Chapter 29: Escape from the North

The princess said she would give me time to consider.

She said it was a simple proposal, so it was fine to refuse, and that she would wait about three days.

To me, those words didn’t mean she would graciously accept my refusal and simply leave for the capital.

They felt like a warning—reveal everything to Iris.

Of course, it could just be my paranoia.

But if it wasn’t paranoia…

How would Iris react if she heard the truth from the princess?

Just like at the dinner party, she would either dismiss it as nonsense or believe the princess.

If it were the former… my everyday life could continue as usual.

But the weight in my heart would grow heavier…

I didn’t want to imagine the latter.

I recalled Iris’s hardened expression as she answered the princess’s questions.

Those resolute eyes, determined to cut down any obstacle.

My unease stemmed from not knowing what the princess thought of me.

What would Iris think if she believed the princess?

If I denied the princess’s words, would Iris believe me?

‘…I’m the one lying.’

The thought of being hated made me tremble, my breath catching in my throat.

Shamelessly, I clutched the sword Iris had given me.

My trembling subsided, but various scenarios still flooded my mind.

Hugging the sword, my head buried in my knees.

I nurtured the misplaced resentment growing within me.

A knock echoed in the empty room.

When I didn’t answer, the visitor knocked a few more times, then, as if knowing I was inside, opened the door and entered.

Iris, bathed in the soft hallway light, came into view.

She held a tray in one hand.

Still clutching the sword, I watched her approach.

A sweet aroma began to waft around me.

…A familiar scent.

The smell of the cocoa I drank every night.

“You were awake.”

“…Didn’t you come in knowing that?”

“If you were asleep, I would have left it.”

“Then it would have gotten cold and lost its flavor.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

It was clearly a lie, but she showed no sign of it.

Seeing her like this reminded me of the day we first met.

Did she say something about not showing any signs when trying to deceive someone?

‘I know it’s a lie even if you don’t show it.’

I tightened my grip on the sword.

“You hold your sword even in your sleep?”

“I was happy to receive it.”

“You liked it?”

“Yes.”

“It seems the trip to the armory was worthwhile.”

“Armory?”

“I’ll show you around later.”

“…I look forward to it.”

After nodding, Iris handed me the mug from the tray.

It felt a little unstable to take it with one hand, so I had to let go of the sword and hold the mug with both hands.

It was much larger than a regular mug, probably specially made because I ate so much.

It seemed freshly made, still warm.

I used its warmth to calm my trembling after releasing the sword.

“…So, what brings you here so late?”

“You seemed troubled by the princess’s proposal.”

“…Was it that obvious?”

“Very much so.”

Avoiding Iris’s red eyes, I lifted the mug and drank the cocoa.

The hot liquid flowed down my throat, warming me from the inside.

The sweet, rich chocolate lingered on my tongue.

Lowering the large mug, I saw the empty tray and Iris’s empty hands.

“Don’t you have one?”

“It… doesn’t agree with my palate.”

Come to think of it, Iris didn’t really like sweets…

Silently emptying the mug, I looked at Iris, and she met my gaze.

I forced my reluctant lips to move.

“What do you think, Iris?”

“…”

Hearing my question, Iris fell into thought, a contemplative expression on her face.

Watching her, I brought the mug back to my lips.

It was still warm.

Iris’s contemplation didn’t last long.

“I do not know your purpose for descending from the snowy mountains, Lady Ev.”

There was no way I could tell her.

‘…If I had to say, “nothing” would probably be closest to the truth.’

“Perhaps it is because I am… still too weak to be of assistance to you.”

If only it were such a grand reason.

I just wanted to return to where I originally belonged.

“That’s not it…”

“There is no need to comfort me.”

“…”

My throat felt strangely itchy.

Instead of scratching it, I placed the mug down and reached for the sword.

The suffocating feeling remained, but… at least I could hide my unease.

“Wouldn’t it be best for you to go to the capital?”

I was glad I was holding the sword.

“…Why?”

