Chapter 18: The Habit of Apologizing

“What? D-dieting? W-why, why would you—y-you don’t need to do that!”

Ah.
His intense reaction reminded Seonyul of how Seung-ju had nursed her when she collapsed before.

Back then, it had been Seung-ju who’d taken off her soaked clothes.
She’d just said whatever came to mind, but seeing him react so strongly made things a little awkward.

“I misspoke.
I meant body management, not dieting.
I like working out.
People who exercise usually eat chicken breast while managing their diet, so, well…….”

“Oh…… y-your body.
It looked cool.
You had muscles and…….”

“…….”

“So you like exercising…….”

Seung-ju’s voice shrank shyly.
Something about that reaction made Seonyul feel oddly self-conscious, and she rubbed her own arm.
She did like exercising, but after taking such a long break, her body couldn’t have been good enough to deserve praise.
Still, she was lucky to have a build that gained muscle easily—despite doing nothing but washing dishes at the Chinese restaurant, her arms were still firm.

Crunch.

Seung-ju took a bite of the chicken.
Normally, he ate as quietly as a mouse, but the crispy batter crackled with every bite, sounding almost like a snack.
Seeing him eat so happily filled Seonyul with a sense of satisfaction.

“Did you get some sleep today?”

“Yes, a little…….”

“What did you do after you woke up?”

“I washed up, cleaned a bit.
Ah, I also reread the book you read to me yesterday.”

Even while eating, Seonyul kept talking to him.
Unexpectedly, Seung-ju was very neat.
She’d worried since the housekeeper didn’t enter his room, but whenever she asked about his day, bathing and cleaning were always part of it.

‘That figures…… it smells nice in there, too.’

The chicken smell masked it now, but ever since the first day, his room had carried a faint, gentle scent of soap.
They used the same fabric softener, yet her clothes never smelled like that.
Whenever his door opened, that distinctive fragrance brushed past her nose.

“And…… I watched a documentary.
One with animals…….”

“What kind of animals?”

“……W-wolves?”

The word “wolves” brought to mind the documentary she’d once recorded in PD Jung’s studio.
It should’ve aired already—surely it wasn’t that one.

After days of chatting, Seonyul had realized he didn’t really have any particular hobbies.
Waking up, washing, and cleaning were the only fixed parts of his routine.

As Seonyul kept asking him every day what he’d done, Seung-ju seemed to force himself to do something, anything.
Today, reading and watching a documentary.

Yesterday, assembling a 3,000-piece puzzle.
The day before, watching a movie…….

‘Doesn’t he get bored?’

She wondered if his insomnia had worsened because he did so little.
It’d be nice if he even took a walk in the yard, but there wasn’t a single pair of shoes set out by the door.
He didn’t go outside at all, and even when she wasn’t home, if he opened his door to grab something, he seemed to retreat right back in.

“V-voice actor…… please tell me more things you like.
E-exercise, and also…….”

“Hmm…… dramas or movies?
I haven’t watched much lately.
I used to watch while working out, but after I quit the gym, I didn’t have the time.”

“And, and?”

“I like all kinds of meat, and I usually drink iced Americano.”

“Tell me more.”

“My favorite celebrity—back when I was in the military—was Love Love Beam Beam……
No, let me be honest.
You just want me to keep talking so you can hear my voice, right?”

“A-ah, no!
I-I mean, th-that is true, b-but—ah!”

While rambling, Seung-ju knocked over his cola.
From inside the room came panicked breathing and the sound of something wiping the floor.

Seonyul slid a wet wipe from the chicken bag through the gap in the door.
She’d only been teasing lightly, but the way he admitted he wanted to hear her voice made him look unbelievably innocent.

“Want me to pour you more cola?”

She asked while looking down at the fingers carefully taking the wet wipe she’d given him.
His oil-slicked fingertips twitched, then his voice came out softly.

“I-it’s okay.
I’m full now…….”

“I’m full too, so I can’t eat anymore.
Give me what’s left.
I’ll clean it up.”

“O-okay.
I’m sorry…….”

There it was again.
Apologizing even though he’d done nothing wrong.
Seonyul’s eyebrow twitched.

“What exactly are you sorry for?”

“I spilled the cola…… and kept asking you so many questions…….”

