Chapter 19: I Want Something

I need something.

Now that I’m out of the orphanage, I can do almost anything with Mister’s help, but there are still things I need.

For example, a step stool to reach high shelves.

For example, coffee to chase away the oncoming fatigue (I’m not allowed to drink it because I’m young).

Things like this are trivially inconvenient or unattainable due to restrictions, but what I need right now wasn’t those kinds of things.

‘I need a bank account.’

I need a bankbook.

There’s a lot of money coming in, but I have nowhere to receive it.

Of course, there’s no contract, so I don’t necessarily need to receive it through a bank account, but if I don’t, I have to meet in person to receive the money, which is cumbersome.

It’s becoming a trend to use cards instead of cash, and I can’t go against the times and receive cash, saying, “Boss, you’re bad!”

But I’m just a 13-year-old kid.

I’m a helpless child of Korea who can’t even verify my identity, let alone open a bank account on my own. It’s a natural law because it’s a policy created to protect children.

The people who made this policy probably didn’t think there would be a child who experienced a 10-year regression.

In fact, Mister is protecting me, but it’s not documented. Therefore, for administrative work or to create something in my name, I needed the director’s help.

“Finally arrived…”

That’s why I reached the orphanage alone, braving the cold wind.

Mister was away from home for work today too. I got permission in advance with the sub-cell phone he gave me to contact him, so there’s no problem.

The studio and the orphanage weren’t that far apart, so I could easily get there by train and bus.

I saw the orphanage after a long time, but there wasn’t much of an impression. Should I say I came back home? No, the orphanage is not a home. I don’t have a home. That’s why I don’t feel anything.

I was thinking that as I passed the main gate of the orphanage.

“Huh, this b*tch came back?”

I heard a voice I hadn’t missed.

A child with short hair that came down to her shoulders and freckles on her face.

She’ll be 14 years old this year and will be entering middle school.

Until last year, she was the self-proclaimed enforcer in charge of elementary school students, and she was in a considerable position in the social life of children in this orphanage, where violence was the rule.

Seo Yebin.

She was the first child I saw when I opened my eyes here.

And she was the last child I saw before I left this place.

Seo Yebin dragged me to a secluded place where no one from the orphanage came.

Thud-

She threw my hand as if throwing it away, and I hit the wall helplessly.

My back and arms were numb, but I raised my face as if nothing had happened.

“Long time no see.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while. You look good, so you must have been living well.”

Seo Yebin was smiling, but I remember that it wasn’t a pleasant smile. As if to prove it, her hand squeezed my shoulder strongly.

“I’ve been really curious. Why did that old man take you? I wondered.”

The hand squeezing my shoulder gradually put more strength into its grip, pressing on my shoulder.

“Did you offer your body? Are you sleeping warmly for that price? Ah, seeing you come back like this, it seems like the old man threw you away because he doesn’t need you anymore, right?”

“Watch your mouth.”

“Shut up and stop talking bullshit. Then why did that old man take you? I heard it wasn’t adoption? What, support? Why don’t you just advertise that you’re openly prostituting yourself and receiving an allowance?”

She giggled and insulted me and Mister together. Seo Yebin showed me the anger that was welling up in her heart. Her eyes clearly held hostility towards me.

As if looking at something annoying, as if hating something unpleasant. That emotion came to me as violence and swearing.

I stared at her. She thought I was defying her, and she gritted her teeth and raised her hand, but she couldn’t bring it down and frowned.

“Were you going to hit me? Go ahead and hit me.”

She can’t use violence against me anymore.

I sighed and said.

“You can’t hit me, can you? That’s right. I’m now under someone’s care. I’m not someone who just lives in the orphanage anymore.

If there are traces of someone hitting me, Mister will find the cause and hold them accountable. Receiving support means that.”

“Shut up.”

“Aren’t you in middle school now? Unlike other children, we are now at an age where we have to decide on our career path. We have to prepare now so that we can cope when we are thrown out into society.

You know because you’ve seen many people who became adults without doing anything. You’re feeling that, so you can’t act like you used to, right?”

The three years of middle school are fast.

The three years of high school are even faster.

For us, who will be without the fence of the orphanage when we become adults, these three years were a very tight time, like a time attack.

Seo Yebin must know that.

“Orphans are like that. We have to work harder than others, and we have to move faster than others to live similarly to others. It’s natural because the starting line itself is different.

So I moved. I bet on my abilities and gained the stability of support. But what did you do?”

I don’t know why Seo Yebin is angry at me.

But I could tell the emotion in those eyes.

“Shut up, you b*tch…. What do you know….”

“Yes, I don’t know anything. I have no way of knowing, and no reason to know. Why would I want to know about someone who just beats and curses me.

