Chapter 24: Touching method of suicide.

A woman was walking on a snow-covered path.

She wore a windproof robe over thick clothes. In both her hands, she held metal staffs with their handles thickly wrapped in leather.

She had a reason to carry such metal staffs even in this freezing weather.

They were magic staffs, and she was a magician.

“I… This is why I didn’t want to come back to the North…”

Bildur Manya chattered her teeth and complained.

A strong wind seeped into her hood, wildly shaking her jet-black long hair.

Ironically, despite being from the North, she couldn’t use fire magic.

Metal, fire, and smoke were the specialties of her colleague, Katie.

After being ousted from Kifoll by Yukomis, she had said a tearful farewell to Katie and returned to her homeland.

‘I already owe her too much… And it’ll be easier to avoid being tracked if I’m alone…’

Having lost her city, her entire fortune, and even her beloved test subject, Manya came here with a desperate hope. In any case, her family’s territory, Bildur, was uselessly vast, but sparsely populated with hardly any productive land. There were plenty of places to hide if she put her mind to it.

‘…I’ve wanted to abandon this name for a long time. I should think of a suitable pseudonym…’

In the Northern regions, the family name was always considered more important than the given name, so it was written in the order of surname first.

The reason she was called Manya was also because she was from the Northern regions.

The barren Northern regions were very different in lifestyle from the bustling capital south of it.

The people here placed particular value on trained bodies and a martial spirit,

because the ancestors of the Northerners had lived here, fighting against the harsh nature, even before humans could use magic.

Perhaps that’s why the paternal side still had a strong voice within the family.

Sometimes, when the family head, a magician, was away, a male would take over as their proxy.

‘I can’t give up. I must get it back…’

She struggled to collect her muddled thoughts.

Here, she was heading towards her last connection that would provide a stepping stone for her comeback.

Of course, it wasn’t towards the Bildur stronghold where her own blood lived.

Not only had she cut ties with them a long time ago, but the Empire would have already sent a request for arrest cooperation there.

Manya was going to see a different ‘species’.

They might see eye-to-eye, and it would be considered insane by most, but she really couldn’t think of any other way.

She was now prepared to take any risk to retrieve the one and only replica of Thermis.

…Give it back. Give me back… My Lady Thermis…?

Her eternal idol. The reason for her life.

The one who made all her research achievements possible.

Manya, walking lonely across the snowfield, began to recall her first conversation with her.

Was it… when Lady Thermis was twenty, or twenty-two?

She wasn’t sure. Somewhere in between. Because it was still before the Great War.

Even back then, Manya was already deeply engrossed in her paper, ‘On the Healing Power of Mana’.

It was research she had started from a very young age.

A bold and radical paper on the possibility of blooming the body’s potential by directly injecting mana into it.

It was quite a good selection as a research topic, but unfortunately, there were too many geniuses competing with her in the world.

The Third Princess established the field of ‘Body Enhancement’ based on that paper.

Before becoming an adult, Yukomis had already compiled her own unique ‘Healing Magic’.

But unfortunately, she wasn’t a genius,

and Manya, who had started her research much earlier than them, simply wasted her thirties and forties.

While grappling with the related possibilities, time passed so relentlessly, while everyone else was making achievements except for her.

Her peers, magicians of similar age, had already amassed wealth and fame by researching easier and more promising topics.

Only Manya was struggling in front of a barrier she couldn’t overcome.

With each passing month and year, her frustration only grew.

She had no research funding left, and no one to sponsor her.

Maybe she should have given up a long time ago. It was impossible from the start.

…But she couldn’t.

In this universe of magic, with such brilliant material,

with such an overwhelmingly beautiful untouched crystal, Manya couldn’t ignore it even in her dreams.

Just as people are drawn to beauty, drawn to paintings, drawn to timbre, Manya was already bound to it.

But… Is this the difference in genius? The difference in talent?

While the daughters of the imperial and ducal families inherited status and beauty, as well as a mind as sharp as a newly forged blade,

should someone like me, a mediocre talent, be swept away without achieving anything?

Was I just a grain of sand scattered in the sea, common and abundant in the universe of magic?

Into her middle age, she had achieved nothing and published nothing. But…

“Miss. Smoking is bad for your health.”

Somehow, one day, she was in front of her.

She was looking out over the balcony, thinking about the life she had wasted,

thinking about the failed experiments and the papers she had thrown in the trash.

This is the last time I’ll ever come to a ducal party like this.

Five people had already trampled on her pride, and six friends didn’t even acknowledge her.

“…Yes?”

“Oh, was I being nosy?”