“I do not know your purpose, but the princess will be of assistance. Despite her appearance, she is the Empire’s only princess.”

“You’re also the Ducal House’s only successor, aren’t you?”

“I… am still very lacking.”

“That’s not—”

“And you enjoy seeing new things, Lady Ev… so you would enjoy it there. Unlike the North, which has little to offer, the capital has much that would pique your interest.”

It was undoubtedly true.

But I wanted to deny it.

‘Actually, I know everything, so this place is more interesting.’

‘I’ve been with the princess dozens of times, so there’s nothing I can give or receive from her.’

‘My purpose is…’

Unable to say it, I only tightened my grip on the sword.

“Would you be alright if I disappeared?”

What did I want?

Did I want Iris to stop me?

Even though I knew that someday, everyone, even Iris, would die, and I was just letting it happen?

What right did I have?

“You are not disappearing, are you?”

“Not really…”

“I would find it regrettable, as I have only just begun to receive your teachings.”

‘So this is the face of regret.’

‘…This will be the last time I see a new expression, won’t it?’

“I see.”

Silence fell over the room.

The cocoa, once steaming, had now grown cold.

Its coldness brought unpleasant images to mind.

It was difficult to look Iris in the eye.

“Actually—”

“Iris.”

Iris’s moving lips stilled.

“…Yes?”

“Could you go back now…? I moved around for the first time in a while, so I’m a bit tired.”

“It seems I have disturbed your rest, Lady Ev.”

“That’s not it. Thanks to you, I’ve decided what to do.”

“Then that is fortunate.”

“…This was good.”

“I shall take this.”

Iris placed the mug back on the tray.

Holding the tray, Iris gradually moved away.

Turning back, she said,

“Then I shall see you tomorrow.”

I waved with the hand not holding the sword.

“…Yeah, goodnight.”

Hearing my reply, Iris vanished out the door before I could say anything more.

The already large room and bed felt even bigger.

With the warmth of the mug and cocoa gone, the room felt colder.

Even though that shouldn’t be possible.

I pulled the sword into my arms and wrapped myself in the blankets.

Opening my eyes, I saw the gem at the end of the hilt.

I closed my eyes.

‘Today will be my last day here.’

‘This is the right thing to do.’

‘It is, but.’

Even with the sword in my arms, my racing heart wouldn’t calm down.

‘What kind of answer was I expecting from Iris?’

‘It’s a relationship built on lies, isn’t it?’

‘My name is a lie, my appearance is a lie, even the swordsmanship Iris desired is a lie.’

A liar who hadn’t shown a single truth to Iris.

‘It’s just that the time for me to disappear has come a little sooner.’

‘I was planning to return to the snowy mountains anyway.’

‘At least I’m not disappearing without a word.’

I closed my eyes, but sleep evaded me. I remained awake until morning, my sleepiness suddenly gone.

Dragging my stiff body, I went straight to the princess.

It felt like it had been a while since I last rode in a carriage.

Was it when I went to the dress shop with Iris?

‘…I decided not to think about it.’

As I adjusted the sword on my back, I heard the princess’s cheerful voice.

“You made up your mind faster than I thought. Ah, conversations inside can’t be heard outside, so you can speak freely.”

Her face was bright, her plans seemingly successful.

“Just because I’m going with you doesn’t mean I’m agreeing to your plan.”

“I know that much.”

“Then what’s your purpose for taking me with you using such an unpleasant method?”

“Unpleasant? I was only acting out of goodwill…”

“You said no one could hear us.”

“Because I can’t give up.”

“…Do as you please.”

It would all be pointless anyway.

“By the way, have you decided to just leave?”

The princess crossed her arms and stared at me with her golden eyes, identical to mine.

“Does it displease you, Your Highness?”

“Not particularly. Just be mindful in front of others.”

‘She’s also not normal, as expected.’

“…”

I escaped the mansion with the princess, as if fleeing.

If I saw Iris’s face, I wouldn’t be able to leave.

A coward until the very end.