Chapter 11: Yes, Just That Much

Looking at Sia sleeping soundly in bed after dinner, I felt a bit of pity.

She was a child who couldn’t do anything alone.

Even if she wanted to, her body wouldn’t obey, so all Sia could do was watch quietly.

I remembered her trying desperately to lift her arm while held in my embrace.

The sight was so pathetic it almost made me want to tease her.

While I was glad Sia no longer coughed and could speak without interruption, a very small part of me hoped she wouldn’t get healthy.

The thought of Sia becoming healthy and leaving my embrace filled me with anger.

I wondered if I could always feel emotions so strongly, but it seemed everything related to Sia triggered a sensitive reaction.

I think I’m starting to understand why I’m like this.

It’s somewhat lacking to put it precisely, but I like Sia.

It could be interpreted in different ways, but this one was consistent with one meaning.

“Love…”

I muttered quietly so as not to wake Sia and thought.

Maybe it was attraction from the first moment, or perhaps affection grew after spending just a day or two together; I felt a small ember flickering.

Is that why?

The ‘desire’ to confine Sia in my arms, preventing her from going anywhere, keeping her with me 24/7, had taken root at some point.

It might just be a simple delusion, but why did watching Sia gradually get better make me feel anxious?

Still, Sia’s health is my top priority.

That way, she can eat and wash by herself.

‘Yes. Just up to that point.’

The small ember grew larger with time.

Soon, the ember would engulf Lilac’s emotions.

‘No further than that.’

Just enough to do things alone.

So, being healthy enough for daily life wasn’t bad.

Beyond that… an unwanted future.

Sia must always depend on me.

Haa. Haa.

Sia, breathing softly, shifted in her sleep.

Though it was just a few shoulder twitches.

Looking down at the sleeping Sia, the pitiful expression vanished, leaving only deep, scarlet eyes gazing at her.

After watching for a moment, I also got into bed beside Sia, rested my head on the pillow, and turned to face her.

If someone else saw my actions, they might find it strange, but I am the type to completely ignore such things without a care.

It was a pity I couldn’t properly handle this emotion yet, but there was plenty of time, so there was no need to rush.

Looking at Sia, smaller than myself, I reached out and poked her cheek.

The spot hit by that human trash was already gone.

Perhaps because it was the most expensive ointment in the Empire, she ate well during dinner without even frowning once.

Even as I moved my finger around, Sia didn’t seem to wake up, just sleeping soundly with soft breaths.

Playing with Sia’s cheek, my eyes suddenly caught her white hair.

Unkempt hair reaching her pelvis suited Sia, bringing a smile to my face.

I didn’t know I liked messy things like this, but I knew it was limited only to Sia.

I combed through the tangled hair, messy from lack of care, with my fingers, and Sia looked much better.

It wasn’t perfectly neat since I used my hands instead of a tool, but she looked quite decent, filling me with a sense of pride.

Of course, when morning comes, the white hair will likely be a mess again.

‘Then I can just do it properly then.’

Is this what raising a child feels like?

It seemed far removed from the love between parent and child, so I excluded that from the list.

Rather, it felt more like…

‘Hmm.’

I still don’t know for sure.

I can figure it out slowly.

Since I don’t know what kind of love it is, I shouldn’t be hasty.

‘There’s plenty of time.’

Though I became the Duchess, financial management would be handled by Butler, knight training by Edwyn, the Knight Commander. And the operation of the Duchy estate would be done by me, but…

Since the former Duke is still around, can’t I just pass it off to him?

The heir who assisted the Duke is also ‘still’ alive.

Looked at one way?

Maybe I don’t have to work at all.

Miscellaneous operations will be handled by the vassals.

The vassals haven’t properly grasped the situation of the Duchy estate yet either.

Since it happened today and the information was released late, they must be in utter chaos by now, late at night.

The family head changed overnight.

How could they remain silent?

Especially since it wasn’t Huster, the eldest son groomed as the heir, but the first princess despised by everyone.

‘Let them try dying once.’

The number of things they need to worry about has increased drastically, so their overtime work is now confirmed.

There was one piece of information I foolishly didn’t release.

