Chapter 37 : Travel (3)

An untimely drinking party began.
We sat in a circle on the floor, surrounded by snacks and paper cups.

Most of the students hadn’t drunk alcohol before. I decided to simply accept the inevitable chaos.

It wasn’t entirely a bad thing. It was better to experience it now, under the supervision of… well, supposedly responsible adults, even if those adults had no intention of being responsible.

Besides, I needed this.
I needed the oblivion that alcohol offered, the temporary reprieve from the constant scrutiny of my own emotions, the ever-present anxiety.

The soju bottle caps were popped open, and the clear liquid filled our cups.

One of alcohol’s hidden effects was making people’s hearts transparent, loosening their tongues, allowing them to reveal the secrets they usually kept hidden.

That’s why it was perfect for occasions like this. Honesty fostered closeness.

“Cheers, everyone!”

At Gu Yuri’s signal, we all took a sip. Most of the students grimaced at the bitter taste. I chuckled and downed my drink in one gulp.

Hyelin, sitting next to me, nudged my shoulder.

“Th… This tastes… weird…”
“That’s normal.”
“Wh… Why do adults… drink this… bitter stuff?”

She frowned at her cup. I smirked.

“Sometimes, adults have to… suppress their emotions, even when they feel wronged. That’s when they drink.”
“Sh… Shouldn’t you eat something… sweet… to feel better?”
“Sweet things are too… frivolous. When you need to…numb the pain, this is the best.”

I remembered my drinking sessions with Joohyun in my past life. She, too, carried a hidden sadness, making her a good drinking buddy.

Hyelin nodded, then gave me a suspicious look.

“You seem… suspiciously knowledgeable about this…”

I took another swig of soju.

“I learned it from my dad. Not sure why he bothered teaching me, though.”
“H… Haram… aren’t you drinking… too fast?”

Hyelin looked alarmed as I refilled my cup after downing two shots in quick succession. I smiled and reassured her. This body had handled three or four bottles of soju in its past life; a few shots were nothing.

Slightly tipsy, we decided to play Truth or Drink. Gu Yuri placed an empty soju bottle in the center of the circle.

“Whoever the bottle points to has to answer a question honestly. Or drink a shot.”

She seemed to be enjoying this “chaperone” role a little too much.
Junseok went first. He glanced at Chaerin, then turned to Yuri.

“Noona, why do you call Lee Haram ‘daughter-in-law?’ What’s going on between you two?”
“Oh, there’s a story there, alright. Should I tell it…?”

Yuri grinned at me. I glared at her, and she shook her head.

“I’ll keep this a secret between me and my daughter-in-law.”

She downed her drink in one gulp, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Ahh, refreshing. Your turn, Junseok.”

He spun the bottle. It landed on Na Yeseul. She pointed at me.

“Be honest, you wanted to kill Han Dojun during the Theater Festival, didn’t you?”

I nodded immediately.

“Of course, I did. I still want to kill him.”

The bottle spun again, landing on Min Chaerin. She hesitated, then grabbed a soju bottle and started drinking straight from it.

“Hey! Someone stop her!”

Saeron yelled, but it was too late. Chaerin had already downed half the bottle. She stumbled to her feet and pointed at Junseok.

“Hic… I… I still like… you… Don’t you… like me too?”

Truth or Drink had a loophole. Some questions, even if unanswered, implied an admission of guilt.

Junseok, flustered, pressed a hand to his forehead and muttered,

“Yeah… I like you.”

Cheers erupted around them. Chaerin grinned and grabbed Junseok’s arm, pulling him to his feet.

“Yuri-unni, we’re going for a walk.” (TL Note: Unni is an honorific for “older sister,” used by females)
“Go ahead. Have fun.”

They left, and I silently wished them well. Couples disappearing during retreats was a classic trope.

Jaehoon and Jongseok excused themselves, saying they were going to buy ice cream.
Only six of us remained, but the soju bottle kept spinning.

I felt a pleasant warmth spreading through me. I hadn’t even finished a bottle yet; this body was surprisingly lightweight.

‘I’m going to be so hungover tomorrow.’

I hoped my youthful resilience would protect me. I refilled my cup out of habit, the alcohol slowly clouding my mind. I realized my vision was blurring and I focused on staying in character.

The bottle pointed to Dojun. He looked at me.

“Lee Haram, is that your real face?”
“Wh… What? What’s wrong with my face?”
“Look in a mirror.”

Hyelin, looking at me, said,

“He’s right. I’ve never seen you with such a… blank expression.”
“Heehee… Daughter-in-law… you look… cold… when you don’t smile.”

Even Yuri chimed in.

I couldn’t understand what they were talking about.

What do you mean?
I am smiling.
I’m showing you the face I meticulously crafted, the face of someone else.

I took out my phone and, with trembling fingers, turned on the camera.

I saw my reflection and exhaled slowly. The cold, emotionless face staring back at me was the one I had kept hidden for so long.

The alcohol had paralyzed my facial muscles.
This wasn’t the kind of honesty I wanted.

“I’m going to the restroom.”

A sudden urge to hide, to escape, overwhelmed me.

I stumbled to my feet and blindly searched for a dark, empty room.

I found one and curled up in a corner, burying my face in my knees. It was 11 p.m., time for good children to be asleep. Silence descended, a heavy blanket of quiet.

I had always been a bad child. And bad children inevitably faced their monsters.

Unable to sleep, I covered my eyes, blocking out the world, my hands pressed against my ears, trying to shut out the growls and whispers that echoed in the darkness. The monster watched me, tearing at my flesh, leaving gaping wounds. The sound of our hurried footsteps echoing in the hospital corridor, the rhythmic beep of the heart monitor, my mother’s animalistic wails of grief…

The sounds, like a recurring nightmare, played from within, impervious to my attempts to block them out.

Someone touched my shoulder.
I looked up to see Hyelin’s worried face. I quickly buried my face again.

“H… Haram, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Just leave me alone. Something important is broken. If I can just fix this, I’ll be okay. I have to change. If I don’t, I’ll repeat the same mistakes. And I don’t want that. I have to keep smiling.

I remained silent, hoping she would leave. But Hyelin seemed to have seen through my facade.

“Y… You’re crying… but you say you’re… okay? Did… did something happen?”

The honesty potion was working its magic. I blurted out,

“…I’m… happy.”
“H… Happy?”
“Being with you guys today… these memories… they’re so… precious. It’s overwhelming. It’s…scary.”
“Sc… Scary?”
“Yes.”

The higher you climbed, the longer the fall. The joy, the lightness of these youthful moments, had pushed me to the edge of a precipice.

Hyelin kept talking.

“Sh… Should I turn on the… light?”
“No. I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“O… Okay… I’ll… I’ll tell the others you’re… sleeping… Come out when you’re… ready…”

I impulsively grabbed her arm as she turned to leave.

“Don’t go.”

Don’t leave me, because being alone is scary. My weakened mind grasped at rationalizations, hoping they would excuse my clinginess as drunken whimsy.

Hyelin sat beside me, her shoulder pressed against mine. She took my hand. Her warmth seeped through her touch, chasing away the chill of the silent room.

The quiet of the night, punctuated by the rhythmic sound of her breathing, was a lullaby. And the bad child, lulled by its gentle rhythm, finally drifted off to sleep.