Chapter 15: Egoist

The vassals soon disappeared like slaves out of the drawing-room. They too judged there was nothing more to gain by talking to me.

It would have been better if they hadn’t defied me from the start, but humans are naturally busy looking out for their own interests.

Thus, four people remained in the drawing-room.

Me, Sia, the former Duke, and that human scum.

The former Duke cautiously glanced around and stood up from his seat.

“I shall take my leave as well…”

“Do as you please.”

He wasn’t even worth treating as human, but he would become excellent manpower (s*ave), so a greeting seemed appropriate.

The human scum likewise just bowed his head and left.

Now, only Sia and I remained.

“Aren’t we leaving?”

“Aren’t you feeling unwell?”

“!”

Sia couldn’t hide her flustered expression at my probing question and her eyes widened.

Then she nodded as if agreeing with my words.

“I am… but it’s not that uncomfortable.”

Sia said that and smiled reassuringly.

I wasn’t foolish enough to believe Sia’s words implicitly, but she didn’t seem in immediate danger, so I decided to leave it be for now.

Possessing power beyond human limits meant I couldn’t help but see things I didn’t want to. For example, the white light emanating from Sia’s body, currently held in my arms, felt somewhat ominous.

I knew now what it was.

As days passed, I realized what resided in Sia’s body wasn’t mana.

It was an alien power, yet one I had encountered once before.

However, it held a different aura from that power, so I didn’t know the details.

I just needed to be cautious until Sia’s ‘divine power’ was deemed safe.

“Are you really okay?”

“Yes… It doesn’t hurt right now or anything.”

“Tell me immediately if anything feels strange.”

“I will.”

Still, I needed to keep asking.

There was no guarantee the divine power was truly safe for Sia.

Sia said she was fine, but I couldn’t understand why I felt so anxious.

Pushing aside the uncomfortable feeling, I held Sia and left the drawing-room.

We returned to the room for dinner, but all I wanted was to call the attending physician immediately.

Such alien powers always invite disaster.

Somehow, I feel even stuffier than yesterday.

Breathing feels slightly difficult.

It feels like there’s a lump inside me.

But I have no idea what it is.

An inexplicable discomfort mixed with warmth emanated from my chest area.

Lilac told me to speak up immediately if anything felt wrong with my body, but it wasn’t difficult enough yet, so I continued as usual.

Ah, for reference, Lilac bought me a custom rocking chair right after finishing her talk with the vassals.

Covered in white wood and cushions of unknown origin, my back didn’t hurt.

It was cozy enough to use instead of a bed, but.

‘Is this really okay?’

The lump inside my body keeps feeling like it’s growing.

If yesterday it was like a small bead, today it feels like a larger pebble.

I thought my body might explode if this continued, but my instincts told me it wasn’t a power meant to kill me.

Just that it would be okay once I got used to it.

I can’t tell if this is instinct whispering or the devil.

Being near the window in the comfortable chair, the Duchy came into view.

The shopping streets and residents I saw when I first arrived.

Everyone looked exhausted.

But seeing everyone working with smiles on their faces evoked more admiration than pity.

Lilac, watching from the side, asked.

“Want to go out?”

“Hehe… No. It’s just, when my body gets healthy, I want to try doing things like that too.”

“If you want, I can even get you a Dragon Heart. You’ll get healthy right away with that.”

“……”

‘Was that something you could just get by asking?’

But judging by her expression, even though she said it, she didn’t seem willing to give it.

Ignoring Lilac’s words, I turned my head back to the window.

Lilac didn’t mind either, approached, picked me up, and sat down in the rocking chair with me.

Now, the perception of me being just a doll has firmly set in.

I don’t know if this is right.

‘As long as she provides food, clothing, and shelter…’

What I need right now is a space to make my body healthy.

Of course, I can’t exercise or anything, but shouldn’t I at least eat and gain weight?

Exercise comes after that.

It’s definitely not because exercise is annoying.

‘Even in my past life, I couldn’t even do 5 push-ups.’

Sia was far removed from exercise.

Anyway, back to the point, the foreign substance inside me showed no sign of disappearing.

I wanted to ask Lilac, but I had a feeling I’d regret hearing the answer if I found out.

Because it felt like a power that made the existence ‘me’ necessary in this world.

I could tell instinctively.

It wasn’t causing immediate harm, but just in case, I should stay tense.

And so, the daily routine repeated, and it was the 3rd day since I first felt the strangeness.

I was sitting with Lilac in the rocking chair as usual.

Held, of course.

I wonder if there was any point in having it custom-made for me, but Lilac just looked at me with an expression that seemed to say she liked it better this way.

