Chapter 2 : Something that feels good

I came to do something fun.

The place I arrived at was a hospital room.
Or rather, the academy infirmary.

A nurse in white greeted me amidst the stark white room with its stark white bed.

Gray hair, gray eyes.
The woman, fittingly dressed in all white, spoke casually.

“Here again?”

She always addressed me formally, as if I were her superior, but
That didn’t mean she was polite.

Quite the opposite, actually.

Not exactly a warm welcome. It sounded like she was annoyed I was back so soon.

But instead of snapping back, I replied meekly, like a lamb.
This person held what I desired.

“Yes.”
“Sigh.”
“Do you have the medicine?”
“Are you aware I told you no less than half a day ago?”
“Did you?”
“Hmm.”
“Why are you staring at me like that?”
“Well, perhaps I don’t appreciate someone acting as if they’re demanding something they’re entitled to.”

How could I get this damned woman, no, this esteemed lady, to give me the medicine?

I was completely focused on figuring out how to persuade her.

Because,
Ever since I was slapped, I felt awful. My skin itched, and I felt nauseous.

And incredibly cold.

This mental illness, a lifelong companion, had a few remedies, and
The happy-making medicine was the most effective, so I came straight here.

The downside was how difficult it was to obtain.

This woman, not even a real doctor, never made it easy for me to get the medicine.
Not once had she handed it over willingly.

Just give it to me, already.

But if I revealed my true intentions, I’d be kicked out for sure. So,
I had no choice but to hide my intentions and put on an act.

“Nadia.”

Her name.

A name I rarely uttered when I was in my right mind, usually referring to her as “the doctor” or “that woman.”

In other words,
I wasn’t in my right mind.

She stared at me, wondering why I’d suddenly used her name.

I made a mwah sound.

Bringing my hand to my lips,
I winked and blew a kiss.

“…”
“…”

The impact was considerable.

Silence filled the room as if time had stopped.

A winter chill settled over my eyelids,
And I demurely lowered my gaze.

Nadia scratched her arm as if goosebumps had risen, her face a picture of disgust.

In a clearly reproachful tone, she said,
“Have you finally lost it? Or should I say, that’s expected?”
“That’s harsh.”
“Your behavior is harsh. Get a grip.”
“…”
“And those eyes.”
“What about my eyes?”
“Blank and pale, like a dead fish. More creepy than seductive. Don’t do that again.”

Contempt was evident in Nadia’s eyes.

I wanted to retort.

Ah.
That didn’t work.

Her icy gaze held no trace of kindness. They were sworn enemies, after all.

I didn’t care what she thought of me, but
I had to appease her, at least long enough to get the medicine.

“I’m sorry.”
“Sure.”
“So, can I have the medicine?”
“Your desperation is almost pathetic.”
“I’m suffering.”
“I don’t have any. As I said this morning.”
“I feel like I’m dying.”
“That’s nice.”

Whether I pleaded or not, the fake doctor didn’t budge.

Even if I stripped naked and begged on my knees, she wouldn’t bat an eye.
This cold-hearted woman.

To sway her, I needed a more rational, logical approach than an emotional one.

Yes, this should work.

“Is there anything you want?”
“Well…”
“I’ll do anything I can, please.”
“Do you realize that’s not something a woman should say?”
“I don’t care.”
“For starters, stop with the cloying act. It doesn’t suit you.”
“Okay.”

Anything, if it meant getting what I wanted.

As I returned to my usual expressionless demeanor, the fake doctor sighed.

“As you know, there’s nothing you can offer that I want.”
“Such a noble medic you are.”
“Your sarcasm isn’t appreciated.”
“I’ll fix it.”
“Speaking of which, I’m amazed you thought you could seduce others to get what you want.”
“Well…”
“Especially when you constantly berate yourself for being worthless.”
“…”
“Or do you have confidence in… that vulgar body of yours? You’ve had some success with it, haven’t you…”
“…”
“Ah, did I strike a nerve?”
“…”
“Why aren’t you answering?”
“You’re annoying.”
“Honesty is good.”

She said, stroking my hair.

Enjoying the warmth like a cat basking in the sun, I closed my eyes and leaned into her touch, but
Her gentle hand retreated as quickly as it came.

When I opened my eyes,
The fake doctor seemed lost in thought before speaking again.

“I was too harsh. I’m sorry.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t let it get to you.”
“It didn’t.”
“You just said you appreciate honesty.”
“…”
“It did, didn’t it? Hurt you.”
“…A little?”

