Chapter 34: I Almost Said Yes

Looking into the black eyes that wavered with unease, Lee Juju stirred the guilt buried deep in his heart.

‘I really should be doing Guiding properly.’

Since that day, he hadn’t climbed into bed with Colonel Shan.

It wasn’t related to the colonel correcting his once-avoidant attitude toward Guiding.

Lee Juju himself simply didn’t want intimate contact with him.

In other words, the biggest problem was that he just didn’t feel like having s*x with him at all.

It wasn’t that their matching rate had suddenly dropped, nor that he had begun to dislike the colonel’s appearance.

It was just that a few words Colonel Shan had said kept replaying in his mind.

The firm declaration that you’re not needed in combat, for one.

And this high-handed attitude of rudely trying to exclude him from the Gate operation, it all gave him a headache, and naturally dulled any other desires.

And yet, the way Colonel Shan stared at him with those intense eyes undeniably carried a magnetic pull that drew Lee Juju’s attention.

Clicking his tongue inwardly, Lee Juju examined the colonel’s face.

Even if Lee Juju had been in a bad mood and busy with other matters, Colonel Shan had tasted the powerful Guiding unique to intimate contact, tongues entwined and all, so he had assumed the colonel would seek contact again somehow.

Instead, he had behaved like the very embodiment of abstinence ever since.

If he would just sidle up subtly and brush their skin together, stirring up certain thoughts, maybe Lee Juju’s cooled feelings would warm again, or maybe not.

Sometimes it felt like he was counting his chickens before they hatched.

‘If you act like that, then I’ll act like this.’

Right, who’s the one at a disadvantage here?

Lee Juju met Colonel Shan’s gaze boldly.

“…An esper who isn’t protected is better off not entering a Gate. Who exactly would protect you inside one?”

Yes, no matter what anyone said, the one at a disadvantage wasn’t Lee Juju, but Colonel Shan.

He was the esper to whom the thought of losing Lee Juju felt more terrifying than anything else.

Even as he asked that overbearing question, Colonel Shan Pei reflexively assumed that ‘his guide’, that is, Lee Juju, would name none other than Colonel Shan himself as the one who would protect him.

The thought closely resembled expectation.

But Lee Juju brazenly betrayed that expectation.

“Sierra said she’d help me.”

“…Sierra is also a member of the unit. She has assigned duties.”

“But Sierra hasn’t received perfect Guiding yet, so she has to stay by my side anyway. If she goes berserk inside the Gate, that’ll be even more dangerous for the others. It’s better if I guide her and move around the Gate together with her.”

“She hasn’t received complete Guiding?”

It had only been a week since the ‘new recruit’ had gained those clear pink eyes.

Colonel Shan and Lieutenant Colonel Miles both turned to look at Sierra.

“What kind of nonsense are you-”

Sierra tilted her head, adjusting her sunglasses.

“Is there something on my face?”

“…”

“…”

“Juju, this isn’t a joke.”

After a long moment, Colonel Shan rubbed at his eyes with a weary expression.

Lee Juju was considering how best to explain his veteran experience.

Then…

“If I protect Juju, wouldn’t that solve it, Colonel? Since our unit won’t be participating in this Gate operation anyway, I’ll volunteer as an extra and guard him. While you’re all diligently subduing the beasts inside the Gate, we’ll have ourselves some fun.”

Lieutenant Colonel Miles cut in with a broad grin.

His tone was relaxed, but Colonel Shan couldn’t shake the impression that Miles had been waiting like a fox for the right moment to present this proposal.

When Shan shot him a glare, Miles turned that sly face toward Lee Juju instead.

“What do you think, Juju?”

‘What do I think…’

It wasn’t a bad idea.

But if he agreed, he might not even be able to so much as touch the company members he had carefully guided and cherished.

If he were just going to wander around separately like strangers for the entire Gate operation, what was the point of coming all the way here to put his name on the list?

As Sierra had suggested at the very beginning, he might as well hide in Sierra’s shadow and sneak in.

Lee Juju answered without hesitation.

“That won’t work.”

Though Lee Juju had merely rejected Miles’ proposal, the sense of crisis filling Shan’s heart quietly eased.

He found it ominous how his emotions became so tangled whenever Lee Juju was involved.

