Chapter 4 : The Pretty Casino girl

Sometimes, there were people

Who pitied me and my life, generously offering their sympathy.

Like a lotus flower blooming in mud, or a single rose found in a trash can, these rare individuals, all possessing bright and shining hearts, appeared from time to time. I, with eyes and a heart that felt like they were constantly drifting away, would greedily devour their kindness.

Perhaps these were chances to escape this dark life.

Yet, the fact that I grew into this kind of person was entirely my fault.

Even if someone I admired extended a hand,
I needed a hand to hold onto theirs.

With my heart shattered beyond repair, it was impossible.

That’s why I resent you.

It was the same this time.

Blankly staring at the cookie crumbs mixed in with the vomit, I thought, The nausea, once it started, lasted for almost half a day.

I knew the reason.

For almost three days, I hadn’t consumed anything but water.
…I’d lost all my money gambling and had nothing to eat.

Suddenly stuffing my stomach, starved and abused by drugs and alcohol, with something so sweet and dense, it was no wonder it revolted.

More painful than the lingering nausea and trembling was the returning wave of depression.

Stupid, what have I done? She went out of her way for me. How disappointed she’ll be if she sees me like this. Vomiting up her kindness felt like rejecting her outstretched hand once more. As if I wasn’t even worthy. My thoughts spiraled into pessimism…

I sank into despair.

Cold.
A glacial wedge, as if trying to freeze and shatter me, enveloped my surroundings.

The cold persisted, even after I’d scored my wrists and thighs, anywhere within reach, until they bloomed red.

I felt like I was freezing to death.

But this was routine.
This bone-chilling cold and loneliness.

As a result of experiencing this throughout my life,
I had a few coping mechanisms for when I felt this way.

The first was to run to Nadia.

I immediately dismissed that option.

I remembered yesterday’s embarrassing display, clinging to her while high, spouting nonsense like, “Teacher, I like you so much, I want to lick you, hug me, love me, hee hee, Tanya is cute, love me.”

Besides the embarrassment, the odds of that woman, who’d reacted with utter annoyance, giving me medicine again were incredibly slim.

No, not slim. Nonexistent.

So, I chose the next best option.
Or perhaps, the least worst.

“Pretty girl, haven’t seen you around lately. What brings you here?”

Pretty girl.
I ignored the nauseating nickname and waved.

“Haven’t seen you, been avoiding her?”
“The one avoiding Nadia isn’t me, it’s you, isn’t it?”
“Pfft. Why would I avoid that dreary prude?”
“Who knows? Not me.”

As I replied nonchalantly,
She suddenly grabbed my chin.

Her grip was strong.

I felt like my jaw would dislocate, so
I straightened my back and stood on my tiptoes, forced to look up at her.

Crimson hair, cut straight as if with a knife, swayed just above her shoulders.

Ignoring her bright red eyes, which seemed to want to devour me, I continued to observe her.

Despite her thuggish speech and mannerisms,
She was a striking woman.

The black coat draped over her shoulders was her trademark.

The revealing, provocative dress she wore gave her a madam-like impression.

I’d thought it many times,
She fit perfectly in the shadows.

No, more than just fit.

“You suddenly show up after weeks of absence, there must be a reason. Feeling lonely? Did the prude reject you? Or did you strike it rich somewhere?”
“Are you a detective now? Or a psychic?”
“Don’t be sarcastic. I don’t care what the reason is. Not interested.”

I suddenly felt playful.

“What if I said I came because I missed you?”
“Don’t lie.”

She dismissed it, certain it wasn’t true.

Realizing she’d been teased, she became enraged.

Her grip on my chin tightened, as if threatening to crush it.

I was in trouble.

Death would be preferable to
Living with a shattered jaw, forced to eat through a straw for the rest of my life.

I had no choice but to speak.

“Charlotte.”

This wild, untamed beast had one weakness.
Or, if you could even call it that.

