Chapter 6: The Weight of Opportunity

Hari kept his gaze fixed on the floor, ceaselessly pressing his fingers together. He couldn’t bring himself to look up.

A bitter resentment simmered within him for being unable to offer any other answer.

The manager stared intently at the back of Hari’s head, then, as if his resolve had softened, he roughly ruffled Hari’s hair.

“Still, think about it. We’ve decided to send Se-an along with you.”

“…Se-an hyung too?”

“Yeah. I’d love to send Sanghyeok as well, but he has a schedule early that morning, so I’m not sure. It would be a relief if Sanghyeok could go too.”

“I see…”

“Regardless, do you really think we’d send you alone?”

Hari could not hide his complex emotions at the manager’s smile. Observing Hari, the manager opened his mouth cautiously, a determined expression on his face.

“And… if you truly can’t do it, just say so. Don’t look like you’re about to die. Understood?”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s because this is a really great opportunity… I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure with various things lately, and I’m sorry to add more to it. Alright, work hard on your practice. You need to decide and let us know by tomorrow, okay?”

“Yes, hyung.”

Hari nodded, his expression firm, at the manager’s words. The manager patted Hari’s shoulder a couple of times before leaving the meeting room.

Once the manager was gone, Hari let out a sigh. He felt pathetic. He knew it was a huge opportunity, yet he hesitated.

Hari’s eyebrows drooped with a sense of guilt. He knew that if he didn’t go, the chances of this offer falling through were high.

It had been over a year since the incident, and he was still acting this way even as an adult. He found his own behavior pathetic. Hari let out a deep sigh and buried his face in his hands.

Variety show phobia.

Of course, he called it a phobia, but strictly speaking, it wasn’t quite that. He was just a little, or rather, very nervous.

Hari would freeze up whenever he appeared on a variety show, unable to speak unless prompted. The moment the cameras rolled, his mind would go blank, and he’d lose track of what he was saying. He was already prone to nervousness, but after a few appearances on variety shows post-debut, it had only worsened.

Consequently, his agency no longer requested his appearance on variety shows. Offers for Daon to appear on such shows were often redirected to Se-an or other members.

However, that was before ‘Yeon’ rose to prominence. Now that ‘Yeon’ was a hit, Daon had its limits in using other members as substitutes.

Of course, Hari hadn’t always been like this.

There were times when, no matter how hard he tried, things wouldn’t go as he wished. The past two years had been exactly like that. Hari’s last two years had been enough to thoroughly strip away his self-esteem.

‘Hey, be quiet. You keep interrupting the flow.’

He could still vividly recall those words from a variety show he appeared on two years ago. That day, he had opened his mouth for the very first time, and only after two hours of recording.

However, the host, annoyed by Hari, snapped at him and then spoke to a rookie from a major agency who was sitting in front of Hari. It was the same rookie idol member whose debut had coincided with Daon’s.

Hari couldn’t utter another word for the next six hours. Those six hours, during which no one paid him any attention, were sheer torment. Sitting blankly, Hari felt that the recording that day seemed unusually long.

He didn’t receive much better treatment on other variety shows he appeared on afterward. At best, he was a point of comparison for someone else, or a character to be ignored; at worst, he was just a smiling prop. Still, he tried to tell himself that he should be grateful for being called at all, given his lack of popularity and poor speaking skills.

Yet, Hari was only eighteen at the time. It was an age meant for laughing and chatting with friends at school. Unaware that his spirit was festering, the eighteen-year-old Hari gradually began to feel immense pressure simply from speaking on variety shows. Even though he was now an adult, those memories were ingrained in his mind and wouldn’t fade.

For Hari, ‘The Farm Owner’ was a significant ordeal. What should he do? Hari rested his head on the table, feeling suffocated by his thoughts.

It felt like he was agonizing over something beyond his capabilities. No, it definitely was. Yet, being unable to speak on a variety show was also a problem. Frankly, he lacked confidence. Even if Hari refused, his agency would respect his decision. That only made his heart heavier.

“Still…”

Hari thought of the Daon members. They were the hyungs who had never scolded him, even when he acted frustratingly. After a long struggle, Hari finally emerged from the empty meeting room, looking on the verge of tears.

‘Had Manager-hyung gone back to the office?’ Hari wondered. With heavy steps, he headed towards the office where his manager would be.

