Chapter 37: The Weight of a Promise: Xu Yiyi’s Unforgotten Past

Why couldn’t Xu Yiyi remember?

She wasn’t the only child her grandmother had raised.

And on that note.

Where, exactly, did her longing for city life even begin?

For Xu Yiyi, it was a ‘missing piece’ that she subconsciously avoided recalling.

After Bai Tuantuan acknowledged her ‘courage’ and ‘faith,’ Xu Yiyi received something truly fantastical—a dream a fifteen-year-old girl would only ever encounter in her sleep.

Having never concealed her identity as a Magical Girl, Xu Yiyi naturally garnered the cheers and adoration of her younger siblings, who had grown up alongside her.

“Wow! Sister Xu Yiyi, you’re so cool!”

A short-haired boy propped his chin on his arm, his hand missing a tooth, and leaned against the creaking desk. He wanted to be closer to the sparkling, glowing girl.

“Mm-hmm… what beautiful light.”

Another girl already clutched the hem of the young woman’s skirt, feeling a softness she had never touched since birth.

It was an afternoon when warm sunlight streamed through the cracks of an old windowsill.

The desolate ruins were imbued with a comforting warmth, painted by the joyful laughter and play of children.

They cheered, they rejoiced.

Amidst her younger siblings, Xu Yiyi stood, showcasing her transformation for the very first time.

“Heh heh, what do you think? Your big sister is strong, isn’t she!”

Xu Yiyi, with no reason to hold back her smile, embraced the youngest sibling among the children, settling her comfortably on her arm.

[You are their most trusted older sister.]

Her grandmother had once entrusted her with these words, her final blessing.

[So, little Yiyi, you must protect them.]

Xu Yiyi’s grandmother’s family had, over time, adopted ten orphans, yet all of them had perished in the apocalypse.

Her husband and her own flesh and blood had also been lost.

At that time, the middle-aged woman, whose heart had already turned to ashes before the graves, was searching for higher ground when she heard Xu Yiyi’s faint, hoarse cries.

What a miraculous child.

The woman, who hadn’t uttered a sound since their deaths, let out a belated, desperate wail. With fingers almost bent to breaking point,

she rescued the swaddled Xu Yiyi from beneath the rafters, from the tight embrace of two corpses.

From that moment on, her grandmother never again entertained the thought of suicide.

She gave Xu Yiyi her own surname, naming her ‘Xu Yiyi,’ and then single-handedly raised her and the subsequent children.

Fortunately, since that year, even the most terrifying monsters had ceased to suddenly breed in the ruins.

That was a story from twenty years ago.

After that, it was the story of Xu Yiyi and her family.

Though the first boy loved to secretly eat the candy Grandma gave Xu Yiyi, and the second girl would occasionally quarrel fiercely with the second boy, making their youngest sister cry in fright, still…

Yet, they never once doubted:

Xu Yiyi and her younger siblings were a family bound not by blood, but by the deepest affection and harmony.

That was why Xu Yiyi always smiled.

That was why Xu Yiyi was always the most cheerful and radiant among them.

Because.

She had to protect the family her grandmother had left her.

****

It seemed precisely because of such a childhood that the ‘magic’ Xu Yiyi awakened was none other than a [Barrier], raised solely to protect one another.

Bai Tuantuan said that she, who had unearthed her ‘potential’ in just half a year, was a true genius.

Xu Yiyi was overjoyed.

Because this was how she could protect her restless younger siblings—

“Xu… Shenshen!”

Xu Yiyi, a rare frown replacing her smile, didn’t even bother to undo her transformation as she rushed to the boy in a few swift strides.

Her shoulders trembled incessantly.

Xu Yiyi forcefully grabbed the boy’s collar, pulling him up to her eye level:

“Didn’t I tell you all, this place is dangerous, extremely dangerous!”

A shiver of lingering fear laced her words.

Xu Yiyi couldn’t imagine what might have happened to her family, hiding in the corners of the battlefield, if not for this precious ‘Barrier.’

“P-please, Sister Yiyi—”

A tiny hand tugged at her sleeve. Xu Yiyi looked down to see the youngest child among them.

The youngest sister, whom Xu Yiyi had personally rescued, stammered through her words with a tearful voice. “It was me. I pestered Brother Shenshen, making him—making him bring me here.”

“I—I really like, like Sister’s, magic.”

In those eyes, blurred by tears, was a fervent longing—an emotion so intense that the soft-hearted girl, Xu Yiyi, found herself unable to refuse it.

Looking back now.

Perhaps, that moment of indecision was the prelude to tragedy.

