding before starting!”

“I saw you take someone’s hand first, too.”

“That was just holding hands and doing radiation guiding- no, wait, were you watching? You watched me guiding the other members?”

“…”

“…”

What?

Lee Juju stared at the colonel with a dumbfounded expression, and the colonel silently averted his gaze.

“…I was watching in case any problems arose.”

“…Ah. I see.”

He’d thought the colonel was a wooden, stone-like esper who’d lost all instinct after being injected with drugs at too young an age.

As Juju blankly stared at the colonel’s profile, a crooked smile slowly tugged at the corner of his lips.

‘So I really do look like his guide to him, huh?’

Espers instinctively wander in search of their guide.

Guides, on the other hand, avoid imprinting too deeply so they can help as many espers as possible, but an esper’s ideal lies elsewhere.

If a guide feels alive by guiding countless espers who pass through him, an esper wishes to imprint on his guide and form a pair, becoming whole through that bond.

It was an attempt to stabilize a body and mind that grew more unstable the more abilities were used, by binding themselves more firmly to a guide.

The higher the matching rate between a guide and an esper, the more strongly they were drawn to each other.

As if they had once been one and split into two, they longed to become one again.

That tendency produced all kinds of obsession and stalking, which was the real problem.

Espers usually claimed it was unfair.

They thought they were just wandering aimlessly, only to find themselves lingering around the unit where their guide served, loitering near the guide’s home, or interfering whenever the guide even tried to talk to another esper.

“Anyway, you received guiding, so that’s enough.”

“…”

That Shan showed signs of such esper behavior was, undeniably, a good sign.

No, the correct sign would be more accurate.

****

Colonel Shan Pei looked down, troubled, at the small hand of Lee Juju still gripping his collar tightly.

Juju’s face, lips slightly parted as he pondered something intently, was delicate and cute, like a carefully crafted wax doll.

To put it plainly, Juju was the smallest person in the company, with the smallest hands and feet.

Even setting aside the fact that the company consisted entirely of espers, Lee Juju was the smallest and cutest human Shan Pei had ever seen.

Watching such a small, fragile-looking person strain himself while guiding was more difficult than expected.

Above all, a conscience he hadn’t even known he possessed kept pricking at him.

If that were all, it would have been fine.

What troubled him most was that, as he quietly watched Juju’s face…

A thick, unpleasant emotion of unknown origin rose up alongside it.

It wasn’t a good sign.

The colonel had never once seen good results come from indulging his own desires.

To him, instinct was something that had to be suppressed unconditionally.

At this rate, he would only create another lifelong regret.

Just as the colonel hardened his expression and reached out to forcibly pry Juju’s hand away…

“To be honest, guiding you isn’t easy, Colonel. Being stronger than other espers actually becomes a problem. Handling an esper as strong as you is difficult.”

Colonel Shan Pei swallowed a low sound.

Hearing from Juju’s own mouth what he had already suspected made his heart sink as if dropping underground.

With effort, the colonel opened his mouth.

“I see. Then there’s no need to guide me. The same goes from now on.”

“Then you should cooperate more!”

The colonel’s eyes widened slightly at the sudden outburst.

Juju snapped irritably.

“There is a guiding method that’s properly efficient, not just simple contact guiding by holding hands.”

As if he’d never raised his voice, Juju lowered it and began speaking like he was sharing a secret.

“But that kind of guiding, well, intimate contact guiding, isn’t something espers really like. And I don’t want to guide espers who aren’t mine that way either.”

Without even wetting his lips, Juju lied smoothly.

Unaware that it was a lie, the colonel’s eyes widened even more.

‘My esper?’

It sounded incredibly sweet.

In the colonel’s mind, the words my esper, spoken by Juju, began floating around.

‘What’s wrong with him?’

As Juju deliberately mumbled explanations about why a different method was needed, he tilted his head in confusion.

The colonel looked very surprised, but Juju couldn’t tell what about.

Had he accidentally suggested doing it once without realizing?

“Are you listening, Colonel?”

“…I am.”

“…Yes. Anyway, guiding the way we’ve been doing it only has about ten percent efficiency. No matter how much energy I push in, your body isn’t properly accepting it. So I want to try a different method…”

When Juju spoke with his eyes lowered and a gloomy tone, the colonel hesitated, then gently patted Juju’s hand with his gloved one.

It was absurd, he’d been looking for an opening to pull away just moments ago, and now he was offering comfort.

He seemed to think Juju was hurt and decided to console him, but in any case, it was clumsy to the extreme.

‘It worked.’

If he was comforting him, he wouldn’t run away immediately.

Juju’s eyes lit up.

Once you caught your prey, you had to secure it cleanly to avoid trouble later.

“If you don’t like it, Colonel, then I can’t help it. Ah, if it’s not the guiding you dislike, but me…”

“I don’t dislike you.”

The colonel hurriedly denied it.

‘Of course you don’t.’

Juju resisted the urge to snort.

“Then… will you receive guiding?”

“Juju.”

Colonel Shan Pei’s lips curved into a soft line.

Suddenly, Juju thought he wanted to kiss the lips that pronounced his name.

“There’s no need to push yourself. You don’t need to do anything difficult.”

‘I want to kiss you.’

“I’m already more than grateful to you.”

“What?”

‘I was too busy thinking about kissing him, I didn’t hear what he said.’

Juju blinked.

“You’ve shown more than enough goodwill. I’m grateful for that. I had long forgotten the eye colors of the members and never thought I’d see them again. As for my own eye color… I had forgotten that too.”

A faint smile lingered on the colonel’s face.

It was the same smile Juju had seen before.

“But you found it again. And I know you didn’t just restore our eye colors, you saved our lives. We will repay this debt to you somehow. Of course, I know you’ve been pushing yourself, but we’ll improve that soon as well…”

“I’m not pushing myself.”

He couldn’t hold back anymore.

Juju hurriedly cut him off.

“I’m a S-class guide, Colonel. This level of guiding is like breathing to me.”

“I see.”

The faint smile was still there on the colonel’s face.

“So.”

Juju tugged on the collar he was holding.

The colonel was a man who wouldn’t budge at this level of force, but he still allowed himself to be pulled along obediently by the small guide’s sharp little tug.

“Please receive guiding too, Colonel.”

“…”

“It’s easy guiding. You’ll see results even with just one try. And I-I like you too, Co-, I mean, I like you, so that’s why I want to try this kind of guiding!”

As he said I like you, the thought that this sounded like a confession made him bite his tongue.

It hurt badly enough to bring tears to his eyes.

The colonel didn’t seem to notice, though.

In any case, Juju said firmly,

“If you don’t dislike me, then do it.”

“Juju.”

With a sigh, the colonel brushed Juju’s bangs aside.

The sudden approach of the colonel’s large hand startled him badly.

“Who could ever dislike you?”

A brief silence passed.

“Uh… okay.”

Juju nodded.

His cheeks felt like they were burning.

The colonel’s face was serious and very… sexy.

“Then take off your shoes and come up.”

“Hm?”

“We do this guiding sitting on the floor. It’s to increase the contact area.”

Juju quickly added the explanation, trying to make it sound as little like an excuse as possible.

The colonel looked doubtful, but since he knew nothing about guiding, he followed Juju’s instructions for now.