Chapter 35 : Informal Speech (3)

“…”

Recalling old memories after a long time left a strange feeling.

Back then, I dressed almost obsessively covered up. A uniform with ornate decorations, androgynous short hair. Plus, I always carried the Duke’s symbolic scepter.

A cold expression, a haughty attitude. People called me an iron-like human; I always maintained such a rigid state.

But what about now? I looked at my reflection in the full-length mirror at home.

Attire a prostitute in a brothel wouldn’t even wear: naked except for a single apron. Shoulders slumped without confidence. Long hair down to my waist, traces of grooming to look good for a man.

Even the lips loosening into a silly smile whenever I saw Caspar.

The last time Caspar saw me, I had adapted considerably to reality, but I was still out of my mind, brazenly ordering Caspar around.

“Informal speech… Even thinking about it again, it seems a bit difficult. Dear husband.”

Recalling old memories made it feel even more so.

How dare I… do such things to Caspar?

What I did to the young Caspar was no different from abuse. The fact that Caspar volunteered for training afterwards, and that he was someone who commonly committed mad acts to become stronger, doesn’t excuse it.

Later training. Such as throwing him alone into a dungeon, or making him roam the Land of Prosperity catching bandits – I don’t feel guilty about those. That was his will.

But what I did before clearly showed I was a rotten woman.

A wife should respect whatever her husband desires. Even if it’s an act I dislike.

“Even if it’s hard, try it. As I said before, I want a horizontal relationship.”

So…

Though I really don’t want to. I must listen to Caspar’s words.

“…Okay. Got i-it. Caspar.”

Barely forcing the words out, I blushed shyly. My chest tingled with guilt and transgression.

Caspar patted my head as if saying ‘good job’.

“Right. Good job, Agathe.”

Anxiety arose.

Can I do it well? Won’t I get hurt again by needlessly fostering useless things like my own opinions?

No matter how strong and smart a woman is, ultimately she’s just a female, inferior to a man. That’s what was written in the preface of the etiquette book I diligently memorized after Caspar died.

It was a story from an era treated like ancient Greece even by the standards of the Land of Prosperity, something no one truly believed except for its historical significance. Even more so for me, a modern person.

But I forced it deep into my heart. Because otherwise, I couldn’t endure.

It wasn’t that I made the wrong choice, but that I failed because I was inherently foolish and inferior. So it’s not my fault. If I abandon my reason and judgment and become subordinate to someone, there will be no more responsibility or failure…

That’s what I thought. Merely to escape responsibility.

However… that ultimately amounts to nothing more than burdening Caspar with my own load too.

Right. If I am to be his wife… I must become a person worthy of him.

I straightened my chest, looked Caspar straight in the eye, and smiled slightly. A smile brimming with confidence, like before.

“Caspar. H-How is it? Am I okay? No. Okay?”

That smile quickly faded, returning to a state of nervously watching his reaction.

“Right. Doing that is much better.”

Still, at least I could say I took one step forward.

“…Mmm. Me too, really. What am I doing at the dining table? I’ll clear it now.”

Clatter.

As I mumbled and tried to clear the table, Caspar also stood up.

“Let’s clear it together. Don’t do housework alone.”

“…Okay.”

At his firm words, I could only nod my head.

The sound of washing dishes comes from the kitchen. Unable to bear letting Caspar’s hands get wet, I called Lilith and had her do the housework.

Caspar didn’t object to that either. He wanted an equal relationship with me, not being an active opponent of the class system who believed everyone was equal.

“It’s. Not really my place to say, but… Why did you only suggest switching to informal speech today?”

Quite some time had passed since Caspar and I reunited.

During that time, we went on dates, hunted together, did all sorts of things. We even had s*x almost every day and I attended to his body.

So that was slightly puzzling. Honestly speaking, among the ‘plays’ Caspar made me do, there were some I clearly disliked.

Though I didn’t show it, Caspar, who had been intimate with me many times before, couldn’t possibly not know.

“That’s… Hmm……”

Caspar hesitated for a moment as if struck by the words, then finally sighed and confessed something shocking.

“Honestly. I was quite turned on. Enough to temporarily numb my sense of reality.”

“Ah…”

Bewildered, words failed me.

