Chapter 43: Unfulfilled Promises

Empire Calendar —. December 4th.

First snow fell today. Seeing the pure white snow piling up softly, Chouchou comes and ruins it!

Lately, I spend less time outside. Mom told me to refrain from playing outside.

I don’t know the reason, but I want to keep Mom’s words, so I’ll try my best not to go out!

Playing at home is so boring. Chouchou can’t play with me either, so she always lingers in front of the house.

Mom said bad people have increased. Told me not to go out. I wondered if people even come to this mountain forest, but Mom seems anxious about it.

So I sneaked out without Mom knowing! Had a snowball fight with Chouchou, and we rolled around in the deep snow!

After playing like that, coming home feels scary. Because no one is there.

Winter nights fall early, so when I eat dinner alone, I keep looking out the window.

Afraid the people Mom mentioned might come.

Even though it’s scary, I’m not worried! Because I believe Mom will protect me!

But lately, it’s become hard to see Mom too. She started coming home only once every three days.

She says she has a lot of work… but I sometimes wonder if it’s really more important than me.

And even when Mom comes home, she returns late at night and leaves early in the morning for work…

We can’t spend as much time together as before. And seeing Mom only to have her leave the next day makes me sad.

If Chouchou wasn’t here, it would have been really hard. Chouchou is super strong and also cute!

Ah, come to think of it, today was the day Mom returns, right? She’ll be hungry coming home late at night!

I can make soup at least… and there was bread in the storage, so it shouldn’t take long.

Making it like that, waiting for Mom to arrive, staring at the dark night sky outside the window, my eyes landed on the calendar nearby!

December 24th, marked with a red circle!

My birthday! My birthday that only comes once a year!

I’m already excited!

We have to play all day then! I can proudly say I finished all my letter studies too.

So when Mom comes, I have to ask! To stay home for just one day, on my birthday.

It’s okay if she doesn’t play with me. And she can do her busy work at home too! Just ask her to be home that day.

Still, I feel sorry she can’t go to the temple because of me. So until then, I’ll study hard and help with housework to buy Mom’s time!

Then Mom will stay home too, right? Heehee.

Huh? I just heard a knock on the door! Maybe Mom is back!

Have to end the diary here. Bye!

A pitch-black, dark place.

Inside, Sia Yggdrasil blankly stared down at the book held in her hand.

“……”

-…Myaong.

Looking thus, her head moved at the sudden feeling of a cry.

However, where she looked, no presence existed. It felt like a large white cat was there.

Staring blankly at the spot for a moment, she recalled what happened earlier.

Kim Sia… was missing something. I didn’t feel it, nor did I know it even seeing her directly. But I felt something from her monologue.

Right now, she is hurting. Mind, body, everything hurts. It was visible that she was just performing self-justification, pretending to be normal.

Pity arose. How many people could possibly look more hurt than her?

Even though her own wounds weren’t small. Compared to Kim Sia, they seemed minor.

Soon, the fictional world could be opened. Then, it might be okay to talk more. Though her mental age is a concern…

That can be handled, so it wasn’t a serious problem. Promising herself that time, she nodded.

Until they meet again, she could only watch the people around help her so she doesn’t break down further.

Though outwardly she seemed normal, inside she was already rotten and decayed. Though I am the same.

At least I could recover. I knew my own state better than anyone.

Sadly, Kim Sia was broken. Malfunctioning, torn apart. The phrase ‘shattered’ seemed applicable even to a person.

Closing her eyes, she temporarily pushed aside thoughts about Kim Sia.

Right now, she needed to prepare to open the fictional world as soon as possible.

It felt like half a year had already passed. No matter how different time flowed outside and here, too much time had passed.

She needed to exert more power to sustain the fictional world longer. Because even seeing outside from here required borrowing power.

Though there was a time difference, seeing outside synchronized with outside time. I don’t know the principle either. Just accepted it as such.

Closing her eyes, the dark world plunged into deeper blackness. A world where nothing could be seen, but.

-Giggles! Mommy, this way! This way!

-Go slowly, dear. It’ll be terrible if you fall!

Memories from long ago revived, heard as auditory hallucinations. Painful memories, yet also happy recollections.

