Chapter 1: The First Day

#Prologue

“Are you awake?”

“……”

“Let’s do it now.”

It felt as though I had merely dozed off. When I opened my eyes, the day was dawning. Sunlight streamed through the open wooden blinds. A sliver of light, having squeezed through a tiny gap, shimmered on the living room floor.

Raising my head, my gaze fell upon the high ceiling. The place where I had awakened felt both familiar and strangely foreign.

A perfectly square puzzle frame and a cracked table. Everything remained precisely as I had last seen it, yet the mere presence of the person I had awaited so long, now before my eyes, transformed everything.

‘Why did you only come now?’ My throat constricted, making words difficult to utter. Instead of a choked voice, I reached out, intending to run my fingers through their fine hair, when their pale face drew closer, offering a cheek. The soft skin and warm touch against my palm were too vivid, too real to be a dream.

Before I could even ask what they intended, their next words reached me.

“Take it off.”

Those three simple syllables instantly conveyed their meaning.

Long fingers grasped my waistband, lifting the thin strip of fabric. I watched, wondering just how far this audacious person, who had just uttered such a bold command, intended to go. Sure enough, though it wasn’t a difficult task, they swallowed hard, fumbling several times.

‘How much time had passed?’ ‘Hours, or perhaps days?’ It felt as if only a few hours had gone by, but seeing the face before me, I realized that wasn’t the case.

Had they even slept during that time? The face I saw up close after so long was a mess: gaunt, with a dull, earthy complexion, sunken eyes, and red-rimmed lids. Save for any physical injuries, they looked no different from when I first encountered them as a child.

As the small body, seated on the bed, rustled and turned, I recalled the unwavering black eyes that had gazed at me back then. Still, those eyes remained precisely the same as they had been ten years ago on that day. The same eyes. Always the same gaze.

The warm hand that had touched my skin withdrew, and the clothing clinging to my body fell to the floor. The face, exhaling a short breath, still bore an unreadable expression.

“It’s morning right now.”

The words slipped out unbidden. Immediately, the child’s heartbeat abruptly doubled its pace. Their rapidly thumping heart echoed relentlessly within my own mind.

“I know. But I’m still going to do it.”

“This is a sofa.”

“We can do it on the sofa too.”

The child deliberately ignored my words, placing a hand on another piece of clothing.

“Still being stubborn, I see.”

“…You wouldn’t say anything anyway, would you?”

The expression they wore as they looked at me was neither a smile nor a frown, making it impossible to discern their thoughts. The emotions conveyed were equally ambiguous, leaving me utterly unable to read the child’s mind.

Involuntarily, I raised my hand. As I brushed their reddened eyelids, their dark eyes trembled violently. Tears quickly welled up in those overflowing eyes. The child, who seemed on the verge of bursting into tears, forcibly swallowed the surge of emotion. Then, deliberately averting their gaze, they continued.

“You need to take everything off, so please stand up.”

Despite the resolute tone, their voice was trembling. Trembling so much just to take off my T-shirt, yet they spoke so confidently.

“Are you really going to do it?”

“Yes.”

“How are you going to do it?”

“……”

“You’re just rushing into this without knowing, aren’t you?”

The child pressed their lips together. Where had the boldness gone, the courage to strip someone who had just woken up? They hesitated, fumbling for a response, and after a long moment, finally spoke in a barely audible voice.

“You can just teach me, can’t you?”

A chuckle escaped me at their words. Come to think of it, that was true. I had always been the one for the child’s firsts.

“What went wrong?”

“Pardon?”

“How did our little one grow up like this?”

The hand unbuckling my belt clinked, then paused its movement. The pale face, which had been looking down, immediately lifted.

“…Do you think I grew up wrong?”

The child asked, their face etched with worry. Thump. Thump. My heart, which I thought couldn’t beat any faster, pounded painfully quickly. ‘What could still frighten them so much?’ ‘There was no way I would ever utter a word of dislike.’

“Of course not.”

“Then what? How did I grow up?”

“Well.”

“Well?”

“I thought I raised you reasonably well, but you’ve exceeded my expectations.”

Only then did the child smile. Perhaps pleased with my answer, a smile quickly spread across their previously rigid face.

“So, will you let me do it now?”

“Depends on how you do.”