Perhaps it wasn’t just longing, but also a deeper worry that those children would ultimately be drawn to the light of battle, lurking nearby.

Xu Yiyi couldn’t bring herself to utter harsher words. All she could do was give her utmost to protect them.

From this perspective, no magic was better suited to her than the ‘Barrier.’

‘Perhaps this power was meant for precisely this purpose,’ the girl, who occasionally lowered her eyelids in melancholy when alone, couldn’t help but think.

It was undeniable.

A flicker of hope rose in Xu Yiyi’s heart.

And then—

Irreversible time and unstoppable memories pressed forward, leading to the day Xu Yiyi had subconsciously forgotten.

It was a warm afternoon, indistinguishable from the one when she first shared the joy of being a Magical Girl:

Beneath the drowsy warmth of the sun.

Xu Yiyi, a crimson streak of light entangled with the octopus-shaped monster, caught sight of her younger siblings hiding nearby out of the corner of her eye.

This time, they had chosen a spot beneath a shadow.

This was to ensure the octopus monster, with its weaker eyesight, wouldn’t notice the small group of children.

Xu Yiyi exhaled deeply.

As always, she had to focus with utmost intensity, and the light cannons fired from her magic staff grew increasingly fierce.

Xu Yiyi dared not gamble.

She couldn’t allow the terrifying monster even a moment to glance at anyone else.

Xu Yiyi had no choice but to pour all her magic into the enchanting circle she was drawing, a symbol of ‘beauty’—

“Buzz, buzz buzz buzz.”

The octopus was forced to dart around by a barrage of light cannons. Even when it released black, misty ink, the cautious Magical Girl immediately cast a counter-spell to disperse it.

Wounds steadily accumulated on its massive body.

From the pink perforations made by the light cannons, blood gushed forth, signaling the slow ebb of the monster’s life force.

Finally, Xu Yiyi’s elegant chant transformed the octopus’s last desperate lunge into the helpless wail of a trapped beast.

“Gaaaaah!”

A mournful cry, laced with despair and agony.

It was as if even these creatures, driven solely by destruction, possessed their own consciousness.

Just as it was dying.

Right in front of Xu Yiyi, the octopus monster pumped its body once more, poised to unleash ink.

Xu Yiyi, having anticipated this, raised her magic staff, which had extended into a spear of solidified magic, and struck the monster from below.

That counterattack was not the black mist used to obscure vision.

On the contrary, the octopus monster spat out a terrifying, compressed ball of air.

Had Xu Yiyi not reacted in time, the girl would likely have perished alongside the now-weakened monster.

Just as she sighed in relief, preparing to wipe the beads of sweat from her forehead, she turned back and forced a smile.

A weary Xu Yiyi, forcing a smile.

From above, with a “bang,” a piece of broken wall shattered.

The children, curious, looked up at the source of the sound.

[Wrong, wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong!!]

[That was not a look of hope at all—]

The girl’s mind went blank as she instinctively raised her magic staff.

With the fastest speed her body could muster, she chanted the most familiar spell.

Ripping pain surged from her depleted magic core.

Yet, in Xu Yiyi’s eyes, there was only the falling rubble, hurtling towards her family’s heads.

Faster.

Even faster.

“Barrier!!”

A desperate roar and gushes of coughed-up blood erupted from the Magical Girl’s mouth.

Finally, blood-red magic outlined her pink barrier above the children’s heads.

But.

The immense impact of the heavy rubble, accumulated over time, met the hurried magic barely conjured by the exhausted Magical Girl.

The disparity was too great.

“Crack—”

It should have been instantaneous, yet in Xu Yiyi’s dilated pupils, it stretched out, long enough for her to clearly discern every single crack as it spread.

Like a spiderweb, it slowly expanded and spread.

“Snap.”

****

When Xu Yiyi awoke, all that remained before her was an unfamiliar camp and an empty home, several members short.

Everyone maintained an unspoken silence.

Only Xu Yiyi, after a certain day, suddenly forgot this past, as if she no longer remembered the missing ones.

****

What cruel magic. Xu Yiyi couldn’t bring herself to look down.

She stood rooted at the moment the magic shattered.

She watched as the children, seemingly giving up their struggle, looked back at her—

Their gazes filled with confusion, helplessness, and profound despair.

Was there more?

Xu Yiyi tried to decipher more emotions from their eyes in her recollections.

‘Was it resentment towards her own incompetence?’

‘Was it regret for their impulsive actions?’

‘Was it reluctance to leave Xu Yiyi?’

