Chapter 48: The man holding the switch (1)

Signa was contemplating what her life’s goal should be.

It was a rather abstract and vague topic.

She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d had such thoughts.

Her first life? She definitely didn’t have one then.

She was living such desperate days that she had no time to think about long-term visions.

Tomorrow wasn’t tomorrow, but merely an extension of today.

When she was Thermis?

Yes, that was probably when she lived most faithfully.

Being good to the people around her, killing the Demon King… her purpose was very clear.

And after killing the Demon King…

Come to think of it, she never thought about what came next.

It’s not like she thought from the beginning that she would just die there.

Perhaps she was deliberately avoiding such thoughts due to the negative prospect of living the rest of her life as a woman.

Then what about now?

Signa realized that she had no specific plans for the future.

At first, she just wanted to know what the world was like after a few years.

Next, she had to find Manya to turn back into a man.

But now…

Manya or no Manya, she was stuck as a woman again.

That ‘negative prospect’ from her previous life had returned to reality.

Silissa and Yukomis, who took her in, said they would find a way, but that was the most unbelievable thing in the world.

Silissa? She’d rather teach Aisha from now on to become a researcher than trust Silissa in her current state; that would be more likely.

Then what about Yukomis?

‘……It’s hilarious that she’s even less reliable than Silissa.’

She said she would find a way, but she didn’t seem sincere at all.

She definitely seemed to want her to grow up in this form.

From the beginning, it didn’t seem like she would willingly give up her current appearance, which was ‘like her sister.’

‘Grow up?’

That was also a questionable statement.

Would this body even grow?

No, Yukomis said she doesn’t even know exactly what’s going on with her body, right?

Besides, it was ridiculous to even talk about age with this body.

The day after she became a woman, she experienced ‘becoming three years younger.’

‘Wait… if I can become three years younger, couldn’t I also grow three years older?’

That was a very chilling thought.

What if she accidentally got hit by magic that had such an effect?

Signa’s face turned pale.

Arranged marriages were not uncommon in pre-modern societies,
and magicians, who generally lived much longer than ordinary humans…

It was not uncommon for them to take in promising young men from a young age, betroth them, and raise them as future husbands.

Since only female ‘magicians’ lived long while maintaining their youth,
it was common for excellent magicians to have two or three husbands, and that was not necessarily a flaw.

It was to increase the number of family members, that is, potential magicians.

Rather, it was beneficial to the nation’s power.

The world was operating that way, so talking about mental age wouldn’t work at all.

It would probably be the same whether she was a man or not.

Besides, in Signa’s case, she was only being influenced by the body of a child; she was still mentally an adult.

“What are you thinking about?”

Signa opened her eyes and saw Yukomis staring at her.

After finishing her physical training in the detached palace’s courtyard, Yukomis giving her a lap pillow was becoming almost a daily routine.

It would be a lie to say she didn’t feel good, but she was also uneasy.

Wouldn’t this just deepen their relationship even further?

Lately, Yukomis’s condition was strange to anyone who looked at her.

The time she spent coming to the detached palace to see her and give her lap pillows was gradually increasing.

The story about magic power adjustment was a perfect excuse even in Signa’s eyes, but…

“I’m just having some complex thoughts.”

“Complex thoughts. Sister.”

Yukomis corrected Signa’s words.

–I’m just having some complex thoughts. Sister.”

And Signa reluctantly followed Yukomis’s words.

It wasn’t the first or second time, but it was still hard to get used to every time.

“What’s so complex?”

“Well…”

If Signa were to think about the closest goal in her life,
it was love.

Not wanting to be in love. It was closer to wanting to avoid love.

With Yukomis.

The reason? There were many reasons.

First of all, looking at family with such eyes was impossible for Signa.

Looking at someone she should protect with such impure eyes.

She had never even thought of such a thing.

But conversely, that was very possible for Yukomis.

“Lady Yukomis…”

“Sister.”

Yukomis corrected Signa’s words again.

“…Uh, Sister, what do you want to be with me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, uh, how far…”

Signa stammered.

It was a topic that was difficult to bring up even in the world she used to live in.

‘There’s an opposite spirit in my female body.’
When she heard some claims from sexual minorities, she wondered if that made sense, but when she became a literal example, it wasn’t even funny.