“You spilled it in your own room, and you cleaned it yourself.
And asking questions is something I do all the time, isn’t it?
Why do you always start by apologizing when you haven’t done anything wrong?
Do you know that’s a really bad habit?”

Ah.
She’d said it too sharply.

After blurting out what she’d always wanted to say, Seonyul immediately regretted it.
No sound came from Seung-ju’s room.
When the silence stretched longer than expected, Seonyul blamed her hot temper and spoke as if making excuses.

“……I’m not angry, so say something.”

“It’s a habit.
Since I was little…….”

“Since you were little?”

“M-my parents were strict……
I-I won’t do it anymore!
I won’t say sorry anymore.
So…… p-please don’t leave the house.
Please…….”

Apologizing had become a habit since childhood?
Just how strict had his parents been for that to happen?

Hearing that felt like a stone settling in her chest.
Seonyul placed her hand over Seung-ju’s hand gripping the door.

Startled, he tried to pull away, but she tightened her grip and held him there.

His trembling hand grew damp with sweat.
She could faintly feel his heart pounding.

“Calm down.
I never said I was leaving.”

“…….”

“I’m sorry.
I thought we’d gotten close, so I overstepped on my own.”

“M-me and you…… c-cl-close?”

His confusion traveled through their joined hands.

As he stammered, clearly having never expected those words, Seonyul’s ears turned red.
Maybe thinking they’d gotten close was just her own misunderstanding.

God, how embarrassing.
Her grip loosened on its own.
Just then, Seung-ju flailed in the air, trying to grab her retreating hand, and barely caught the tip of her index finger.

“C-close—j-just now you said……!”

“H-ha, I was just thinking that on my own.
We’re the same age, we talk well, so I guess I misunderstood.
I’m not leaving the house, so let go.”

“F-friend…….”

“What did you say?”

“F-friend—ah, no.”

Didn’t he just say “friend”?
From that single word, Seonyul could guess what he wanted.

Clinging tightly to her index finger like it was a lifeline confirmed it.
She waited calmly as Seung-ju hesitated.
Soon, he spoke—but not the words she’d expected.

“You don’t have to read today.”

“What?”

G-go?
All of a sudden?
Seonyul looked down at the hand still gripping her finger, unable to hide her disbelief.

“I said go…… N-not completely, just back to your room, voice actor…….”

“……You need to let go first if you want me to go.”

“Gah!”

Startled, Seung-ju yanked his hand back inside.
Bang.
The door slammed shut.
Seonyul rubbed the tip of the finger he’d been holding and let out a small sigh.

‘Damn it, I should’ve toned down my personality.’

Even if his constant apologizing bothered her, she should’ve waited until they were closer to say something like that.

He’d been so kind and accommodating from the start that she’d crossed the line without realizing it.
The firmly shut door felt like a wall around his heart.

‘Still…… he did seem to want to be friends.’

After tidying up the food and going back downstairs, Seonyul smiled faintly, recalling how openly Seung-ju had shown that he wanted to be friends.
She didn’t know why he couldn’t say it when the moment was right, even though he usually handled embarrassing words so well……

‘Was it…… awkward?’

Thinking back, she’d never made friends like that during school either.

Usually, it happened naturally after playing soccer or basketball together.
Two guys holding fingers and talking about being friends might’ve felt cringe-worthy.

Yeah.
No wonder he couldn’t say it.
No matter how much he felt like a younger brother, he was still a twenty-seven-year-old man, the same age as her.

“Right.
Friendship happens naturally……
What matters right now is food.”

Seonyul opened the fridge and scanned it, deciding what to feed Seung-ju tomorrow.
Putting some weight on him came first, so high-calorie food was a must.

They’d had chicken today, so tomorrow she’d grill pork.
His stomach seemed small—could he handle ice cream for dessert?

Judging by his personality so far, he’d probably be too full to eat but wouldn’t say so, just suffer quietly.
Seonyul crossed ice cream off the list.

*********

In the deep dawn, when everyone was fast asleep, the door to the far room on the second floor opened without a sound.

Even after opening it, Seung-ju hesitated for a long time before stepping over the threshold.
Unease was evident in every step as he went down the stairs.

‘Just today. Only today…….’

From the day he’d gained a housemate, Seung-ju had repeated “just today” without missing a single night.

It was a meaningless vow.

He already knew that tomorrow, too, he wouldn’t be able to overcome his desire and would come down again.