Xu Yiyi couldn’t see. In that moment, as if in evasion, her ‘heart’ held no further memories.

This meant that in that instant, Xu Yiyi perhaps hadn’t even looked at her family.

“Then what was I looking at?!”

Her rage turned towards her own evasive self.

Xu Yiyi cried out in bitter indignation within her memories. The regret, pain, and sorrow she had hidden away surged like a flood accumulated over years.

In an instant, it overwhelmed Xu Yiyi’s heart.

Her roar was stained with sobs and boundless, thick emotion:

“Did I not even have the courage to look at them one last time?”

The shackles of memory loosened.

In the instant before despair solidified, Xu Yiyi broke free, collapsing to the ground, wailing and weeping.

From blaming herself, her lament turned into inarticulate cries.

Finally, a ribbon of white light connected to Xu Yiyi’s wrist. The familiar warmth allowed the sorrowful Magical Girl to perceive the approach of another kindred spirit.

“Su Qingyao, Miss?”

Xu Yiyi, still sobbing, whispered her companion’s name into the empty space beside her.

And that gentle voice, like a sighing reply, resonated within Xu Yiyi’s heart:

“I am here.”

“Little Qingyao, did you see it too?”

After a suffocating silence, Su Qingyao’s words emerged:

“Because the disturbance was too intense, I accidentally saw quite a bit. I should apologize to you.”

For some reason.

Xu Yiyi’s painfully constricted heart felt as if it had been gently soothed by the other girl, easing her distress considerably.

“No, on the contrary, I should be thanking you, Little Qingyao.”

“If it weren’t for your help, perhaps I would have carried this forgetfulness with me until my death.”

“What a cowardly evasion.”

Xu Yiyi mercilessly mocked herself in her heart.

“Ah…” Su Qingyao seemed to have something to say, but ultimately swallowed it back, starting a new conversation instead:

“Miss Xu Yiyi, do you feel a pain in your chest right now?”

“That’s certainly true.”

Xu Yiyi’s words were still tinged with the sorrowful cadence of weeping.

“Because of regret, because of pain.”

Xu Yiyi murmured, “Even though I gained power beyond mortals, in the end, I still failed to protect my family. And even more shamefully, I forgot all about them.”

“Little Qingyao, I’m sorry.”

“I feel like I might never be able to use the [Barrier] again. I… I don’t know how to describe this empty, hollow feeling, like a piece has been dug out of my heart. Perhaps I feel like—”

“But, I can feel it.”

Su Qingyao suddenly interjected, cutting off Xu Yiyi’s confessional words mid-sentence:

“I can sense the ‘hearts’ of your family. It’s a connection lingering in memory, one that time cannot blur.”

Though Su Qingyao’s words were gentle, they carried an undeniable firmness that led Xu Yiyi’s wavering heart to follow:

“In your memories, I detect no resentment or bitterness towards you from them.”

“Perhaps it was a prayer, or perhaps, a pre-emptive comfort.”

“Ugh.”

Xu Yiyi buried her head, letting out a painful moan.

“Then, haven’t I failed them even more?”

“I cannot give you a denying answer—even if I said it wasn’t your fault, you probably wouldn’t accept my words, would you?”

There was no reply; silence was acceptance.

Su Qingyao pondered for a moment. Her words began hesitantly, yet they had to stretch out, tinged with a hint of melancholy:

“Then, Miss Xu Yiyi… do you think the identity of a Magical Girl is a blessing or a burden for you?”

“Eh, why—why ask that question?”

Xu Yiyi’s words were filled with confusion at the girl’s sudden inquiry. “Of course, it’s a blessing.”

“But, conversely, if you had moved to the residential area from the beginning because of a lack of security, perhaps you wouldn’t have been caught up in… this sorrow.”

“Sometimes, I also feel that this identity of fighting alone might actually be a [curse] for those who are forced to wield such power.”

Initially, it was to protect themselves.

Yet, they were inevitably drawn into greater horrors because of it.

From a confused, peaceful slumber to a more painful, more despairing, powerless death.

“So, I want to hear your thoughts, Xu Yiyi.”

Su Qingyao gently articulated her feelings as if singing a lullaby, causing Xu Yiyi, the listener, to inexplicably feel a distinct sorrow and an unshakeable, dense emotion.

An emotion that required extensive experience to unravel.

Overwhelmed, Xu Yiyi almost instinctively cut off Su Qingyao:

“Absolutely not!”

“Miss Su Qingyao, I still remember that when I first awakened as a Magical Girl, it was precisely because no one could protect us.”

