Chapter 22 : A Dominant-Submissive Relationship

The feeling of being with Péi Wanyi could be summed up in a single word.
—”Tired.”

Physically, mentally, her remaining energy was like water in a sponge, squeezed out bit by bit, caught between lips and tongue, and then absorbed again.

In the end, even the instinctive convulsions could barely reach her cerebral cortex. Only a thin, oxygen-deprived sensation enveloped her mouth and nose, almost drowning her in a sweat that blurred the line between them.

Jiang Yanlin threw her head back, exposing her most vulnerable neck, and held it rigid for a long time before she had the strength to grab her wrist and bite down hard.

The person forced to stop her mischief let out a hiss and couldn’t help but whisper against her chest:
“Jiang Yanlin, are you part dog?”

After saying that, she buried her head and took a light bite, her teeth grinding gently.

Jiang Yanlin was too tired to even scold her. Her mind, blank for a long time, slowly calmed down. The first thought that surfaced was—the new products the brand had sent were a few low-cut dresses. She probably wouldn’t be able to wear them for a review in the next few days.

The real dog on her was still playing nonchalantly, sometimes putting a little force into it, then pulling back just in time.

Jiang Yanlin couldn’t be bothered with her and reached out to find her phone.

Her slender arm had just stretched out when it was pulled back.

Péi Wanyi took her hand and placed it on her own body.

Jiang Yanlin lifted her eyelids and shot her a sidelong glance.

The movie had long since finished. The projector had automatically locked, and the wallpaper was cycling on the screen.

In the faint light, Péi Wanyi’s eyes seemed particularly tender.

Jiang Yanlin looked at her for a moment, then her other hand suddenly reached under the small wooden table, pulled out the storage box, and took out an unopened package.

Seeing the pink toy pattern on the box, Péi Wanyi finally let go of her hand and asked tactfully, “Want to take a shower? I’ll go run the water for you.”

Jiang Yanlin was already starting to open the box.

“Don’t be in a hurry. It’s still early.”

Seeing that the situation was not looking good, Péi Wanyi immediately wanted to get up and leave.

But Jiang Yanlin had anticipated this and pressed down on her leg, hooking her arm around her neck, and nonchalantly tearing off the last layer of packaging on her shoulder.

“I haven’t tried this one yet. Help me do a review, okay?”

Péi Wanyi had no intention of getting carried away. She could only turn her head to kiss her lips, almost pleadingly.

Jiang Yanlin’s body and mind hadn’t recovered yet. Before a thought of resistance could even form, she was led by her, subconsciously opening her mouth to respond.

The thing in her hand fell to the carpet, becoming a new member of the mess on the floor.

The last bit of cold, detached reason that Jiang Yanlin had left sighed in that second.

Being a human is tiring. Being an animal is pure.

She wanted to be happy, so she would seize the moment.

There was a time when Jiang Yanlin was fascinated with exploring her own desires.

She didn’t refuse review advertisements for adult toys, but she was very demanding about the quality. The brands she ultimately chose were worthy of her traffic.

In order to observe the subtle differences from a god’s perspective, Jiang Yanlin would record all her sounds during the trial and then compare them one by one.

She didn’t think there was anything strange about this, but she also wouldn’t use it as a selling point or a gimmick.
—Using oneself as a gimmick on the internet, once it backfires, the backlash is something no one can bear.

The only person who knew about this was Qining.

At first, Jiang Yanlin almost never talked about s*x-related topics with Qining.

Because in the period after they really got to know each other, she wasn’t single at the beginning and had always maintained a friendly distance.

Qining had met Xiao You, and Jiang Yanlin also knew Qining’s American boyfriend of three years, who was in a long-distance relationship.

Although the four of them had never gathered together at the same time, they were still “acquaintances” in the same circle.

And the person who connected all of them was, coincidentally, Fiona.

So for a long time, Qining had thought that her first meeting with Jiang Yanlin was at Fiona’s party.

Neither of them had an extroverted social style. In a group of laughing and noisy people, their polite responses and detached demeanor seemed particularly in sync.

She had forgotten who started the first conversation, and she had also forgotten how much they had talked about that night.

From music, to games, to their creative philosophies, bit by bit, they closed the distance of strangers.

When she came back to her senses, the people around her had already gone to the poolside to play. Only the two of them were still chatting.

At that time, Jiang Yanlin had already left Hong Kong, and Qining was preparing for a tour in the country. Their respective partners were not around.