Memory and recollection are distinctly different concepts. I wanted to revive recollections rather than memories. The fact that it hurt was a secret.

Just recalling the recollections hurt. Because such happiness would never be felt again.

If I went back to that time, what choice would I have made? Seems like I wouldn’t have left the house.

Or maybe hid until Mom came.

But… what if I resented Mom again then? What then?

Didn’t want that. Already hate and love her enough.

Such emotions shouldn’t pile up anymore.

-M-mom. Wh-when are you coming…

Even more wretched memories surfaced. The most difficult memory.

• Promised… said wouldn’t go… sob.

“…f*ck.”

Curses escape automatically. A memory I want to forget, yet can never forget.

• Hur-ts. Hurts, Mom…

Is the wound stabbed in the chest still there? Did it disappear when divine power awakened?

Is the wound that pierced the abdomen gone too?

“It feels like shit.”

Didn’t want to know. Didn’t want to know myself living as a coward either.

The cheek slapped back then still throbs. Thinking about the wound from the dagger that pierced my abdomen also stings.

Though I currently don’t possess a physical body, it felt vivid enough to be mistaken.

The days endured in that hell, I wanted to erase from memory too.

Why did Mom break the promise and not return? The person who looked forward to my ‘birthday’ more than anyone.

She was the one who anticipated my birthday more than I did.

“I miss Mom.”

If possible, couldn’t I ask Kim Sia? If she met the Goddess, maybe it’s somehow possible.

Closing her eyes, she reopened the book held in her hand.

On the front cover, ‘Diary’ was written. Below it, the author was also listed.

<Author: Sia Yggdrasil>

That was all. The front cover was worn out from being old and looked at too often.

Having read it countless times, I now remembered the entire contents of the book.

I treated it that preciously, and probably will keep it for life.

Flipping through the pages, I checked the last page.

Empire Calendar —. December 23rd.

It was clearly written at the top.

Rereading the contents I had seen countless times already. It wasn’t particularly short, so reading it didn’t erase the smile. I remembered exactly what I was thinking when writing it back then.

The content was simple.

Mom isn’t coming… I Waited…. I am Hungry…. Tomorrow is my birthday…. Chouchou licked my face….

Things like that.

That page was particularly wrinkled. Like a page that got wet and dried. Looking closely, there were stains too. Though faded and hard to see clearly.

The previous page also contained content about my birthday. The content wasn’t much different, but it was the day Mom ‘promised’.

-Really?! Then you promise to come for lunch on my birthday!!

A bitter smile formed.

In that state, I turned back to the last page and connected the diary entries.

The day foolish Sia Yggdrasil didn’t give up, staying up all night.

The day things went wrong.

“Right. Why did you wait outside, you stupid b*tch.”

Self-deprecation wasn’t good. But unavoidable.

Even hating and resenting Mom who didn’t return. Because I loved her, I couldn’t bring myself to say bad things about Mom. So I changed the target. To myself.

Snow fell like a storm that day, perhaps that became the trigger.

“Mom’s words were indeed never wrong-… Not entirely, but still right.”

Though she didn’t keep the promise, the warning not to go out because bad people increased should have been heeded. It was my fault for ignoring it.

Stupid b*tch.

-Mom!!!

Even calling out like that, you who didn’t return. I still miss you.

-Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!!!

The bastards who wrecked my body and kidnapped me seem to have died eventually. The person named Lilac must have done it.

Had no desire for revenge. Ultimately, everything happened due to my excessiveness. It was my fault, and I had to take responsibility.

Whether desired or not.

Said Chouchou licked my face on the last page. Probably wiped the tears flowing from my eyes.

The page being damp and wrinkled. Must have become so from tears seeping in.

Why did I even expect anything? Just resign myself thinking she couldn’t come because she had a lot of work, and just sleep.

“Ha. No way.”

Even if I went back to that time. I would have waited under the fiercely blowing blizzard night.

Even if my hands froze and I returned to the brink of losing consciousness.

Suddenly closing the book, I stared into the void.

Come to think of it, isn’t winter approaching outside soon too? Lacking a calendar was a bit disappointing.

What was also funny, Kim Sia’s birthday was also December 24th. Is this a coincidence…