Chapter 31: You Were More

Hye-yeon dragged me to her dorm.

The large, tightly closed main gate opened automatically as Hye-yeon approached, and the fancy interior of the building came into view.

My dorm only has stairs, but this place has a rather extravagant-looking elevator, and the building itself feels like it’s on a different level.

Dripping red onto the clean marble floor feels surprisingly novel.

Maybe it’s because it feels like I’m dirtying a place I wouldn’t even be allowed to enter if I were alone.

After passing through a long hallway, the room we entered, though I’m not sure if calling it a “room” is appropriate, was incredibly spacious anyway.

A bed large enough for at least three people to lie down on, a huge TV, various furniture – the space looked obviously luxurious, making me slightly envious.

Though my place isn’t bad either.

The girl sat me roughly on a plush chair, then took out her phone and called someone.

Someone came, treated my wounds, and whatever they talked about, I wasn’t interested.

I just stared blankly at the TV for a long time.

They said they succeeded in awakening a child with no abilities for the first time in the world at the research facility.

Something about it being unprecedented…

Anyway, perhaps the treatment was finished, because with a ticklish sensation, flesh began to sprout from my wrists.

I hadn’t realized it when regenerating on my own, but having someone else treat me feels much better than expected.

Because there was no pain of having skin carved out with a knife and growing back again.

“Well, I did ask you to be my friend, but.”

“Did it warrant this much?”

“I’m just some F-rank stuck in her room.”

“…Shut up.”

“I’m curious why you keep coming every day with elaborately baked cookies, making up excuses about the tournament or whatever.”

“No, honestly, even I know I’m not someone worth approaching.”

“That’s for me to decide.”

“Maybe it’s because of some guilt you feel.”

“Or did Seo-jun tell you to take good care of her childhood friend from her hometown?”

“What are you talking about with the childhood friend thing again?”

“I’m asking because I don’t understand.”

“We’re not close.”

“We haven’t had the chance to become close.”

“At most, we just met occasionally, nibbled on cookies with coffee, and chatted, that’s all.”

“Is there any reason to take care of me?”

“It’s only natural to help someone in need if they’re right in front of you.”

“Even more so if you know them.”

“Then you could have just taken me to the infirmary and waited.”

“Like Seo-jun did last time.”

“Shut up.”

“At least, for me, this is only natural.”

“Casually stuttering usually, then speaking perfectly fine at times like this, you’re acting, right?”

“I don’t stutter when I’m angry.”

“What is there to be angry about?”

“What exactly is your problem?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“I’m just bewildered.”

“I’m not even curious why you slashed your wrists.”

“Can’t you just say thank you when someone helps you?”

“That friend or whatever, you’re the one who asked me to.”

‘I wonder what kind of reaction I’d get if I told her I thought she’d stop after playing nice for a day or two.’

“Tell me when things are tough, and sometimes, just talk with me.”

“I’m an idiot who can’t speak properly otherwise.”

“Don’t even say things like reasons to take care of you.”

“My friend is like that.”

“…”

“I went to your class.”

“For three days straight.”

“You never showed up.”

“So I came here, but why are you being so hostile towards me?”

It seemed the meaning of “friend” to the girl in front of me and to my friend I knew was incredibly different.

Of course, I probably thought similarly until coming here.

No matter how you look at it, this girl is too kind.

Enviably so.

So it’s this kind of child who stays by Seo-jun’s side, whispering sweet nothings to her.

Honestly, isn’t it a bit of a waste?

That just by saving the world a bit, killing some villains, and helping her overcome some trauma, Seo-jun can live happily ever after with this kind of child.

I can do that much too.

Even if I don’t remember the novel’s content very well.

Therefore, I felt she’s a waste.

Not that she’s mine, but anyway.

So I stood up and walked towards the girl who was still lecturing me.

It seemed she didn’t feel threatened by me approaching; she just continued talking.

Even blocking my way as I pretended to walk towards the door.

‘She’s saying something, but I can’t hear clearly.’

‘Lips that are naturally light pink even without tint or lipstick, the tip of her tongue, a reddish color peeking out slightly above her lower teeth, a clean-looking mouth.’

‘The shape of her mouth, undisturbed even while speaking rapidly, a single strand of blue hair sticking out, my lifeless reflection visible in her brightly shining eyes – every time I notice these, it feels like something stuffy is rising in my heart.’

‘Words I can’t hear, I don’t think there’s any need to move her mouth,’ so I hugged the girl blocking my way and stole a kiss.

