Chapter 19: I Sometimes Think About It

[Around 3:00 PM yesterday, attacks on research facilities by anti-social organizations resumed…]

A lazy afternoon.

I sipped coffee, nibbled on olive oil-soaked bread, and watched the news.

It had taken some time to adjust to this newfound normalcy, but I was starting to feel… relaxed.

[Today, the rogue group occupying Sinuiju and Changchun threatened to massacre civilians if their demands for food and the release of imprisoned criminals weren’t met…]

Nothing interesting. I flexed my right arm, almost fully healed.

[With the anniversary of the victory approaching, the troops guarding the gates…]

Perhaps it was the constant adrenaline, or the drugs, but television wasn’t as captivating as it had been when I first escaped the lab.

Oh, I had replenished my drug supply.

A helpful villain, new to the organization, had brought me a fresh batch of “happy powder,” saying they used it themselves.

He told me to use it sparingly. He must have known I wouldn’t.

[Lee So-hyun, who defended the research facility, is in critical condition…]

“Wow, she survived that?”

Si-hyun and I chatted idly, watching the news.

The most surprising news was that Lee So-hyun was still alive.

I had seen her get hit with a shotgun blast, not a fatal blow, but enough to send her flying.

“Isn’t that a bit risky?” I asked.

“She’s in the hospital. We can take care of her quietly.”

“Who’s going to do it? Her colleagues will be guarding her, mourning the heroic sacrifice, itching for revenge.”

“I could…”

“No. I’ll handle it, or I’ll send someone else. Not you.”

“…”

The atmosphere grew tense.

Si-hyun nibbled on a chocolate bar, then stood up and stretched.

She glanced at her phone, paced the room, then turned to me.

“You used to run around without a care, but now you’re wearing a mask. What changed?”

“It’s… inconvenient to be recognized now.”

“It always was… never mind. I’m thirsty.”

She brought two cups of coffee from the kitchen, black, just how I liked it.

“Next time, give us a little more warning. That was risky. If you’re captured, it won’t just be you who suffers.”

“Do you think I would betray you? Or reveal the location of this place?”

“Yes.”

“It would take a while. I’m used to pain.”

But not numb to it. Would I ever be?

“That’s… not something to joke about.”

“You’re right.”

“Take it easy at school for a while. Recover. You were seriously injured.”

“I almost died.”

“Then don’t smile. Look a little more… somber.”

“I’ll try.”

“…”

I didn’t understand the sudden tension. The silence was unsettling.

——————

The atmosphere at school was somber.

The teacher’s tone, the students’ demeanor, the hushed conversations, the general mood…

I almost went to see my new friend, and the friend who didn’t remember me, but I changed my mind.

Most people wouldn’t care, but some despised weakness.

And I was feeling… fragile. Perhaps because I had almost died. Or because I hadn’t succeeded.

Perhaps I was disappointed that I hadn’t even made it inside the research facility.

Lee So-hyun had ruined my fun. The warrior (heroine) who always rescued others hadn’t rescued me.

Taking out a high-ranking ability user in public was different from dealing with those idiots in my room. Their value was different.

So, I stayed put.

I made instant coffee, stirring it with a bloody finger.

I wondered if it would taste of blood, but I didn’t care. It was already disgusting.

It was cold enough for steam to rise from the paper cup.

I reminisced. No, I remembered.

The snow that fell in autumn and never melted. The people bundled in furs, the clustered houses, the endless snow.

And me, a blurry figure, playing beneath it all.

I couldn’t picture myself now, in a suit, carrying a briefcase, walking through the city streets, surrounded by cars and skyscrapers.

I had loved those days.

The earth yielding beneath my feet, the clear-eyed deer, the hunting dog, running through the snow-covered village… as if it were my own memory…

-It was my memory.-

Now, those cherished days were just a blur.

The jazz bar in Seongsu-dong, whispering sweet nothings to someone, smoking cheap chocolate-flavored cigars on the rooftop, playing a cheap electric piano…

Fading away. There had to be more.

All that remained was the scent of wood, the dog that came running when I called its name, the sunlight reflecting off the snow.

Strange, that these were the memories that surfaced, considering I had spent most of my days indoors, staring out the window.

My friend would always come to my house, asking me to play, whenever I was reading or petting my dog.

Promising to visit me. If I kept living like this, I would die.

Like I almost did. But I didn’t feel too bad.

I had changed. I wasn’t helpless anymore.

But would she mourn me, if I died? Would she grieve, like I had?

Whenever I felt sad or down, I would sit by the water, watching the moon. Dipping my feet in the water on warm days, bundled in furs on cold days.

Seo-jun was always there. Then, at some point, she started going there alone.

I finished my lukewarm coffee and looked for a trash can.

I found a courtyard with a pond, hidden behind the school building.

The moon hung low in the sky, partially obscured by the building.

And there she was. The girl I had longed to see, but now… I wasn’t sure.

She was sitting on a bench, staring at the moon. She turned as I approached, sensing my presence.

Her face was a mixture of sadness and anger. It was easy to read emotions at our age.

Seo-jun used to sit with me whenever I was sad or upset, offering me peanut caramel candies, which I hated, or grape-flavored jelly, which I loved.

She would sit in silence until my mood lifted.

I checked my pockets. No candy. Just a pack of cigarettes.

“Want a… cloud stick?”

“You’re…”

I placed a cigarette between my lips and lit it. I offered her one.

She took it, placing it between her lips. I lit it for her, but she didn’t inhale.

“You have to inhale when you light it.”

She coughed, choking on the smoke. Kids in the slums started smoking before elementary school, for their health, apparently.

Here, it was a harmful vice.

The cigarette, scorched and mangled, looked pathetic.

“Why are you moping here alone? You seem to have plenty of friends.”

My voice was slightly accusatory.

“…”

“I don’t even know your name. We’re not even in the same class. Tell me what’s wrong. I’m a good listener.”

She took a drag from the cigarette, coughing and sputtering. When she finally caught her breath, she spoke softly.

“I had… a follower…”