Before discussing what Yukomis was like,
did she even like men now?

That wasn’t the case. At least, Signa didn’t.

It was the same when she was Thermis.

It was a possibility she had resolutely denied in her previous life.

Then does that mean she should like women?

Coincidentally, Signa didn’t even know the answer to this question yet.

She had lived such a desperate and urgent life that she didn’t have time for romance,
so she had decided not to think about it at all.

An excuse that only popular idols would make was reality for Signa.

So she had been living as if there were no such things as romantic relationships,
but it turned out that her surroundings were already a mess.

Leaving aside the Holy Sword, whose gender was ambiguous,
Silissa and Yukomis were already seeing her as a romantic interest.

Manya, whom she barely remembered and only briefly met, was almost certainly seeing her as more than just an object of worship.

‘There are already two in the Wyvern Knights. No matter how I think about it, the frequency is strange.’

She wouldn’t say anything, but wasn’t it quite rare for people with ‘that orientation’ in terms of ratio?

Why were all the people around her who liked her women?

‘That doesn’t make sense probabilistically, does it?’

It’s not like she wanted men to be after her.

It was just a bit strange.

Or was it perhaps that most people were actually ‘like that,’ and she just didn’t know?

Were they all living while hiding that in this world?

The possibility wasn’t ‘completely’ zero. She had only lived for less than ten years and died.

“How far?”

Yukomis asked again.

“I wasn’t Signa, I was Signo. Don’t you really care about that…?”

It was a question she was really curious about, and at the same time, it was a timid check.

Was it right to see someone like her as a romantic interest?

“I don’t care.”

Yukomis answered immediately.

Signa was speechless at such a cool answer.

“Why are you thinking like that?”

“Well… I’m in a complicated state.”

“Ah. That’s what you mean.”

Yukomis said as if she understood something.

“So you like men now that you’ve become a woman?”

“Cough! Cough!”

It was a surprise attack.

“If that’s the case, you should have said so. I thought…”

“Cough! That’s absolutely not the case! Cough! Cough!”

Signa coughed violently on Yukomis’s lap.

“It’s not something that changes so easily overnight!”

Etiquette, the reversed superior-inferior relationship, she didn’t even think about such things for a moment.

“Cough! And what’s with ‘you should have said so’! What would you have done if I really did?”

“Ah.”

For some reason, Yukomis hesitated a little to speak.

“Well, I was going to have Silissa call Manya again.”

“Excuse me?”

Why was Manya suddenly coming up here again?

“What were you going to do by calling her?”

“Well, since she could turn you into a woman, this time she could turn me into a man…”

“Stop!!!”

Signa jumped up from Yukomis’s lap.

“S-s-s-stop! Th-th-that’s enough!!!”

“What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean, what’s wrong, that’s something you absolutely shouldn’t say! It’s taboo! Absolutely not… what are you even talking about?”

“Why are you so flustered?”

“Why are you doing this! There’s a limit to jokes!”

However, Yukomis, whom Signa was looking at, didn’t seem to be joking at all.

Signa was trembling all over, extremely flustered.

“Th-that’s not something you can say so easily! Do you think that makes sense?”

“Because of me, you’ve already suffered such a thing.”

“…Ugh!”

Contrary to Signa’s excitement, Yukomis looked bitter.

“Ah, so in that case, you’d have to call me brother? Hmm… I might not like that title.”

Signa desperately ignored Yukomis’s crazy words.

“Ah, anyway, absolutely not. I wasn’t originally a magician, so it’s possible for my gender to change or whatever, but men can never become magicians, so there’s no reason for a great archmage like you to give up all your abilities, right?”

Signa desperately tried to find an excuse, but Yukomis quietly repeated those words.

“A great archmage…”

And she smiled a little sadly, but Signa couldn’t understand why.

“Ah, anyway, I’m sure I don’t like men. So there’s no reason to do that at all. Not at all. Absolutely not. That will never happen. Don’t even dream about it.”

“Then you like women?”

Yukomis asked.

“Yes. I like women…”

Signa covered her face and muttered.

“I like women, so, I like women… I like women so much…”

Signa had no choice but to say that because Yukomis was being so extreme.

But why did she have to feel ashamed while saying these words?

“That’s a relief.”

Fortunately, changing genders didn’t seem to be something Yukomis wanted either.