Even when she tried to pull away, I stayed attached for a long time, engaging in simple pecks like a bird pecking at food.

Since her lips didn’t open.

In the end, she pushes me away with all her might.

After falling rather dramatically on my butt, I looked up to see her face incredibly red.

“N-No, s-suddenly, wh-what are you d-doing!?”

I wiped my mouth and stood up, dusting off my backside.

I spoke to the girl staring at me with a completely flustered face.

“It seems this doesn’t make you angry.”

“Right?”

‘It seems I covered up my tattered wrists, the drugs filling the room, the trash and lumps of meat in the bathroom, and anything else that might be problematic.’

‘Trading a kiss with a pretty girl to escape trouble, isn’t that quite a profitable deal?’

‘We’re the same age, but the sight of a much larger child, well-fed and living well, falling backwards just from a kiss was quite comical.’

‘It was my first kiss, but it doesn’t matter.’

‘Seo-jun didn’t need anything from me anyway.’

After the kiss, I closed my eyes, then opened them to find myself standing at the dorm’s main gate.

I wondered if it was a dream, but the sensation lingering on my lips remained, so I decided to think about how I got back later.

Because there was a person standing near the small pond a short walk from the main gate.

“Did you come looking for me?”

“No one was there.”

“I was hanging out with Hye-yeon.”

“You two attacked me together before, didn’t you?”

“That’s… I’m sorry.”

“No, you already apologized enough last time.”

‘Did you want to show off your fancy uniform while watching the F-ranks pass by?’

“But honestly, I thought you’d recognize me.”

“When our eyes met, I recognized you immediately, no matter how much time had passed or what kind of person you’d become.”

“I changed too much.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, like I said last time, it’s not your fault.”

Just as I was about to continue and ask why she came, Seo-jun spoke to me with a slight hesitation.

“I want to hear.”

“How you were doing when we weren’t in contact and didn’t meet for a while.”

“You had absolutely no interest before, but now that we’ve met, you’re suddenly curious?”

“Why, last time you said it was annoying, that if I wanted to visit you and walk around, I should at least learn a bit about this place first.”

‘You knew very well there’s no way to learn that on the river.’

“…I wasn’t trying to ignore you, nor was I annoyed.”

“Just.”

“When you visited, it reminded me of that village.”

“The place I didn’t even want to think about.”

‘A place I didn’t even want to think about.’

‘Did I used to feel that way too?’

‘Maybe I did until I was stuck in the lab.’

‘How did it become a place of memories?’

“I think I wanted to forget.”

“So I think I purposely lived more diligently, more busily than others.”

“And when you came, using that as an excuse, I said those things to you…”

She stopped talking, then said what she wanted to say.

“But I loved that village, you know.”

At those words, Seo-jun nods.

“Yeah, I know.”

“So what if you know?”

“Does the village suddenly become better or something?”

“Now that you’re here too, I don’t really need to think about it, so it’s okay.”

“I don’t hate it that much either.”

“And though it’s a bit hard to talk while smiling like before, I still want to talk to you.”

Seeing her speaking with a smile, even when I tried to be hostile, perhaps due to habit, or perhaps due to the time we spent together, my attitude softens immediately.

Even though I’m struggling, saying I hate this.

“Talking about what happened to each of us, hearing about what happened while at school, becoming close again by sharing stories about worrying over test scores or having headaches because of friends.”

“If possible, I want to hear about what happened during the time we couldn’t meet.”

‘I can tell you all about it.’

‘But not now, not now.’

‘Thoughts, even if not emotions, shouldn’t be bouncing around.’

I bit my tongue hard.

It still twitched as if trying to speak.

I didn’t open my mouth.

Because blood would flow.

“I’ll help you.”

“It seems I have a knack for teaching, aside from handling swords and other weapons.”

“Instead of being naive childhood friends from the slums, we can just become friends again at school, right?”

“…Yeah.”

I answered like that, smiling without opening my mouth.

Or maybe I didn’t.

After the conversation ended, Seo-jun and I exchanged phone numbers, and I returned to my room.

The first thing I did was go into the bathroom, tear open my mouth, rip out my tongue, and throw it away.

Though it grew back soon after.

‘Naive, huh.’

‘Were we naive children back then?’

‘Were the words we exchanged, the days we spent together, just a foolish, idiotic, pathetic time?’

‘Then what does that make me, who was only happy back then?’

My eyes met with my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

As expected, it’s disgusting.

You even more so.