Chapter 17: Realization

He couldn’t concentrate on the lecture at all. Min-hyeon was utterly bewildered.

‘A leave of absence? Why would hyung suddenly say that…’

Just before getting out of the car, Min-woo’s words kept lingering in his mind, unsettling him.

[You said you wanted to retake the entrance exam. If you’re going to do that anyway, there’s no need to wait until the end of this semester—you might as well just take a leave of absence right now.]

When Min-hyeon asked what he meant by that, Min-woo answered in a calm voice.

[They say even a dead person’s wish should be granted—so why can’t I grant my living brother’s wish? Let’s do it. Take a leave.]

What could have made Min-woo—who had always refused to allow a leave of absence—suddenly change his mind? Min-hyeon thought that his drunken arrival last Friday must have had a considerable impact.

If this had happened a while ago, he would have welcomed Min-woo’s permission with open arms. But unlike back then, Min-hyeon absolutely didn’t want to take a leave now. If he left this school, the relationship with Jun-ho—which had grown closer like a miracle—would surely become distant again.

He’d managed to avoid the conversation by saying he had to go to class, but he was worried that Min-woo might insist on making him take a leave immediately. Of course, if he made it clear that he didn’t want to take a leave, Min-woo probably wouldn’t force him—but he’d definitely interrogate him about why he’d changed his mind.

Min-hyeon didn’t think he could make Min-woo understand. Because he’d become friends with a senior in the same class and now enjoyed going to school? There was no way he could brush it off with something like that. Min-woo wasn’t the type to accept that a decision that could greatly affect his future was based on a close senior. And he didn’t particularly want to go into detail about Jun-ho either.

His unsettled feelings escaped as sighs. Lost in thought, Min-hyeon’s fingers tapped the desk at regular intervals. Annoyed by the rhythmic tapping, the person next to him called out in a small voice, asking him to keep his hands still. Only then did Min-hyeon realize he’d been tapping the desk, and he awkwardly lowered his head.

Afraid he might start tapping the desk again, Min-hyeon interlaced his hands under the desk and tried to focus on the class. But within a few minutes, he lost concentration, fished his phone out of his pocket, and stared at the dark screen. Then, as if making a big decision, he carefully tapped the screen.

He opened the messenger app and went to his chat with Jun-ho. As soon as Min-woo had returned his phone earlier, he’d checked Jun-ho’s messages and replied immediately—but Jun-ho still hadn’t read them, as the number next to his message remained.

‘Is he busy…’

He wanted to message him again, but he hesitated, unsure what to say. He’d already apologized for not replying right away to Jun-ho’s message on Saturday—what else could he say that would sound natural? After agonizing and closing the app several times, his feelings grew more and more complicated.

It was always like this when messaging Jun-ho. With Min-woo or Heon-jae, he’d often reply casually with just initials like “ㅇ” or “ㅋ”—but with Jun-ho, he paid attention to every detail, from spacing to punctuation.

He’d worry whether his tone sounded unnatural or whether it was okay to say something, repeatedly typing and deleting—that was the norm. And today was no different. He’d wanted to ask where Jun-ho had gone last Friday, leaving him alone—but after agonizing over whether it was okay to ask, he’d given up.

“Ah!”

Min-hyeon let out an involuntary sound and hunched his shoulders. Only the person next to him glanced over—fortunately, it didn’t seem like anyone else had heard.

Jun-ho had finally read his message. Since he’d had the chat window open, he saw the number next to his message disappear.

Just knowing that Jun-ho had read his message made his heart pound. Why was it that only when messaging Jun-ho did he become so overly thoughtful? Min-hyeon felt like he understood the reason.

‘Am I really liking hyung in that way?’

Just thinking that made his ears burn. Min-hyeon clamped his hand over his mouth, as if afraid someone might overhear his thoughts.

Tapping the desk with his fingers, fidgeting with his phone, then suddenly covering his mouth…

The gaze from the person next to him, watching him fidget restlessly alone, was sharp—but Min-hyeon didn’t notice. His mind was now completely filled with thoughts of Jun-ho. Naturally, not a single word of the lecture registered.

Having not written a single note and wasted the entire hour, Min-hyeon was leaving the lecture hall when someone blocked his path.

“Hi.”

“Hyung!”

Seeing Jun-ho appear suddenly, Min-hyeon’s voice rose. Though a little embarrassed at having spoken so loudly, a bright smile bloomed on his face.