“…What exactly am I supposed to do?”

“I already taught you.”

“Ah.”

Understanding my words, the person approached me silently, as they always did. The child, who now approached without hesitation, was different from before. Their small body, which once seemed fragile enough to crumble, had grown tall enough to embrace me. Their face, once always rigid with tension, now wore an air of ease and knew how to smile. No longer did a breath heavy with nerves reach me. Instead, a scorching gaze, like a brand, settled upon me.

The legs wrapping around my waist, the hands stroking my nape, even the look in their eyes. None of it belonged to the child I knew. He was no longer a child. The small, young child had become an adult, capable of speaking of love.

And yet, I had known all along. In truth, I wanted to possess them solely for myself. If only they would wait for me in a place only I could see. If only they would pledge a lifetime and promise eternity. Such thoughts tormented me every moment. Fiercely selfish desires and wicked greed crushed me at every turn. I yearned to kiss their bowing hair, to trace my fingers along their pale nape, right then and there.

For their lips to call my name, their touch to seek me out, their gaze to fall only upon me. At the end of their silent gaze, I stood. One person, calling me, seeking me, seeing only me. ‘From where had such a being come?’

“First, spread your legs.”

****

#01 Yun Junseo

“Come in.”

“……”

I opened the door and gestured with my eyes, but the small figure, standing three or four steps away, remained motionless. One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. The face, which had been quietly staring at the floor, startled and dropped its gaze again as soon as our eyes met.

‘Should I speak more gently?’ “I’d appreciate it if you came in.” I uttered words that anyone else might have cursed as far from gentle, and instantly regretted them internally. However, contrary to my expectation, the child cautiously stepped inside the door.

Stepping into the starkly empty interior, a cool gust of air swept over me. Two ceiling air conditioners in the living room hummed diligently in the ownerless space. It was a house a little too spacious for two people. The only furniture arranged in the living room consisted of a four-seater sofa and a 75-inch television, and even the wall clock was a white-lit LED digital display. The black-and-white interior, wallpapered solely in those two colors, transcended sophistication to become bleak. Nevertheless, anyone entering an unfamiliar space for the first time would typically glance around, yet the pale face continued to gaze only at the floor.

‘Where should I go first?’ My momentary deliberation ended, and I walked towards an unfamiliar door visible on the left. Creak— A warm breeze, starkly different from the living room’s air, rushed out, making me frown unconsciously. At this, the child, who had been following, flinched and trembled at the sight of my turned face.

‘Do I look so terrifying as to provoke such a fright?’ “From today, this will be your room.” Sky blue and light gray paint, a warm wooden bed and desk, a world map hanging on the wall, and toys on string shelves. It was a space entirely different from the bleak living room. The child, who had been subtly watching me, nodded with lips pressed tightly together. No emotion was discernible on that small, pale face.

“Is it not to your liking? Tell me if you don’t like it.”

Though I had clearly told them to speak if they disliked it, the child simply shook their head instead of voicing a reply. ‘At this point, I wondered if they could even speak.’ In my hand, which would normally be empty, rested a small travel bag, surprisingly meager for ten years’ worth of belongings. Before coming here, I had gone to the house where the child and that man had lived, searching diligently, but the only usable items I found were textbooks.

The child had packed a few articles of clothing along with a small picture frame found in a corner. Inside the palm-sized frame, a man—difficult to believe he was the same person—and a woman with a face strikingly similar to the child’s, held a newborn baby.

I set the travel bag down on the floor and called the child, who stood silently. “Come out now.” Watching them quietly follow, I strode into the living room. I picked up the remote control sitting idly on the L-shaped leather sofa and turned, only for the child, whose eyes met mine, to hastily avert their gaze again at the sight of my face.

‘They’re quite good at avoiding my gaze every time.’ With the remote in hand, I gestured towards the large television mounted on the wall. “It’s fine to watch it whenever you like, but always sit on the sofa when you do.” The child quietly nodded once more. I was about to add that I’d prefer them not to turn the volume up too high late at night, but decided against it, sensing it would become unnecessary nagging.

Tossing the remote onto one end of the sofa, I mused that a living room table would be necessary. If the child enjoyed watching TV, a few small cushions would also be in order. Things I hadn’t considered necessary when living alone now began to surface, one by one.

