Chapter 18: Self-loathing.

“No.”

She had repeated the same word for the fifth time.

“You have to wear it.”

“I’ve told you many times, I don’t want to.”

Signo refused once more.

As soon as she regained consciousness, Signo was arguing with the maids.

“Lady Yukomis has requested this.”

“What did she… What did that person say?”

“She said that when you wake up, we must prepare and dress you in ‘appropriate attire.'”

Saying that, the two maids proudly displayed the girl’s dress they had prepared.

It was a dress with a wide, fluttering skirt, elegant frills, and a small flower decoration on the waistband.

In addition, the short-sleeved shirt had lightly puffed shoulders.

“Isn’t it pretty? It will definitely suit you.”

The maid said triumphantly. As expected of a dress from the Dukedom, it was very expensive and well-made.

The small and elegant decorations and frills were all designed and made by the best craftsmen. However, the little girl in front of her only narrowed her eyes at the beautiful dress.

“Just give me the clothes I was wearing.”

“Those clothes are too plain and dirty to wear here. And they’re not even the right size for you.”

The maid was adamant.

‘Then give me back my robe.’

“This is the Solenas Dukedom mansion. Surely you’re not thinking of walking around in those clothes.”

“…Let me meet Yukomis-nim.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to resolutely protest against this oppression.”

“The Lady is currently busy with something important.”

That was the truth.

“Please trust us. It will suit you well. It will be perfect.”

The maids couldn’t understand why this girl was expressing so much animosity towards this pretty dress.

This kind of dress was the kind of dress that the maids dreamed of being able to wear even just once when they were girls.

They had taken out a dress that they thought would suit this little girl especially after careful consideration.

It was to thoroughly follow Yukomis’s instructions to ‘take good care of her’.

Moreover, this unknown young lady in front of them was really making the clothes look good, even to the maids.

“No, I can bear with that shirt then.”

Signo tried to compromise.

“Just change the skirt into pants.”

“We don’t have any.”

“Don’t lie to me. You must have some, right? Even riding pants or something…”

It was a strangely confident voice.

“Young lady, you’re bothering the two employees.”

Another voice intervened. As the argument continued, the door opened and two more women came in.

It was the head maid, Parnen, and the maid, Aisha.

“Riding pants wouldn’t match that shirt, would they?”

The two maids hurriedly bowed their heads towards the entrance.

“Ah, Head Maid. What brings you to the annex…”

“I have something to talk about with that young lady.”

Parnen smiled kindly at the maid.

“You’ve worked hard cleaning and tidying up the annex. You can leave the clothes you brought there and go back to the main building to help with the work, okay?”

“As you command.”

“Ah, can I just take this…”

The two maids didn’t even listen to Signo’s words.

Once only the three of them were left in the room, Parnen spoke first.

“Signo-ssi. No…”

Pause.

“Should I call you Signo-yang now? Good morning.”

“Good morning, Head Maid Parnen.”

“You can just call me Parnen.”

“…Yes.”

“I was too flustered to properly greet you when we first met.”

Parnen emphasized the words ‘first meeting’.

Although she didn’t show it, she was struggling to maintain a calm expression.

“…Eup.”

However, that was only possible for someone as experienced as Parnen.

Aisha, who was standing next to her, was clearly agitated, staring at Signo as if possessed.

“First of all, I would like to express my deep gratitude for saving the life of the young Lady.”

Parnen gave a courtly greeting first, and Aisha followed behind her.

It was a very polite greeting, lifting the skirt, deeply pulling one foot back, and kneeling.

“You don’t have to go that far…”

“No, if it weren’t for Signo-yang, I don’t know what would have happened to the Lady.”

“If I hadn’t been there, Karat-ssi would have taken care of it. I was just there…”

She tried to brush it off as if it were nothing, but Parnen and Aisha still didn’t raise their heads.

Signo sighed softly and changed her way of speaking.

