Chapter 19: Even After You’re Gone.

After that day’s commotion where they had shown each other’s sincerity without holding back, Seo Jin promised Ceril. That he would stay by her side until the end of his time.

Ceril also promised that she wouldn’t give up on her life after he disappeared, just the same.

Their daily life, which had started again with such a resolution-

Actually, nothing much had changed.

They shared delicious food just like any other day,

Or watched movies while sitting close together on the sofa,

Or talked about trivial topics for hours.

It was days of living together.

As if nothing had happened.

No one brought up the story of the destined future.

Just without turning their heads away from the present peace. Spending the time that they could enjoy now together.

In that life, Seo Jin also felt uneasy sometimes.

Was it really okay to turn his head away from the intended (yejeongdoen: scheduled; destined) fate and just depend on each other’s warmth like this…? He was a little scared.

But it was a problem that didn’t have a correct answer no matter how much he agonized about it, so he didn’t have any thoughts of trying to change something in this comfortable last memory.

Because the daily life that the two of them were sharing had already become a truly valuable time for Seo Jin too…. He thought that the appearance of her with more smiles than before was the last gift given to the one who was leaving.

One day while they were living like that, Ceril suddenly muttered.

“Should I just retire?”

At that story, Seo Jin turned his gaze away from the book he had been reading. The expression on her face that he looked at had a serious tone.

As she said, Ceril was in charge of a quite busy duty.

A Colonel of the Allied Forces, and even the Commander of the 77th Reconnaissance Regiment. They were the top elites since the war, and because they were an independent unit that received direct command from the Defense Command, they were still being used in many ways.

Currently, the war with Encroachment has ended, but there were also conflicts that were arising again because the common enemy had disappeared. Power disputes, radical groups of ability users, separatist terrorism, in order to prevent such threats, the Allied Forces had to put in considerable effort even in the aftermath.

Thanks to that, Ceril’s Reconnaissance Regiment was also assigned many missions, and she, who was the commander, also had to handle busy tasks every day.

Fortunately, Ceril was a very capable talent, so she could finish all those tasks and leave work in just the daytime…….

But in any case, the time they were together was decreasing by that much.

Ceril seemed to be regretting that somehow.

“There are so many incidents happening internally and externally these days…. so the Headquarters doesn’t seem like it will approve me resting during this time. So I’m thinking of just retiring at this time, what do you think?”

Seo Jin peered intently at her expression without answering.

Ceril, who had met that gaze, tilted her head and added with a soft smile.

“Don’t worry about living expenses. I’ll get a pension too, and if you just count the combat pay that I’ve received, it’s enough to eat and live for the rest of my life.”

“No, it’s not that….”

As she said, Ceril was the commander of the Reconnaissance Regiment that had completed many dangerous missions, and if you just added up the pay that she had received each time, she was likely to be a much bigger rich person than Seo Jin had thought.

But something that was even more valuable than that money was her career.

The achievements that she had built up by going back and forth beyond the defense lines for several years had already been an account that the higher-ups would recognize sufficiently, and thanks to that, she had been able to reach the rank of Colonel at such a young age.

She would probably reach even higher positions if she just made up her mind.

Despite that, the fact that she was talking about retiring now was the same as expressing that the few weeks of the present that the two of them could spend together were more precious than her entire 공훈 (gonghun: distinguished services; exploits) that she had built up risking her life on the battlefield so far……

Seo Jin couldn’t bring himself to answer rashly.

It was clearly a grateful heart.

But at the same time, he had no choice but to dissuade her.

Because he didn’t want her to give up on the possibilities of the future that she possessed because of just him.

Objectively, Ceril was a promising talent. She had the accomplishments that she would reach a much higher position even if she just remained in the Allied Forces.

So, thinking about even the slightest possibility, because the future is something that no one knows. Seo Jin stopped her from retiring.

“It would be better to think about it a little more carefully.”

Ceril read the meaning of that tactful refusal and readily agreed without saying much. Even though she seemed a little regretful, thanks to that, their usual daily life could continue.