“Ah, no, no. …Lady Thermis Solenas, what brings you here?”

“You seemed to have no one to talk to. But this is a party, after all.”

“…I’m sorry. But it seems like no one wants to talk to me.”

“Is that so?”

The person in front of her smiled brightly.

“I do.”

“…Yes?”

“Well, I’m a bit of a bad person. It would be rude to smoke in front of someone of higher status, right?”

“…Ah, yes, yes…”

“So I thought that if I, the duke’s daughter, came here, I could get you to put out your cigarette.”

Manya had seen her before. To be precise, she had only seen her at a ball a few years ago.

Even back then, she had been left with a deep impression, thinking that she was a beautiful girl,

but Thermis as a lady… was, as expected, truly dazzling.

Manya, as if possessed, slowly placed the pipe she had been holding in her mouth on the side table next to the balcony railing.

Thermis’s bangs, which covered one side of her face, sparkled in the moonlight and wind.

It was the same black hair as Manya.

“You look worried. What were you thinking about?”

“It’s nothing that Lady Thermis would be concerned about.”

“But this Lady Thermis wants to know what you’re thinking.”

“That’s…”

She was a strange person.

Someone much higher and better than her, the daughter of a Northern border family.

There were plenty of people she should be talking to. Why was she talking to an old loner like me?

“I was thinking about… research.”

“Ah. You’re a researcher.”

The atmosphere surrounding her didn’t suit her status at all.

Her smiling face, her gentle tone, and the sincerity that didn’t seem to come from mockery or pretense.

Manya could tell.

That’s because she had lived her life watching other people’s expressions until she reached this age.

Unable to earn a penny and having to ask her family for research funding, she had inevitably become sensitive to such hypocrisy.

“Judging by your expression, it doesn’t seem to be going well?”

“Well… there’s a field I’ve been immersed in for a long time. But no matter what I do, I can’t seem to find a breakthrough.”

“I see.”

“I’m a magician who’s lived a long time, but I’m getting old, and there’s a lot to think about… I wonder how long I have to cling to this research that has no answer.”

“You’re anxious.”

“Yes. I’m told to be realistic… and as they say, everyone else is ahead of me, and I feel like I’m the only one falling behind…”

“So you’re thinking of giving up on this.”

Heh. Manya looked down outside the balcony and laughed.

“That’s what I was thinking. Like a fool. I just wasted my time.”

Thermis didn’t say anything special.

“I just thought that if I kept digging, it would work out. That someday I would be able to do it… presumptuously. There are people who can do that, and people who can’t…”

She just let Manya grumble and lament for a long time.

She had originally dreamed of having children.

She had invested all her youth in research, so it had become impossible to find a husband at this age. No one wanted to give her a son,

and besides, she was no longer ‘able’ to get pregnant.

She wasn’t born with strong magical powers either.

She was told that she was suited to be a scholar, so she had found a research topic, but there had been no progress for decades,

and even here, everyone ignored her. Her family had abandoned her since she had become like this; she had no choice but to live as a poor, nameless, rural magician…

She kept telling such stories.

“But I’m a little envious.”

Thermis, who had only listened to Manya’s complaints for a long time, finally spoke softly.

“Envious?”

“I hardly use magic.”

“…Ah…!”

Only then did Manya realize that she had been recklessly talking about magic in front of her, who was a ‘dropout’.

Her face turned red in an instant.

What a tremendous rudeness.

Intoxicated with herself, her head so full of her own affairs that she didn’t even have the courtesy to carefully choose the topic of conversation.

Even though she knew how tragic it was to be born a non-magician in a prestigious family like the Solenas.

“I, I’m so sorry for my rudeness!”

“I didn’t mean to scold you.”

As she said, Thermis didn’t seem angry at all.

“You can’t have everything. Actually, I’m quite satisfied with who I am now.”

“Satisfied…?”

“Yes. You may not believe it, but I’ve had a lot of the same worries as you.”

“There’s no way Lady Thermis would have the same worries as me…”

“Can I tell you a story about a painter?”

Thermis came closer and leaned on the railing right next to Manya.

It was a movement without any sense of distance.

“A painter?”

“Yes. There’s a great painter in my hometown, or rather, not exactly my hometown. Hmm. Let’s just say it’s not my hometown.”

“…?”

Thermis was rambling for a moment.

Where other than Solenas was she talking about?

“There’s a great painter. He’s very famous there.”

“Does Lady Thermis also like his paintings?”

“To be honest, I’m not exactly an expert in aesthetics. But I know what’s so great about it.”

Haha.