This woman, a quack pretending to be a doctor, knew my personality, my mental illness, and was intelligent to boot.
She knew exactly what words would bother me.

“I said I’m sorry. Don’t make that face.”
“What face?”
“The ‘if I send you back like this, I won’t see you tomorrow’ face?”
“I guess I do feel that way.”

Complaining that I always made her sigh, the fake doctor, disguised as a school nurse, told me to wait while she unlocked a cabinet secured with multiple locks.

My heart pounded, understanding what this meant.

Oh my god.
I’m so excited.

“Hee hee.”
“I haven’t given you the medicine yet.”
“I’m happy. So, you had it after all.”
“Something like that.”
“Why did you lie and say you didn’t?”
“I have to play hard to get, or you’ll be here every five minutes.”
“So why are you feeling generous now?”
“I made a mistake. And you look like you’ll hang yourself if I don’t give it to you. Consider it saving a life.”

She examined the liquid medicine and then took out a syringe.

She drew a tiny amount, barely enough to fill a tenth of the small syringe, tapping the end.

This was why, despite calling her annoying, I couldn’t truly hate her.

It felt like being trained with the medicine as a reward, but as long as I got my fix and became happy, I didn’t care.

“Give me your arm.”
“Here.”
“Huh?”
“?”
“What happened to your arm?”

Was something wrong?

About to answer nonchalantly, I noticed the bruises on my left arm.

From when Karen dragged me around earlier.
Of all places, she had to grab where they usually injected.

“Your arm is a mess.”
“Is it a problem for the injection?”
“No. I can use your right arm.”
“Oh.”

Nadia grabbed my right arm and pulled up the sleeve, only to frown, finding it in a similar state.

“…And what happened here?”
“Um, well…”
“Do you think your wrists are sashimi? Stop cutting yourself.”
“Don’t wanna be lectured.”
“Hmm.”
“My wrists have nothing to do with my veins.”
“The medicine works better with proper blood circulation. Can’t you exercise some self-control?”
“You;’re too cold.”
“You’ve completely mangled them. Sigh.”

I worried she might change her mind, but thankfully, she didn’t.

She expertly found a vein and inserted the needle. It was a strangely beautiful sight.

And,
As the medicine spread through my bloodstream,

The chilling cold that had gripped me vanished.

Something that had been gnawing at my insides transformed into something else entirely.

The nausea and discomfort morphed into happiness,
Making me feel like I was floating.

So happy.

I couldn’t help but giggle.

“Hee hee. Heh heh.”
“You were laughing without even moving your lips before. This is better.”
“Hmm?”
“Trying to act cute is better too, though still awkward.”
“Am I… cute?”
“Much more so than when you make that depressing face, like before the injection.”
“Aha. Hee hee. Heh heh heh…”

Though it was called medicine, it wasn’t particularly strong.

The one she just gave me had minimal side effects, so Nadia often used it on me.

She’d also mentioned something about it being highly addictive, but I couldn’t quite recall. And then… itchy. Karen, that meanie. Ahaha. Stop it, that tickles. I don’t want to laugh. Maybe I’m not pretty. We’re childhood friends. You said you liked me….

But, but…

“That’s weird.”
“Is something wrong?”
“I’m not happy.”
“Happy?”
“You know, that feeling. Happy.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The medicine makes you happy. Happy.”
“I wouldn’t know. Haven’t tried it.”
“I want to do something fun.”
“Honestly, you’re like a child.”

The cold was gone, but I wasn’t warm yet. Oh, Nadia looks surprised. Nadia. Nadia. Why is she so kind? Dealing with me must be exhausting. She always takes care of me. Gives me medicine. Pretty and cool….

“You have good senses.”
“Huh?”
“I actually changed the formula and lowered the dosage.”

My high opinion of her plummeted with those words.

No wonder I wasn’t happy.

The stars are waiting for me. Do you hate me that much? I have to go, why are you stopping me? Do you want me to be unhappy too?

“What are you going to do by glaring at me like that?”
“I hate you.”
“Though it’s not quite a replacement, how about I say something nice?”
“I was worried about you.”
“Huh?”
“Look at your lifestyle lately. Alcohol, drugs, smoking. Do you even sleep properly?”
“I get cold when I sleep.”
“Are you eating regularly?”
“I don’t have money.”
“Let me guess, you gambled it all away.”
“Are you stalking me?”
“Have you ever seen such a dedicated stalker? It’s embarrassing meddling in your affairs, so I’ve been trying to figure out how to at least reduce your dependence on…”
“Nadia’s worried about me!”
“Oh, please.”

Nadia. You’re the best!
So cool!