Chapter 16: The Weight of Unspoken Feelings

“You’re not allowed to drink.”

Do-ha looked at his wrist, then glared at Hyun-woo, who had just snatched the beer can from his hand.

“I’m all better now. I even went to the hospital today.”

Thanks to the swift treatment, the rash that had flared up on his wrist and near his neck had almost entirely subsided, leaving only faint traces.

“Oh, you’re always getting into trouble every other day, and now you’re talking back. Just drink some cider.”

After Hyun-woo, Jia, who was standing beside them, added her piece. Do-ha pouted, picking up the cider bottle placed next to him.

****

Ever since Tae-jun had helped him in the restroom, Do-ha had been trying to live as calmly and nonchalantly as if nothing had happened.

However, the emotional turmoil, swinging between heaven and hell thousands of times a day, was something he couldn’t express to anyone.

Feeling profoundly uneasy, he had been desperate to avoid Tae-jun at work.

Do-ha’s morning calls had naturally ceased, and Tae-jun’s calls asking to commute together no longer came. Unless Tae-jun directly summoned him for various tasks, the only time Do-ha saw him was during meetings.

****

“What happened to your finger now?”

Do-ha, who had been momentarily lost in thought, quickly shook off Hyun-woo’s hand, finding the touch on his bandaged middle finger ticklish.

“Oh, don’t even get me started. When I saw it, I thought, ‘What kind of lunatic ties three of a kid’s fingers together like that?’ That day, I took the crying mess to a surgeon to get it re-treated, and then I trimmed his burnt hair.”

The injuries on his index and ring fingers had been minor and healed quickly, but his middle finger had been the most severely hurt, still requiring a bandage. Do-ha deliberately held up his middle finger, showing it to Hyun-woo.

“What are you doing?”

“Showing you my injury. Look closely.”

“Seriously, Do-ha is useless. I even have to wash his hair every morning. I’ve never done that for my own partner.”

Jia browsed the convenience store, selecting an assortment of snacks for their drinks and placing them into the basket Hyun-woo was holding.

“Did I ask you to do it? You burst in and forced my head into the sink to wash it. And you took my new bag! That was six months’ worth of my salary!”

Bickering, Do-ha exited the convenience store, subtly shrugging his shoulder when Hyun-woo naturally stood behind him, resting his chin on Do-ha’s shoulder.

“Hey, stand up straight. You reek of alcohol.”

“I didn’t drink much.”

Do-ha grumbled, yet he gently patted Hyun-woo’s head, which was nuzzled into his waist and sniffing, before stroking his fluffy hair.

“Ryu Hyun-woo, that drinking habit of yours is truly something. Leave Do-ha alone. You’re built like a mountain. If you’ve had too much to drink, just go home nicely. Why are you coming to our place for a second round?”

Jia clicked her tongue, watching Hyun-woo cling to Do-ha, and Do-ha, in turn, passively accepting it.

Observing Hyun-woo, who had been secretly in love with Do-ha for over ten years, and Do-ha, who was oblivious and suffering from unrequited love for someone else, left a bitter taste in her mouth.

‘It would be perfect if they just liked each other.’

“Ugh, you idiot. You’re even heavier when you’re drunk, seriously. Why isn’t the elevator here? It hasn’t arrived on your side either? Ryu Hyun-woo, that tickles. Who told you to sniff my neck? Are you a dog?”

“Your peach scent is so wonderful.”

“You’re crazy.”

Hyun-woo closed his eyes slightly and inhaled deeply. Do-ha diligently took his suppressants without fail and rarely made pheromone mistakes, so Hyun-woo had almost never truly smelled his pheromones.

He could only faintly perceive them when they were joking around like this.

Watching Do-ha flinch and recoil whenever he tried to get even a little serious was reaching its limit.

When had it begun? It seemed to be after Do-ha’s birthday. Do-ha had subtly changed. Hyun-woo had always thought of him as his friend, safely within his grasp.

