Chapter 20 : The Saintess’s Disappearance (5)

It’s been more than two weeks since I was kidnapped by the Dragon King.

Outside the window, a snowstorm always rages, and only the cries of demon beasts echo through the air.

A barren land where humans can’t survive.

Maybe it’s only because they’re dragons that they can live in such a place?

After talking with the Dragon King, I had a lot to think about.

Honestly, if I think about it properly, he wasn’t wrong.

From the start, I ended up getting captured because Eris was taken.

I didn’t join the hero’s party with some grand goal of saving the world.

“Damn it… What kind of fate is this…”

“What’s ‘damn it’ mean?”

I turned my head and saw Eleanor peeking in with only her face showing from the bed.

I definitely told her not to come in, didn’t I?

“You don’t need to know, you’re just a kid.”

“I’m not a kid!”

“How old are you, then…”

“183 years old!”

“…Yeah, not really a kid then.”

Still, the way she acts is totally childish.

Do demons normally live this long? Humans consider 80 years to be a long life…

For the past two weeks, Eleanor has come into my room every single day.

Even when I shouted for her not to come in because I was confused and overwhelmed, she would sneak in and talk to me

anyway.

She acted so much like a child that I eventually started holding back my cursing…

But coming in while I’m talking to myself? That’s just cheating.

“So what brings you here today?”

Eleanor grinned as she pulled out a chessboard from under her skirt.

Every time she came, she brought toys that looked like something only children would play with.

She seemed really curious about the human world, so I told her stories a few times…

But every time I did, I started feeling guilty—so I couldn’t tell her too much.

“Today I brought a game that humans play!”

“Chess… Do you know the rules?”

“Nope!”

Of course not.

I set up the board for her, and she stared at it in fascination.

Looking at her like that made me want to ask something.

“Eleanor, aren’t you curious about the outside world?”

“I am! But… Grandpa wouldn’t let me go outside.”

So the Dragon King’s a doting grandfather, huh?

For some reason, I thought of the old man back in the Holy Kingdom.

Is he still looking for me?

I hope he doesn’t think I’m dead… That would be terrible.

But there’s no way that old man would break his promise.

“What if you sneaked out without telling him?”

“No way! Do you know how scary Grandpa is when he’s mad?!”

Eleanor made little horns with her hands on her head and let out a “Rawr!”

She looked so cute that I couldn’t help but smile.

But then—

‘WE NEVER DID THAT!!! THAT WAS OTHER ONES!!!’

…It happened again.

Just when I try to forget, the memories of the past choke me.

Telling me I have no right to smile, no right to live peacefully after killing them.

“…You’re making that face again.”

“Do you not like talking to me…?”

I wanted to say “That’s not it” when I saw Eleanor’s teary eyes…

But my chest felt tight, like it was being crushed.

Is this really the time to be doing this?

Shouldn’t I be trying to get back to the human world?

Is it okay to be laughing and chatting with a demon?

“…I’ll teach you the rules of chess.”

“Okay…”

“This piece is called a pawn…”

I tried to focus on the game, but I couldn’t.

It’s been getting worse lately.

Whenever I start to think “Eleanor is a kind demon,” the guilt floods in.

Like it’s warning me not to get attached to demons.

“…Saint?”

“Yes?”

Did I zone out again? Ugh, it’s exhausting.

I can heal my body with holy power, but not my mind.

“Do you… hate demons?”

Why is she suddenly asking that?

If I say I hate them, won’t that hurt her feelings?

But still… I can’t say I like them either.

After all, it was the demons who tried to kill my comrades.

“…Do I seem like I do?”

“You look more… like you’re struggling than hating.”

“…I see.”

Does she see me that way because of her childlike sensitivity?

A heavy silence fell between us.

Eleanor looked like she was waiting for a reply… but I never gave one.

“You should go back now.”

“…I’ll come again tomorrow.”

After Eleanor left, I pulled the blanket over my head and covered my ears.

No matter how tightly I covered them, I couldn’t block out the voices of the past in my mind.

I just want it to stop already.

It’s that dream again.

A demon spared by Alec is coming for me.

I swing my mace and crush its skull.

Blood splashes, and brain matter bursts.

Eris screams at the sight, and I calmly wipe the blood off my face.

I see more demons behind the bushes.

I raise my mace again, and another one starts making excuses.

‘We’re not like them! We never did anything like that!’

I didn’t believe them. No—I refused to believe them.

Back then, I had no time to doubt.

The demons Alec spared came after us more than a dozen times.

How could I possibly trust them?

