Chapter 36: Panic

“You’re here.”

Esper Hwang Gyu-tae, who had been dozing off on a folding chair, stood up when he heard my presence.

“He was given a sedative, so he’ll sleep for a solid five hours.”

“Yes, I heard.”

Esper Hwang Gyu-tae whispered, lowering his voice as much as possible to avoid disturbing Hyung’s sleep.

I briefly looked around the not-unfamiliar hospital room and approached the bed where Hyung was lying.

It was the same hospital room where Chul-soo had first been admitted.

Although he wasn’t wrapped in bandages from head to toe like back then, seeing him lying in a hospital bed still upset me.

“Why is the level…”

I looked back and forth between the two busily running Guiding Machines and the monitor screen, and asked Esper Hwang Gyu-tae.

“It went up, right?”

Wondering if I had seen it wrong, I opened the wavelength graph on my watch and checked the records.

The level, which had been 54% just 30 minutes ago, had risen to 55%.

Even with two Guiding Machines running.

“Well, about that….”

“The Guiding isn’t being absorbed.”

“We increased the machines to two, but it’s not working at all.”

I quickly grabbed Hyung’s hand.

Unlike with the machines, which weren’t working, the moment our skin touched, the Guiding I sent out seeped into his body.

As if it had been waiting, the energy flowing within me moved to him.

“I’m fine.”

“It seems it’s just the machines that aren’t working.”

“Oh, what a relief.”

Esper Hwang Gyu-tae, who had been on edge, bowed his head with a brightened expression and stepped back.

I awkwardly bowed my head in return, and as soon as the door closed, I buried my face in the bed.

The day, which felt so long, was still not over.

I felt foolish for having been so carefree and smiling, thinking it was like an outdoor date with Hyung after a long time.

Was it a sign from the heavens, telling me not to be complacent, and to stay vigilant?

Life was truly harsh.

And overwhelmingly burdensome.

I burrowed under Hyung’s blanket and removed the Guiding Machine pad attached to his chest.

I placed my hand on his left chest, leaned my cheek against his shoulder, and soothed the cowering wavelength.

His abnormally trembling wavelength was still terrified.

That fear was transmitted to me as well.

Originally, Espers were not an object of fear for me.

I was confident that I wouldn’t even bat an eye if an Esper went wild in front of me.

But lately, I had become a little scared.

Ever since Hyung lost his memory, even Tae Seung-jun’s anger made me flinch.

Because Hyung’s wariness of Espers was now connected to me.

“Hyung.”

My eyes opened at the faint voice.

Hyung, who had repeatedly called my name with slurred pronunciation, tilted his head.

It seemed he had woken up in response to the Guiding.

“Yes, I’m here.”

Hyung’s body, limp from the sedative, had no strength in it at all.

My nose tingled with pity for him, who could only let his head loll to the side.

“Want some water?”

“Aren’t you thirsty?”

My own throat was parched, so I asked, but Chul-soo only moved his eyes slowly, scanning me.

His gaze, which had been on my face, moved slowly to my neck, shoulders, and then my hands.

“Yeong-u-hyung.”

Many emotions were contained in his weak, trailing voice.

Fear that wouldn’t subside, sadness, and an unfitting sense of relief reddened the rims of his eyes.

“Yeong-u-hyung…”

His even smaller voice just repeated my name.

In response, I moved my eyes closer to his and wrapped my arm around his neck.

The brown eyes of Hyung, who was gazing at me intently, looked unusually light in color.

His deep-set eyes and the lips that always curved into a smile also felt a little different from the person I knew.

“Chul-soo.”

He looked fragile, as if he would break at any moment.

“Tell me if you don’t like it.”

I caressed his neck, then placed my hand on his cheek, closing the distance more and more.

Just before our lips met, I waited for his answer.

In truth, I had no intention of stopping the Guiding, no matter what his answer was.

Hyung, his eyes half-closed from the drugs, answered by opening his lips.

I melted his reason with deep Guiding.

From the very beginning, I sent out a strong energy so that he would have no choice but to want my kiss.

Then, his hand touched my waist.

His touch, slow and sluggish from the sedative, made me thirsty.

“Should I take it off?”

Thinking Hyung might fall asleep again, I deliberately asked out loud.

I kept talking to him, trying to keep his slowly blinking eyes from closing.

“Chul-soo, should I take it off?”

I repeatedly pressed our lips together and then pulled away from the wetness, trying to wake him.

I even took his wrist and put his hand inside my clothes myself.

“Chul-soo…”

Thinking this might make him open his eyes.

“Open your eyes.”

In the end, I kissed the sleeping Hyung by myself and shook his shoulder.

The hand I had forced into my clothes fell onto the sheet with a thud.

Why was that sound… making my heart sink like this?

I held his parted lips and sent Guiding as if performing CPR, but in the end, tears burst out.

I hugged him, who didn’t respond no matter how I pressed our bodies together, shook him, and called his name, and just cried like that for a long time.

Chul-soo only woke up the next day, and we immediately returned home.

He was the one who said he wanted to go home.

At his words that he was more comfortable at my house than at the hospital, I immediately packed the wheelchair.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

As soon as we got home, I fed the kids first and then asked him.

Chul-soo, who was watching Baekseol and Shiru crunch on their food, shook his head.

“Are you hungry, Hyung?”

“Not really either.”