“Really, you’re making it hard for me, Head Maid Parnen.”

“…Yes?”

“Is it right for a member of the Solenas family to bow to the ‘second son’ of a country baron?”

The fact that Signo’s identity was male was a secret shared only by Parnen, Aisha, and Karat in the mansion so far.

Yukomis had told her not to let this fact leak out and create an awkward situation.

“But…”

“Come on, Head Maid. It wouldn’t mean anything if the person receiving thanks is uncomfortable, would it? I like it better when the Head Maid is in a comfortable atmosphere. Aisha-yang too.”

At those words, the two slowly raised their heads.

And Parnen put her hand on her chest and began to speak.

“Signo Irendel-yang. Please know that we are not just thanking you with words. Solenas always remembers favors. The price for saving the Lady’s life will surely return to the Irendel family.”

“Thank you. My older sister, Baroness Minon Irendel, will surely be happy too.”

When the story of repayment came up, Signo readily nodded her head.

It wasn’t like the Solenas family would accept it if she refused at this point,

And she knew very well that it would only create unnecessary arguments for each other.

“I am also honored to receive the gratitude of the Solenas family. But I don’t think the Head Maid came all the way to this remote annex with Aisha just to express her gratitude to me.”

“…Yes. In addition to expressing our gratitude, there is an important fact to convey.”

“Is that related to the reason why the Head Maid came to express her gratitude to me instead of Yukomis?”

Parnen had been constantly admiring her since entering the room.

‘Her words and manners are too fluent and clear for the mind of a twelve-year-old. It’s as if she has had hundreds of conversations like this with someone like me. How can she be like this at this age?’

“That’s right.”

Parnen nodded and explained.

“Actually… the Princess is scheduled to visit this mansion.”

“I see.”

Signo also nodded her head.

“…I’m sorry, but who’s coming?”

Then, after a slight time lag, she tilted her head.

“Which Princess are you talking about?”

“The Third Princess ‘Iresia Lana Arl Shartashat-nim’.”

“No, Ilesha is coming here???”

Signo raised her voice in surprise, and Parnen raised her eyebrows very slightly at those words.

“Signo-yang, calling the Princess by such a name is…”

“Ah, ah, ah. Th, that’s right. I’m sorry. It was inappropriate.”

“Anyway, the Princess will be coming here soon… Signo-yang, you know what the problem is, right?”

“…Yes.”

That went without saying.

“Signo-yang. I’m sorry to say this, but I still find it difficult to deal with Signo-yang. The Lady explained to me that Signo-yang was affected by evil magic… But even knowing that, Signo-ssi looks too much like the Great Lady in her younger days that I knew.”

“Aisha is even like this. Aisha?”

Parnen tapped Aisha’s shoulder lightly.

The maid called Aisha had been unable to take her eyes off Signo with a dreamy and excited look ever since she raised her head.

“She’s not usually like this… I’m sorry. Aisha was the maid who served the Great Lady until the end. She must feel similar to me.”

“…Yes. I understand.”

She said that, but somehow Signo couldn’t meet Aisha’s gaze and avoided it.

“And as you know, the Third Princess was also in the same Order and a comrade of the Great Lady, Thermis Solenas-nim.”

“That’s right too.”

“Since they were so close, she will probably recognize Signo-yang’s appearance now. That’s why Lady Yukomis wanted to avoid making things complicated.”

And Parnen had the same thought as Yukomis.

Considering that she herself had almost lost consciousness when she first saw Signo, the reaction of Her Highness the Princess wouldn’t be much different.

Who is this child, why are they here, why do they look exactly like her, etc…

Questions would continue endlessly, and it wouldn’t be easy to explain.

“So, until Her Highness returns, please don’t come out of this annex, even for a moment… It’s an important matter.”

“Okay.”

“Signo-yang is our benefactor, and I’m really sorry.”

Parnen bowed her head again.

