Chapter 43 : Please take good care of me, Sir

After coming out of the wardrobe.
I whined while embraced in Caspar’s arms.

“Hmph. Just you wait tonight. I definitely won’t go easy on you.”

Hooking my arm around his, being held princess-style, rolling around.

And kissing his cheek and neck, laughing.

“Right, Agathe. Good girl, really.”

Somehow, Caspar looked at me cutely, yet also with slight pity.

“…What kind of talk is that? Like looking at a child.”

Feeling needlessly grumpy, I pinched his cheek.
His cheek stretched out and snapped back.

Though his cheek must have stung, he showed no sign of pain and just stroked my head.

“Hmm. Honestly. Your current state doesn’t seem much different. Of course, Agathe, you are definitely a beautiful and mature woman.”

“Ugh. Goosebumps.”

Caspar seemed slightly hurt by those words.
But I paid no heed and asserted my opinion.

“I spoke without thinking earlier. But my heart is the same. No, it is the same. Caspar.”

Hesitation tinged the next words.
Because they revealed my weak side.

“I want your child. I. Had a really hard time. I know it sounds shameless… But still. It seems even someone like me has some desire for compensation left.”

So.

I wanted a child.
I think it’s a modest wish.

Because the enduring years. No, those horrific memories were so painful and lonely.

Thanks to that, the reality of being with Caspar doesn’t feel real at all.
I’m afraid you’ll disappear if we separate even slightly.
So I can’t sleep properly and cling to you.

There was a time I was absorbed in lucid dreams.
So after Caspar’s resurrection, I barely sleep and stay awake.

Because the moment I wake up from sleep, in that drowsy state, I suddenly get terrified.
Afraid that all the happiness until now was just my dream.

But I didn’t want to be awake alone.
I was afraid to see Caspar sleeping.

His sleeping form is certainly beautiful, but sleep is closely related to death, so at first glance, your dead state overlaps with your sleeping form.

Fortunately, my body was fine without sleep, so I pretended to be swept up in lust and disturbed Caspar’s nights.

Just a little longer. Just a little longer together.

“Sorry. Caspar. Ugh.”

It felt like tears were about to well up.
I buried my face in Caspar’s embrace.
His scent calmed my heart.

I barely lifted my head.
Caspar was looking at me with that pitying expression he sometimes showed.

That. I didn’t like it.

“Caspar. Why, look at me like that. Like you pity me.”

It was a slightly thorny remark.
After uttering those words, I was surprised at myself.
To think I still had such pride left.

Then I immediately regretted it.
It seemed like an overstepping remark, and also a statement that could cause discord in my relationship with Caspar.

‘Again. Again, I made a mistake.’

Didn’t I decide to prostrate myself and just follow Caspar’s words?
Didn’t we fight often due to frequent clashes of opinion, ultimately leading the relationship to the brink of ruin?

Since Caspar couldn’t yield, I decided to yield. Didn’t I decide that?

Then why am I asserting my pride again now?

“Pity… I can’t help it. Agathe. Anyone who remembers your former self would feel that way seeing you now.”

I was speechless.

Because I somewhat understood what he meant.

Objectively speaking, haven’t I become a patient with delusional jealousy, showing strong dependency on my lover after escaping reality time and again?

“…Still. I’m happy. So, it’s okay even if you just tie me down and give me only love.”

“Agathe. Speaking informally doesn’t make the dependency inside disappear. I think you said it before. Polite language without courtesy looks even ruder. The opposite is also true.”

Right.

I remember. It was when I was hitting Caspar while ‘educating’ him.

“This. Is a bit different case… Caspar.”
*(TL Note: She uses polite -yo ending here, slipping back.)*

What, am I supposed to do?
I just want to live happily beside you.
Why do you keep demanding independent judgment?

I conveyed such meaning with an impertinent gaze.
Caspar smiled wryly and stroked my head.

“Right. This much… is still okay. Just now felt a bit like the old days. Agathe, do you know why I’ve been leaving you at home lately?”

That. I hadn’t really thought about it.

Because I thought I had no right to interfere in my husband’s outside affairs.

“…I don’t know.”

Seeing me answer bluntly, Caspar explained patiently.

“I thought you might find some other work during that time. While I was away. Trying to slowly lower your dependency on me that way.”

It was a foolish judgment.
There’s no way that would work.

Forcing trauma onto a mentally ill patient as shock therapy is the wrong path.

Caspar must have made that judgment because he didn’t know how severe my dependency was. I understand.

“So. What do you think now?”

‘If I had my way, I’d want you to just let me follow you around like a pet. Honestly, I’ve thought more than once about wanting to follow Caspar even to the bathroom.’

I asked with such earnest feelings, but Caspar brazenly asked me back.

“Let me ask you instead, Agathe. How are you now?”

“…How am I?”

“While I was gone, how were you?”

It felt like my breath caught.
That, asking me to say that directly?