But for some subtle, mutual understanding, the distance between them always remained at the most appropriate scale.

The topics never touched on privacy, the boundaries were never blurred. Compared to annoying real-life trifles, they preferred to share their wild and imaginative thoughts.

Jiang Yanlin had thought she only admired this musician, whose name and works she had known for many years.

But she didn’t realize—otherwise, why would she handle the boundaries so clearly?

Later, before their relationship completely changed, more than a year had passed.

During that time, many things happened in Jiang Yanlin’s life.

Her body showed some symptoms, and she had to recuperate.

And in the period after starting the long-distance relationship, without her realizing it, things had gradually spun out of control.

Jiang Yanlin was not one to talk about her future plans, especially with her significant other.

She would not promise anything she might not be able to do, giving people hope only to end in disappointment.

When she was very clear about the gap between Xiao You and herself, those plans and intentions were even less likely to be revealed, to avoid causing any impact.

So for Xiao You, she had never seen a future with Jiang Yanlin.

In the deep winter of that year, under Jiang Yanlin’s slow push, Xiao You finally walked out of her closed world and started to work part-time, getting in step with society.

From her initial weekend part-time job to being able to work full-time stably, it took a long time, but she never gave up.

Jiang Yanlin saw a new side of her. She was actually a person who could endure hardship more than most girls her age.

So some of her overly calm thoughts were also gradually shaken in this process.

Jiang Yanlin started to plan for a real future for the two of them.

“Don’t think about anything else. Just save up your tuition and choose the university you really want to go to.”
At that time, this was the greatest comfort Jiang Yanlin could give her.

At only eighteen, Xiao You, who had studied art, had actually been admitted to her top-choice private art university in Japan in the Hong Kong university entrance exam—the HKDSE.

But she couldn’t afford the tuition. Her father had retired due to a serious illness, and it wasn’t easy for foreigners to make a living in Hong Kong. The whole family was supported by her mother’s income alone. No one could afford the hefty tuition to send her to university.

To make matters worse, in the summer after graduating from high school, she was unintentionally involved in a conflict and was forced to have a criminal record.

After that, she suffered from insomnia every night, and her nightmares were filled with the smell of blood and pungent smoke.

She met Jiang Yanlin at the end of that summer.

They tasted pleasure absurdly and quickly, but neither of them could pull away in time.

In the months after leaving Hong Kong, Jiang Yanlin had many things to accomplish.

Seeing a doctor, taking medicine, regular check-ups, adjusting her work direction, accumulating capital from scratch, and at the same time, supervising her young girlfriend to eat well and work hard.

After the brief stimulation faded, all that was left was the exhaustion and fatigue of running around, and a future with only a glimmer of hope.

So when Xiao You used her hard-earned salary to plan to buy a plane ticket to see Jiang Yanlin for Valentine’s Day, she rejected her without any sentiment.

That time, Xiao You rarely cried or made a fuss, so Jiang Yanlin didn’t realize that she had also reached her limit.

“Jiang Yanlin, you haven’t been sleeping with other girls over there, have you?”

Sometimes, when they were on a voice call, the person playing games at home after work would suddenly blurt out something like this.

Jiang Yanlin found it amusing and asked back, “Well, you haven’t been going to bars and having one-night stands, have you?”

The person on the other end of the line would hum and haw, saying in a coquettish tone, “Of course not.”

At times like these, her attention would be successfully diverted. Jiang Yanlin didn’t pay much attention and continued to bury her head in her work.

Freelancers are busiest during the holidays. During the Spring Festival, she wouldn’t even go back for the New Year’s Eve dinner. It wasn’t that she was cold-blooded, but she really didn’t have the time.

But this time, after a few minutes of silence, Xiao You said in a small voice:
“If I find out you’re sleeping with another woman, I’ll stab you both to death.”

Jiang Yanlin certainly knew that she said this because she was under too much pressure.

But this still couldn’t change the most fatal fact, which was that Xiao You had clearly made Jiang Yanlin her spiritual pillar.

This was not unrelated to Jiang Yanlin’s desire for control. She always wanted Xiao You to develop in the direction she had anticipated, so that they could have a future together.

But a person who becomes too obedient, do they still have a self?

It was from this moment that Jiang Yanlin, for the first time, felt a real imbalance.

A relationship composed entirely of a dominant and a submissive is by no means “normal.”