If I didn’t kill, we’d be the ones who died.

And I couldn’t die.

For the party, and for the Saint.

Another meaningless day passed.

Once again, Eleanor came to my room without hesitating, smiling like nothing had happened yesterday.

“I heard humans get sick if they don’t move around!”

“Who told you that?”

“Grandpa!”

She’s right…

I hadn’t left this room in forever.

Other than Eleanor, who brought me food every day, I hadn’t even seen the Dragon King.

“Today, I’ll show you around the castle!”

“…Alright. Just give me a second.”

Maybe because I said yes so quickly, Eleanor looked even happier.

What could possibly make her this excited?

The castle was cold.

The rooms were warm somehow, but the halls felt like you’d freeze to death without proper clothes.

Once I was ready, Eleanor grabbed my hand and started leading me on a tour.

“This place used to be~ and that over there~”

She beamed as she told me old stories.

Apparently, the castle hadn’t always been so desolate.

There used to be many dragons living here.

But since they were few in number, the dragons were often sent to the eastern demon lands to fight the overflowing

monsters by the Demon King’s orders.

Even now, most dragons are still stuck there.

Eleanor stopped in front of a large portrait.

It was a beautiful woman with red hair who looked a lot like Eleanor.

“That’s my mother.”

She gently touched the painting, her face looking like she might cry at any moment.

“Saint… do you know about the Flame Dragon, Regia?”

The Flame Dragon Regia—

A story from 150 years ago, before the Empire appeared.

A dragon who was hunted down on the continent.

It’s still told like a fairy tale.

Bards still sing songs praising the dragon slayers.

“Our kind dreamed of peace with humans. Especially my mother—she loved humans deeply.”

Eleanor’s eyes glazed with memories as she caressed the painting.

“Grandfather got really angry. He thought peace with humans was foolish.”

“My mother loved everything about human culture. She’d always sing me songs humans used to sing.”

It felt like needles pricking my heart.

I could already guess the ending to this story.

“She said she heard from a prince of some kingdom—that they wished for peace with dragons. So even though Grandpa

was against it, she flew alone to the human world.”

The ending was obvious.

Then why did the Dragon King still send letters to the Empire after all that?

“I liked it. She always brought back fun stuff when she came back from the human world.

I didn’t know that would be the last time I saw her…”

I thought of all the things Eleanor had brought me.

They were all things children would play with…

Without realizing it, I asked:

“Eleanor… don’t you hate humans?”

“Saint… do you hate demons?”

I hate them.

The demons who always targeted us from behind.

If I hadn’t killed them, my friends would’ve died.

I didn’t want to see them get hurt anymore.

But…

At some point, I started wondering—

Did I use Alec’s choice as an excuse to kill?

What if some of the demons I killed had done nothing wrong?

Have I committed an unforgivable sin?

“I don’t hate humans anymore.”

I was speechless.

Even though they killed her mother?

“Hating them only hurts my own heart.”

“I don’t know what you feel about demons, Saint. But…”

Eleanor looked straight at me.

Her eyes were no longer the innocent ones of a child.

“If you keep hating yourself like this, all that’s left will be scars.”

“…Is that true?”

She nodded and held my hand again.

Her small hand trembled slightly.

“I hate myself more than I hate humans.

Why did I let myself get distracted by human things and let my mother go?”

“That’s not your fault, Eleanor. The humans are the ones who did wrong.”

“No…”

Eleanor let go of my hand and turned away.

I couldn’t see her face, but I knew she was crying.

“I can’t forgive myself either.

But… I’m trying to follow in my mother’s footsteps. Even if Grandpa opposes it.”

“Eleanor…”

“I won’t be hurt anymore. What about you, Saint?”

She wiped her tears and smiled at me again.

Was this really the same girl who always seemed like a child?

She looked like an adult now.

But… I couldn’t understand.

How could she not hate the people who killed her mother?

How could she carry her guilt so gracefully?

What should I do?

Eleanor grabbed my hand again and continued the tour.

Maybe it was because of what she said, but I couldn’t hear any of her explanations.

By the time I came back to my senses, we were already standing in front of my room.

“Thank you for listening to my stubbornness today, Saint.”

“…I enjoyed it too.”

Eleanor bowed and turned to leave.

“Oh! Next time, I’m not going to lose at chess!”

“…Huh? Oh.”

“Hehe… Goodnight!”

Her figure as she walked away looked so sad.

“I won’t be hurt anymore”—was that a lie?

She always seemed like a child…

But today, she looked more like an adult than anyone I knew.