“It’ll be dinnertime soon, so let’s eat together then.”

“Okay.”

Even though he had slept for a long time, he didn’t look refreshed.

I had lowered his level to 49% with Guiding last night, but I was still anxious.

“What should I do?”

Hyung, who was standing blankly in the living room, looked at me.

At the sudden question, I just tilted my head.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Uh… whatever you want to do.”

“I’ll do whatever you tell me to.”

Chul-soo smiled, waiting for my answer as if he was serious.

Even though I could feel his emotions, his expression was so bright that it was confusing.

“Then… want to receive Guiding?”

I didn’t miss the opportunity and asked casually.

Chul-soo didn’t seem to remember yesterday’s Guiding.

“The sofa is okay, right?”

I thought he would refuse, but Chul-soo headed to the sofa first as if he intended to receive it right away.

I had thought he wouldn’t receive Guiding until my right hand, which was bandaged again, healed.

My middle finger, which I had just gotten the stitches out of, had burst open again yesterday from using a bit of strength.

“Do you prefer the bed?”

“No, let’s do it wherever you’re comfortable.”

“Anywhere is fine.”

I had been standing blankly in the kitchen, but I ran to the sofa after him.

Shiru, who must have thought we were playing, ran to the spot I was about to sit on after finishing his food.

Hyung, who held Shiru, who was crying as he took my spot, sat the chubby bottom on his lap.

“Baekseol is very talkative.”

“This is Shiru.”

“That one is Baekseol.”

Shiru, who glared at Hyung for getting his name wrong, cried even more garrulously.

It was the first time Hyung had mixed up the kids’ names.

They weren’t similar names, so he had memorized them quickly.

“He likes it when you pet him like this.”

I gently stroked under Shiru’s chin and between his eyes, showing Hyung.

Chul-soo had no interest in animals before living with me.

Compared to him, I had liked animals since I was young.

I got along especially well with stray cats, and they followed me well too.

“Look at him.”

A smile naturally formed as I saw Shiru, who had started purring right away.

How could he be so lovely?

I saw him every day, but I never got tired of him, and he was newly cute each time.

I had intended to show Hyung, but I ended up petting Shiru to my heart’s content.

Chul-soo just watched Shiru and me and didn’t seem to have any intention of petting him.

“Let’s just hold hands today.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Let’s do that.”

Hyung placed Shiru on the floor and held out his hand.

A sulking Shiru ran into the cat tower room without a single look back.

I hesitated before taking his hand.

Because I happened to be sitting on his left, I had to hold him with my bandaged right hand.

“Wait a moment.”

Remembering his words that he didn’t want to hold my injured hand, I immediately moved.

I moved to his right side and held his hand with my perfectly fine left hand.

“Want to watch TV while we do it?”

Worried he might be bored while receiving Guiding, I handed him the remote.

But he only took the remote and didn’t turn on the TV.

“Yeong-u-hyung.”

Hyung, who called my name softly like last night, moved his lips but then swallowed his words.

I held the hand of Chul-soo, who had closed his mouth, and started the Guiding.

“If you have anything you want to say, say it all.”

“Ask anything you’re curious about, too.”

Before the silence could drag on, I started the conversation first.

“Say anything.”

Actually, it was something I said often, so it shouldn’t have been new, but Chul-soo’s eyes widened slightly as if he had heard it for the first time, and then he smiled faintly.

“Will you listen to whatever I say?”

It was a question that didn’t require any thought, so I answered confidently, “Yes,” but then regretted it.

I remembered the time I was kicked out after a similar conversation.

To me, who had said I would listen to whatever he said, he had told me not to visit.

‘Should I tell him that would be difficult?’

As I contemplated, I gripped Chul-soo’s hand even tighter.

Fortunately, he didn’t push me away.

“Don’t get hurt.”

Instead, he pressed our arms close together, closing the distance between us.

“Take care of your own body first.”

“Please.”

“Okay.”

“And I’m sorry.”

This time, my eyes widened.

I was so stunned by him suddenly apologizing that I just stood there with my mouth open, and then I spoke as if to argue.

“What do you, what do you have to be sorry about?”

Hyung, who had closed his eyes, just said he was sorry again and didn’t continue.

His face looked so tired that I couldn’t keep asking.

I just stared at his side profile and focused on arranging his wavelength.

“Are you sleeping?”

I listened to Chul-soo’s slowed breathing, his eyes closed.

There was no response even when I waved my hand in front of his face.

Hyung, who had started sleeping a lot as if to recover quickly, would fall asleep the moment he closed his eyes.

“If you’re going to sleep, you should have slept in the bed.”

I patted his gently rising and falling chest a few times and then briefly released our clasped hands.

I was going to get a thin blanket from the bedroom.

The living room was a bit cold from the air conditioning.

I deliberately rose from my seat sluggishly, but before I could even take a step, my body tilted backward.

“Oot.”

The moment I fell in a crumpled position on the sofa, I quickly reached out and grabbed Chul-soo’s wrist.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

I whispered to him, who had pulled my arm fiercely in his sleep.

My arm below the elbow throbbed, caught in his strong grip that didn’t control its strength.

“I’m right next to you.”

I familiarly wrapped my hand around his wrist and sent out Guiding until his strength subsided.

When I thought it might break, I kissed the back of his hand.

Until his crumpled face relaxed, I kept Guiding, letting him know of my presence.

Another bruise was added today.