Next was the kitchen. A space utterly essential, yet in some ways, the most useless. The kitchen, devoid even of a common rice cooker, was quite literally empty.

“……”

“……?”

“If there’s anything you want to eat, tell me. I’ll go buy it.”

The face, which had only blinked, nodded once more. If my memory served me right, there was no issue with their speech, yet those tightly sealed lips showed no inclination to open.

Finally, I stood before the furthest door on the opposite side. Unsure what to say, I hesitated for a long moment before uttering two blunt words: ‘My room.’ “It’s fine to come in, but always knock before entering.” With those words, the tour of our future living space concluded. I returned to the living room and settled onto the sofa. The child, who had quietly followed me out, watched me sit, then nervously observed me. Seeing them flustered, standing beside the sofa, an incredulous, empty laugh escaped me.

‘What was I thinking, bringing them here?’ ‘Why had I committed such an uncharacteristic act in the first place, and why had I gone to such lengths, troubling so many people, just to bring this child?’ I couldn’t quite remember. Moreover, it was hard enough to exchange a single word, making the prospect of living together seem daunting and uncertain.

The face, smaller than my palm, still gazed at the floor, wearing a complex expression. Whether to sit on the sofa with me, go to their own room, or simply continue standing there—I knew, without them having to say a word, what thoughts were swirling in their complicated mind. ‘Are most children this quiet?’

“Sit.”

The words were merely blurted out without much thought, yet upon hearing my voice, the small shoulders trembled so violently it was pitiful. Never before had I hesitated when speaking to someone, but for the first time, I found myself pausing before uttering my next words. I had no idea what tone to use, or what to say in such a situation.

The child perched on the far end of the sofa, distant from me. Sitting awkwardly, facing forward, they rubbed their other arm with a small hand. Goosebumps rose on their thin, bony arm. I quickly raised my hand, realizing my mistake, but then recalled my aunt’s urgent advice to limit my ability usage as much as possible for the next few years. ‘It seems I’m truly destined not to live as I please.’

To turn off the air conditioner, which I could extinguish with a mere gesture, I pressed a button on the remote for the first time. The air trapped in the room quickly became lukewarm.

An awkward silence settled between the child and me for several minutes. Just as I was searching for appropriate words to say next,

Ding-dong—

The front doorbell, which should never ring, chimed. I walked towards the intercom on the living room wall. On the ten-inch rectangular screen, an unexpected visitor waved enthusiastically. ‘Better than being alone,’ I thought, and opened the door.

Whoosh—

“You’re here? Where are they?”

She burst in without warning or permission, kicked off her high heels, and peered around the interior.

“They’re over there, just wait a moment.”

“Oh, move aside a bit. Oh my!”

By the time I thought to stop her, it was already too late. She spotted the face sitting on the end of the sofa and rushed over, embracing him before I could even intervene.

“Good heavens. You’re finally here! You’re so adorable. What am I going to do?”

“Ha… Aunt.”

“Jaeseong, do you remember me? We met once at the hospital, didn’t we?”

“You startled him. Let go.”

Perhaps startled by the sudden hug, the child remained motionless, looking half-灵魂出窍. I glared at my aunt, who was seated on the sofa with a frown, but she pretended not to notice, avoiding my gaze.

“I was wearing a white gown then, do you remember?”

“Is that important? Just move.”

“No. You’re already so protective of your Guide.”

The child, held in Aunt’s embrace, which showed no sign of letting go, managed a faint smile a few seconds later. For no reason, I felt a surge of anger. I had intended to force them apart if he showed even the slightest discomfort, but seeing him smile shyly made my concern feel hollow. ‘He never smiles in front of me.’ A sudden, inexplicable irritation and sense of neglect washed over me.

“…I remember.”

‘What? He can talk.’

“Ah! You remember!”

“Yes. Hello.”

The child belatedly bowed their head with an awkward expression. Aunt, meanwhile, showed no intention of releasing them from her arms.

“Our Jaeseong, have you eaten?”

“…Not yet…”

“No, what time is it? Junseo, what have you been doing, not feeding the child all this time?”

“I was just about to order something.”

“What? It’s the first day, and you’re going to make them eat here? I really didn’t think you were like this, isn’t that too much? You should have bought them plenty of delicious things, but no, you’re truly heartless. Right, Jaeseong?”