The moment it became clear that Do-ha could meet someone else at any time, it became difficult to hide his feelings for him. In fact, an overwhelming desire to reveal his feelings and make Do-ha his own surged within him.

He no longer wanted to hold Do-ha as a friend, like a joke. Resolving to confess quickly before someone else appeared to claim Do-ha, he hugged him a little tighter.

“Huh?”

Hyun-woo, who had been holding Do-ha’s small body while carefully adjusting his weight so as not to burden him, suddenly stumbled back a few steps. Someone had grabbed the collar of his shirt near his nape and pulled forcefully.

“You seem to be struggling. Allow me to take him.”

Do-ha, surprised not only by the sudden lightness on his shoulder but also by the familiar voice, turned around.

Unlike Do-ha, who had left work on time, Tae-jun was still in his suit, perhaps having worked overtime or had other engagements. He was gripping Hyun-woo’s nape.

“Hyun-woo doesn’t like being touched by strangers. I appreciate your concern, but that’s all.”

Seeing Hyun-woo’s awkwardly bewildered expression, Do-ha quickly stepped forward, embracing Hyun-woo and pulling him closer.

Do-ha finished speaking, his gaze fixed on Tae-jun’s typically stoic face, biting down hard on the tender flesh inside his cheek. Tae-jun was someone he could encounter not just at work, but even outside like this.

Just as an awkward silence settled, the elevator alarm sounded, and the doors opened. Do-ha, still holding Hyun-woo, stepped inside.

After a moment, the elevator doors closed, and Tae-jun’s stern face, still standing in the same spot, gradually disappeared from view.

****

“Hey, stand up straight now. You’re not even drunk, so stop pretending.”

The moment the elevator doors closed, Do-ha forcefully pushed Hyun-woo away from him. Tae-jun’s usual stoic expression was already irritating enough, but perhaps it was his imagination, yet Tae-jun’s face had looked somewhat hurt and pathetic.

“You’re the one who suddenly hugged me.”

At Hyun-woo’s comment, who had been abruptly embraced and then belatedly pushed away by Do-ha, Jia let out a snort.

‘I thought he was too dense to look after himself, but he’s quite the sly fox after all.’

She had assumed he was a naive kitten, but judging by Do-ha’s actions just now, she didn’t need to worry too much, whether it was instinct or something else driving him.

Tae-jun watched the numbers on the closed elevator ascend, then let out a low sigh.

Was his name Ryu Hyun-woo? Seeing him embrace Do-ha from behind, burying his face in Do-ha’s neck, Tae-jun couldn’t suppress the emotions surging within him.

He vowed every time he saw Do-ha that he would merely observe, yet his heart constricted simply because Do-ha was clinging to Hyun-woo, who was clearly an Alpha.

Do-ha’s habit remained, and that Alpha’s position was supposed to be his.

Perhaps because he had never truly smelled Do-ha’s pheromones, he yearned for them even more.

Whenever they were alone, he would embrace Do-ha from behind, burying his face in the curve of his neck. Yet, all he ever felt was the fresh scent of Do-ha’s skin, not the “peach scent” others spoke of.

And when he clung to Do-ha like that, Do-ha’s hand would rise to pat and stroke his head, as if trying to comfort him.

A bitter feeling, accompanied by a persistent headache, washed over him. Tae-jun pressed a hand to his forehead. It was a familiar yet never-quite- привычный pain that clung to him whenever he recalled the past.

Would this pain cease if all his memories returned clearly? Fragmented memories weighed heavily on him. He wished he knew why he had to endure such a tragic end. All he remembered were the outcomes.

Happy memories of them together were invariably followed by a horrific conclusion. Not just once, but a recurring ending.

Whether it was a misfortune or a blessing, Do-ha never remembered him. Even when he tried to avoid him and look away, Do-ha unfailingly gave him all his love. In return…

****

Tae-jun took out his phone and answered the familiar ringtone.

