Chapter 45: Noah Yggdrasil (2)

There was still time before departure. The consensus was that it would be best to move after the blizzard ended.

I wanted to leave quickly, but the whole family vehemently opposed it, telling me to consider my physical condition, so I had no choice but to stay quietly cooped up in my room.

‘Aren’t they treating me too much like I’m made of glass? It’s not just one person either…’

I felt wronged. Did anyone ask to have a body like this?

[I’m sorry about that.]

‘Sorry…’

When you thought about it, Sia Yggdrasil must have ended up with this body due to a series of unwanted circumstances as well.

Blaming her would be something deserving of social ostracism for someone like me, steeped in Confucian values.

‘But is it okay for you to be out for so long?’

[Don’t worry, the fictional world is being prepared diligently. And while I’m not watching, my time passes several times faster there.]

So she said.

For someone slow-witted like me, it was incomprehensible.

Perhaps Lilac was the same. She was also as slow-witted as me-.

-Thump

“?”

“You were just thinking something strange, weren’t you? Your eyes glazed over.”

Lilac, who had entered sometime unnoticed, placed her hand on my head as I sat in the rocking chair.

Then she started pressing down firmly as if giving a massage, and this…

“Feels good, right?”

“Huaaaaah…”

It felt like my head was becoming soft. She wasn’t pressing painfully; rather, it felt refreshing.

After pressing my head a few times like that, she naturally lifted me and sat down in the rocking chair herself.
As I relaxed into her familiar embrace, I felt a soft sensation from behind.

‘Now that I see it, Lilac is quite well-endowed.’

It was a part I hadn’t paid any attention to before. Well, until now, I had been too overwhelmed to care about such things.

“By the way, why do you suddenly want to go there?”

At Lilac’s sudden question, I lifted my head to meet her eyes. I didn’t know how long it had been since I’d seen her this close.

“Hmm… The house where I used to live with Mother is there.”

“I see. So even if you don’t remember other things, you remember the house you lived in.”

“Hahaha. I guess so.”

Certainly, after possessing this body, I couldn’t access Sia Yggdrasil’s memories. Naturally, without the original soul as the primary consciousness, I couldn’t know them.

However, when I met Sia Yggdrasil before, we shared many memories and recollections. Now that we were mixed beings, I could see many memories in the fictional world.

Of course, she couldn’t see my memories. Since Sia Yggdrasil created that world, my memories didn’t exist there.

[Show me later.]

Look at this.

She couldn’t hold back either and demanded my memories. Well, it was natural to feel resentful if only one side could see unilaterally.

‘Okay. But they might not be very pleasant memories.’

[It doesn’t matter.]

With those words, Sia Yggdrasil disappeared. Because our souls were mixed, I could now tell when she appeared and disappeared.

‘Though I only realized this recently.’

Even though our souls were mixed, we couldn’t share each other’s memories ‘constantly’. It was truly a contradictory statement.

‘It’s better to think of it as having two egos.’

Calling it a dual personality might be the closest answer. Even that felt somewhat inadequate, leaving a lingering discomfort…

Tap-.

“What are you thinking so hard about?”

Lilac lightly tapped my forehead and grumbled sullenly.

I stared blankly at her, then chuckled foolishly and raised both my arms.

Peck.

A short, unintelligible sound came from our suddenly pressed lips.

“…Huh?”

Leaving Lilac frozen like that, I stood up and left the room.

With the sound of the door closing, I stored the incident(?) I had just committed in my mind.

My face, which had been smiling foolishly, was probably flushed bright red.

For the first time, I had initiated rather bold skinship on my own. The thought of whether she might be angry crossed my mind, but that feeling vanished within seconds.

‘Lilac wouldn’t punish me.’

I trusted Lilac.

But I didn’t know then. That Lilac would indeed punish me later… and at night, no less.

I quickened my pace towards the room where Jahy and Diana were. My face was still burning.

***

She thought it had been a truly long time since she last came here.

A place she had cut ties with since ‘that day’.