She was still going to work as a soldier affiliated with the Allied Forces, and Seo Jin was waiting for her to get off work every day just the same.

Even if the time they were together decreased,

That much more, the waiting for the day became precious.

The happiness of facing her who was returning home increased.

They always ate dinner together, and afterwards, the two of them would quietly read books, or watch movies, or if not, they would share various stories.

He just liked the fact that they were together.

It was those days.

One day, Ceril, who had returned, talked with an unusually excited tone.

“I got a good thing after a long time.”

While saying that, what she showed Seo Jin was none other than liquor with a luxurious label on it.

“Pure Brown Brandy, authentic product that has been aged for over 10 years. It was discontinued before the war, so it’s really hard to get now…. I was lucky.”

Ceril surprisingly liked alcohol quite a bit.

Since before, after joint operations were over, she had always gone to drink together with several unit members as a 뒷풀이 (dwitpuri: after-party). You could always easily find her in the pubs inside the defense line garrison.

But the Ceril who had reunited after several years didn’t show such an appearance very often. To the point where she didn’t put even a drop of alcohol in her mouth now.

It was because she was afraid that she would become recklessly dependent on it.

That was the reason that Ceril had directly told him.

But now-

“Since it’s a rare occasion, how about a drink together?”

The expression on Ceril’s face who was saying that while raising the bottle of alcohol wasn’t particularly dark.

Rather, it only conveyed a somewhat excited feeling.

Had she shaken off something in her heart now?

Seo Jin didn’t refuse her suggestion.

“Sounds good. After a long time, like in the past.”

“Hehe.”

Ceril smiled softly and opened the bottle.

Pouring, a transparent brown liquid filled the two shared glasses.

The first glass was a toast that was clinked silently.

It was a rule of the Reconnaissance Regiment member that the Ceril of the past had taught him.

To always not forget to commemorate the colleagues who had left first.

Seo Jin slowly tilted the alcohol.

After the spicy feeling went down his throat, he put down the half-remaining glass.

Their eyes met.

“How is it?”

A question that had curiosity in it.

Seo Jin recalled what she had said once again.

‘She definitely… said it was a precious liquor, right?’

It seemed like she was asking for a review of it.

But sadly, Seo Jin didn’t really know anything about the taste of alcohol.

So, it was difficult to even answer.

“Um… it’s good.”

“Puh.”

Ceril smiled softly at the awkward expression. An expression as if she was looking at something cute. Seo Jin just smiled awkwardly too.

Like that, the two of them began to drink while sitting face to face.

The snacks (anju: side dishes for drinking) was each other’s stories.

Sometimes light jokes,

And sometimes, deep words to learn more about the other person.

They forgot that the window was darkening, and the two of them emptied the bottle like that.

As the liquid inside disappeared, Ceril’s smile also increased by that much.

Flushed cheeks, bright eye smiles.

That appearance of her comfortably scattering her light brown abundant (pungseonghan: abundant; rich) hair was a beautiful woman that anyone could see. It was a beauty that could make someone’s heart flutter with just a lightly showing smile.

That’s why Seo Jin felt sorry. It shouldn’t have happened that someone like her, after the wounds and loneliness of the past, was almost making an extreme choice.

He just hoped that she would be happy (haengbok: happy; fortunate). He wanted to live a life where Ceril could still smile brightly like now even after he left……. Seo Jin had truly come to hope for that now.

As he had been doing that, the window had already become dark.

Around the time when the senses on his face had become slightly dulled, the alcohol had reached the bottom.

“Huh?”

Ceril tilted her head with slightly unfocused eyes.

And then she put down the bottle with a quiet sigh.

“We drank it all….”

“Um, then should we clean up now? It’s late too.”

“Eung… Let’s do that….”

They were both a little drunk, but they hadn’t become incoherent, so they didn’t act up. They just decided to end it here for tomorrow.

It was while they were trying to clean up like that.