I just think it’s pathetic. Did you want to hide your inferiority complex by bullying a younger sibling who is one year younger and so much smaller than you?”

“Shut up, you b*tch!”

A palm strikes my cheek.

The loud slap creates a pain commensurate with its size. My body swayed from the strong impact, but I immediately regained my balance and still looked up at Seo Yebin.

She couldn’t quell her anger at seeing me like that, and it was the moment she raised her hand again.

“Stop it!”

Someone’s shout came from behind Seo Yebin.

A face I haven’t seen in a long time.

This time, it was a voice I missed a little.

The director apologized to me while applying ointment to my red swollen cheek.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not something the director should apologize for.”

“It’s the director’s fault when residents fight.”

The director says, making an apologetic expression. He paused for a moment, then brought up what was on his mind.

“……I hope you don’t resent Yebin.”

“I don’t resent her.”

“Haha, that’s good to hear….”

The director put a large bandage on my cheek and continued what he had stopped saying.

“Sua, she must have been very envious of you.”

There was no subject, but I immediately knew who the director was talking about. And I could tell what he was trying to say.

Realistically, it was not hopeful to expect adoption at this age. In that situation, I was receiving support from a celebrity, Mister, so it was understandable to be jealous. What I wondered was not that.

“She seems to only do it to me. Do you know why?”

She had been bullying me since I opened my eyes here. That means she didn’t like me even before that…….

The director hesitated a little at my question, sighed, and told me.

“I don’t know in detail either……. Maybe, it’s because you were compared a lot.”

“Compared?”

“Yebin is a bit bigger than other kids her age, isn’t she? On the other hand, Sua is small. So, when volunteers or outsiders came to the orphanage, they often liked you more than Yebin. I think those things piled up one by one.”

“Is that so.”

Bullying, exclusion, or ostracism starts from something really trivial. As soon as my classmate said it was strange that I didn’t have parents when I was 8 years old, the bullying started.

It starts with jealousy and continues to grow, turning into an inferiority complex. And that inferiority complex. It probably burst when I left this orphanage.

The director put the ointment on the desk and said brightly.

“Well, the treatment is all done with this. I got the call, yeah. You want to open a bank account, right?”

“Yes, I want to save the money I receive while helping Mister.”

Let’s just say this for now. Since we agreed on that story when I left the orphanage.

“Saving is good. Then, wait a moment.”

The director said that and went back to his seat and headed to the safe in the corner. He opened the safe with a key and a password, and the director looked around inside, took something out, and brought it.

“I was originally going to give it to you when you became an adult. You need money when you go out into society. But it seems like Sua doesn’t need that.”

“This is….”

“I couldn’t put in much, but I put in a little bit every anniversary.”

A personal bankbook and seal made in my name. The bankbook had a record of 20,000 won being deposited on anniversaries like New Year’s or birthdays.

‘I didn’t receive this before?’

He said he made it to give it to me when I became an adult, so why didn’t I, who became an adult, receive it? Ah, maybe.

‘Is it because I ran away?’

When I became an adult, I wanted to leave the orphanage as soon as possible, so I left the orphanage without saying goodbye to anyone. Originally, I was supposed to say goodbye to the director and receive the bankbook.

If I hadn’t sneaked out then and talked with the director and received the bankbook, I might have known the director’s heart to some extent.

I shook my head.

It’s the past and a future that won’t come.

Let’s not think about useless things.

I held the bankbook and seal tightly with both hands and said to the director.

“…Thank you.”

My expectation that I would go to the bank was broken, and I returned to the studio much faster than planned.

The director said he had other schedules and saw me off at the front gate and hurriedly entered the orphanage.

I had achieved my goal, and I was about to take a step to get back on the bus.

“Hey.”

I heard a familiar voice from behind.

I knew the voice without turning around, so I ignored it and kept walking.

But the voice gradually approached, and eventually blocked my way.

And she hesitated, looking at the huge gauze attached to my cheek.

•

“What do you want.”

“No, it’s….”

Seo Yebin hesitated and mumbled, unlike her usual self.

“If you don’t have anything to say, will you move? I have to go back now.”

Even when I said that, Seo Yebin didn’t say anything and blocked my way.

It was the moment I sighed and was about to go around her.

“Sniff.”

Uh.

Huh?

A nose-eating sound that was clearly heard in my ear.

My ears, which seemed to have heard something that should not be heard, turned my head to confirm that it was real.

And there, I saw Seo Yebin desperately trying to hold back her falling tears.

Huh?

She’s crying?

‘No, why are you crying?’

There was no answer to the question I shouted in my mind, because I was dumbfounded.

I was just frozen in shock at this unbelievable situation, unable to do anything but watch.