Chapter 36: A Light Conversation

I thought my reunion with my childhood friend after all this time wouldn’t be the worst.

It was caused by layers of misunderstandings, ambiguous events… what was the word?

Right. A happening. Just an incident.

Her appearance had changed drastically, and it felt like her old self had almost disappeared.

But I decided not to dwell on it.

We met again.

And at a school for us, for ability users, where we wouldn’t have to starve or suffer humiliation!

I pushed aside the strange rumors that she was rescued by villains, even though she went to a research facility that burned down with no survivors.

Anti-social terrorists, what we call villains.

I know not all of them are bad people.

Back in the village, I hated the police, or the so-called ability users.

They would come to collect taxes and kill innocent villagers under the pretext of suppressing bandit remnants.

But they casually engaged in cannibalism, smuggled drinks made from students’ hearts, took the families of ability users protecting an area hostage during bank robberies…

The list went on and on.

Even  Hye-yeon, standing right next to me, was almost eaten alive.

She still carries the guilt of her father’s death, believing it was her fault.

I want to dismiss the idea that those people would do such things.

It would make things so much easier.

I don’t want to think or worry about anything.

I just want to live as my heart desires, moving my body towards whatever I want.

I guess I’m already doing that, halfway at least.

As I was emptying my mind like this, Hye-yeon came to me, stammering as she relayed a story.

A story about my childhood friend.

She found her using drugs, losing track of conversations mid-sentence.

She found her with self-inflicted wounds on her wrists, less like cuts and more like they’d been torn apart.

These weren’t pleasant stories to hear.

Whenever I heard these things, things that had nothing to do with the Ha-rin in my memories, I hoped it was all a joke.

 Hye-yeon was the type to tell jokes that sounded like the truth.

But she wasn’t the type to joke about something like this.

I thought life would be easy from now on.

I was wallowing in the depressing thought of living in that horrible village until I died.

Then suddenly, my body glowed.

I was a little disappointed when I heard my ability might not be that great, but looking back, it’s a funny concern.

At first, I was in the B-rank class, but I beat those kids who looked down on me because I came from the slums.

I easily entered the A-rank class, met my teacher who collapsed while guarding the research facility, defeated villains…

It was as if everything good was happening to compensate for all the hardships I endured in that village.

That’s why I stopped thinking.

Whatever I thought or worried about would be resolved quickly, and if it wasn’t, I thought I could just stumble my way through it.

Instead of using my head, I solved problems with my body.

Is that why?

Is that why the room my childhood friend trashed in a single day looked so horrifying?

Did Ha-rin become like this because I lived thoughtlessly, because I emptied my mind like an idiot and spoke with only emotion?

When we met again, and when she realized we met again, she seemed fine.

She had changed a lot, but she didn’t resent me.

And I was always ready to help her.

I didn’t think she would become this messed up.

I didn’t know she was a drug user, a self-harmer, or that she killed her opponent in the match after preventing them from surrendering.

The white powder on the table.

It couldn’t be sugar.

It must be the drug I saw when I went out to fight villains during practice.

It was the same in the village.

Once people fell into this white powder, even the seemingly normal, friendly people became broken, talking animals.

Did the junkies next door drug and assault her while I was gone?

Or maybe the thugs in the village forced drugs on her and threatened her to come to the brothel if she needed more?

What must it have been like for her to walk to the research facility?

Missing me, wanting the power to fight off those who controlled her, or just wanting to escape that horrible place.

Thinking about this would only disgust her. It wouldn’t matter to her.

I’m not the childhood friend she fought with and parted ways with anymore.

I’m not the nostalgic friend who exchanged childish confessions of love.

I’m just a bad person who takes away her drugs.

First, I gathered the drugs on the table and burned them all.

Drug users usually react as if their drugs are their children or their lives when someone touches them.

That’s why I asked  Hye-yeon to hold her back.

But Yoo Ha-rin just watched with a tired expression, as if she’d given up on moving.

A resigned expression, as if she were used to it.

“Seo-jun, are you satisfied with this?Do you think everything will be solved if you just deal with the immediate problem?”

It wasn’t a resigned expression, but more like a sneer.

This was the second time Yoo Ha-rin made that expression at me.

Six months ago, after our argument, she made that expression while tears streamed down her face.

As if she hadn’t cried at all, her hands trembling, her legs shaking, looking at me as if I wasn’t even human.

“It’s true that things get solved if they’re not in front of you.At least for the six months you weren’t in front of me, you didn’t think about me at all.”

I tried to answer, but my lips only moved slightly. No sound came out.

“I had a hard time while you were gone.You just left without a word, and now you come back without a word and just mess things up.I told you back then. I’m nothing without you. No matter what kind of person you become.”

What did I say when she told me that?

“You told me not to come anymore, that I’m annoying, that I say useless things, that I only say depressing and unpleasant things.You said that now that I have an ability, I’m trying to leech off you.You told me never to come again, that you’d come to me instead, that I shouldn’t come here.”

Words laced with laughter, but with a different meaning.

I wish she would just curse at me.

“Ah, why do I suddenly remember this now? I didn’t know anything. All I knew were white walls and a small space.”

I sighed and let go of all the tension in my body, surprising even  Hye-yeon.

“Bring me a cup of coffee, like last time. Instant coffee is fine.”

The drugs were reduced to ashes, leaving behind a pungent smell and the scent of cheap instant coffee I just made.

“I’d like to know what you meant by ‘everything will be solved if you just deal with the immediate problem.’”

“It’s just a meaningless, strange saying.That’s all. I was a little flustered when you suddenly came into my room.”

“……The bloodstains on the floor.”

“I must have scratched my arm or something while high.I didn’t know this either, but apparently I’m a re-generator.
It’s amazing how my body heals even if it’s riddled with holes.”

“I’m not curious about that.Regeneration or whatever, it must hurt!”

“It doesn’t hurt. Not at all.”

It hurts, but it doesn’t hurt at all.

That’s what I had to think.

“…….”

Seo-jun calmed down and continued.

“The drugs, when did you start?”

“If you say I started, it sounds like I wanted to.”

And finally, she spoke with a dejected expression.

It happened before too when we talked like this. Right. When was it?

After she smashed the head of the neighbor who tried to assault her, she made this expression.

Saying that if I were a better person, this wouldn’t have happened to her, she wouldn’t have had to resort to this.

“I’m sorry. I, I shouldn’t have said I didn’t even want to see you.”

“Well. What you’re thinking probably didn’t happen.The villagers are rough, but they’re not the kind of people who would go around looking for a girl who’s running away and do that kind of thing.”

Even if they were just bored.

Because there’s nowhere else to live but that village anyway.

I thought there was no option to go to another village.

A young, pretty girl with no connections is good prey anywhere, not just in my village.

“Hey, hey Seo-jun. I can’t talk to you right now.But I came because I was a little lonely waiting, because I wanted to be with you. Please, please remember that. I came because I wanted to see you.”

In the end, there was only one choice I could make after escaping, and maybe that choice was right.

I met Seo-jun, Seo-jun is worried about me, Seo-jun is angry because of me.

But I’m not fully myself anymore.

I’ve been chipped away, cut, and pieces of me have disappeared somewhere.

And no matter how I think about it, I don’t think a girl who cuts, tears, and bursts herself while taking her anger out on others should be next to Seo-jun.

she probably has many people around her already, and I don’t think she needs me.

“Okay…?”