The blizzard still raged fiercely, but the white-haired woman standing at its center walked on expressionlessly.

However, her face was etched with deep worry. If her daughter came here, what memories would resurface, and how would she react?

The woman worried about the bleak future as she passed the entrance of the mountain. The place she had lived was a bit further in.

It had been nearly ten years since she, Noah Yggdrasil, had last visited this place. During that time, she had been searching the Demon Realm, so she hadn’t had the leisure to stop by here.

That reason gradually turned into indifference, making her forget this place. But remembering that her daughter had mentioned this place prompted her to come here first.

A place she would never have come to if she hadn’t met Sia.

Walking like that, soon she heard the sound of a flowing stream. However, the sound was so faint that even a transcendent being could barely hear it.

Following the sound upstream, she found a frozen stream bank. Unfortunately, the place could no longer even be called a stream bank, presenting a miserable sight.

The spaces between the trees were cut down as if a fierce battle had occurred, and even after 10 years, the smell of blood hung heavy in the air.

Perhaps an ordinary person would simply pass by this sight.
With no bloodstains remaining, they would likely think it was just traces left by wild animals playing around.

However, for someone like her or her disciple, it was impossible not to notice.

Frowning, she started walking again. The deeper she went into the mountain, the more broken traces she saw.

It was a place untouched by human hands. Naturally, it hadn’t been maintained.

Finally, the sound of the stream water became clearly audible. Now, a single trickle of water could be seen flowing down the frozen stream bank. However, its thickness was so thin that this stream, too, would likely disappear soon.

After looking with troubled eyes, she reached the midpoint of the stream bank.

She spotted a familiar place.

A place that had been so precious to her, and a memory from a certain day when her daughter had splashed water here surfaced.

“Ahahaha! Mommy! It’s cold! Take this, Mommy!”

“Chouchou, you can’t eat that! Uwah, Mommy… What do we do about Chouchou now?”

“Ehehe. It feels so good dipping my feet in the water with you, Mommy? This must be because I’m with you!”

A poignant memory, a time she wished to see again. It made her stop in her tracks.

She missed the summer she had spent with her daughter so much.

Once one becomes a transcendent being, ordinary emotions become faint. However, that only applied within the framework of ‘ordinary’.

The most special emotions manifest more strongly than ever.

She felt her eyes becoming hot.

“…I haven’t seen everything yet.”

So, she had to move. There were still many places she hadn’t seen.

Crunch, crunch.

Finally, her hesitant feet moved. But she couldn’t match her previous speed. Her pace was incredibly slow.

The blizzard was gradually subsiding. She thought it would stop completely soon.

Her steps became slower and slower. Though already slow, they began to lag even more.

“Right. This was a place Sia liked.”

“Come to think of it, she once got caught by me climbing that tree.”

“Huhu. Sia used to nap on that rock too.”

What happy memories those were. So many longed-for recollections.

The memories with her daughter, which she thought she would never see again, still remained.

As she walked past, more and more memories of the past spent with her daughter surfaced.

Then, finally.

“…It was still here.”

She thought it had been half-destroyed and gone.

The wooden house was still there.
However…

“……”

The wooden door was almost torn off, and the wooden walls were cracked as if struck by an axe.

And.

“…Sia. My baby… My daughter.”

Even though ten long years had passed, hardened bloodstains were clearly visible on the exterior of the wooden house.

The blood of a Saintess, which hadn’t decayed but hardened and splattered blackly, stained the walls and door profusely—’her daughter’s blood’.

Just looking at it hurt. It felt like her heart would tear apart, like she could die.

What parent wouldn’t grieve seeing their daughter’s blood?

“…I’m sorry.”

With those words, she turned her eyes away from the house’s exterior, which she had been staring at for 30 minutes.

The apology, naturally, wasn’t delivered.

Later if her daughter came here. Then, she would offer her heart and apologize. She had no intention of asking for forgiveness.

This was her sin, a shackle she couldn’t repay until death. She had no thought of removing the self-imposed restraint.