She calmed down when you said her name. How strange.
Like some mythical monster.

The moment I said “Charlotte,”
She released my chin and grumbled.

“It’s Shar, not Char.”

Rubbing my sore jaw, I thought, Why are they so sensitive about nicknames? Lucia too.

Lucia was a young girl, so I could understand.
But for Charlotte, the owner of this massive gambling den, to act like this was beyond my comprehension.

Yes.
I was standing in a gambling den.

As if a muted speaker had suddenly been turned on,
The surrounding sounds flooded my ears.

The shuffling of cards, the placing of bets,
The whirring of slot machines,
The cheers and groans of the gamblers…

As I stood there, dazed,
Charlotte came up behind me and rested her chin on my shoulder.

She whispered in my ear.

“You came here because you wanted to, didn’t you?”
“Wanted to what?”
“To gamble, smoke hookah, take drugs, whatever. It’s all here, everything you love.”
“…”
“But you don’t have any money, do you?”
“I suppose not. I lost it all last time.”

I answered casually, but
A strange feeling washed over me, like a snake coiling around my body.

Such a strange woman.
One moment she was a raging lion, the next,
She was a viper, coiling around me, tightening her grip.

Charlotte rested her head fully on my shoulder.

She wrapped an arm around my waist and began to caress my neck and collarbone with her other hand.

“…”

Her intentions were clear.

I thought Charlotte was a bit strange.

Setting aside her hitting on another woman, there were plenty of beautiful and desperate women around. I couldn’t understand why she bothered with me.

“You look like you’d sleep with me for the right price.”

Had she actually learned telepathy?

Her words, as if reading my mind, were vulgar.

Sleep with her for the right price? What a preposterous statement.

“…”

Well.

After a moment’s thought, I did nothing.
I didn’t nod, but I didn’t vehemently refuse either.

As if saying, Do as you please.

Charlotte was a capable woman.
Running a gambling den of this size proved that.

Rumor had it that this place was just a fraction of her wealth.

And most importantly, she was beautiful.

Hundreds of people in this den alone would gladly spend a night with such a capable and beautiful woman.

It would be strange for me to refuse.

“Yes, I would.”

I replied flatly.

But that,
Wasn’t the reaction she wanted.

“That’s not how you’re supposed to react.”

The snake-like caresses stopped.

I didn’t need to see her face to know
She’d lost interest.

That’s right.
For some reason, she wanted me to act like some sheltered noble lady.

Innocent, pure, virtuous, chaste.

Qualities that didn’t suit me at all, and I had no desire to feign.

“How boring.”
“…”
“Why are you trembling? It’s not like you’re scared of me now.”
“I’m a little cold.”
“Cold? Aha.”

As if remembering something she’d forgotten, Charlotte looked me up and down.

And then, she seemed pleased.

“She didn’t give it to you?”
“She did. A weak dose, though.”
“She’s so cruel to our pretty girl.”
“…I agree. She’s mean.”

Nadia was cruel.

For once, Charlotte and I were on the same page.

They were such bitter rivals,
She genuinely seemed delighted whenever I badmouthed Nadia.

Then, she made an interesting offer.

“Want me to give you some? The good stuff.”
“I don’t have any money.”
“I don’t expect you to. You can pay me with your body.”
“I don’t recall selling my body…”
“You let me touch you all over. It’s the same thing.”

All she’d done was lean on my shoulder, hug my waist, and caress my neck and collarbone.
Yet, she treated me like a prostitute.

I narrowed my eyes and glared at Charlotte.

As if waiting for that exact reaction, she chuckled, clearly amused.

I realized I’d been played.

“I like that. That look in your eyes. Give me more of that.”
“…”
“Ah, really. You wouldn’t understand how it feels when those vacant eyes of yours finally focus on me, filled with emotion.”

Charlotte shuddered.

Sighing inwardly,
I thought, The owner of this gambling den is a bit of a pervert.