“Make sure to nail it down and don’t have any strange thoughts. I absolutely don’t want that.”

“Okay.”

“But why are you trying to do that so much? What am I to you?”

What am I to you?

It was the same question she had asked in the cave.

“You have status and position, right? Aren’t you thinking about that at all?”

“You’re more important than that.”

Yukomis answered immediately again.

“Excuse me…?”

“You’re more important than that.”

“Why?”

Signa was afraid of Yukomis’s fierce reaction.

However, Yukomis was still smiling.

“Because Thermis gave me everything for me. She did everything for me.”

“I’m just doing whatever my precious younger sister wants.”

It was a simple problem for her. Just returning what she received.

“B-but I’m…?

“Not a real younger sister?”

Yukomis interrupted Signa’s words.

“That’s something I, as your sister, should think about.”

“You are precious to me. And that’s the top priority.”

She was very firm.

But Signa was most afraid of that part.

She realized that if she wanted, if she just coaxed her to do so,
she could easily drive her life into a pit of misery and despair.

At a completely unexpected timing.

And Yukomis wouldn’t hesitate to do that.

Only to gain her love.

“You said you didn’t want to see me in pain.”

Signa asked in a trembling voice.

“Yes.”

“So it’s okay for Sister to be in pain? Is it okay?”

“No.”

There was no persuasion in that denial.

“You were just about to do that! You said such things without a second thought! Are you not aware of it?”

The love Yukomis knew was simple.

Giving everything of herself.

Willingly burning even her life beyond hostility and malice.

Despite being abused, despised, and scorned, she was endlessly given favor and love.

Sister has no talent. Sister is stupid. Sister is incompetent.

Mother also hates Sister. I hurt Sister. I will hurt you again. Until the moment you die.

But Sister loves me. Enough to die for me.

Except for the maternal love of Parnen, which she could only reach halfway,
that was the first love Yukomis received.

That first experience was so great and absolute,
that Yukomis couldn’t think of any other form of love.

She was smart. She was sincere.

She was a person who did what she learned.

So she did exactly what she learned from her sister.

Love is giving everything.

Caring for the other person until the moment everything of her is broken.

If she were to give love to someone, it had to be like her sister.

Simple romance? Familial love? Sisterly love? Gender? Taboos associated with it?

That love was too sublime and beautiful to be confined to such a range,
so Yukomis didn’t even think about such things.

It was just love. That was all.

Therefore, the fact that Signa was once a boy was a very trivial matter to her.

She didn’t love an older person, she didn’t love a sibling, she didn’t love someone of the same gender.

She simply loved Thermis.

But that person was not here now.

Because that person was no longer by Yukomis’s side,
she had no choice but to cling to that meaningless category.

So she found someone like her sister again.

She tied them together again in a sisterly relationship.

As time passes, she will really become a sister.

She will become a younger sister like her sister.

It was all as she learned it.

Yukomis did nothing wrong.

Because there’s no way Sister could be wrong, right?

There was an invisible switch inside Signa.

A switch she had received without wanting it.

Just like the last time she accidentally stimulated the Holy Sword, the moment Signa accidentally pressed it…

Yukomis would be ruined.

Signa was so afraid of that.

She couldn’t bear to be afraid after confirming that by chance.

She suddenly realized that she was in a position to wield, not to be wielded.

She wanted to gently turn away her courtship.

She just thought it was a misunderstanding of emotions with a slightly twisted direction.

The weight of her affection was not that level.

“S-sister. You shouldn’t think like that. Please just say it was a joke, even now.”

“What?”

Yukomis was still looking at Signa with a faint smile.

“What do you mean, what, it’s obvious, right? That you’re so easily having extreme thoughts…”

It was really strange that the word ‘sister’ from her sister was eventually returning to her.

“T-Thermis would have wanted Yukomis to be happy, right?”

It was the thought that Signa, no, Thermis, had until the last moment of her previous life.

“Signa. That’s right.”

Yukomis still didn’t deny that it was a joke.

Not just the word, but the entire sentence was returning as it was.

“A sister is someone who wants her younger sibling to be happy. You know that, right?”

Signa thought.

She should have noticed when she received the hairpin.

“So don’t worry. You’ll be happy.”

Right below this pale joke and laughter…
There was such a chilling spirit lurking.