Eventually, she turned the doorknob. The nearly broken door lost its function and collapsed powerlessly.

“……”

She remembered always looking at this door. Days spent wondering when her daughter, playing with the cat, would come.

Taking a breath, she stepped inside the house. A faint smile appeared at the house’s structure, unchanged from before.

The first things that caught her eye were the kitchen and the dining table.

“Mommy! I made soup! I made it because I thought you might be hungry!!”

“You stayed up this late making this…?”

“Ung…”

“It’s delicious. Thank you so much.”

“It was nothing! I’ll make it again next time!”

A past she could no longer see. The aching heart grew heavier.

Next, her gaze fell upon the living room. After that, the bedroom.

With every room she entered, resurfacing memories bound her. Her now heavy steps finally stopped at Sia’s room.

Creeaak.

Dust flew up, clouding the room. But her attention was focused on surveying the room.

The bed, the bookshelf, the potted plant by the window, various toys, the wardrobe, and finally, the desk.

In the cluttered room, her gaze was particularly drawn to the desk.

Approaching it and looking around, she found a notebook in the desk drawer

<Author: Sia Yggdrasil>

“……”

This was definitely… She remembered gifting Sia a diary. How happy Sia had been when she received it.

A bitter smile formed as she examined the notebook’s cover. It was worn and frayed, making the handwriting hard to decipher. But she wasn’t a mother who couldn’t recognize her own daughter’s handwriting.

She turned the simple cover and checked the first page.

A lengthy entry, unlike a child’s writing.

Then, she suddenly wondered how this diary had survived until now.

Looking closely, she saw a lock attached to the drawer. It was a lock that had corroded and fallen off, unable to withstand the passage of time.

Seeing that, she turned her gaze back to the diary.

The content of the first page was simple.

Receiving the diary. Writings mixed with reactions and emotions about it.

Her smile deepened, and her eyes curved into crescents.

Happy emotions emanated from the diary. Past memories were preserved intact in her daughter’s diary.

The improving mood vanished at a certain point. The emotions that arose afterward were sadness and guilt.

Further towards the end, the child’s sorrow and loneliness deepened.

And finally, when she reached the last page.

“Ah, aaah.”

Drip. Drip.

‘New water’ seeped into the place where the page had been damp.

The original water had dried, leaving only a stain.

Now, her tears were leaving their trace in that spot.

It was a day that should never be forgotten. Still, even now. A day that must be remembered.

“I’m s-sorry. I’m sorry…”

An apology that couldn’t be conveyed was meaningless. Yet, she had to apologize to the daughter of that time.

“I should have prioritized you… My arrogance killed you… I’m sorry. I’m sorry, baby…”

She shouldn’t have cared about a mere urgent summons from the Temple.

She shouldn’t have tried to save those insignificant citizens of the Empire.

What were those things worth? Were they more important than her daughter?

She resented it.

Hated it.

Hated herself.

She, who had thrown her beloved, lovely daughter into hell.

She felt like grabbing her own neck and twisting it right now.

However.

“The child might be sad…”

She wanted to deny it. She herself just wanted to… But if she died first, leaving her daughter behind.

What would Sia think of her?

“Maybe… maybe I can watch over her just a little longer.”

It was greed. For the daughter she couldn’t protect. It was excessive desire. Sia was already too great a gift for her.

Someone like her. Would there be a place for her to protect that child again?

At least.

Just until vitality returned to that child’s eyes.

Just long enough for her to retain some attachment to this world, wouldn’t that be okay?

“It’s greed, and an excessive desire not permitted to me, but.”

Still, she wanted to stay by her daughter’s side.

Even if she were called the trash of the world. She would accept it, embrace it.

Just until that child rejected her.

“Yes. Until then, it should be okay to be greedy…”

Even that was a great happiness in life for her.

To her daughter, to Sia, she was a sinner. An arch-sinner who could never be forgiven.

***

(TN: Hey guys I am trying to improve my formatting so I would love to get some feedback on the new editing style)