She looked very different from the first time.

Back then, she was cold-blooded with dead-looking eyes, but recently she seemed a bit brighter.

And I realized every time I bathed, my eyes were remarkably similar to Lilac’s.

Rotten pollack eyes.

Lilac liked my eyes like that… but when I looked at my own eyes, disgust and aversion bloomed.

The eyes of the girl whose body I now inhabited.

They chillingly matched Lilac’s from when we first met.

Eyes that showed nothing was left for me.

However, they say my eyes gain a slight light when looking at Lilac, Butler, Edwyn, or others.

It was strange, but they were still nauseating eyes.

Bright golden eyes, dark like a moon that had swallowed the sun.

Perhaps these eyes were formed before I possessed this girl.

Eyes that look the same no matter what emotion I feel are already dead.

Maybe the girl already died, and I just entered the shell?

Isn’t there a saying that even gods can’t fix eyes?

My reflection in the window only brought sighs.

‘What’s so good about a girl with eyes like that, that she carries her around?’

Well… aside from that, her appearance surpasses most idols from my past life.

But that’s only when the eyes look normal.

Sigh…

Anyway, the lump inside my body seemed to have finished growing, as it wasn’t getting bigger anymore.

I felt relieved about that, but somehow anxiety surged, and I couldn’t relax my tension.

“Still feeling stuffy inside?”

I nodded at Lilac’s voice from above my head.

The stuffiness hadn’t subsided yet.

“It’ll be okay. The Saintess is coming in 3 days.”

“What?”

“Ah. Did I not tell you?”

‘This is the first I’m hearing of it. You foolish Lilac.’

Her blockhead nature hadn’t gone anywhere; it was still with Lilac.

How could she tell me such important information now?

“Anyway, you can get help from the Saintess then.”

“Yes. I will.”

The attending physician already said there was nothing wrong with my body.

What’s suspicious is that Lilac seems to already know.

But she just keeps saying not to worry, so I couldn’t catch her tail.

Suppressing my stuffy feeling, I tried to lean into Lilac’s embrace.

Wooooong.

An unknown noise came from deep within my chest.

“?”

“Wait…”

I wasn’t the only one who noticed the strangeness; Lilac’s expression hardened too as she lightly gripped my shoulder.

Woooooooong.

The noise grew louder.

Wheeeeeeew.

It died down.

“Eh…?”

“Huh?”

Like a machine shutting down just before overloading, the lump inside my body expanded and then subsided.

“Uh… Nothing’s wrong?”

“Seems so… No. Just in case, let’s stay in bed today. I’ll call a cleric too.”

“Okay.”

Judging by the reaction, it felt like a bomb inflating as if about to explode, then cooling down as if doused with water.

Just as Lilac stood up to get me, the moment she held me.

“Pffft.”

Splurt.

She didn’t hold me that tightly. Nor did she grab me hastily.

But as soon as Lilac’s hand touched my stomach, as if a switch was flipped.

“Sia!!”

Blood spurted from my mouth.

Pfft.

“Cough. Khak!”

Having recently gained just enough strength to lift my arms, I frantically raised my hand to cover my mouth.

However.

“Gak. Pffft.”

Drip. Drip.

The blood wouldn’t stop flowing out of my body.

Like expelling waste, endless nausea and heaving occurred consecutively, making blood gush even more forcefully from my hand-covered mouth.

“Sia!!! Snap out of it! Don’t lose consciousness!”

I saw Lilac urgently holding me and running.

Too disoriented, held like a doll, blood surged even more violently.

Thud thud thud.

With every running step, lumps of blood fell onto the arm supporting me.

Lilac’s shirt, always white, became stained with blood.

Tat tat tat tak.

Where are we going? How long will it take? I don’t know.

I just hope we arrive as soon as possible.

I’m reaching my limit. I’ve lost too much blood. More than when I ate the stew.

Could this be irreversible even with potions or elixirs?

Just guessing with a mind half gone.

Haha.

Even now, blood travels from my organs, up my esophagus, out of my mouth, dirtying my clothes and Lilac’s.

I want to lose consciousness due to blood loss, but I feel like I’ll get scolded, so I forcefully hold on.

Isn’t this sight truly repulsive?

A foolish wench who only looks out for her own interests.

I begged to be saved because I didn’t want to die. Doing it again now would be shameless.

Why are you going to such lengths to save me?

Huh? Lilac.

Answer me.

I closed my eyes. Then thought quietly.

‘Selfish bastard.’

‘Useless doll who only knows herself.’

‘Just be a doll forever.’

Haha.