Jiang Yanlin could certainly enjoy this state. Xiao You was a cute, quirky girl who exuded a natural allure. She could be completely controlled, transformed into the image she wanted. Whether in life or in bed.

But for Xiao You, it was just replacing the mind-numbing hallucinogens of games and alcohol with a more concrete person.

This person could manipulate her thoughts and emotions, could easily make her fall into sweet happiness, and could also make her fall off a cliff in an instant.

Because she had offered everything she had to the other person.

Jiang Yanlin, however, did not feel happy.

To be selfish, she didn’t want to bear the full weight of a person.

The pleasure tasted by the dominant is a double-edged sword. On one side is the superiority of controlling everything, and on the other is the tyranny of being unable to accept losing control.

It’s like walking on a tightrope. A slight lapse in attention, and the dominant will become the dominated.

And Jiang Yanlin, indeed, did not want to see Xiao You walk from one cliff to another.

That would only bring destruction to them both.

So Jiang Yanlin began to distance herself.

She no longer answered Xiao You’s voice calls at any time. The busy work had already drained her energy, and the unanswered calls and messages only deepened the lingering sense of suffocation.

Perhaps with more energy at another time, Jiang Yanlin could have found a gentler solution.

But in the end, she still chose such a torturous method.

One day, when she finally stopped receiving Xiao You’s morning-to-night report messages, Jiang Yanlin realized that a full three days had passed since she had last replied to Xiao You.

For a brief moment, Jiang Yanlin questioned whether she had done the right thing.

But when she learned that in those three days of no contact, Xiao You had cried all night every night before going to work, constantly trying to pull herself together, and continuing to send her “good morning,” “good afternoon,” and “good night” messages, Jiang Yanlin realized that the problem between them was no longer a matter of feelings.

Xiao You’s mental state had not really improved.

She was still deeply trapped in that summer when her life had undergone a drastic change. She saw Jiang Yanlin as the only piece of driftwood she could cling to after drowning, and in order to hold on to it, she would risk everything.

At this moment, even if Jiang Yanlin had made an even more outrageous request, she would have done it without hesitation.

The only time Jiang Yanlin felt regret was for not noticing the precariousness beneath Xiao You’s endurance sooner.

So, as if to make up for it, she began a long period of mending.

Jiang Yanlin had no intention of repairing the rift between them, because that was the main factor exacerbating Xiao You’s condition.

The only thing she had left to do was to let Xiao You slowly desensitize herself to her.

To no longer be trapped in pain and anxiety because she saw her, felt her, and loved her.

This required a process, and it required time.

Jiang Yanlin tried many ways to divert her attention, whether it was making new friends, playing new games, or finding a more stable, higher-paying job.

It was a very cold winter. Both of them were trying to find balance and a breathing space in their busy lives.

It wasn’t until the first warmth of spring that Jiang Yanlin felt that Xiao You no longer needed her as much.

She had made many new friends, had a new, healthy circle, and had also stabilized in that new job, working methodically every day and playing games after work to relax.

Even her obsession with going to university had become much more relaxed. She lived her current life with a peaceful mindset, working bit by bit towards that tuition fee.

Jiang Yanlin was happy for her, but she had to do one last thing.
—A true severing requires complete isolation.

She found a less busy time, gave herself a day off, and booked a flight to Hong Kong.

When Xiao You saw her, she was a bit taken aback.

It had only been a few short months since they had last seen each other, but they were already like strangers.

Jiang Yanlin took her to the restaurant she had wanted to eat at, chatting casually and asking about her life.

They talked until there was nothing left to say, and their footsteps finally stopped on the side of the road.

The streetlights were cold, stretching their no-longer-overlapping shadows.

In the silence, Jiang Yanlin asked softly,
“Do you not love me anymore?”

That night was still very cold. The sea breeze in Hong Kong lifted Xiao You’s scarf. Her nose was red from the cold. Hearing her words, she sniffled and nodded lightly.

Jiang Yanlin smiled and asked again,
“You only see me as a friend?”

Xiao You was still silent, then nodded slightly again.

Jiang Yanlin reached out and brushed away the stray hairs blown by the wind from her forehead.

Finally, she said to Xiao You,
“Then let’s end it here. I will delete all your contact information until you no longer have any fluctuations because of me.”

Jiang Yanlin looked at her and smiled faintly.

“On that day, we might be able to be friends.”