“Grandma was swept away by the monster’s shockwave, and I was alone, clutching the supplies I’d bought, when I met Bai Tuantuan. Although—”

“—a greater tragedy seemed to follow, if Grandma and I hadn’t made it back, they certainly would have struggled to survive. At that point, perhaps an even sadder parting would have occurred. And… and I’ve used it to help so many more people.”

“…”

This time, it was Su Qingyao’s turn to fall silent.

But quickly, Su Qingyao gently tucked away her melancholy, returning to a comforting tone:

“You see, Miss Xu Yiyi, you actually know the answer to this question, don’t you?”

“Even if tragedies occasionally occur in the process of protecting others, it’s an unavoidable helplessness, never a choice to be resented.”

Xu Yiyi’s expression froze, and then she murmured something.

“But, I still can’t forgive myself.”

“So you’re unwilling to pick up this power that brings pain, you don’t trust yourself anymore, right?”

“Mm.”

“Then let me.”

Su Qingyao said softly. Xu Yiyi, puzzled, let out an “Eh?”

“Then let me teach you.”

“I will teach you, hand in hand, how to weave better magic. And then, I won’t forgive you.”

“I won’t forgive you on their behalf.”

“I won’t forgive you on your own behalf.”

“But I will help you remember them. I will remember the many more people you saved for them, alright?”

Like a mother filling a void in her child’s life, Su Qingyao’s warmth flooded Xu Yiyi’s heart, patiently smoothing out the creases one by one, then taking Xu Yiyi’s hand.

Just like a mother taking the hand of a lost child.

Just like a grandmother’s arms cradling a swaddled infant.

“Alright…”

Xu Yiyi choked up.

Tears streamed down her cheeks once more.

“Alright! I will, Miss Su Qingyao. I will!”

“Please, hold my hand, alright?”

There were no words.

Yet the girl on the ground felt a warm force supporting her body, allowing her to stand up.

Allowing her to face the breaking point that brought her such pain and sorrow.

“I will… remember you all.”

Xu Yiyi murmured.

She reached out her hand to them, to the bewildered children.

Suddenly, a ribbon shimmering with specks of light appeared in the air, as if from an infinite distance.

It wrapped around her outstretched hand.

Su Qingyao’s fingers intertwined with hers, and a figure radiating a dreamlike glow appeared on her other side.

Tears traced paths from her eyes.

Su Qingyao’s magic and Xu Yiyi’s magic surged together, carrying the girl’s melancholic sorrow and firm resolve.

Xu Yiyi followed Su Qingyao’s whispered guidance, slowly chanting new words.

Initially, white lines guided the hesitant pink.

But soon, the pink actively outlined more and more patterns, converging into a brand new formation.

Outside.

“Huh!”

Lu Ping and Xu Yanqing watched as the barrage, which should have shot straight towards the sandbags after the barrier shattered, suddenly slowed.

The barrage’s progression became sluggish, as if submerged in thick syrup, unable to move.

“[Ability],” Xu Yanqing muttered to herself.

Because a new magic circle was slowly being outlined.

Before the girl’s brand new barrier, all ‘speed’ was restrained, as if an invisible force pulled them all back in the direction they came from.

“I—I caught it.”

Trembling, Xu Yiyi nodded forcefully.

Su Qingyao, standing behind her, silently held her hand, using magic to conceal the tears that now streamed down Xu Yiyi’s face.

This was her promise with Xu Yiyi.

A promise they witnessed together.

****

Cries, tears, and ceaseless flowing blood.

Xu Yiyi saw nothing, only felt the faint, metallic scent of rust.

It permeated her bitten lips.

“Ugh,” she suddenly spat out a mouthful of blood.

It splattered precisely on Xu Shenshen’s face.

In despair, the girl used a quick spell that she would one day employ again—casting magic with her own body.

However, this even more fragile barrier was still shattered.

A crushing weight fell upon Xu Yiyi, almost pulverizing her entire body.

Her internal organs and flesh were churned into a messy pulp.

The children seemed to be saying something, but Xu Yiyi couldn’t hear them.

The small girl ultimately propped up a safe haven with her own arms.

“Xu… Xu Shenshen.”

[You are their most trusted older sister.]

“You are their most trusted older brother…”

[So, little Yiyi, you must protect them.]

“So, please… you must protect them.”

Xu Yiyi instructed.

Then her consciousness sank into darkness, enjoying the gentle touch that returned her to innocence.

“Please… save her.”

“Even if…”

“…Alright, we promise you…”

After that, it was another story.

****

I’m so strong.

There was a little more, but no time left.