Chapter 19: Coward

Even though it would be better to proceed with “intimate contact guiding” after both of them showered in their respective bathrooms, in truth, Juju didn’t think things would go any further with Colonel Shan even if everything went well.

The colonel was far too conservative, a stiff, closed-off old fossil.

Just look at this.

Colonel Shan Pei, apparently not even hearing the instruction to take off his shoes, simply sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Colonel.”

“I don’t think it’s too late to get on the bed after hearing how it’s done.”

Fine. Juju resisted the urge to scoff. He was a guide who knew how to lead.

“First, please hold me.”

“…”

“Hurry. We need to raise intimacy.”

The colonel looked at Juju with blatant suspicion, while Juju continued to string words together however he pleased, maintaining a shameless expression.

Suddenly, the colonel glanced at the locked door and narrowed his eyes. It seemed like he didn’t want anyone to see them embracing if someone came in. Even knowing it was a simple, practical intention, Juju felt his throat go a little dry.

Colonel Shan slowly approached him. A lavender-like scent washed over Juju. It was the same smell he’d noticed when he’d been held in the colonel’s arms before. After a brief moment, Juju looked up at him with a bright smile.

“Is this how you hold someone when you hug them, Colonel?”

The colonel’s expression wavered as he awkwardly held Juju and looked down at him.

“I’ve never hugged anyone before.”

“Then I’ll teach you.”

Juju nodded readily, then opened his arms and pulled the colonel toward him. The colonel resisted for just a second before allowing himself to be drawn in.

This was it, the perfect moment to hug Colonel Shan with all his selfish intentions.

The colonel’s chest was broad. When Juju hugged him tightly, he was almost swallowed up by it.

“…Juju?”

“Yes?”

“How long, um… do I need to keep holding you?”

‘That’s up to me.’

Juju pretended not to hear and rolled his eyes while staying wrapped around him.

“Until you’re fully ready to receive guiding, Colonel?”

“…”

Colonel Shan Pei looked down at Juju with a slightly uncomfortable expression.

“Actually, I know a way to finish faster, but I’m afraid you’ll run away.”

At that, the colonel’s straight eyebrows shot up.

“I won’t run.”

“You already did.”

“…”

“Coward.”

At the blunt accusation, the colonel’s jaw tightened once.

“I promise. I won’t run.”

“Really?”

Juju looked up at him doubtfully.

The colonel met his gaze with resolute eyes. Trust him, or not? Shan Pei looked at Juju as if he were dreaming of seeing that lovely face tilt and ponder.

He desperately wanted this small guide to trust him. No matter what it was, no matter when, it was this guide alone that he needed. Juju was the only person whose trust mattered; unconsciously, the colonel thought that he didn’t need anyone else’s.

At that moment, Juju pushed him away. The colonel was shoved back with ease. For a fleeting instant, a look of regret crossed Shan Pei’s face, and fortunately, Juju caught it.

‘So he really is an esper.’

Thinking that yet again, Juju began unbuttoning his shirt.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

As the buttons came undone one by one, the colonel’s face drained of color. Juju finally shrugged the shirt off and tossed it aside.

“Juju?”

“Yes?”

Seeing Juju, still seated, boldly undoing his belt and moving on to the next step without hesitation, the colonel averted his eyes, unable to decide where to look, and called his name again. Juju, however, didn’t stop.

Bare-chested now, Juju looked at the visibly shaken colonel and grinned.

“No, Juju, this is-”

“You promised you wouldn’t run away.”

“But I didn’t think you meant this.”

“Are you really going to make excuses like a coward?”

The colonel’s lips snapped shut mid-sentence. He stared at Juju, utterly confused. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Shan Pei wasn’t such a fool that he’d retreat helplessly when his pride was on the line.

At any rate, he seemed to stop wavering. After standing stiffly like a mountain for a moment, he finally began to move, slowly.

But you couldn’t approach a carefully prepared feast with such half-hearted resolve.