Daon’s gentle youngest member loved Daon more than anyone else.

This also meant he was impossibly soft-hearted when it came to Daon, his people.

****

What lovely weather…

Hari thought, looking at the clouds that seemed particularly large and fluffy today. The weather was beautiful, oblivious to his inner turmoil. The sky was blue, and the air seemed fresh. Hari’s expression, as he gazed out the window, was almost one of resignation. ‘It’s a good opportunity,’ he tried to think positively, but then his face fell.

He pressed his head against the window.

“A public broadcast? I never thought I’d appear on a public broadcast.”

“Are you nervous, Se-an?”

“Of course! It’s my first time on a public broadcast too. Oh, wait, maybe not my *first*? But it’s my first time appearing properly like this. I’ve only ever been invited as one of twenty guests before.”

“Don’t overthink it. It’s a program known for its good cast and staff.”

Hari listened to Se-an and the manager’s conversation, finding some relief in the midst of his misfortune. Clouds were clouds… and mountains were mountains.

…Mountains?

Hari startled, glancing out the window. They were already close to the farm. It hadn’t been long in the car, yet they were already arriving. This meant filming would start soon. Hari pressed his fingertips together, fidgeting anxiously.

“Hari, Hari. Do you see outside? They said it was completely rural, but it’s really deep in the mountains.”

“Yes, the air will probably be nice…”

Hari leaned back in his seat in resignation. He slowly opened and closed his eyes. Unlike the excited Se-an, Hari swallowed a sigh and looked at Sanghyeok, who was sleeping soundly, oblivious to the world.

He had mentioned coming in late in the early morning, so he had been sleeping the entire ride, claiming fatigue.

Hari carefully pulled up the blanket that had slipped down, then stared intently at Sanghyeok’s face. From his forehead to the bridge of his nose, and down to his chin. Even seeing it every day, his handsome face, without a single flaw, still felt remarkably impressive. Despite the obvious signs of fatigue from his late radio schedule the night before, his handsomeness remained unchanged. Hari thought the world seemed a little unfair.

“Ah, hyung. Are we doing farm work today?”

“Probably a little? It’s fine. You’re idols and guests, so they won’t make you do anything too strange. Just think of it as a farm experience.”

The manager and Se-an chatted quietly about ‘The Farm Owner’.

‘I didn’t expect Sanghyeok-hyung to appear with us. He looks so tired…’

The manager-hyung had tried to dissuade him, but Sanghyeok had firmly insisted. Hari felt a pang of guilt as he noticed the faint dark circles under Sanghyeok’s eyes. He felt immature for having been happy that Sanghyeok was coming along.

Though his sharp features had initially made him seem intimidating, Sanghyeok was fundamentally kind. Of course, he would vehemently deny it if he heard that. As a perpetually mature and responsible leader, he was someone Hari could lean on heavily. While it might sound regrettable to Se-an, the news of Sanghyeok’s presence had brought Hari a small measure of relief.

Hari, still gazing at Sanghyeok, carefully clutched the edge of Sanghyeok’s blanket in his hand.

They would arrive soon.

‘Until then.’

Hari took a breath and closed his eyes.

****

“…My head is pounding.”

Sanghyeok, apparently tired, frowned as he got out of the car, then stretched, gripping the back of his neck with one hand.

*Crack.*

Hari’s eyes widened, staring at Sanghyeok at the sound of something breaking sharply. Sensing his gaze, Sanghyeok mouthed, ‘Why?’

“Nothing…”

Hari shook his head.

‘It sounded like his neck just broke.’

“Everyone out? Let’s go. We need to greet them first.”

The manager said, leading the members forward.

Already, Hari felt his breath catch in his throat. As Se-an followed the manager with light steps, Sanghyeok gently nudged Hari’s back with his palm. ‘Let’s go too.’ Hari nodded in response. Though his head nodded, his steps were heavy. They were surprisingly steady, despite being forced.

The members and manager entered the filming location, bowing low as they walked further inside. Being in a position where they needed to make a good impression, their greetings were exceptionally courteous and polite.

It was then. A commotion arose from one part of the set, and a familiar-looking middle-aged man appeared.

The man had sharp features overall, but the smile playing on his lips gave him a gentle aura. He looked surprisingly ordinary, without any particularly distinctive traits.

However, he was so famous that even Hari, who had virtually no celebrity connections, recognized him at first glance.