Aunt clicked her tongue and glared at me.

“That’s not it, earlier… Ha… Never mind.”

Annoying nagging was something I was used to, and I didn’t feel like making any excuses, so I just kept my mouth shut.

“‘Never mind,’ my foot. You wait here. I’ll bring the cake I just bought, but first, order some food. Don’t order what you’re eating; get Jaeseong some tonkatsu or hamburg steak.”

Thump, the door closed. As soon as the boisterous visitor left, silence returned. I sensed that trying to force conversation would only make it more awkward, so I silently picked up the menu placed on one side of the kitchen. The menu listed a variety of food types, from Korean to Chinese to Western.

If we were going to live here, we’d be eating only the food from here. So I had intended to treat him to a proper meal at a nice restaurant today. However, the child, who had been discharged today, looked incredibly tired. Moreover, we had even stopped by their house, which was quite a distance from the hospital, so they must have been even more exhausted. Sure enough, the child fell asleep quickly in the car and didn’t wake up the entire ride back.

I was pretending to pore over the menu, which I had already thoroughly examined, when I felt a gaze. The child had approached me at some point and stood hesitantly.

“Why.”

I blurted out another blunt word, out of habit. While I couldn’t manage a smile, I could at least speak a little more gently, but it was too difficult for me, having lived this way for over twenty years.

“Um…”

The child spoke to me for the first time. It seemed they had managed to come forward and open their mouth as intended, but anything beyond that proved difficult, as they finally spoke after several moments of hesitation.

“I’m sorry.”

‘…What?’ The first words the child had spoken to me in three months were the very words I least wanted to hear. I thought they would ask to see the menu. Or perhaps say they needed to use the restroom. I believed those were the only things they could say to me in this situation. If not that, I expected them to throw a tantrum about wanting to go home, but I never imagined ‘I’m sorry’ would come out.

Involuntarily, I frowned and asked, “For what?”

“Oh, um, earlier… the food… in the car, I fell asleep…”

An anxious gaze. A fearful expression. A scared face. These came together with a hesitant voice. Just hearing their unstable, uneven heartbeat made me anxious. ‘What could possibly be so terrifying that they’d think I was angry about something so trivial?’

“It’s fine. You don’t need to apologize to me anymore.”

The child’s eyes widened slightly.

“Don’t say that lightly. Even when you apologize to others, get my permission first.”

The child, hearing my command-like words, thought for a moment, then silently nodded.

“Before we eat, go to your room and change your clothes. I bought new clothes for you on the bed.”

“Yes.”

For once, instead of just nodding, the child replied in a small voice and immediately went into their room. While they changed, I ordered the food. I ordered the two dishes my aunt had mentioned, along with several high-calorie Western options, and sat at the table. Soon, the door clicked open. The child was wearing the white short-sleeved T-shirt and cotton pants I had bought.

Two days before the child’s discharge, I had bought all the necessary underwear and socks, but I couldn’t bring myself to choose clothes arbitrarily. I had asked a department store employee and bought one or two comfortable outfits, but I had no idea if the size, estimated by eye, or the clerk’s taste would suit the child.

Fortunately, the clothes were neither too big nor too small. I wasn’t sure about their taste, but to me, they looked excellent. “They suit you well.”

My true feelings slipped out unconsciously. But then,

—Thump.

Surprised by the sudden surge of emotion, I quickly turned my head away. The small face sitting quietly bore no smile, yet, strangely, my heart was filled with a small joy. The child was happy.

A strange and surprising feeling. A soft, ticklish sensation. ‘Is this feeling yours right now?’ I thought of Hanseo-hyung, who was always exceptionally well when Hae-yi was in a good mood. Simultaneously, I recalled Espers who, after fighting with their Guides, couldn’t focus even more than when they themselves were sick. No matter how much Espers were influenced by Guides, I hadn’t believed it when I saw it with my own eyes, thinking it was just an excuse. ‘How could one person’s emotions be conveyed to another?’ I had thought it was all a lie.

It was a moment when things I hadn’t been able to understand suddenly made perfect sense. The joy of another, for reasons I couldn’t fathom, felt more overwhelming than my own joy. ‘It seems I’m truly destined not to live as I please.’