“I happened to see you as I was passing by.”

Jun-ho’s beautifully shaped lips curved into a long, graceful line. The corners of his mouth lifted gently. That was all—but Min-hyeon couldn’t tear his gaze away from Jun-ho’s lips for some reason. Come to think of it, yesterday he’d briefly imagined kissing those very lips.

‘Kissing Jun-ho hyung…’

Recalling his absurd imagination, Min-hyeon—who had turned into a burning sweet potato in an instant—hung his head deeply. His heart pounded. His heartbeat seemed to be getting faster and faster. He felt like Jun-ho might even hear it.

After what felt like an eternity, Min-hyeon finally lifted his head, roughly rubbed the back of his neck, and gave an awkward laugh.

“Haha. Hyung, you must have good eyesight. How come I didn’t see you?”

“Hmm. It can’t be that my presence is lacking. Then is it your attention that’s lacking? Give me a lot of attention, Min-hyeon. A whole lot.”

Struck down once again, Min-hyeon flailed with a silent scream, and Jun-ho burst out laughing. Ha. Letting out a weary breath, Min-hyeon rubbed his face.

Walking with Jun-ho, the hallway felt unusually short today. He felt bad for Jun-ho, who had class in the media building next, but he wanted to walk as slowly as possible. Reaching the end of the hallway, in front of the stairs, Min-hyeon suppressed his reluctance and said goodbye.

“Hyung, I have class upstairs, so I’ll head up. See you tomorrow in Photography Aesthetics.”

Even after saying that, Min-hyeon hesitated and didn’t go up right away. Unlike him, Jun-ho immediately started descending the stairs. Min-hyeon urgently called out.

“Hyung! But!”

Jun-ho turned around. Their eyes met—Jun-ho looking up from several steps below. He didn’t rush Min-hyeon, who was hesitating, but waited with a gentle smile.

“The other day, why did you…”

“The other day?”

Part of him wanted to ask why Jun-ho had left without waking him, where he’d gone leaving him alone—but another part didn’t want to ask at all.

He wanted to hear that Jun-ho had tried to wake him but he’d just fallen back asleep, and feel reassured. But at the same time, if Jun-ho said he hadn’t even thought about waking him, he’d rather not hear anything at all. After hesitating, he chose not to ask.

“No, it’s nothing. See you tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Even though he’d called someone who was leaving and then fallen silent, Jun-ho didn’t show any sign of annoyance—he just flashed a smile. Min-hyeon bowed his head.

He thought Jun-ho would just leave, but instead he strode back up the stairs. Surprised, Min-hyeon’s eyes went wide. Jun-ho smiled playfully and ruffled his hair. The gentle touch combing through his hair made Min-hyeon blush.

“Your face is red.”

Jun-ho’s cool hand lightly brushed Min-hyeon’s cheek. As if all the blood in his body had rushed to his face, it burned so hot he could feel it couldn’t get any redder. Min-hyeon’s lips twitched.

“…Hyung.”

“I’m going.”

Leaving only those words, Jun-ho turned and walked down the stairs without looking back. His retreating figure made Min-hyeon’s heart flutter. Even after Jun-ho’s back disappeared from view, Min-hyeon stood there for a moment. He pressed his hand gently against his chest. His heart was pounding so hard it almost hurt.

He didn’t even remember what state of mind he’d been in when he climbed the stairs and entered the classroom. When he came to his senses, his notebook—opened for taking notes—was filled not with the professor’s words, but with Jun-ho’s name.

Jun-ho. Kim Jun-ho. Jun-ho hyung.

Min-hyeon mindlessly drew circles over and over on top of Jun-ho’s name. The circles grew thicker and thicker until they completely covered the name. The dark circles were like his mind, filled with Jun-ho’s name. The excitement from meeting Jun-ho unexpectedly began to churn into unease.

When had it started? When had he started looking at Jun-ho with those eyes? At first, it must have been pure admiration.

His chest felt heavy. It seemed even his first love couldn’t be ordinary, Min-hyeon thought with a self-deprecating sigh. He’d never imagined he’d fall for a man.

But once he realized it, acknowledging his feelings for Jun-ho was absurdly easy. What other reason could there be for the sudden pang of longing—now, of all times—for Jun-ho’s gentle consideration hidden behind his indifferent demeanor, the way he never pressed when Min-hyeon trailed off?

A heavy sigh escaped between his lips and settled onto the open page. Min-hyeon laid his head down across the desk.

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