The very thing I just thought of: pawning off work.

I just realized that since the former head and the heir are still around, I can pass off my duties.

Even I couldn’t praise my own blockhead thinking.

Anyway, they will be hurriedly preparing and coming to the Duchy estate now.

However, I will only sort out the situation.

Everything will be left to the former Duke and the heir.

There might be resistance, but if such people exist, I can just quietly kill them.

After all, no one here could defy Lilac’s words.

Except Sia.

Sia is somehow difficult to treat carelessly.

I’m afraid she’ll break, so I can’t even touch her properly, and seeing such a small child, I don’t feel like forcing anything upon her.

I’ve seen many children and weak beings, but she feels different from them.

Anyway, if I can somehow resolve the management issue through threats, the immediate tasks will disappear.

Future matters can be thought about when they arise.

For now, I just need to focus on my daily life with Sia.

Everything else, I will ignore and not care about.

With that resolve, I released Sia’s cheek and closed my eyes.

Perhaps I was tired too; sleepiness washed over me, and I fell asleep.

Chirp chirp.

The morning birds’ calls woke me up.

I couldn’t remember what I was doing before falling asleep yesterday.

I think I was chatting with Lilac in bed after dinner and then passed out.

This body has so little stamina, how would I manage the military later…

‘Ah. Right, I don’t have to go.’

Even though this world likely has a military, I was worried, but my still groggy mind had forgotten my changed gender.

I wanted to rub my eyes, but seeing my body, even more immobile in the morning, only brought sighs.

I thought I ate quite a lot yesterday.

But far from gaining weight, only the bones of my collarbone were visible, looking weak.

Bones that seemed like they would crumble into dust with just a little force.

‘I need to drink a lot of milk from now on.’

My body lacks calcium, so I can’t even stand properly.

Lack of muscle is one reason, but bone density is also a problem.

How did I end up possessing such a frail, frail body?

As another sigh threatened to escape, a hand covering my mouth from the side forced it back in.

“Sigh too much, and your luck will fly away.”

…Huh?

‘Why are you here… in the same bed as me?’

‘Besides, isn’t this world based on Western culture? Sighing makes luck fly away, that’s…’

Let’s give up thinking.

That seems like it’ll be easier on my mind.

Lilac’s way of thinking isn’t normal, so I need to understand her.

Anyway, I wondered why Lilac was here and asked.

The answer that came back was utterly baffling.

“Because you and I will be living in the same room.”

Let’s give up thinking.

It’s easier that way.

Trying to understand Lilac feels mentally draining.

A delinquent who defies common sense and listens to no one.

‘Am I really going to be okay?’

I know it’s too late for regrets now, but I wished the moment of choice would come again.

Is there anyone in the world who can stop Lilac?

Could Lilac be the protagonist of this world?

The absurd speculation made me chuckle, and Lilac, lying next to me, asked.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Oob oob.”

I knew I was stupid, but the idea of Lilac being the protagonist was so absurd it was funny.

Besides, how am I supposed to talk with my mouth covered?

“Ah. Okay now, tell me.”

Lilac removed her hand from my mouth and asked again, making me trail off with a laugh.

“Just… thinking life is unpredictable… you know?”

“Hmm. Suddenly?”

Oh.

I thought she’d just brush it off lightly.

Why is she asking so persistently today?

I didn’t think beyond this.

How should I phrase it so Lilac understands?

Like this?

“Well… because Lilac saved me when I was about to die…?”

I don’t even know what I’m saying.

“Really?”

“Ye-yes.”

She bought it. Guess she’s really not that sharp.

“Anyway, shall we get up now? You need to eat breakfast to get healthy.”

For some reason, her voice seemed different, but I dismissed it as my imagination and nodded.

Since I couldn’t move my body, Lilac pulled something resembling a thick rope next to the bed, and several maids entered in sequence.

Among them was the head maid, whose gaze towards me was clearly disapproving.

‘Is it because I’m a commoner?’

Well, I understand, but I wish she wouldn’t stare so blatantly… Then.

“Head Maid.”

A chilling tone from beside me made my body tremble.

‘I know nothing…’