That night, Jiang Yanlin went to the airport without looking back, catching the return flight.

Before she left, she had said many things, one sentence after another, like a friend’s admonition.

The only thing she didn’t tell Xiao You was that she had bought two return tickets.

Fate is just so playful. When Jiang Yanlin had finally found a balance in her life and had the ability to pave the way for their future, everything had already come to an end.

But as for how much regret she felt, it was only a fleeting melancholy on the way back, dissipating with the sunrise clouds into the daylight.

Jiang Yanlin knew all too well that many people are only companions for a part of the journey.

The only difference is whether it’s longer or shorter.

After her old friends in Hong Kong learned about this, they were quite understanding of her.

“The gap between you two is there in every aspect. She’s still young and will meet many people. If not this time, then the next.”

Jiang Yanlin didn’t say much, only asking them to help look after Xiao You and not let her fall back into her old state.

And Qining was the last in this circle of friends to hear the news.

She had played games with Xiao You a few times. At that time, the three of them would play a newly released online shooter whenever they were free. Jiang Yanlin wasn’t very interested, but Xiao You really liked competitive games.

Later, Qining went abroad for a tour, and the three of them never played together again.

In the spring after the breakup, Qining started contacting Jiang Yanlin more often.

Jiang Yanlin was a bit surprised. Others might not see it, but she had always known that Qining was actually a person who was even colder on the inside than on the outside.

Fiona always thought Qining was a gentle, good-tempered, wealthy beauty, and would say anything in front of her, chattering on to the point of being noisy.

But Jiang Yanlin could sense that Qining was mostly putting herself in this social state in order to gently integrate into the community.

The real Qining was indifferent to many people and many things.

In April of that year, Jiang Yanlin went to Nagoya to see a friend and relax from her long period of exhaustion.

Seeing her Instagram post, Qining gave her a call.

“Are you still in Nagoya?”

Jiang Yanlin had already guessed something, but she was still a bit surprised.

“Aren’t you in Seattle preparing for your tour?”

The voice on the other end of the line was very gentle, Qining’s usual tone, giving people the illusion of gentleness.

“It was postponed at the last minute over there. I just arrived in Tokyo yesterday. Where are you? Want to get a meal?”

It would be much later in the future that Jiang Yanlin would realize that at this time, Qining was actually showing her concern in this way.

They were friends who never touched on personal topics. The occasional contact was only to talk about concerts, new albums, and the type of works they wanted to create.

So Jiang Yanlin had never thought that as early as April of that year, Qining had been showing her an untraceable consideration.

They had fun in Nagoya for several days, went to a few attractions, strolled around, ate and drank, and had a rare relaxing time.

Until the night before they parted, Jiang Yanlin bought a few cans of light alcohol and sat with her by the river in the park, watching the cherry blossoms.

Qining was wearing an English-style trench coat. The wind blew her shoulder-length short hair. She opened a can and drank a sip of Calpis-flavored light alcohol before finally asking the question:
“Did you and Xiao You really break up?”

Jiang Yanlin had already put the matter behind her and told her the reason and conclusion frankly and concisely.

Qining turned her head, looked at her, and said,
“Sometimes I think, you’re really amazing.”

Jiang Yanlin immediately laughed. “Coming from you, that sounds so strange.”

Qining gave her a helpless smile.

For people like them, mutual praise was taken as a sarcastic remark.

But Jiang Yanlin could indeed feel that Qining also admired her.

This tacit understanding made it so that no matter how long they hadn’t been in contact, they were still the same when they talked again.

But that was all.

Someone once said that Jiang Yanlin was like an isolated island in this flashy world, that no one seemed to be able to land on.

But Jiang Yanlin felt that Qining was the real isolated island.

They had later slowly started to talk about their respective relationships. Jiang Yanlin had already moved on far, while Qining was still in that relationship where they hadn’t even met.

That was the first time Jiang Yanlin knew that this relationship was Qining’s first.

They had met in a friend’s group chat. The other person had quickly launched a fierce pursuit, one-sidedly pursuing her for a long time.

Before this, Qining had always lived in her own world.

From learning the piano at six, to trying to compose at nine, her life had always revolved around music, without a break.

The unexpected pursuer had disrupted Qining’s rhythm of life and also made her suddenly realize that she had never tried to be in a relationship.

The other person was a very enthusiastic and cheerful person, bringing her a completely different feeling. So after a year of persistent pursuit, she decided to give it a try.