That I wandered around restlessly.
Barely managed to call Lilith to clean, forced my mind elsewhere by talking with Lilith… Then felt down all alone, waiting only for you to come back, like a dog guarding the house.

Asking me to say that with my own mouth.
Still a mischievous husband.

“Sorry. Seems embarrassing for you. Right, this is why I say you haven’t fundamentally changed.”

He was right.

After experiencing so much, being broken and shattered.

The person called Agathe is still an arrogant woman who rarely shows her inner self.

“…Enough. Let’s drop this topic. Caspar. I, I can handle things myself too. You don’t have to accept my unreasonable demands too much. Mmmhmm. Anyway, the years without you were long too. I can endure if I try. I can even sleep if necessary.”

Pouring out the words quickly while looking at Caspar, I took a deep breath and asked again the question Caspar had evaded earlier.

“So. Don’t change the subject. Answer me. I… want to have a baby.”

“…I didn’t particularly change the subject. It suddenly stopped because you started crying.”

My face flushed, but I answered without hiding my reddened face.

“Uh. Anyway. Answer me. Honestly. Before the war is fine, after the war is fine too. I’m not an ordinary person, just moving my body during a war won’t harm the baby… Meaning, it’s okay to do it. Now.”

I am a marksman.
Moreover, a magic marksman who shoots bullets with magical power.
Meaning, there’s no need to move my body violently in the first place.

Besides, my body transcends that of ordinary humans, so I don’t necessarily need to perform all biological functions during pregnancy.

If necessary, I could leave my body with the baby in a safe place and fight only with my soul.
It was a statement I could make because sending out my soul was actually possible for me.

“…First. I think I need time to think. Originally, we decided to think about it after meeting Enhen.”

Seeing Caspar step back and take a defensive posture, I felt slightly impatient.

That darn Enhen.

No. Enhen did nothing wrong.
However… Caspar, who didn’t give a definite answer and said he’d think about it, is the bad one.

Having even rebellious thoughts now, I bit my lip.

“Caspar. Why, why do you keep avoiding it like that? I’m your wife. Or, have your feelings gone to Enhen?”

“I’ve said it many times. We’re not married yet. For now.”

My chest felt tight.
Why does he keep acting like such a simpleton?
A person who’s practically a tyrant in bed.

Proposal.

I don’t know why he doesn’t do it.

I’m confident I’ll accept it well.
I could even pledge to offer my everything…

As if not knowing my heart, Caspar asked innocently.

“What is it?”

“You know. Caspar.”

“…”

A proposal should never come from the woman’s mouth first.
Becoming such a vulgar woman is out of the question.

Instead…, a confession should be fine.
Since I always do it.
Besides, much time has passed now, it’s already evening.

Against the sunset backdrop, I uttered the words I say daily, yet which still make my heart pound every time.

“Caspar. I love you.”

Ironically. Caspar also answers that well.

“I love you too.”

But today was slightly different.
More words were attached to that phrase.

“Agathe. I’ll propose when we go back home. I think that would be right.”

Ah. I see.

Haaah.

A sigh escaped me unknowingly.

It felt like a heavy knot was loosening.
I was so worried that Caspar might not want to marry me… Thank goodness.

Really, thank goodness.

Caspar also scratched his head and let out a shallow sigh.

“…Well. This way, it’s not really different from a proposal. That’s why I deliberately didn’t say it. But more important than such trivial things is your heart.”

Though it was a touching consideration, I had something more urgent.

“Tch. So. When will you let me have a baby?”

‘Always making me aroused. You’re bad. Knowing you’ll refuse for now anyway.’

Just as I thought that.

*Smooch.*

Caspar kissed me and lifted me up.

“…Huh?”

Only then did I realize.

I was now on the bed.
And in a position on top of Caspar.

…No wonder. He kept backing away strangely.

“Agathe. Earlier, you asked me to get you pregnant, right?”

‘Teasing imp. When did I get caught up in this?’

“Ah. Euh… Um.”

‘Specifically. It was slightly different.’
The words I intended to say crumbled in my mouth, and only a few words barely came out.

“I, was. Going to lead… Uh. I’m, the older one, right. Caspar. So…”

‘At least. On such an important day, I wanted to take the initiative.’

Such latter thoughts were naturally buried.
Because Caspar approached boldly, exuding a masculine aura.

“I was worried, but seeing you now, seems like it’ll be okay. Seeing you resist stiffly, seems like you’ve sufficiently found your old self.”

What Caspar meant. I understood immediately.

He intended to violate me forcefully, as if using my body.

If my spirit was weak, Caspar would have worried about me and treated me gently, but…

I just proved, though in a slightly different direction, that I possessed a rather strong spirit.
By consistently asserting my opinions against Caspar’s will.

Therefore. I… had no choice but to blush deeply. Bow my head deeply, and express submission.

“Yes… Please, take care of me. Good Sir.”