Chapter 4: The Star of the Magpie (4)

Both my father and sister have their own laptops, and as far as I know, they only use them for work or browsing. They never touch the computer in my room, so I don’t bother hiding any potentially embarrassing files. That doesn’t mean I leave them scattered on the desktop, though. I organize them into several folders.

“When the Wi-Fi went down before, I needed to do homework, so I borrowed it for a bit. You weren’t home, so I couldn’t ask.”

Was it when I went to that offline meetup? It was nice to be able to belt out anime songs for once. It was my first voluntary outing in about a year. Singing otaku songs with unique-looking people is pretty fun. I have a normie allergy, so I get goosebumps when good-looking people or those with normie vibes are around. That’s why I hate school so much. I hate it so much that it’s hard to put into words, and all I want to do is drop out.

Figuring it was better than letting my sister undress me, I pulled down my pants. Then, I averted my gaze as much as possible and quickly changed. I wouldn’t mind if it were just guys, but changing clothes with a girl around, not just any girl, but my younger sister, is a little embarrassing. And now, there’s the added burden of having a female body. Ugh, fck, in TS manga, they become girls and immediately start spreading their legs and getting fcked without a second thought. I thought I could do that too, but this is impossible.

“Oh, it’s kinda cute? I used to wear this until a couple of years ago, but since last year, I guess because I grew taller, it didn’t fit me well. And I’m a bit too old to be wearing pink.”

The light pink dress, which would definitely be embarrassing for anyone past middle school to wear, fit me perfectly. Well, usually, dresses are designed with a shirt and straps over the shoulders, and this was clearly designed for little kids. Looking up at my sister, who was combing my hair, I lowered my voice as much as possible.

“Hey, you don’t have to take care of me. Just ignore me like you always have. Nothing’s going to change, okay? It might be well-intentioned, but even if it feels awkward living in the same house with me after I suddenly became a girl, just pretend I don’t exist, like we always have. That’s enough.”

I felt like I had to make this clear now. Because I didn’t want to change. If we started getting attached to each other, then really, the old me would be completely denied, without a trace, from my memory. I shuddered with anxiety.

At that moment, with terrible timing, my father knocked on the door, as if he had just arrived. It was before my sister could even respond. No, maybe it was to be expected. It had been over ten minutes since she told me he was here.

“Dad’s here?”

“Yeah, Jihyo. Good work. Jinhyuk’s awake?”

My eyes met my father’s as I sat on the bed, facing the door. For a moment, neither of us spoke. I had no idea what to say. He wasn’t particularly authoritarian, and he certainly wasn’t a bad person. I don’t know about myself, but my father isn’t taciturn. Despite being a workaholic, he had a wide social circle and was sociable enough when necessary.

I hate him… so much.

I’d considered that my hatred was unjustified. I was the firstborn, and he was just an office worker with little childcare experience. It was naturally difficult for him to take care of a child without a mother, and he naturally showered his well-behaved younger daughter with affection. It was clear that I wasn’t a smoothly functioning cog in the family.

Even so, I…

“…You’re here.”

…met his gaze. He had already visited the hospital a few times, so he wasn’t too surprised to see me as a little girl. However, it seemed strange to him to see me awake, moving, and talking. His eyes darted around.

“You’re awake. Let’s go home.”

My father gave an awkward smile. Strangely, it annoyed me, disgusted me so much that I wanted to scream. I wanted to fill the first page with the word “no,” like Oikura Sodachi. The reality that I couldn’t, the frustration, the resentment, the world, this world that had arbitrarily thrown me into hardship… I wanted to scream, to cry. Is it because I’m still sane that I didn’t? Ha.

[TL Note: Oikura Sodachi is a character known for expressing extreme frustration by writing “no” repeatedly. Mentioning her shows the narrator’s deep emotional turmoil and desire to reject reality.]

“…Okay.”

Surprisingly, I answered obediently and was able to stand up. I was afraid to go outside. To maintain a semblance of composure, I clutched my phone as always. But my gaze didn’t land on it. I exhaled slowly and clenched my hands. My head felt hot. Perhaps because my unsteady gait looked worrisome, my sister tried to support me. I pushed her hand away.