“No. Um. Honestly, during that time, I had accumulated a lot of stress in various ways. Plus, my sense of reality was almost gone. How should I put it? It just didn’t feel real at all.”

Seeing the person who was his childhood friend, lover, and liege suddenly transform into a s*ave craving love dealt a huge shock to Caspar, who thought:

‘Goodness. I need to take good care of her and slowly help her recover mentally. But for now, let’s use this…’

Caspar said he initially didn’t realize how serious my situation was. So at first, seeing my state, he felt slight pity along with immense sexual desire.

Well. It would be stranger if he knew. From Caspar’s perspective, only a day had passed.

“After some time passed, I did notice… but you seemed too distressed to face the truth. So I planned to gradually increase the intensity and wait until you expressed refusal.
The idealized lover in one’s imagination and the actual person are different. I thought shattering the beautified past would normalize things back to how they were.”

“…So. No wonder you didn’t do any housework and kept making me do strange things. Th-That time with the naked leash walk, was it because of that too?”

I never felt more grateful for buying up all the surrounding buildings than at that moment.

“No? That was just because I wanted to-“

Thwack!

“Ow! Ah, haha. Getting hit after so long, I kind of miss this too.”

Blushing, I stammered.

“Y-You. Caspar. Y-You were bad. Back then. Yes.”

Having hit him, I trembled with the guilt of daring to strike my husband who was like heaven.

Caspar grinned and asked.

“Right. Is the illusion shattering a bit now? Agathe? You know me. I’m originally this kind of ruffian. A warrior capable only of brawling, lowborn who can’t remember any etiquette.”

That. Was a statement I absolutely could not overlook.

Therefore, I met his eyes directly and answered firmly.

“No. Not true. Compared to what I thought before, the you I actually met was much…, better. What you call an illusion, that was literally just an illusion.”

A phantasm of the past, leaving only an afterimage upon waking from a dream and disappearing.

Therefore…

Never in my life have I been this happy as I am now.

“…I. The reason I learned old-fashioned etiquette back then wasn’t just to lower myself. It was also with the intention of elevating you. Caspar.”

Originally, etiquette is harsher on those below. Therefore, I directed even Caspar’s share of etiquette towards myself.

Because I thought if he stood at the highest position of dignity, so that he would scoff at such trivial etiquette, Caspar’s complex about his status would disappear.

“Ah. Right. No wonder… Originally, the older the etiquette, the more sensitive it is to status. It was just an excuse from the start.”

…Correct.

Even in the past, there were cases where women could become rulers. Because there was a wall of status that mere gender could not overcome.

Even if women were inferior to men, it was natural that humans were more dignified than beasts, and royalty more dignified than commoners or nobles.

But I deliberately didn’t think about such things. Because he already had a severe status complex. I placed him as king, thought of myself as the king’s consort, and created my own etiquette.

Though it was merely my own delusion. It became reality upon reuniting with Caspar.

“So-. Don’t lower yourself either. Caspar. To me, to me you are the best person. You are the most excellent, the most wonderful. And…”

Swish.

I wiped my tears with the handkerchief Caspar handed me and continued.

“The most. Lovely.”

“…Hard to believe. You always used to say. Humans are just electricity flowing through nerves, slaves swayed by hormones and given circumstances.”

Yes. I said that too.

Content I repeated to myself as if trying to deny the love I felt, trying not to believe the fact that I liked you.

But my conclusion was different.

“I. Love you with a clear mind. Not because my mind was broken in an extreme environment. By my own choice, judging that I can fully trust and follow you, that’s why I like you.”

If not, I would have left Caspar long ago.

“Ha. Haha…”

Caspar’s laughter was heard.

Somehow hollow, refreshing, and perhaps slightly happy…

That kind of laughter.

“Definitely. One way or another, informal speech is better. In daily life.”

Pouting slightly, I wrapped my arms around Caspar’s waist, looked up at him, and asked.

“Then… What about when it’s not daily life?”

“Well. As you know, I’m not that smart. I think I need to check the difference once to know.”

.
.
.

To state only the result, our experimentally derived relationship formula was as follows:

During the day, informal speech to each other. At night, I use polite language.

For reference, the experiment took a full 8 hours.