This try had lasted for two years, but due to her worldwide tours and the other person’s work pressure, the two had never been able to meet.

Jiang Yanlin was very surprised by the way they handled their relationship.

Under the influence of the time difference and physical distance, voice and video calls were the only way to maintain the relationship, but Qining said, “We never talk. Either I’m busy with my own things while on the call, or he’s busy with his.”

The two of them were a couple in name, but their actual interaction was much more distant than that of ordinary friends.

“We’ve also broken up and gotten back together a few times for some reasons, but later he would always take the initiative to fix things, so I just accepted it.”

Qining’s tone was very calm when she said this, as if she wasn’t talking about her own affairs.

It wasn’t hard for Jiang Yanlin to guess the reasons for their breakups and reconciliations.

Because Qining was, in fact, a very self-centered person.

She would always prioritize everything of her own—her career, her hobbies, and even her social life.

A sudden burst of creative desire could make her disappear for days, possibly without even a message.

Anyone who wanted to get love from her would find it hard to accept such a way of getting along.

For a moment, Jiang Yanlin even felt a bit of sympathy for that official boyfriend.

Until the summer of the same year, when the two, both busy, reunited, Qining casually announced that she had ended that relationship.

Jiang Yanlin was of course not too surprised.

“It’s been two months. It was still the same old problems. This time, everyone was tired, so we ended it peacefully.”

Qining’s hair had grown a lot, already reaching her chest.

She had dyed it a reddish-brown and had it slightly curled, which complemented her fair skin.

Jiang Yanlin had already seen her recent situation at the concert, on that impulsive trip to Massachusetts.

Qining didn’t know that she had come to see her concert and asked back,
“What have you been busy with lately?”

The two of them were strolling through an exhibition. This was the biggest game exhibition of the year. They liked many of the same games and had independently decided on this trip. It wasn’t until they got off the plane that they knew the other person had also come.

Jiang Yanlin pushed up her glasses, her gaze shifting from the exhibits, and replied casually,
“Same old, same old. Just work and more work.”

But Qining’s lips curled up, and she said,
“Is that so? But I heard that a Japanese guy has been pursuing you lately, so much so that you’ve been hiding from him.”

A sea queen is not made in a day.

Even with her cover blown, Jiang Yanlin’s expression didn’t change as she replied,
“I’ll be more careful next time. I’ll stay away from the single-minded ones.”

Qining’s light brown eyes looked at her for a long time, only a faint smile on her face.

After a moment, she said softly,
“You’d better do as you say.”

Later, Jiang Yanlin did not, in fact, do as she said.

Because she had forgotten that there were many people in the world who were not obviously single-minded.

Just like at this very moment, Jiang Yanlin was holding her torn sheer cardigan and pushed away the person on top of her, asking, “Can you be a little gentler? I really like this cardigan.”

But Miss Péi said nonchalantly, “I’ll buy you a new one tomorrow.”

Jiang Yanlin looked at her, for a moment too tired to speak.

“What’s wrong?”

The person in front of her kissed her face. In these conversations, certain touches had never stopped.

Jiang Yanlin didn’t really want to continue this topic, lest she seem single-minded.

If she pushed it further, it would be an endless clash of ideas. She didn’t have the energy, nor did she want to talk about these things with Péi Wanyi.

Miss Péi was clearly used to doing things her own way. Why emphasize things she wouldn’t understand?
—Please respect me, don’t casually damage my things.

Saying something like that would be too much of a buzzkill.

It was almost five in the morning. The two of them had showered in the middle of the night, gone to bed, and then unintentionally gotten entangled again.

Jiang Yanlin admired her stamina, and also admired her own.

Fortunately, the dessert was eaten slowly and wasn’t too cloying.

As the sky was faintly brightening, Péi Wanyi held her, playing with her hair.

Jiang Yanlin was already sleepy and asked, “Aren’t you going to sleep?”

Only then did Péi Wanyi tell her, “I have to leave soon. I have a business trip today.”

This sentence made most of Jiang Yanlin’s sleepiness disappear.

“What time is your trip?” She looked up.

Péi Wanyi couldn’t help but kiss the corner of her lips, like a child with a new toy, unwilling to let go.

After savoring it enough, she finally answered, “Eight-thirty.”

Jiang Yanlin was speechless.
“…”

—Try saying you don’t have Korean blood one more time.