“Darling, it’s Friday night, where are you? Want to come here?”

He turned his steps away from the elevator.

“Oh, right, the cute intern. Their left hand is bandaged. Do you know why?”

Tae-jun chuckled, watching Hye-jin prattle on while sipping her cocktail. He had been asked why the intern’s hand was injured, and the image of Do-ha struggling with a jeans button flashed before his eyes.

“They were cutting something with a utility knife and got startled by a heavy object falling.”

“They should be more careful. Still, seeing them remove the bandage quickly, it doesn’t seem like a serious injury.”

“They said it didn’t require stitches.”

Sipping whiskey neat, Tae-jun leaned back comfortably on the sofa. Gentle music played, but true to a Friday evening, the bar was more crowded than usual, and the voices of people chatting were louder.

“Are you concerned?”

“No.”

Beyond the sky lounge window, the city lights sparkled brightly, but Tae-jun emptied his glass without much emotion.

“You are concerned, aren’t you?”

From the moment she entered the bar, Hye-jin had watched Tae-jun, who hadn’t even glanced at her, instead staring out the distant window while drinking his liquor.

‘Does Tae-jun know that this is a famous bar among Omegas and Alphas, and that the moment he stepped in, all the Omegas’ eyes were on him?’

“Stop with the useless talk and just drink.”

“Then, Seo Do-ha, can I make a move on him?”

Hye-jin uncrossed her legs and leaned towards Tae-jun, whispering softly. Instead of his usual “Do as you please,” the subtle shift in atmosphere and his chosen silence spoke volumes.

“No, male Omegas aren’t my type.”

At his subsequent words, Tae-jun’s hand, which had been still, moved, and Hye-jin laughed quite loudly. He was so concerned he couldn’t even lie. This was clearly a stronger emotion than mere concern.

Just the fact that Seo Do-ha could shake Tae-jun, who had never once shown emotion regarding gender or secondary gender (Omega or Beta) in all the time she had known him, made Do-ha a remarkable existence.

“What’s the problem? He’s an Omega, and it doesn’t seem like he has a partner or a mate.”

No matter what Hye-jin mumbled to herself or asked beside him, Tae-jun just kept emptying his glass as if it didn’t concern him.

They say there’s no match for alcohol; after Tae-jun emptied three bottles of liquor by himself, his body slumped languidly into the sofa. Hye-jin put down her cocktail glass and stood up.

Even when Hye-jin, who had been sitting opposite him, moved to sit next to him, Tae-jun didn’t stir, his eyes still closed.

“Who is Jin?”

Tae-jun didn’t really have a ‘drinking habit.’ He simply fell asleep if he drank beyond his limit. However, before falling into a deep slumber, he would become more compliant and gentle than usual, and only Hye-jin knew this.

Tae-jun’s hand, which had been loosely sprawled, moved to cover his closed eyes, but the tears flowing beneath weren’t entirely hidden.

“Can’t you just meet someone named Jin?”

Hye-jin had known Tae-jun for a long time, but there was no one named Jin in his circle. Her own name, Hye-jin, contained “Jin,” but that was merely a coincidence.

She only became aware of ‘Jin’ when he called out the name while completely drunk.

“Then what about Do-ha?”

“Jin *is* Do-ha.”

A remark that would have been missed if she hadn’t been listening intently. Mixed with a deep sigh, the words made Hye-jin’s expression subtly harden.

“Kim Hye-jin, I don’t know what you want to hear, but neither Jin nor Do-ha is an option.”

As if he hadn’t shed any tears, Tae-jun, who had seemed on the verge of falling asleep, straightened his body. The moment Hye-jin met his eyes, which were profoundly heavy and unreadable, she tightly sealed her lips, which had been parting to ask more.

“I can’t kill them every time.”

Hye-jin, pondering the meaning of the words she had heard, simply watched Tae-jun’s retreating back as he paid and left the bar with an unhurried stride.