Thermis’s laughter was too unpretentious to be called aristocratic and elegant.

“…If Lady Thermis says so, he must be a wonderful painter.”

“His works are all wonderful. But he wasn’t a full-time painter until he was about thirty. Actually, he was someone who sold paintings. I heard that painting himself was just a hobby.”

“He… sold paintings?”

“Yes. He was a merchant who sold other people’s paintings. Then he wavered for a while, wondering if he should enter the priesthood. Whatever he did, he wouldn’t have had much trouble making a living. He was someone with potential.”

“Yes…”

“What do you think? Wouldn’t it have been a safer choice to continue being a painting merchant?”

“Wouldn’t it? Being a painter is a job with no income if you don’t sell paintings.”

“You’re right. But such realistic stories were of no use in the face of his desire to dedicate himself to art.”

“But… is it possible to become a painter at such a late age?”

“That’s true. I don’t know what he was thinking. But as you said, he probably knew. He knew that becoming a painter just before thirty, when you have to starve that very evening if you can’t sell a single painting, was by no means a great choice. But…”

Thermis looked into her eyes.

The wind blowing onto the terrace lightly scattered her hair that covered the right side of her face.

A large burn scar remained around her right eye, which was briefly visible through her hair.

Whether she knew it or not, Thermis continued her story.

“They say that such people live with a fire in their hearts. Transcending the world of reason and profit, there is one thing that they cannot give up, burning in their hearts, even if they have to give up everything else.”

“Of course, it’s also a heavy burden. That fire constantly forces people to make crazy choices. Only to leave something eternal behind.”

But Manya didn’t care about such burn scars at all.

“What do you think? Do you also live with a fire in your heart?”

“I, I… I don’t know… I…”

Gulp.

“Can I become such a person? Does Lady Thermis think I am such a person?”

“I don’t know.”

She answered coolly.

“…?”

“You may think I’m being irresponsible after saying all this… but I don’t know. I’ve only met you today, and I don’t know what kind of person you are, or what kind of person you will become.”

“So, let me ask you a question.”

“What…?”

“Imagine that someday a professor at a magic university, a student, or even some obscure scholar in a secluded room, is struggling with a difficult problem, spending nights racking their brains. They’ve already consulted hundreds of books, but nothing has helped, and she’ll think this is a lonely and solitary battle.”

“Then, somehow, in a high corner of the bookshelf, your paper, which has been untouched for decades and gathering dust, catches their eye. For some reason, a strangely intriguing subheading catches their attention. And… they skim through it.”

“My paper…?”

“There, they find a wonderful breakthrough that neatly solves the problem they’ve been struggling with. Elegant reasoning, neat organization. It’s truly a perfect paper. That’s how you would have written it. Someone who reads it will think this.”

Something thick and small rose from the inside of Manya’s throat.

“Someone has already had the same worries as me! A genius who had such advanced ideas decades ago lived! How happy I am to be able to follow in the footsteps of such a person!”

That eye in the middle of the burn… Thermis’s right eye.

It was truly a mysterious eye.

Like the story she was telling, it seemed to be thinking of some distant world that transcended this world…

“Does your heart race when you think about this? Does your throat tighten? Even if you don’t receive that respect and gratitude during your lifetime… would it be okay if you never knew that moment?”

Who on earth is this person?

Who is she? What kind of person is she?

How could a young lady from a hothouse like a duchess, who I’ve never met before, say such things to a failed, wandering magician?

Manya replied in a trembling voice.

“Yes… I think… it would…”

“Then you are such a person.”

She shrugged slightly as if it were nothing.

“But there’s something most important.”

“…If you are sure…?”

“You must continue to believe that you are such a person. Ignore all the people who point fingers at you in the banquet hall. No one will remember their names even after fifty years. That conversation, that laughter. That joy. It’s all romantic, but it’s all momentary. But you are creating something that will remain in this world forever.”

She said her name, which she didn’t know where she had heard, for the first time.

“Remember, Bildur Manya. From the moment you don’t believe that, you can never become such a person.”

“…Ah…!”

Manya, looking into the enchanting eyes of the other person,

thought that it was a lie that this person was a ‘dropout’.

Her eyes were magic. This conversation was magic. If this wasn’t magic, what could be called magic?

Thermis said a few more words, but her head, already heated up, couldn’t hear anything.

She only remembered the words she left just before she turned around and parted ways with her.

“Oh. There’s someone named Ka…rtisa? Um… Katie? in the banquet hall. I heard that she also became independent from her family.

She’s a person with a wonderful aesthetic sense… Why don’t you talk to her? I think you’ll get along well.