In conclusion, it was like temporarily confining Signo to this annex.

“Don’t mention it.”

But Signo gave Parnen a cheerful smile.

“I’m a country aristocrat who’s recuperating in such a good Dukedom mansion, so I should be grateful.”

“Thank you for saying that. It’s not much in return, but… Aisha.”

At Parnen’s call, Aisha stepped forward slightly.

“Aisha will be serving Signo-yang for a while until the Princess returns. Aisha?”

“I am not good enough, but I will serve you with all my heart.”

“I can guarantee that she is one of the most reliable maids in this mansion. She will make sure that you are not uncomfortable in any way while you are here.”

“Yes. She must be such a person…”

Somehow, Signo nodded vaguely.

“Oh. And you must wear that dress.”

“I’m sorry. Lady Yukomis is recovering… She’s still sleeping. I’ll tell her as soon as Her Highness the Princess arrives.”

Parnen said apologetically after greeting her with all the employees.

“No, I can’t do that to a patient. I’ll wait until she wakes up.”

Parnen told Signo calmly that ‘the Princess is scheduled to visit’, but in fact, there was a commotion in the main building.

The moment they received the sudden notice of a visit, Parnen and all the employees were shocked.

No matter how much a Dukedom it was, thorough preparations were essential to welcome a high-ranking royalty like the Third Princess.

It was written that ‘since this is a one-sided visit, there is no need to make any special preparations’, but of course no one could take it literally.

From dawn, long before Signo woke up, the maids wiped the windows until they were almost transparent,

And did their best to secure the best ingredients.

But… the timing was the problem.

Just recently, a huge Wyvern had crashed into the beautiful front garden of the Dukedom, which it was so proud of, and had completely smashed it.

To make matters worse, the Third Princess was a member of the Wyvern Knights.

That meant she was literally coming ‘flying’ from the capital.

Unfortunately, the princess drove her Wyvern herself to the runway on the outskirts of the mansion the day after the visit notice arrived,

And Parnen had to accept the bad news from the knights that ‘The Princess has already arrived’ heavily.

“I’m really, really sorry, Your Highness. I’m not only showing you an embarrassing sight…”

“I’m the one who’s sorry. Parnen Solenas-ssi. I said that you could welcome me comfortably, but there’s no way you could take it that way. My consideration was lacking.”

Ilesha was still wearing a tight-fitting riding suit that revealed her figure as it was.

She must have really run all the way here as soon as she got off the Wyvern runway.

“I’ll just look around the mansion comfortably… Well, tell her to have dinner with me when it’s dinner time.”

“Yes. Your Highness.”

“Oh, and I don’t need a guide. This is a pretty familiar place to me too.”

Ilesha really didn’t think Yukomis was still sleeping.

‘She must be playing a little trick on me.’

She smiled.

Leaving behind the hundreds of mansion employees bowing, Ilesha walked up the stairs in the central hall.

A few of her court mages and knights tried to follow her, but she stopped them with a look back.

‘It’s better this way.’

And she started climbing the stairs of the central hall.

After going up to the second floor, she headed to the left of the hallway without hesitation.

From there, she was no longer walking lightly, thinking that she should just look around, but was clearly walking at a speed with a destination in mind.

‘…I want to see you.’

From the moment she thought she should meet Yukomis, there was one thought that captivated her heart.

‘If I’m going to meet her, I hope I can see that place too.’

The one and only place that exists only in the Solenas mansion.

The Solenas mansion was huge, but it didn’t take her long to reach the end of the hallway.

There, there was a small private staircase leading to the third floor, isolated from other areas.

At first, she climbed up one step at a time, soon it became two steps, and her clenched hands shook near her shoulders.

She reached the third floor like that. There, there was someone’s bedroom.

She knew very well why that room existed in such a closed area.

‘…When my personality is… not very good… there were times. It’s the traces of that time.’

That’s how she explained it.

She shook the doorknob, but the door was locked tight.