Ceril, who had been standing up while holding the empty glass, staggered for a moment.

The surprised Seo Jin reflexively reached out his hand.

But he was also a little drunk, so his balance was unintentionally messed up.

“Ah….!”

Fortunately, she didn’t fall over.

But Seo Jin had no choice but to barely support her.

As if he was pulling her into his arms.

A distance where each other’s breaths were mixing.

The two’s eyes were inadvertently looking into themselves reflected in the other.

Cheeks that had become flushed from the alcohol, the body heat that had touched their skin, a brief silence.

He felt somehow strange, so Seo Jin helped her up a little late.

“Are you okay?”

The strangely hot feeling was probably because of the alcohol.

An awkward atmosphere had come.

Ceril muttered quietly while turning her gaze away.

“I should… go to sleep soon.”

And then her back turned around. Seo Jin also hesitated for a moment, but he had no choice but to follow her. Since the first time he had come to this house, the two of them had always used the same 침상 (chim sang: bed), so today too, even in this atmosphere, Seo Jin had to lie down next to her as always.

“I’ll turn off the lights.”

“Yes, good night Ceril.”

Like that, the lights disappeared, and in the silence covered by the darkness of the night.

Only the quiet breathing sounds of each other were being heard.

Seo Jin’s head was dizzy from the alcohol that was belatedly rising.

His thoughts weren’t being organized properly.

“Hooo….”

So, while he was quietly composing his breath, he felt something under the blanket.

The warmth of someone carefully holding his hand.

Seo Jin inadvertently turned his head. Then their eyes met.

Light brown eyes submerged in the darkness were staring at him intently.

He couldn’t say anything.

At the tears that were wetting her eyes and overflowing.

Ceril was crying.

The moment he saw that appearance, he felt like his heart was sinking.

Seo Jin realized right away.

That her sadness was clearly… originating from the intended (yejeongdoen: scheduled; destined) farewell. Because they knew that there was really not much time allowed for each other even though they were together like this………………

That’s why she had been smiling even brighter during the day.

It was the sorrow (seulpeum: sadness; sorrow) that she had finally shown after hiding in the darkness of the night.

At that sorrowful (aejeolhan: heartbreaking; plaintive) sincerity, Seo Jin couldn’t say anything.

Then, the hand that was holding him under the blanket was entangling even tighter.

As if she would never let go.

Silently like that……

Ceril was crying.

She could no longer pretend to not know the fate that was coming, to be okay.

Ceril had spent time that was more comfortable and happy (haengbok: happy; fortunate) than anything else for the past few days.

She realized that the fact that she wasn’t alone was that much comforting to her heart.

But if Seo Jin left, she would be alone again.

It was days of returning to the house that was only hers once more.

She didn’t even want to imagine it.

She was scared.

So…. she wanted to remember the warmth of the present forever.

So that she could use it as a support in the days when he wouldn’t be there.

The eyes of each other that were submerged in the darkness gradually got closer.

Before long, a feeling touched their lips,

The touch that was careful and soft was gradually becoming as rough as if it would take her breath away.

“…Haaa.”

“…Eup, heeut…

Their gazes that were closer than anything entangled,

Their breaths mixed,

And after a long time,

They finally separated.

Even that was regrettable, so their gazes were still fixed on each other.

After breathing heavily for a while, Ceril spoke in a trembling voice.

“If you leave, I’ll be alone again.”

“I’m still scared. But I decided to not give up, so I’ll keep my promise. huh (eung: yeah; yes).”

After saying that much, she had eyes that had finally decided something.

“Instead…. um, can you grant me just one request?”

Ceril wrapped her hand around Seo Jin’s hand.

And then slowly and carefully led it.

“I want you to give me courage (yonggi: courage). Courage that I can endure in this world……”

The place that her fingertips finally touched was her lower abdomen.

A touch that was grabbing his hand and pressing down hard.

A voice that was like a whisper tickled Seo Jin’s ears.

“Even if you leave, can you create a reason for me to keep living………….?”