As always, I sat in the back, my sister in the passenger seat. Browsing DC Inside with my father and sister’s noisy chatter as background music. It seemed so ordinary, as if nothing had changed. However, even the feeling of touching my phone was different, every twist of my body, every cough brought unfamiliar sensations that irritated me, and the weight of the change pressed down on me, making my chest tight.

“Want to go somewhere fun if you’re feeling okay?” my father suggested casually. He was probably talking to my sister, but I didn’t know the area, and I didn’t want to use public transportation looking like this. Going with them wasn’t an option, of course. I had to go gaming. I didn’t want to spend my precious weekend with people I didn’t particularly like. Even considering that my weekend is seven days a week, I still didn’t want to.

We arrived home after my silent refusal. I’m used to refusing things, so there was no coercion. I need to change and go to the PC bang. I have to play for an hour to get the rewards. But before that, I need to change. I spoke to my sister with a calm face.

[TL Note: Coercion = being forced.

Here, it means no one forced the narrator — they refused willingly.]

“Sorry, but do you have any other clothes besides these frilly things? I’m going to the PC bang.”

My father, who was unpacking, turned to me. He didn’t say anything, as always. His expression was complicated, as if he had something to say, but I didn’t want to talk.

It’s not that I’m trying to deny reality by acting like I usually do. But, well, it’s not like girls can’t go to PC bangs. I’m just going to get the event items. It was just an event, something I needed to take care of during the weekend so it wouldn’t bother me later.

Anyway, according to my sister, the meeting with the government official was scheduled for Monday. I told them to visit me at home because I didn’t want to go out, and they agreed. So. I just wanted to be alone.

“My clothes will be too big for you. I’ve mostly thrown away my old clothes, or they’re similar to that one. Why don’t you go shopping for clothes instead of the PC bang? You’ll need a lot of other things too, besides clothes.”

“I can just buy clothes online. You can even pick them out and order them for me. I’m clueless about women’s clothing. I can buy other things later at the supermarket.”

Buying clothes online. A reasonable choice for anyone who isn’t a complete beginner. As you gain experience, the chance of failure decreases. Plus, it’s the best choice because you don’t have to go to a store and pick them out, which is embarrassing. It’s such a rational choice that it would ruin the entertainment value of a TS story. If I were a reader, I’d smack the back of the protagonist’s head and yell, “Learn some entertainment, you boring b@stard!”

But I really didn’t want that embarrassing development where the shop assistant compliments me with, “Oh, you’re so cute~,” my cheeks flush, I walk down the street in my new clothes, catching everyone’s attention, feeling embarrassed, and gradually awakening to my identity as a woman.

Of course, I absolutely will not become a girl. And if some guy tries to hit on me, that would be an even more horrifically trashy development. So, anyway, if I don’t want it, I don’t want it.

“Really? You’ll let me choose whatever I want? You won’t ask for your opinion?”

I’d appreciate it if she just took care of it. She’s not completely irrational, so she’ll probably choose something reasonably boyish and plain.

“Just… I want to do something about this bra. The clothes are fine, but…”

It’s so uncomfortable that I want to rip it off and throw it away. The straps, the hooks in the back, the feeling of the fabric against my chest… it’s all bothersome. Suffocating. Annoying. It’s loose because it doesn’t fit, and specifically, the empty space between my chest and the fabric bothers me. If I move wrong, it brushes against my chest. I don’t even think I need a bra, they’re so small.

“It can’t be helped if it’s uncomfortable because it doesn’t fit. I threw away all your old underwear, so I don’t have any. There’s a store nearby, want to go?”

“Ugh… fine. I need to go to the PC bang soon, so let’s just pick something quickly, please.”

I was just admiring my rational judgment, but… sometimes things just don’t work out. Like that famous physicist’s theory, a down team is down. In times like these, it’s better to resolve things quickly rather than being stubborn.