But she smiled as if she knew it would be like that and put her hand in her pocket.

There, for some reason, was a key that perfectly matched the lock on that room.

The old lock clicked a few times and opened, and she closed her eyes blissfully as the door opened.

“…Hoo.”

And she took a deep breath of the air in the room.

“Haa…”

The scenery that she had only been invited to a few times, but had missed so much, was there.

The bed she used, the blanket she used, the desk she used, the chair she sat on… the bookshelf…

Thermis Solenas. Her room.

It was as if time had stopped in that room after her death.

It was as if the owner of the room had just left, if it weren’t for the thin layer of dust piled up on the furniture.

…After that day, no one dared to think of cleaning this room.

Yukomis Solenas. Including her.

Ilesha, who closed the door and entered the room, carefully closed the curtains.

And she began to admire how ‘her-like’ the traces of the owner left in various places in the room were.

This was a different atmosphere from any other young lady’s room she knew.

It wasn’t that she didn’t clean up, but it wasn’t very thoroughly maintained either.

The decorations and furniture were all decorated as restrained as possible,

And the only traces of hobbies that could be called aristocratic or feminine were the teacups that filled the display cabinet.

Technical and tactical books that Ilesha found difficult to understand were unfolded haphazardly, and only the top page was rotting, and the chair was crookedly out of the desk.

The order and habits that were only valid for the owner were it was still melted.

She was moving carefully so as not to damage the memories as much as possible, and suddenly stopped in front of the bed.

And she bent her body and carefully stroked the blanket on the bed.

“…Ah.”

Then, she found the slowly disappearing body odor of the room’s owner, buried under the dust and fiber smell.

It was a faint, very faint smell, but she couldn’t help but recognize it.

Ilesha’s whole body trembled lightly as if feeling resistance to something,

“…Just a little… just a little… just a little…”

She slowly knelt down.

She, who was gently sweeping away the dust from the blanket, realized that she could no longer resist the desire that filled her chest at some point.

She hesitated and slowly buried her face in the blanket.

And she took a deep breath.

And she did that for a long time. Her shoulders rose and fell dozens of times in accordance with her deep breathing.

“Haa…”

When she finally raised her head, she had a completely different expression from when she first entered the mansion.

Her cheeks and forehead were flushed as if she had a fever,

And her narrowly opened eyes were unrealistic and floating, as if seeing something beyond the scenery of the room.

Ilesha took out a small handkerchief from inside her riding suit.

It was a handkerchief with a simple and simple pattern that was far from the princess’s own taste.

And the moment she lightly rubbed it against the end of her lips, something stopped her.

It was not someone else’s words, nor any obstacle, but a voice in some memory.

‘I’m asking you to take care of everyone.’

‘You are a reliable person.’

The moment the voice of the person she dreamed of passed through her head, her lips began to tremble,

“No… no..”

The handkerchief she was biting fell between her thighs.

A deep sense of self-reproach came over her for giving in to her rash desires and destroying the traces of the deceased.

There must have been a reason why Yukomis sealed off this room.

She herself must have missed her sister so much, and wanted those traces so much,

But she endured and left it as it was.

But to come here just because she had the key.

On top of that, to shamelessly mess it up like this…

“What… What am I doing here…”

Her hand soon turned into a tightly clenched fist.

And that swept away the golden hair that had been covering her right eye.

On her right eye, which she had been covering up until now…

There were traces that something sharp had torn through.

“Ah… I’m sorry, Thermis-nim…”

Her fingertips, which had raised her nails, scratched her eyes wildly.

“What am I doing…”

“It was a room that shouldn’t have been entered in the first place… I shouldn’t have dirtied it here…”

“I’m sorry for being this kind of person…”

Her eyes, which were injuring herself, were wet with blood and tears.

“I’m dirty and vulgar…”

In the dark room where no one was,

Only her self-reproach endlessly fell.