‘That won’t do, Colonel.’

When Juju grabbed his shoulders, the colonel looked at him in confusion.

“Colonel.”

“…What is it?”

The colonel’s eyes widened like a startled rabbit, full of anxiety.

“I’m the only one taking my clothes off?”

“…”

“You should at least take off your top, Colonel.”

Juju felt he’d been more than generous. He even offered a compromise after confirming the colonel’s horrified expression, but Shan Pei still remained stiff as a rock.

Finally, after a long silence, the colonel sighed and said,

“This won’t work. It’s better if I don’t receive guiding after all.”

“Huh?”

Espers whose pride was pricked were supposed to charge ahead recklessly, that was common sense. This shouldn’t be happening.

Faced with the absurd sight of an esper not lunging at a guide but instead turning away and trying to leave, Juju panicked and grabbed the colonel.

And he did so while half-naked.

“Colonel! This was a promise, wasn’t it? At least tell me why. Is it really impossible? Even if it’s just hugging?”

“It’s not just that.”

He swept a resentful gaze over Juju’s bare body once, then sighed again and turned his head away.

“Colonel, this is just guiding. The larger the area of skin contact, the better the efficiency, ridiculously better, that’s why I took my clothes off. So why are you saying no?”

He hadn’t wanted to say this, but-

“Besides, we’re both men. Is it really such a big deal for two men to hug a bit?”

Even after Juju utterly crushed his own pride to say that, the colonel wouldn’t budge.

“…You’re right.”

“What?”

“It seems I really am a coward.”

With a gloomy face, he gathered Juju’s clothes and held them out.

Juju stared, mouth agape, at his clothes being carefully set down.

No.

The guide had thrown away his dignity and pride, stripped himself bare to seduce him-

“Put your clothes on.”

…He just told him to get dressed?

Juju looked back and forth between the colonel and the clothes, disbelief written all over his face. Rage began to boil up inside him. No matter how new the colonel was to guiding, how fragile his mental state seemed, how kind he might be, this was unforgivable.

Colonel or whatever, this f*cking-

“Colonel… have you lost your mind?”

At last, Juju’s patience snapped.

“Did I say I wanted to do something bad? Did I pounce on you or something? I just said I wanted to hug you and guide you, and you can’t even do that, are you even human? If you’re disgusted by hugging another guy, then just say so!”

The colonel’s face went blank, but unfortunately Juju couldn’t see anything anymore. The colonel’s eyes darted up and down as Juju sprang to his feet and started hopping in place.

“Fine, do whatever you want. Live your whole life without guiding. When all the other espers get guided and turn out fine, you can stay pitch-black, living in fear of when you’ll explode and die. You bastard!”

Still fuming and pointing accusingly at the colonel, Juju jumped down from the bed. He didn’t even feel like putting on slippers. The colonel, who had silently watched the whole spectacle, furrowed his brows as Juju flung the door open, barefoot and not even dressed.

“…f*ck. What are you doing?”

The colonel had definitely been sitting on the bed just a moment ago, and now he was right in front of Juju. The speed was so close to teleportation that Juju cursed in shock before regaining a bit of his senses.

He’d opened the door in a rage, but the cold air rushing in raised goosebumps all over his bare skin.

‘Was I really about to go outside like this?’

For a split second, Juju thought the colonel had saved him from creating an eternal black mark on his life. Still, his anger hadn’t fully subsided. Maintaining his heated expression, he looked up, and only then noticed the chill in Colonel Shan’s face.

Not only that, the colonel was so tall he seemed to completely fill the doorway.

It felt as though a grim reaper were standing there, blocking the exit, guarding it so the dead could never escape.

That ridiculous thought crossed Juju’s mind because Shan Pei’s expression was that terrifying.

Despite his earlier fury, Juju’s whole body shrank back instinctively.

Just as he was thinking he should apologize quickly and put his clothes back on…

“Just now… you were going to go out dressed like that.”