If only he could regulate his heart as calmly and indifferently as before.

And yet, why did it feel so good?

Lieutenant Colonel Miles tried to persuade Lee Juju again, but Lee Juju frowned sharply and snapped at him in irritation.

Colonel Shan watched without even blinking.

“I want to participate in the operation with the company members. If I go separately with you, Lieutenant Colonel, I can’t move with them, can I? Then why would I even go to the Gate? I might as well stay quietly at the base like a dog.”

“…”

Lee Juju was biting his lip.

From the way he emphasized like a dog, it seemed the idea of having to do so felt unbearably humiliating.

More than the colonel’s earlier words, it was the thought of doing nothing and remaining at the base that he hated most.

When Lee Juju looked at Colonel Shan with eyes full of anger, or perhaps irritation, Shan felt as though that gaze had set his chest ablaze.

Otherwise, how could his heart burn this hot?

“You’ll have to admit that I’ve contributed a lot to the company. You absolutely can’t leave me behind, Colonel. Right?”

“…”

Which one of them truly wanted to be the dog?

Sometimes the colonel imagined a small dog that could unconditionally curl up in Lee Juju’s arms.

If forced to choose between a small dog that simply followed behind Lee Juju and basked in his affection without calculation, and himself as a human, he would choose the former without hesitation.

Lee Juju would never know.

A smile that was surely self-deprecating tugged at Shan’s lips.

Concerns about Lee Juju’s safety or the risk of him being exposed gradually blurred in his mind.

If Lee Juju said he wanted this, why couldn’t he grant it?

The instinct of an esper, wanting to obey his guide, pressed down on his rational mind.

“Then…”

He was about to say fine.

Mid-sentence, he snapped his mouth shut so quickly that he bit the tip of his tongue.

He had nearly given in.

Lee Juju stepped closer with a suspicious expression.

This wasn’t enough.

He wanted a proper, explicit permission.

“Colonel?”

At that moment, clicking his tongue, Lieutenant Colonel Miles spoke.

“Seems Juju still doesn’t know how stubborn this fellow is. Don’t waste your energy. Why don’t the two of us enjoy a cozy little date instead? A Gate date doesn’t sound bad, does it, Juju?”

Still wearing that slippery smile, he reached out toward Lee Juju.

Lee Juju didn’t reject the gesture and accepted it naturally.

The moment Shan realized he disliked that.

He was already walking out the door with Lee Juju in his arms.

“There’s a nice restaurant near the Gate that I know-”

Miles’ voice receded rapidly behind them.

“Uh…”

Blinking, Lee Juju looked up at Shan from within his embrace.

The flame that had been warming Shan’s chest began to flow down through his veins.

But if he handled Lee Juju carelessly like that day, he might lose control of his abilities again.

His jaw tightened.

He couldn’t allow that.

That day, when he had briefly lost his senses, when Lieutenant Colonel Miles had come intending to kill himself, when he had barely regained clarity, how grateful had he been simply that Lee Juju was alive?

Held in Shan’s arms, Lee Juju let out a small sound of admiration.

Unlike when he had been slung over Miles’ back, barely able to open his eyes as they flew like an airplane, Shan walked as though stepping across the folds of the ground itself.

Their speed wasn’t much different from an easy stroll, yet objects around them blurred past, as if they were crossing through space.

‘This is fun… but still, I should make sure things are settled properly.’

“Where are we going?”

“The infirmary.”

“I’ve already finished my shift today.”

“I know.”

“And I haven’t put my name on the Gate suppression list yet.”

Colonel Shan let out a shallow sigh.

‘He’s not going to say no after dragging me out like this, is he?’

“…I’ll put it down.”

At that answer of approval, a bright smile spread across Lee Juju’s face.

Shan’s gaze lingered on him for a long moment, unable to pull away.

“I’ll send you the exact date and time later in an official document.”

“Yes, sounds good.”

‘In the past, I would’ve snapped and said what Gate at my level of experience, but why does this make me feel like I’m flying?’

The thought briefly crossed his mind that he had left Sierra alone in the colonel’s office, but so what?

Sierra wasn’t a child; she could manage on her own.

Lee Juju’s feet, which had been dangling as he was carried, touched the floor.

Tapping the ground lightly with his toes, he said,

“Next time, take me to my room instead.”